Summary: Set just before OMWF, Buffy finds an old letter that her mother wrote for her. Mostly Buffy's POV with slight Spuffy references.
Pairings: S/B Implied.
As Buffy sat in her room surrounded by the faded posters and tired décor, she searched around the room for something…anything she could connect with. From her vantage point on her bed, she could see photos tucked into the edge of her brightly coloured mirror. Moments with her friends, frozen in time, and a place, when things had been a little happier and a lot less hellmouthy for a while.
Her friends didn't understand. How could they? She had told no one…except Spike. Only he understood what it was like to be the walking dead. Maybe that was why she had increasingly sought his company of late she mused. Any other reason beyond that, she did not want to think about. Spike had become her lifeline since her return, the only one to get the inner turmoil which raged within. The scars she bore on her hands from crawling out of her own grave would fade much quicker than the inner scars she wore on her heart.
"Buffy…dinner," yelled Dawn from downstairs.
Buffy got up from the bed and sighed heavily, looking as forward to one of Dawn's concoctions as a hole in the head. She walked by her dressing table, glancing down at her trinket box. It was filled with shiny things that almost seemed to belong to someone else. She picked it up and opened the lid wider.
"Dammit," she cursed as the box slipped from her fingers falling to the floor.
Buffy knelt on the carpet to clear up the mess.
"Dawnie, I'll be down in a minute," she snapped.
Buffy scooped up the jewellery, stopping mid task as she saw the edge of an envelope protruding from the false bottom of the box. It was her mom's letter. The last thing she had ever written to her. Joyce had meant each of her daughters to have one, in case she didn't make it out of the hospital. Giles had given it to her at her mom's funeral. It had been in his safe keeping before that, he had hoped that he would never need to give it to her. The letter was more than a little worn around the edges from the amount of times Buffy had read it. She had once known it by heart, now it was just another thing she couldn't remember or care about…she took the letter from the envelope and opened it up…
I guess if you are reading this, then things didn't go so well. First things first…promise me that you will look out for Dawnie; she does not have your strength. I know I haven't been the best of mother's, but I what I lacked in substance I never lacked in love. I hate that I have to leave you. Please don't be joining me any time soon where I have gone, wherever that may be.
I want to die knowing you have a chance at a future even if you are the slayer. I wish I could have seen you grow into the wonderful woman I know you will become. I will miss seeing Dawn graduate, have her first boyfriend, but I know you will be there for her. I just hope wherever I end up, they will let me look in on you both from time to time. I don't really have a lot more I can say, I was never much good at handing out advice, but Buffy, I am going to hand you down the last words my mother spoke to me before she died… The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live, for me and be happy…love forever, Mom
Buffy felt the tears well as she sobbed on her knees. She had walked in heaven with her mom, had known such happiness, now she was back in this harsh bright world…and
"Buffy this is your last chance, or it goes in the trash," warned Dawn
…Now Buffy had to go down to supper. She pulled herself together and walked down the stairs with a plastic smile on her face and an ache in her heart. She stood on the last stair glanced at her watch, and wondered how long it would be before she could slip out of the house and find Spike…THE END