Disclaimer: the Artemis Fowl characters belong to Eoin Colfer. I only own Patrick, Quartz and the Aztec 'royal' family.
Author's Note: here I am, taking a venture into yet another fandom. After Star Wars and Harry Potter this is the third fandom I tried to write a fic in, and I hope I did it all right. You will be my judges. After all those HP fics it felt refreshing to write something new for a change!
Note to my faithful readers from the HP fandom: this story is going to be quite different from my HP ones. You know that ALL of my long HP fics contain the following elements: shagging, pregnancy, proposal, marriage. Well, this one WON'T have any of these. Just so that you know what to expect (what NOT to expect). There will be one recurrent motif that all of my HP fics have, but it has nothing to do with any romance or sex (I wonder whether you'll manage to find out what this recurrent motif is). In this fic, there's going to be a small portion of romance, lust, but no sex at all. Even without those, the story is going to be 'dangerous' enough to merit a PG-13 rating, so don't expect a completely innocent fic, because it will not be. As one of my proof-readers Ildi put it: the story has some 'morbid' aspects ;)
General note: I ship Artemis/Holly, so this fic is going to be an A/H fic. However, it won't be your average A/H fic. What do I mean by the 'average A/H fic'? Well, in most A/H fics Holly decides that she misses Artemis, so she visits him and tells him she loves him. Artemis suddenly realises that he loves her too, and then they kiss and perhaps even shag. Fics with such plots are cute – I like them – but my fic will be very far from that. No sappy, unbelievable romance, but an interesting plot, adventures, and – hopefully - everyone in character. Romance will be important but NOT central to the story, since I can't imagine Artemis going all mushy. I see Artemis as someone for whom emotions are almost completely unknown, so he can't fall in love easily shakes head. Arty's a difficult case. A very difficult one, and I'll keep him like that.
At first the fic will not be a particularly fast paced one. About ten chapters of build-up are needed, but after that the adventure is guaranteed, so please be patient and keep reading!
Also, the first few chapters will be quite short, but as the story progresses, the chapters will get longer and longer. I'm no fan of twenty-line chapters like most people here in the AF section of ffnet. I hope some of you actually LIKE long chapters :)
Big thanks to:
- Mum for being the considerate and constructive plot beta
- Kati for the proofreading and the criticism that made me improve the fic
- Ildi for the proofreading and for bringing smiles to my face with her long and descriptive compliments – no one can write as heart-felt and heart-warming compliments as she can!
- Eve for the grammar beta and for putting up with all the mistakes of the 'Evil Lady of the Sith'
- Indigo Ziona for the biochemistry vocabulary and her help with the blood groups
- Doug for his support and his help with howler monkeys
- Michael for his help with difficult English phrases, Latin and poison dart frogs
- members of the Green Flame Torch group, for helping me out with my English and with police ranks
- Terry Deary whose book the 'Angry Aztecs' was highly inspiring
- those who uploaded such wonderful and useful lectures on the Aztecs onto the Internet
Okay, enough of my rant, on with the story!
ARTEMIS FOWL: THE AZTEC INCIDENT
I Wish Fowl Were Here
Six months after The Eternity Code
Haven was in chaos. Streetlamps were malfunctioning, furious fairies in various transport vehicles and wearing various sets of wings were shaking their fists at the unfortunate LEP traffic cop who was waving hysterically trying to direct them; but with the traffic lights out of order, he was fighting a losing battle with the ever-growing amount of vehicles and shouting fairies.
"All lights are gone! I'm afraid! I want to go home to Mummy!" whined Grub Kelp in Root's office at Police Plaza, only to get a kick in the shin from his brother. "But Trub, really, we should go home, we can't do anything here without electricity! Let's just go home and wait there until Foaly gets all right again!"
Trouble Kelp shook his head and decided not to comment on Grub's whining. However, deep in his heart he felt ten percent… all right, fifty percent of the fear Grub was feeling. They had been in dire situations before - just to mention the Fowl incident or the goblin uprising - but this one could easily evolve into the worst situation they had ever been in. Why, oh why, did Foaly have to get the flu just before the whole LEP electronic and communication infrastructure crashed? Had the centaur been able to leave the bed for just five minutes, he would have been able to mend the problem for sure; but he was too sick for that, drifting in and out of consciousness. No one knew how on Earth the centaur got this nasty human disease, but it proved to affect the unfortunate technician like the most dangerous type of pneumonia would affect a Mud Man, not to mention that fairy healing powers seemed pretty ineffective against it.
Right after the crash of the 'pony electronic and telecommunication system', Foaly's technician crew hurried to fix the problem, but they had to realise that not for nothing had Foaly been called paranoid: their attempts at accessing the control panels were futile, for the centaur had made sure that no one would be able to tamper with it. The technicians, with their limited mental capacity, were unable to break into the password-protected system and cursed every single four-legged ancestor of the centaur.
