Disclaimer I do not own Hellsing, so you no sue -

Well, here's chapter 10, more vampire torture and Alucard get back a bit…

insert banned review answers here

Ya, if you can't tell, I'm NOT happy about that…

Not happy at all…

W00t! Chapter 10! Didn't think I would make it THIS far. You guys are the best:hugs to all: Sorry for the lateness of the chapter. School's been overbearing. Can I say meep? I am sooooooooo sorry for keeping everyone waiting for so long! I hope you can forgive me :bows: But, for once, I do have an adequate excuse for once! I have been working my butt off on my novel Dragon Heart and it's going to be getting published soon! I'll have more info when it comes. If you would like to learn more IM me at JustYasha

On to the story!

There is a lot of stupidity and OOC, so please don't shoot me. But it is funny. Enjoy chapter ten don't forget to review!

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Chapter 10: "Internet Surfing…A New Horror"

Walter hummed as he poured the steaming water into the awaiting teacup. As the humming grew to the height of the song, he finished the tea and walked to the library. It was his day off and he was going to use it well. A nice relaxing song and some surfing on the Internet. Yes, I know it's not something you'd expect the Hellsing Retainer to do, but after you've been through the entire library…twice, it DOES get a bit boring. And with Alucard out for the day, there was just nothing to do. So, what better way to pass the time than to surf around on some sites?

Sitting down at the heavy Victorian desk, the butler scooted up the chair as he powered up the computer. Fingers drummed lightly on the desk as he waited ever so patiently for the computer to start up. He sighed. On the next budget meeting, he'd have to talk to Integra about a new computer model. Not that this one was bad; it was just slow. Very, very slow…

-beep-

Walter looked up from the steam that slowly rose out of the cup. About time! Setting the teacup to the side, he clicked on the Internet icon. Waiting for a few seconds, he searched Google©. Since there was nothing to do, he would check the sites to see if anything Hellsing came up.

And for once, something did.

Blinking, his eyes widened as four matches came up. Not too many by someone else's standards, but that was four too many for the organization. Checking the URL, they all seemed to come from the same site. Clicking on the first one that said "new pictures", he sipped the tea, waiting for the screen to load.

"Oh dear God…" The Retainer's eyes widened even further as the pictures loaded. When they were done, he scrolled down, choking on the tea.

"S-SIR INTEGRA!"

The Director ran into the room after a few minutes, gun drawn. "Walter? What is it?"

The Retainer pointed to the computer screen dumbly. Integra looked over his shoulder, her eyes widening.

"………"

"S-Sir?"

"ALUCAAAAAAAAAARD!"

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Alucard sighed as Montana Max sat there, staring off in space. He really didn't want to do this. He really, really, really didn't want to do this… Muttering to himself, the vampire walked up to the zoned out Major. He blinked with the sudden realization that the Vatican was no longer in the room. No doubt they were no longer in the country…He was starting to wish he could leave also. Actually it was far from "starting to wish". Alucard was desperate to leave, though he didn't show it.

"Ah, so are you ready," the Major asked, not looking at him. Alucard growled softly and roughly grabbed his arm.

"Shut up…"

"OW! Let go, wampire! You're crushing my arm."

"I'll crush more than you arm if you don't shut it."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No, I'm making a promise."

"Oh, vell, in that case- HEY!"

"You…are…one…HUGE imbecile." ((hah, hah, slight weight joke…ok, I'm done))

"I haf not heard that one for a vhile."

"Uh hu….now, back on the subject….Just what are you doing here, anyway?"

"Vhat does it look like?"

"………"

"You asked."

"Ok, I meant to say, WHY are you here. Don't they have blood drives in Germany?"

"Ah, ja, they do. There's this chocolate festival going on and ve decided to attend."

"W-We?"

"Don't vorry…I'm the only one that came. Nobody else vanted to go vith me…"

Alucard heaved a huge sigh of thanks. Working quickly, he drew blood from Montana's arm, swearing that it had a black tinge to it. Just as the German was about to walk out of the small room, Integra came running in, gun drawn and pointed at Alucard's chest.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

Alucard blinked. "What are- HEY!"

Integra started shooting repeatedly at him, jumbled words escaping her lips. The vampire dodged around her and clung to Montana's arm.

"MAKE HER STOP!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BLOODY VAMPIRE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Alucard grinned sheepishly from behind the Major's arm. "Can't kill what's already dead, Integra…"

"GRAAAAAH!"

Alucard screamed when Integra started shooting at him again. The Nazi ducked down behind the bed as a bullet grazed his cheek. "Vatch it!"

The vampire turned and started running down the hall, tears streaming down his cheeks. "STOOOOOP!"

Integra chased after him, reloading her gun. "YOU'RE DEAD!"

The Major slowly looked at Walter as the butler walked into the room.

"Vhat is going on vith her?"

Walter sighed. "It seems as though Alucard learned how to use the Internet…"

"And."

"And he created a website…"

"And."

"And the website is about her…"

"And."

"And, oh, bloody Hell do I have to spell it out for you? He made a website about her and it has some certain pictures."

There was a slight pause.

"And."

Walter blinked. "I…w-well, I don't really know how to explain it any better…"

"And."

Walter twitched slightly and just stared at the Major. "The site…with the pictures…it can't get any plainer than that…"

Once more there was a pause. Montana opened his mouth and Walter quickly held up his hands.

"No, please…no more…"

"And."

Walter sighed and shook his head. "There is NOTHING else…"

The Major coughed slightly. "Can I see the pictures," he muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

Nothing!"

