Disclaimer I do not own Hellsing, so you no sue -

An idea that I came up and shared with a friend who thought it was "Lmao. Damn that's funny!" I do hope you like it and I'd appreciate any feedback on the story.

It's an AU, so please don't read it if you don't like them. There's some OOC, but you get that with different plot lines, ne? Plus, it's supposed to be funny and when's Alucard funny? Enjoy!

Summary- It's the last straw. Alucard's gone too far and for his punishment Integra forces him to work at a blood drive. Only chaos can ensue, and it gets worse when Integra implements ways of stopping his "drinking problem".

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Prologue: "Punishment"

"Alucard!" Integra stormed down the dark hallway towards where she knew the snide vampire would be. Rage etched itself in her fair skin and her ice blue eyes shown with a fury unmatched by anything. "Damned abomination! This is the LAST straw!"

As soon as she rounded a corner, the Administrator of Hellsing ran right into the chuckling nightmare. Straightening her glasses, she glared at the creature in front of her. "This is the last of it," she said, pounding her fist into her open palm.

"This is the last of what, my Master," Alucard asked mockingly, his red glinting darkly.

"You know exactly what, Alucard," she spat, crossing her arms. The vampire only looked her, his head tilted. When he didn't say anything, Integra went on, smirking. "I also have an unusual form of punishment, if you will."

Alucard blinked slightly. "And what would that be," he asked, curious.

Integra smiled as if she had thought something clever. "Tomorrow you're going to help with this year's blood drive." She turned, still smiling. "Oh, and you aren't going to be eating any of the people there, is that understood? If I find out that you did-" She let the threat hang and walked away, leaving the shocked vampire behind.

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As soon as Integra made it back to her office, she knew something wasn't right. Quickly opening the door, her rage flared once more as she saw Alucard sitting in her chair, his feet propped up on the table. He grinned evilly at her. "Such a lovely view from here, is it not," he asked, turning away from her. "So much better than where you left me."

Integra walked up, slamming her palms on the desk. "I will not have you mocking me," she said, angrily. "I have given you your orders and I expect them to be carried out! If not, I will have to deal with it in a most unpleasant manner, is that clear?"

Alucard frowned slightly. "Now, whose "unpleasant manner" would that be? Keep in mind. . .your unpleasantness and mine are two totally different things," he said, baring his fangs.

Integra's eyes narrowed slightly. "Trust me," she said forcing a smile. "It will not be pleasant for you."

The vampire sat straight, placing his hands on the desk. His eyes widened slightly as if surprised. "What do you mean," he asked slowly.

"Oh don't worry," she answered. "You'll see."

When he realized that she wouldn't say anymore, he stood silently. He walked over to the wall near her, smirking. "Good night, Master. Sleep well," he mocked disappearing into the shadows. Integra sighed and walked over to her desk, sitting down. "Beast," she muttered darkly.

'Beauty,' answered her. Integra twitched slightly.

"Alucard!"

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How was that for the prologue? Good, bad, just okay? Tell me your thoughts! I know it didn't say what he had done, but I'll explain in later chapters. Please review!

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