Daisuke sat alone with his eyes closed. The moonlight flooded in from the sliding glass doors, casting a soft glow on the room, the only light. He'd been sitting here for two hours. The apartment was empty, dark, and silent except for the ticking of the clock from his parents' room and his own breathing. He was trying to think.
Takeru was back with Hikari. He'd expected it and distanced himself from the blonde as much as possible without letting on to the fact that he'd known it would never stay that way. Takeru was too straight, too in love with Hikari. Hell, Daisuke was pretty damn straight himself. But for a while there, he'd wanted it. He'd wanted it to stay that way, he and Takeru. But if Hikari had found out... she would have been so angry with them both, and that friendship would be cut completely. Hikari was important to him in more ways than one, and it wasn't worth a romantic fling to lose her.
Although part of him kept saying that she'd known. She was like that. She knew things. She picked up on things that everyone else missed, and he hated her for that because it meant nothing could be hidden, including stuff he didn't want to talk about.
So now he was stuck on how to feel. It wasn't like he'd been 'dating' Takeru. They hadn't even gone to that much of a length with it. Two weeks, and it was over. Two weeks of his life that wouldn't have belonged to anyone else, whether he was with Takeru or not. And yet he felt a little... lied to? Used? It was as if Takeru had prevented him from going farther from Wallace, and then once he'd made sure Wallace was out of the way he let go.
Daisuke's eyes snapped open. Was Takeru using him as a last resort? If anything happened between himself and Hikari, he would fall back on Daisuke? He growled a bit. He didn't like that thought.
But perhaps he was just being paranoid. Besides, what did it matter anyway? Wallace was a nice guy, but he was certainly not Daisuke's type. But Takeru wasn't either, was he? Maybe his 'type' wasn't what he'd expected.
The boy groaned and rubbed his forehead. He wasn't much for trying to figure things out, normally. Whatever happened would happen, and there wasn't anything he could do to change it. Life sucks and then you die. So why was he wanting so badly to change this?
And what about Wallace? Wallace had told him the evening after their video game bash that he was going back to America for college instead of staying in Japan like he'd considered. Daisuke felt responsible for that, and it was as though he'd lost a good potential friend just because he wasn't attracted to him. How messed up was that? It wasn't like it was anything he could change. You can't force love.
He leaned forwards and rested his forehead on his knees, whimpering to himself and wallowing in self-pity. "This is not cool!" he announced to the empty dark room.
The telephone rang and he jumped in surprise, falling forwards off the couch. He grumbled at both his clumsiness and his edginess, struggling to his feet and answering the phone. "Yo, whut up Homie G?" was the first thing out of his mouth. "Hang on a second, I have no idea what I just said. Let me start over. Hello?"
"You're so ghetto, Daisuke," Hikari's voice giggled at him.
"I don't even understand what it was that I said. Do you?"
"No, but that's not important. Daisuke, we need to talk."
Shit. "We do? Okay... so talk."
"No, I mean face to face and stuff. This isn't something I can talk to you about over the phone. What do you have on for the next hour or so?"
He blinked and glanced down at himself. "Uhhh... jeans and a sweatshirt, why?"
"No, you moron! I mean what are you doing for the next hour?"
"Oh! Oh. Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place? I'm not doing anything."
"Good. I'm coming to visit you." She hung up the phone the next second without even saying goodbye.
Daisuke went into his room, snapped the D-3 from the desk and e-mailed Takeru.
'I hate you.'
Hikari sat opposite Daisuke at the table, staring at him. He had on his sunglasses again, an attempt to keep his eyes hidden from her view as he focused guiltily on his hands. Unfortunately, he hadn't thought that the lenses were orange and she could see right through them. She smiled at the thought. She had never been able to stay angry at him for too long; he'd always do something cute or funny or just incredibly stupid that would make her laugh, and all of the anger would melt away. Still smiling, she tapped her fingers lightly on the table before her. "Dais? You do realize that the lenses are transparent... don't you?"
He glanced up at her. "Yeah, I realized that a few minutes ago, but I was hoping maybe you wouldn't notice. Hi-chan, I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"I don't know. Whatever it is that you're here to talk to me about. I mess up a lot. If I hurt you or pissed you off or anything... I'm sorry. Sorry in advance for anything and everything."
Hikari tossed her hair out of her eyes. "Daisuke, I'm disappointed in you."
"Damn," he made a face. "I hate that."
"Why?" she blinked.
"Because. Everyone is always telling me how disappointed in me they are. 'Daisuke, why can't you get better grades? Daisuke, why can't you keep your room cleaner? Daisuke, why do you wear clothes like that? Daisuke, you disappoint me. Daisuke, you disappoint your father and myself. Daisuke, why can't you be more like your sister? Daisuke, why, why, why?'" The boy paused for a long moment, glaring through the orange tinted lenses. "I'm just a little sick of being the downer for everybody. For once I wish I could... I don't know. Make someone happy."
Hikari studied her friend quietly. The light from the window cast a strange glow on him, deepening the shadows that fell across his face. She had a flash of reality and realized she was staring at what was the deepest part of Daisuke, the part where all of the hurt and anger was buried away over the years. This was the raw emotional Daisuke that Takeru knew so well, the side of him that he refused to show her no matter how hard she pried. She regretted this now. Her anger had gotten her here, and she wanted to go back to not ever glimpsing this dramatically different side. "Whoo... Daisuke, all I wanted to talk to you about was why Takeru mumbled your name yesterday when we were kissing."
