Chapter Five: Love is the Slowest Form of Suicide

"Kyou! Yuki! I'm home!" Shigure called loudly as he entered the house.

I snapped awake and looked around, confused. When I realized I was in Kyou's room and had fallen asleep with him in my arms I jumped up and ran out of the room before Shigure went looking for me. If he had come into Kyou's room and seen us I can imagine what would've happened…

Shigure would open the door and look in at us, pretending to be shocked and upset. "Oh my! Sleeping together! Kyou and Yuki are GAY!" And then run out of the room and tell everyone just because he's that kind of person.

I don't really care; Shigure may call me homosexual all he wants (partially since it's true, I guess), but a remark like that would definitely enrage Kyou, no matter what.

I walked downstairs and my stomach grumbled from not having eaten in a while. Shigure was in his office not doing work, as usual. "What are we going to eat tonight, Shigure?"

The novelist leaned back in his chair, balancing a pen on his nose. "Take-out." Shigure answered simply and then gave me a more serious look. "How is Kyou doing?"

"Sleeping." I answered quickly, since Shigure did not need to be informed that I had fallen asleep up in Kyou's room with him in my arms. But it was so nice watching him sleep… he looked so peaceful and felt so warm…

"Yuki?" Shigure raised an eyebrow at me questioningly.

"Huh? What?" I blinked twice, snapping out of my daze.

"Are you okay? You suddenly got a glazed look in your eyes." My cousin scratched his chin thoughtfully, without taking his eyes off of me.

I nodded vigorously, slightly flustered. "Of course I'm fine! So I'll go order the take out for us now." And then without giving Shigure a chance to question me more I turned on my heel and hurried out of the room to the phone.

I must say that I miss Honda-san's cooking very much… after eating such wonderful food for so long, the take-out was absolutely flavorless. However that was the least of my concerns since Kyou did not join us for dinner again but about halfway through the meal Kyou came downstairs, with a preoccupied look on his face. "Where's the headache medicine kept, Shigure?" The orange-haired teenager asked mindlessly.

Shigure slurped the ramen noodles he was eating in one gulp and without even looking up at Kyou he responded, "In the cabinet inside the bathroom."

With that, Kyou trudged off towards the bathroom and once he got what he wanted, trudged upstairs back to his room. I was a little worried about Kyou at first, hoping his head would feel better soon. But even after I finished dinner and Shigure went into the bath, the feeling grew until it was like an anxiety attack and I could no longer remain still. Taking the steps two at a time, I flung the door open to Kyou's room without even knocking and saw Kyou hunched over on the floor. The aspirin, along with several other medications, were strewn all over the floor with the caps off. Kyou was pale and trembling uncontrollably. At this sight, my heart skipped several beats and I started to panic.

"Kyou! God, no! You tried to over dose yourself!" Thinking rapidly I dashed back downstairs and grabbed an entire jug of water from the refrigerator. At that point Kyou was so weak that he couldn't fight me off when I forced him to drink almost half of the water jug. Putting one of his arms around my shoulder I lifted Kyou up and led him to the upstairs bathroom that Tohru used to use and set him down. "Kyou?"

He didn't respond. Kyou's red eyes were beginning to roll into the back of his head and his eyelids fluttered involuntarily. Grabbing Kyou's hair and forcing his head over the toilet seat I yelled, "Throw up, damn it!"

As if on cue, Kyou hurled into the toilet and I looked away, grimacing. After a few minutes, Kyou panted and sat up on his own accord. That's when he turned to me with the most loathing and hateful expression he could muster. "Leave me alone, you damn rat…"

"No. I won't let you throw away your life like this." I informed Kyou, stubbornly.

Kyou's red eyes flitted down to his pocket where he promptly pulled out a razor and prepared to cut himself in his left arm. Enough was enough; I grabbed Kyou by both of his wrists and pinned him down so that he could do no harm to himself. "Let me die, damn it!" Kyou struggled.

"You're being selfish trying to end your own life just because you lost Tohru!" I retorted but Kyou freed his hand that was holding the razor and thrashed about widely, letting the razor dig into my left cheek and create a deep wound vertically.

"You don't know how I feel! I loved Tohru more than anyone else and I just can't live without her!" Kyou gritted his teeth and fought more desperately against me.

I tried to ignore the pain from my cheek and I applied more of my weight onto Kyou to hold him down more, pinning down his wrist again. "I loved her too, Kyou! Everyone loved Tohru!"

Kyou ceased his struggling and for a moment he looked into my eyes. I could see his pain, his despair, and his fear. I wanted his pain to stop. I wanted to help Kyou and protect him. And deep down I wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side… I love you, Kyou… I wish you could see that. But if the only way to stop your pain is to kill yourself then… fine… but I refuse to watch.

"What's going on!" Shigure demanded and burst through the bathroom door.

"Nothing." I lied and pulled away from Kyou.

"What do you mean, nothing?" Shigure inquired angrily.

"Exactly what I said. Nothing." I hissed menacingly at my older cousin whom decided to back down and leave. Then I turned to Kyou, frowning. "If you think killing yourself will bring you the satisfaction you want, then do it. I don't care anymore." I lied again and stormed out of the bathroom.