That's what you get when you let the whole technical infrastructure of Lower Elements Police into the hands of one single person. But then again, even if the Council had decided to replace Foaly or extend the group of people in charge of the telecommunication system, they would have had to realise that it was impossible. Foaly was simply indispensable. No matter how many times Commander Root had threatened Foaly with the prospect of getting the sack, everyone – Foaly himself included - knew he didn't mean it. Like it or not, every single LEP fairy in Haven had to accept that with Opal Koboi taking a long rest at Howler's Peak, there was no one else clever enough to cope with the development and maintenance of the technological system – no one else, but the centaur.
And that centaur was lying in a hospital, mumbling about iris cams and Neutrino 2002's in his feverish sleep, unable to do anything about the current situation.
"The technicians have given up," ex-Private now Corporal Chix Verbil announced to a very lethargic Commander Root.
The commander leant back into his armchair, massaging his temples. He had smoked more fungus cigars in the past five hours than he had in the past two weeks put together; but after a while he noticed that they didn't calm him down – on the contrary, he got more and more nervous by the second. In the feeble candlelight he looked older and more exhausted than his officers had ever seen him. As though Foaly's sickness hadn't been enough, now they even had to resort to using candles. He felt as though they had suddenly been transported back into the Stone Age. How utterly ridiculous!
Well, certainly there had been situations like this before, like the lockdown after the C Cube had pinged the LEP; but that one hadn't lasted as long as this one, and back then there had been Foaly to take care of things. Now, however…
Holly Short was eyeing Root with a worried expression. If the commander's head got just a little redder than it was already, it would surely burst.
"All right, Commander?" she asked in a small voice.
Root heaved a huge sigh and shook his head. "How could I be all right, Short? I won't be all right until Foaly gets his furry backside off that hospital bed and fixes everything. For a moment I wished…" His voice trailed off and his tired glance travelled from Holly to Chix to the Kelp brothers.
"Yes? What did you wish for, Commander?" enquired Trouble.
Root shuddered as though awoken from some sort of a daze, then waved. "Nothing, nothing. It was just a stray thought, not important at all…"
"Are you sure, Commander?" Captain Short arched an eyebrow at Root.
"You'd only think I'm on the verge of nervous breakdown if I told you… which I'm not, of course!" Root's voice rose in pitch.
"No one ever assumed you were nearing a nervous breakdown, Commander." Holly smiled. "Do you, people?" She turned to the others present in Root's office.
"Actually we did," Grub chimed in, only to get another kick in the shin from his brother.
"Certainly we didn't, Commander," Trouble said hastily.
Root squinted at Holly who had to hide a grin and straighten her face to look as serious as possible and as supportive-of-Commander-Root as possible. She cleared her throat. "Er, so, what exactly did you wish for, Commander?"
"Do you promise you won't laugh?" Root asked sceptically. For a second he reminded Holly of a lost child.
"We promise we won't laugh, don't we?" Captain Short shot the male officers a peremptory look. Grub cringed and started nodding his head enthusiastically.
"All right," sighed Root. "Just… just a thought crossed my mind… about Fowl."
"As in Artemis Fowl?" Holly blinked, slightly surprised.
"How many other Fowls do you know, Captain?" grunted Root.
"Well, there's Angeline Fowl, and Artemis Fowl the First…" Holly started counting on her fingers but stopped when her eyes met the commander's strict glance. "What about Fowl?"
"He's a genius."
"We know that. So?" replied the young female captain in a drawling voice. She had a feeling she wouldn't like this discussion at all and already cursed her damn curiosity.
The mere mention of the name 'Artemis Fowl' created a sinking sensation in her stomach. She knew she should be happy that the People managed to get rid of the annoying Mud Boy; yet, inexplicably to her, she felt guilty. Guilty, because they had 'violated' Artemis's mind and played with his memories at their pleasure. Certainly, it was for the greater good, for the sake of the People, but Holly couldn't help thinking it was unjust. Every time this feeling tried to sneak into her soul and poison it, she reminded herself of all the nasty things Artemis had done to her and the fairies, and for a while this method helped to calm her conscience. Only for a while, though…
"So what? He created the C Cube, remember?" the commander grunted. "He coped with fairy technology. And for some reason I believe he'd be able to manage the current situation. Or am I wrong?" He looked up to meet his officers' eyes, seeing a mixture of confusion and interest in them.
"Actually, Commander, I think you're right," agreed Captain Kelp. "But if I may voice my opinion…"
"Go ahead." Root sighed.
"Commander, I thought you were happy to be rid of Fowl for ever. Would it be wise to bring him here again and give him his
"I never said that I wanted to bring him here and give him his memories back, Captain," replied Root somewhat irritably.
