A/N: Ummm.... Man.... I really sound repetitive in my Author's Notes. . Yeah.... I wrote this in about ten minutes while there was no power in the house. So it's probably crap, but that's all right. All recognizable characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto/the Naruto series. They do not belong to me, other wise I wouldn't be torturing them like this. .
By Freakish Lemon
It only hurts if I want it.
It's such a simple thing. A little task to get me through the day. When I think about it, it's not a big deal.
But that's not what everyone else thought.
I don't remember who found me. It might have been Sakura... Sasuke... might have been Iruka-sensei...
It even could have been Jiraiya, for all I remember.
But anyways... yeah... they made a big deal about it.
They told me I was barely alive when they found me... And that they couldn't believe I would ever do something like that. Sakura swore she had never seen that much blood in her life.
I don't know.... It doesn't seem like something I wouldn't do to me...
A lot of people came to see me in the hospital. Lee, Hinata, Shikamaru, Chouji... once the Ichiraku (sp?) Ramen Bar guy stepped in to see me and Gai would come check on me once in a while...
It surprised me. I didn't know they cared.
I was in the hospital for a while... a couple of weeks maybe, even though all of my cuts had healed after the first day. They wouldn't outright tell me why I had to stay, but I guess they wanted to make me to be not "suicidal" anymore.
I wasn't suicidal. I just needed it to get me through the day. Nothing else works.
They sent a "specialist" in to see me everyday. She told me she was a friend of Tsunade. I didn't really care.
I never really listened to what she had to say. I knew what was "wrong" with me. I knew what made me cut myself. I didn't need any "specialist" to tell me that.
At the end of that time she let me go. She knew that I knew what was wrong with me. It's not like she could have done anything to cure me.
Everyone's been watching me strangely now... Sakura always looks like she's going to cry when she looks at me. Sasuke closes up... clenches his fists...
Kakashi-sensei won't look at me at all.
Jiraiya's gone away. I don't know where he is.
Iruka-sensei doesn't tease me anymore... he doesn't smile.
Everyone else.... They try to talk to me and everything, but... I know their smiles are fake.
It's like I'm stuck in a dream and there's no one to wake me up.
I hate it. I hate their cautious glances and their barrages of worried questions.
I wish they'd just leave me alone.
I've been trying hard not to do it.... not to actually give everyone something to worry about.
But it's too hard. I need this.
I need to see the glaring light of my bathroom shine on the edge of a sharp blade. I need the weight of the kunai in my fist. I need to watch when my skin slides open and the blood pours out like small fountains to heathen gods. I need to feel the blood beneath my fingers, idly painting crimson swirls on peeling linoleum.
I need this.
They shouldn't worry. It's only a little thing to do... a little thing to get me through the day.
And it only hurts when I want it.
A/N: Man, I'm tired. Okay. Good? Bad? Let me know. Review please! --holds out the collection tin--