Cory was sitting by the window staring down at the people who passed by her building. The room was dark and not even the sounds from the street made its way into the apartment, it was all just silence. Cory was leaning her head on her knees while the tears slowly ran down her cheeks, she didn't bother to dry them away anymore, she didn't have the energy to lift her arm. This was the second time it went wrong, the second time her dream was crushed right before her eyes. There was no baby anymore, the doctor had said while she looked at her with pity in her eyes. Cory could hardly hear the words, she had turned around and left, how she got home to her apartment was a mystery to her, she couldn't remember anything.
That was 3 days ago. Every now and then someone knocked on the door, but she didn't want to open, couldn't talk to anyone. It was mostly TC, her brother and Will who had been there and knocked on the door. The one she hoped would come didn't show up. She wondered if she even knew about the miscarriage she suffered through. She guessed not, why would TC tell Chris that the baby was gone. They hardly even spoke to each other since Chris left for Virginia. TC preferred that her name was not spoken out loud.
A hard knock on the door tore her out of her speculations, her heart jumped in her chest. "It could be Chris", she thought to herself, but she didn't move, just sat by the window and stared at the door.
-"Cory, are you in there?", her heart fell down again, it was TC's voice.
A few seconds later a strange noise came from the door and all of the sudden TC came into the room with Bobby behind him. Bobby was putting the tools they had used to break open the door in his pocket, and said sorry to her. TC turned on some light and was shocked when he saw Cory. She looked horrible, her face all red and puffy after all the crying. Bobby and TC stayed with her through the night, but Cory didn't talk neither did she move.
TC had gone home in the morning while Bobby stayed with Cory back at her place.
TC threw away his sweater and headed for the shower. Seeing Cory like that had filled him with an extreme feeling of guilt. Sometimes he had more or less prayed for this to happen, he never wanted the baby. He did however want to have a baby, but not this way. He loved Cory to death as a friend, but he knew his heart would never let go of Chris. The second he thought her name he decided to call her and tell her about it, maybe she could help.
After the shower he sat down on the bed and picked up the phone, it felt so heavy in his hand. Calling Chris was the hardest thing he did nowadays, hearing her voice ripped up some deep wounds in him that he used days to repair again.
-"Yeah?", he stopped breathing for a short while when he heard her.
-"It's me..", he said carefully.
-"Oh....yeah okay. Hi", she tried to sound busy. In reality she was just laying on her sofa.
-"I need to talk to you", TC's voice sounded different, a feeling of fear rushed through her body and she sat up.
-"Something has happened to Cory", TC said when Chris hadn't answered him. Chris froze, she's been shot, she thought, she's dead.
-"Okay and?", she tried her best to sound like she didn't care. Officially she did hate both of them, she had to stick to that.
-"She lost the baby", she felt relieved when TC said that, but the next second an image of Cory in the hospitalbed came to her mind. The time she lost her first baby, and Chris had been there with her. How scared and sad she had been, and now she went through this again...
-"I'm glad", Chris heard herself say. TC couldn't believe it.
-"How can you say that?"
-"Why would I care TC? She lost the baby you made when you cheated on me. Fine."
-"I just thought maybe you would..."
-"Maybe I would what? Care? Hell no TC. I'm glad, do you hear me? You both deserve this."
-"Chris, please. She's doing so badly, she doesn't eat or sleep, nothing"
-"She deserves it....."Chris's voice was calmer, almost like a whisper, slowly she pressed the button and hung up on TC. She felt so bad, she couldn't believe what she had said. She hadn't meant a word of it, it had just popped out of her. She did care about Cory, but the feelings were mixed after what she had done. What she had done with TC.
Days passed by, nothing really changed. Cory was in the same state of depression and TC had gone back to his life. He tried to be there for her, but it was hard, he never got through to her. Will stayed with her every now and then, so at least she wasn't alone.
TC scraped all the food out of the frying pan and down on the plate. He had burned the dinner again, but it was still eatable.
He sank down on the sofa and turned on the TV. He was ready to dig in on the dinner when he heard a knock on the door.
-"Typical", he thought to himself. He went towards the door.
-"What??", he said grumpy when he opened.
She was standing there with a bag in her hand and with her back to him. Her hair was lifted slowly by the wind and then fell softly down on her shoulders again. She wanted to turn around and see his face, put her arms around him and kiss him, feel his secure grip around her waist. Instead she turned around, pushed her way by him and threw her bag on the chair.
She held her hands on her hips and looked at him with an angry expression.
-"Happy now? Here I am to help your slut", she bit her tounge. She had promised herself to not let the bitterness get the best of her. She wanted to go back and be open and sincere, instead she put on this mask as soon as the cab had pulled up in front of her old house that she used to share with TC. All the feelings that fought in her.
TC pretended that he hadn't heard what she called Cory. He moved towards her and gave her a hug. He had been sure she would pull away from him, but she didn't move, he put his arms around her and could almost feel her loosen up in his arms.
-"Chris", he whispered softly in her ear. Right away he felt how her body got all tense again and she twisted so he had to let go of her.
-"Don't, just don't. Take me to Cory okay, that's what I'm here for?