He glanced up, amusement flashing through his eyes. "I knew he'd spoil it. He can't keep his mouth shut."
She drummed her fingers on the table, fighting to get him away from the angst. "You must be one heck of a kisser, that's all I'll say. I'm not mad, honestly. I kind of knew."
"Yeah, you know everything."
"Not everything, Daisuke. There's a lot I don't know. There's a lot that you have to teach me."
He gave her a placid look, shaking his head a bit. "You don't want to learn what I know."
She mentally smacked herself. She'd walked down the wrong path and gotten him back into the whole dark side again. "Daisuke, what's wrong with you today? You usually never tell me any of this stuff." He shrugged. "Oh, don't you think that you can get away with it now. I didn't ask for you to open your mouth and tell me this – at least not today I didn't! So you tell me what's going on!"
"I feel used."
Hikari blinked. He eyed her silently.
"Used?" she repeated.
"Because I do. You can't ask people to explain how or why they feel a certain way – it doesn't work like that." Daisuke shoved to his feet and headed towards the refrigerator, pulling out a can of something and opening it. He leaned back against the door. "I could have had Wallace. He wanted something with me. And I stopped it because Takeru promised me something else."
"But you didn't want something with Wallace, did you?" she asked quietly. "You could have had him, right. Then why let Takeru stop you?"
"I don't know. Because he was there? Because he appealed to me in a way that Wallace didn't? Because I've known Takeru longer and we have something already to build a relationship off of? I don't know, Hikari."
The girl pushed her brown hair behind her ears. "Do you love him?"
"Wallace or Takeru? No to both of them, either way. Actually, I take that back. Do you mean love, or in love? Because there is a difference, and if you mean just love... Of course I love Takeru. He means the world to me; I'd be dead without him. But I'm not in love with him, no. And Wallace... I don't know him well enough to say that I love him, but I'm definitely not in love with him, either."
"So then why do you want to be with either of them?"
"Hi, Hikari, this is Daisuke we're talking about. The boy who believes it takes a very long time to fall in love?" He shrugged and took a long drink from the can. "I guess I just want something. Somebody. And there were both there."
"There are plenty of girls. And guys that are single. Like Ken! Ken is single!"
"Ken is not my type."
"But Ken likes you. You know he does."
"Ken. Is. Not. My. Type," the boy emphasized every word, shaking his head a bit. "I don't think I'd ever be romantically attracted to him."
"You wouldn't know unless you try!" she pointed out cheerfully.
Daisuke made a face, pulling the sunglasses from his eyes and throwing them at her. She caught them neatly. "Hikari, shut up. I said no. Sorry," he added before she could say anything more. "I didn't mean that. It just came out." He slid down the fridge door and sat on the floor, making faces at the soda can in his hands. "Here, let me lay it all out for you. Takeru is gone, Wallace is gone. Daisuke feels jilted and really guilty at the same time. I don't know about Wallace. He seemed fine with it, and he did say he wanted to come back and visit again soon... but something about the way he got on that plane bugs me. He's angry with both myself and Takeru, and I can't do anything about it unless I completely cut off all contact with Takeru and start dating Wallace, who I don't have any desire for. Sure he's a cute kid, but it's just... you know... no." He took a deep breath and kept going. "Takeru is back with you and accidentally spilled our little fling to you, you're mad at me and I'm mad at Takeru for telling although you would have found out eventually anyway... When in reality this is all my own fault. I should have made more of an effort to spend time with Takeru when Wallace was around to prevent the jealousy, I should have told Wallace no right off the bat, I should have told Takeru no, I should have... I... I don't know. Hikari-chan, tell me what to do."
"I don't know either," she shrugged bluntly. "I don't know if you can fix this as easily as you'd like to. But I do know that feeling sorry for yourself won't help any, so stop whining. And stop assuming we're all angry with each other. I'm not mad at you; in fact I find it cute and a little funny that you and Takeru had a fling."
"A fling. That's all it was."
"Shut up! Daisuke, he liked you. He really liked you. He told me so."
Daisuke shrugged a little and rested his chin on his knees. "Fat lot of good that does now."
Hikari sighed once more. "Did you like him, Dais?"
Minutes ticked by in silence as Daisuke turned the question over in his mind; examining it and searching for any hidden meanings, for anything that Hikari might be drawing him into. Finally, he tossed everything out and decided to go for the truth: "Yes. I did like him. A lot." Hikari turned and walked towards the door. He groaned. "Hikari, please don't be angry. I just wanted to tell you the truth. Hi-chan... Hi-chan, I'm sorry, please don't!"
The girl flung open the door to the apartment to reveal Takeru leaning against the wall opposite the door. She pointed at Daisuke across the room without a word. Takeru grinned, striding into the room and heading straight for his friend. He sat down on the floor in front of him, then leaned forwards and kissed him forcefully.
Fireworks went off in Daisuke's mind. He briefly realized that his mouth would be a little bruised from the heavy kiss, but it didn't matter. All that mattered now was Takeru.