"Then?" interjected Holly. She had absolutely no idea what Root could have in mind, but she had some sort of a foreboding. A foreboding, that she shouldn't even have got up in the morning, for this day would turn out catastrophic. Perhaps even more catastrophic than it already was.
"I merely said that I thought Fowl would be able to fix the problem. Just in theory."
"In theory, I see!" Grub Kelp nodded, although in fact he didn't understand a thing.
"But what is this theory good for?" Chix Verbil scratched his head, looking contemplative. The contemplative look didn't suit him at all.
"For the time being – nothing," replied Root. "In the future – perhaps."
Captain Short shook her head disbelievingly. "I really don't get it, Commander. You think Fowl would be able to solve a situation like this, yet you don't want him to come here and solve it…"
"Listen here, Short. According to the warlock medics, Foaly's illness is called something like floo, and it takes usually a week for a human to heal out of it. Very likely it won't take much longer for Foaly to heal either. One week with disabled communication is bad enough, but somehow still… bearable. However, I was thinking of the future. What if a situation even more serious than this occurs and Foaly isn't around to help?"
"Then I'll go home to Mummy!" whimpered Grub at the horrible mental image of a situation that could be called 'more serious' than this one.
After a short pause it was Holly who spoke up: "We'll need to find a substitute for Foaly."
Root nodded solemnly. "Exactly, Captain."
"But… Fowl?" interjected Trouble.
"Well, not necessarily Fowl himself… just a person with the same mental abilities as Fowl." The commander shrugged.
"But how do we get someone with the same mental abilities?" wondered Chix. "The only other person as clever as Fowl is Foaly!"
"Well, that's exactly what is problematic about the theory." Root nodded and lit another fungus cigar.
"What… what if Fowl had a kid? It'd very likely be as clever as him," said Grub just as the other officers got a serious bout of coughs.
"Shuuuut up!" groaned Trouble, waving his hand to be able to breath amidst the smoke Root was blowing at them. The last thing he needed was to get on Root's bad side because of his stupid little brother who couldn't keep his mouth shut. However, what Root said next appalled him and everyone else in the room.
"You're perfectly right, Corporal."
"Am I?" Grub blinked as a huge grin spread on his face.
"Is he?" Chix frowned.
"As a matter of fact, he is," commented Holly. "It all comes down to genetics. There's a big chance that any child of Fowl's would be a genius like him."
"I fear I still don't see the point," Trouble said.
"Because you're stupid, bro." Grub smirked. "We have to make sure Arty has a kid and raise it in the LEP."
"You and your big ideas, Grub." Captain Kelp rolled his eyes.
"It is a big idea, Captain," said Root.
"It is?" Grub's grin widened even more.
"Are you saying my brother isn't as much of a simpleton as we thought he was?" Trouble asked incredulously.
"In his own simple way he can be quite clever," admitted Root, and Holly would have sworn she saw the shadow of a smile in the corner of the commander's mouth. "Corporal, just carry on like this, and who knows? You might be made captain soon."
Trouble was at a loss for words while Grub beamed like an idiot.
"But… but Commander?" Holly spoke up, "How on earth can we get Artemis Fowl to father a child and let us raise it? A bit far-fetched, isn't it?"
"Well…" Root mused, his eyes distant, as though deep in thought, "Fowl wouldn't have to know. He'd only be a… how to put it? Donor."
"But Commander, Fowl's a child, not likely that he'll have a child any time soon… and even if we waited for him to have a child, would we sink so low as to… kidnap it? And… and… raise a Mud Man among the fairies?" Holly was practically shouting at the end of her tirade. The commander surely didn't mean it – did he?
After Holly's heated speech, silence fell on the office; and it was again Grub Kelp who first found his voice: "The kid could be half-fairy…"
"Half fairy? Are you out of your mind, Grub?" snapped Trouble.
"Well, you know, if it were half-fairy, then the fairies would accept it… sort of." Grub shrugged. "Okay, okay, I know, I should shut up and go home to Mummy…"
"You're not going anywhere, Captain Grub Kelp," said Root.
"Ca… captain?" stammered the younger Kelp brother while Trouble stared at Root as though the old fairy had suddenly grown two additional heads.
"Half-fairy, eh?" Chix Verbil whistled. "Interesting idea: a child with Fowl's intelligence and a fairy's magic… not a bad combination. One question remains, though: who will be the mother?"
Sometimes you just feel that people are looking at you, without seeing their unabashed stares. That's what Holly felt: several pairs of eyes fixed upon her.
She shuddered and glanced in the direction of the commander and the officers.
"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?"
A/N: why are you looking at me like that? Nothing naughty is coming, I swear! At least... not too naughty ;) Please be so kind and leave a review!