"Uh hu…"

However, before Walter to question any further, Integra came back, dragging a bloodied, bullet-ridden, unconscious vampire behind her, looking triumphant.

"When he awakes, tell him, I DEMAND he take down the website or I shall make the rest of his unlife a living Hell," she snapped before dropping him onto the floor and walking off.

Walter blinked and watched her leave. "Oh dear," he muttered, looking at Alucard. The vampire was slowly bleeding onto the clean floor and Walter had to resist the urge to clean. It was still his day off and he was going to use it well.

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Alucard awoke some time later to the sounds of a muffled voice and someone shaking his shoulder.

"Oh my God! Sir! Are you ok?"

The vampire slowly sat up, rubbing his head, wincing in pain when his fingers brushed against a knot. "Ah…ow…" He blinked and looked up into the concerned face of Clare, who was bending over him. She hauled him to his feet, frowning.

"What happened? It looked like you got mugged!"

Alucard shook his head, his vision swimming with the sudden adjustment in his altitude. "I ah…I don't remember…"

Clare's frown deepened and she checked him over, making sure that nothing was too seriously damaged. Alucard watched her curiously, a calm expression on his features.

"Well, you don't seem to be hurt too much. Just a few scratches and bruises, but those should heal quickly."

"Thanks…"

"Maybe you should go home for the rest of the day. I can take care of the rest of the list. You'll just come back tomorrow."

Alucard nodded his head dumbly as he stumbled slightly out the door. He has a nasty feeling that there would be no tomorrow.

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Integra paced in front of her desk, muttering darkly to herself. Walter had come and gone already with her tea, however she was far too upset to take notice that he had even been there.

"That beast," she snarled, grabbing a cigar from her desk and lighting it. She shook the match out vigorously, pretending it was what would be left of Alucard once she got her hands on his throat.

"Ah…Master…"

Integra stopped her pacing and slowly looked up at Alucard, who was meekly peeking through the wall.

"Get…in…here…now…" She hissed though clenched teeth. Alucard gulped and slid into the room, standing in front of the Director.

Integra started to pace once more, muttering darkly to herself while Alucard stood at attention, fidgeting slightly. Without warning, she whirled on him, grabbed his tie and pulled him down so their noses were touching.

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU BLOODY VAMPIRE," she snarled, ice blue eyes filled with rage.

Alucard tugged against her, hoping to escape her wrath before she started shooting at him again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he growled back, the tips of his fangs showing. Integra's eyes narrowed and she dragged him around to her desk where the computer had been set up.

"This," she stated, shoving his face into the screen. Alucard pulled back a bit to get a better look before a grin broke out on his face. He turned his head, trying to hide his smile, but Integra caught it and she cuffed him over the head rather violently.

"WELL?"

"Ah, I can explain," he said cheekily, glancing back at her.

"It'd better be good or so help me God I will seal your butt!"

Alucard's ruby eyes widened. He guessed that she would be angry, but he didn't anticipate her being this angry.

"Master, isn't that going a bit far? You don't have to threaten-"

"Oh, its no threat, Alucard. It's a promise. I SWEAR to you!"

"Ok," he started slowly, watching her eye twitch with rage. "Why don't I…delete the site?"

"YOU BETTER!"

"And the other pictures…"

Integra froze in place, staring at him. She blinked a few times. "What other pictures?"

The vampire drew away from the Director, who was shaking slightly. "I, um…mean…ah…"

"GAH!" She grabbed the silver ashtray from her desk and beamed him in the head. "YOU ARE AN IDIOT!"

"OW!" Alucard ducked another blow, covering his head. "Master! Stop," he pleaded, eyes wide.

"DELETE IT!"

The No Life King jumped slightly and slid into the chair. He muttered darkly before letting his fingers fly over the keyboard. All that hard work…the many years of sneaking pictures and it was all going to be destroyed in a matter of seconds. Integra stood over his shoulder, her arms crossed tightly against his chest.

"All of it, Alucard," she muttered, chewing on her cigar. Alucard rolled his eyes and received a slap on the back of his head.

"Ack!"

"I saw that…now, don't forget the pictures…" Alucard's eye twitched and he moved on, deleting the site and pictures.

"There," he growled after a few minutes. He turned to glare coldly at Integra. "They're gone…"

Integra nodded her head slightly. "So, where did you learn to use the Internet, Alucard?"

Alucard shrugged slightly.

"The Police Girl."

Integra blinked. "Why would she teach you to use the Internet?"

Alucard opened his mouth to respond, and evil grin on his face, but Integra raised her hand to silence him, sighing.

"Better yet, I really don't want to know…"

Alucard shrugged and leaned back in the chair, fiddling with his tie. "So, now what?"

"Now, you go get some sleep…I'm extending your punishment."

Alucard rose to his feet, glaring. "WHAT? Why," he whined, shoulders slumped.

"BECAUSE OF THE PICTURES AND SITE!"

Alucard whimpered pitifully, glaring. "Fine," he hissed, moving to leave.

"Oh, and you're also going to be taking the Police Girl with you tomorrow."

"NOOOOO!"

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How was that? Good, bad, just okay? Review and tell me your thoughts! Hope this chapter was less random than the previous!

Terribly sorry for such the long delay. Next chapter will be out shortly. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to review!

Next chapter! It seems as if the end was here but no! Now Seras must get involved! And what a time it will be. More humans, blood, and excitement to come! And Walter finds something at the blood drive that has some rather interesting results…Fan girls get ready!

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