Disclaimer: Not mine unless you're on some evil parallel universe. (Song is Annie Lennox's Why)
Feedback: I really really would like feedback on this as it's my first song fic.
Authors note: Contains major character death and angst by the bucketload. I wrote it straight from the heart as it's what I was feeling at a point in my life

An Old Man



How many times to I have to try to tell you,
That I'm sorry for what I've done,
But every time I try to tell you,
That's when you have to tell me
Hey...this kind of troubles only just begun

Giles picked up the empty scotch bottle and hurled it so it smashed against the wall with a satisfying crunch sound. He felt like he was going crazy, he had gradually slipped into depression over the last few months, not that anyone had noticed. He was dependant on drink to get him through and it was getting to be to much. Something had to break.

I tell myself too many times,
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut?
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words,
That keep on falling from your mouth,

He couldn't live like this anymore. Everyone he had ever cared about was dead, Jenny, his parents, Olivia. She was the last person to go, she was killed in a plane crash on her way to him. Not that anyone knew about it, not that anyone had asked.

Falling from you mouth.

He looked over and saw the car keys on the side.

Falling from your mouth,

Then the car keys were in his hand and he was striding out the door. He was drunk and didn't care. He brushed into Buffy, as she walked towards his door, but he still didn't care.

Tell me...
Why?

He was in the car trying to start it

Why?

Then the car was moving, gathering speed. He was dimly aware of Buffy and Riley yelling after him, trying to make him stop. They'd find all the empty drinks bottles soon.

I may be mad,
I may be blind,
I may be viciously unkind,
But I can still read what you're thinking

He knew what Buffy would be thinking. He could hear a car behind him, he knew it was Buffy but for once he didn't care. He was searching for relief, he had tried everything, drugs, therapy, but now he just needed an end to his torture.

And I've heard it said to many times,
That you'd be better off
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking

He could see a wall ahead of him, and the world seemed to slow down.

This boat is sinking,
This boat is sinking

He felt the car fold up under the pressure of hitting a wall at 90 mph,

Tell me
Why?

he could hear Buffy screaming.

Tell me
Why?

Before the whole world peacefully melted away and he was floating. He could see his entire life before his eyes.

This is the book I never read,
These are the words I never said,
This is the path I'll never tread,
These are the dreams I'll dream instead,

He could see it all, Jenny, Olivia everyone, he could see his life. But he could also see where it went wrong.

This is the joy that seldom spread.

He could see the hospital walls flashing past his eyes, and he could see Buffy running next to his trolley. He could look at her and feel affection. But he knew it was time for her to be alone.

These are the tears...
The tears we shed,
This is the fear,
This is the dread,
These are the contents of my head.

He was lying in the hospital bed with the machines beeping. Buffy was holding onto his hand, slowly he brought his hand up to her cheek and looked into her eyes, and finally let her see the pain he had been holding back, there was no need for words.

And these are the years that we have spent,
And this is what they represent,
And this is how I feel,
Do you know how I feel?

Buffys eyes were filled with tears, he knew she was thinking the same as him. All those years they'd spent together were flashing past their eyes. He could see she didn't understand why they had to end.

Cause I don't think you know how I feel.

He had been suffering so much, and it showed through his eyes. Buffy didn't know how she had missed it.

I don't think you know what I feel,

Giles leant his head back and closed his eyes,

I don't think you know what I feel,

His hand slowly lost it's grip on Buffys,

You don't know what I feel.

The beep became continuous.

The End