Cory was standing in the kitchen, her intention was to make some coffee, but she was just looking at a cup she held in her hand. Will had just left for the night and she was all alone. The knock on the door woke her up and the cup slipped out of her hand and down on the floor. TC heard glass breaking and tore the door open.
-"Oh, I just heard and I thought that....", he explained when he saw the pieces of the cup on the floor. Cory was just looking at the broken glass like she couldn't understand how it had gotten there.
-"How are you?", TC continued. She shrugged her shoulders and looked at him, her eyes were empty and she seemed so tired.
Chris had been standing in the doorway the entire time, hiding behind the open door. She tried to sort her thoughts, tried to make sure she would say what she wanted to say to Cory and not blow up on her. Not say all those hurtful things that she sometimes seemed unable to stop.
-"Don't play that strong bitch now, Chris, be yourself", she repeated in her head.
When she looked up she looked straight into TC's eyes.
-"Are you coming?", he asked her and held out a hand. She hesitated for a second then placed her hand in his. The feeling of his warm skin made her feel safer and she placed her other hand over his again. He turned around and looked at her, a smile was playing on his lips and he had a tender expression in his eyes.
Cory saw Chris coming behind TC, and her heart skipped with joy.
-"She does care about me", she thought to herself and a smile showed in her face. She walked towards Chris and put her arms around her. Chris didn't hug back, but she didn't move away either. The exhausting fight between her feelings started all over again. She wanted to just break down and cry, she wanted to push Cory away and scream and yell at both her and TC. But she just stood there, felt Cory's hair tickle her chin, felt her tears on the other chin, she didn't do anything, didn't say anything.
The girls went over to the sofa while TC made coffee.
-"You came", Cory whispered when they sat down, she was holding Chris' hands in hers.
Chris didn't answer, she stood up and went over to the window. She held her hands on her back and took a deep breath. Never had she thought it could be so hard, never had she thought that she, the strong, independent woman, would get trouble breathing because of pine. Somehow she didn't recognize herself, the events the last couple of months had made her fade away. She felt bitter, angry, betrayed and depressed, feelings she never had felt before, not so intense anyway. After what happened at the academy her world had been torn apart.
-"Chris?", Cory had gotten up and stood right behind her. Chris turned around and looked at her. It struck Cory how vulnerable and sad she looked, she had never seen Chris like that before, but it only lasted for a second, like she wiped it off and she looked insignificant again.
TC came with three cups of coffee and placed them on the table, Cory sat down and took the cup in her hand. Chris was still standing over by the window with her back turned to them. They both looked at her, then at each other. TC started talking about the weather just to start a conversation, and Cory looked grateful at him, the silence had been suffocating. Soon they went over to talking about what had happened a week ago. There was a light in the dark, the miscarriage hadn't damaged her possibilities to get a baby. The odds were still bad for her, but no worse than before. She had been so afraid that the miscarriage had ruined every chance she ever had. TC was happy to hear this news, somehow it made his guilt a bit easier to deal with. He smiled at her and stroke her hand. At that second Chris turned around and looked at them. She looked down at TC's hand on Cory's. An arrow of pine shot through her chest, she had to bite her lip to keep the tears away. They looked at her and TC removed his hand so fast like he had gotten burned. Chris tried her best to make it seem like she didn't care, she looked away and sat down on a chair rather far from them.
Cory locked the door behind them when they left. She felt uneasy, something was wrong. She had know Chris for ages, but she had never seen her like this. Chris was always so strong, now she was like a shadow of herself. Cory knew it wasn't just because of her and TC, there was something else as well. Somehow she was relieved, at least it got her thoughts off the baby for the first time in a week.
Chris was walking a few steps in front of him. He watch her every move, memorized them, so in case she left again at least he would remember absolutely everything about her.
He snuck up on her from behind.
-"Boh", he said laughing when he grabbed her shoulders. She started screaming from fear, her heartbeat got so hard and fast it hurt, her eyes got filled with tears, and her legs betrayed her so she fell together on the ground. TC didn't know what to do, he tried to calm her down, sat down beside her and held her tight.
-"Don't", she whispered.
-"Don't what?", TC remove a sling of hair from her face. He didn't get any answers.
She was sitting on the sofa and hid her head between her knees. TC was getting two beers in the fridge. When he got back to the livingroom he sat down beside her, she looked up at him.
-"I'm sorry", she whispered when he handed her the beer.
-"Don't be. Just talk to me", TC lent back and took a sip of the bottle.
-"I...I can't go back TC", she didn't bother fighting the tears this time.
-"So something did happen, right? Tell me, darling", he laid an arm around her shoulders and dragged her over to him. She had her head on his chest and could feel his heart beating, slowly but hard. The warmth from his body, his caring hands that stroke her back.
After the incident at the academy she had been crying for him, screamed his name. She would have done anything to hold him near, but he wasn't there.
She had been laying on the cold stonefloor, heard the rain outside the window, some leaves had blown through the open door. Her hair had been wet and dirty, every muscle in her body ached and she could hardly stand up. She had never been so scared in her life.
TC kissed her hair and held her tighter. Her body was shaking, but she hardly made any sounds. It ripped his heart to pieces to see her suffer like she did and he wasn't able to help her.