A Nerimian Kind of Day
Disclaimer: Characters and setting are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and Yoshihiro Togashi, I'm just borrowing them for a little non-profit fun.
Notes: This story diverges from YYH's timeline immediately after the Dark Tournament and from Ranma ½ before the Moxibustion of Weakness storyline. I'm aware that I'm bumping up the YYH characters' ages about a year. I know Yusuke and Kuwabara had the same teachers before and after the Dark Tournament so they were probably still in Jr. High, but I'd rather have everyone in High School, so I'm going to pretend that they graduated from Jr. High before leaving for the Tournament and are now in 10th grade, like Ranma and Akane. Also for ease of crossing-over, I'm going to assume that the energy that powers the Ranma-verse's Ki attacks is simply a less focused version of the spirit energy that fuels Yusuke's Rei-gan and Kuwabara's Rei-ken.
Urameshi Yusuke glanced around the quiet, small-townish street and asked. "If you were a wanted demon would you hang out in a place like Nerima?"
The dark haired boy's taller companion shrugged. "It seems like a nice enough district." The carrot-top replied.
"Exactly!" Yusuke exclaimed. "Look at this place. A demon would stick out like Hiei at a party. This place is just too normal for a demon to blend in here."
The two boys' discussion was interrupted by a loud shout: "You are SOOO uncute!"
The taller boy, Kuwabara frowned.
A short haired girl in a school uniform stormed past the two boys. Several steps behind her, a boy with a pigtail and a notable bruise on his forehead walked along the top of the fence. "Who'd ever want to marry a macho tomboy like you!" he continued.
Yusuke shook his head in bemusement as his friend leapt atop the fence to confront the pigtailed boy. "Apologize to her right now!" Kuwabara demanded as he fought to keep his balance.
"You're new." The pigtailed boy casually observed. He loosely clasped his hands behind his head and waited. His easy grace contrasted sharply with Kuwabara's struggle to cope with the unusual terrain the other boy had chosen for his highway.
"Oi, Kuwabara! What would Yukina think of you rushing off to defend some other girl's honor?" Yusuke asked.
"Yukina appreciates a gentleman," the carrot-top replied. "And I, Kuwabara Kazuma, will defend the honor of this fair maiden."
Yusuke snorted as the dark haired girl muttered. "Please kami-sama, not another Kuno."
"So ya wanna fight for Akane, right?" The pigtailed boy asked with an odd combination of anticipation and resignation.
"If you won't apologize for insulting her." Kuwabara replied and launched a punch.
The pigtailed boy simply leaned back and let the blow whistle by. Kuwabara flailed his arms wildly as he tried to regain his balance then surrendered to gravity. Deftly the pigtailed boy leapt over the spray of water as Kuwabara landed in the canal. Yusuke laughed at his friend's plight.
With a shout Kuwabara threw himself bodily at the pigtailed boy. They both ended up in the street. Kuwabara scrabbled to his feet while the pigtailed boy absorbed the momentum from the fall with a handspring.
"Geeze, you're clumsy," the pigtailed boy remarked. "What school do you practice anyway?"
"Hey, I'm the number one punk of Sarayaski Jr. High!" Kuwabara protested.
"Number two and not anymore." Yusuke corrected. "We graduated, at least I think we graduated."
"Oh man, you're not even a martial artist." The pigtailed boy sighed as he stepped back. His body language made it clear that he was standing down.
"I defeated the Elder Toguro in the finale of the Dark Tournament, don't dismiss me!" Kuwabara shouted and charged.
The pigtailed boy danced backward. He lightly evaded the carrot-top's blows. He never noticed the old woman washing her sidewalk.
Kuwabara and Yusuke's mouths dropped open as the black-haired boy clad in Chinese style clothes transformed into a redheaded girl in the same clothes with an identical pigtail.
The girl waited impatiently for a moment. "You done?" she asked.
"I can't hit a girl!" Kuwabara exclaimed.
"Who are you calling a girl!" the curvaceous redhead snarled. The fight reversed itself. Now it was the pigtailed girl on the attack while the tall boy backed away and blocked.
"How does it feel when someone won't take you seriously, Ranma?" the other girl called.
"Kuwabara, she – he started the fight as a boy. I don't think this one counts," Yusuke remarked.
"I don't hit girls!"
"I'm not a girl!"
"I'm not letting you hit a girl either!"
"I am a boy!"
"Pigtailed girl!" a new voice called.
Akane and Ranma groaned. Yusuke and Kuwabara turned to see a handsome boy with a bokken charging toward them with arms outstretched.
"Pigtailed girl, Tendo Akane I, Kuno Tatewaki, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan high, age seventeen, have evidence of the vile Saotome's sorcery. I have apprehended his familiar, a truly foul fiend from the darkest reaches of hell. Soon you shall be free of his abhorrent enslavement."
"Give it a break." Ranma said with a roll of her eyes as she met the kendoist's advance with a fist.
"Did he say…" Kuwabara began.
"…fiend from hell?" Yusuke finished. He caught the little redhead's fist a fraction of an inch from the overly amorous boy's face.
"You dare lay hands on my fair pigtailed girl! Who are you, knave? Ah but it is customary to give one's own name first…"
"You already told them who you are Kuno," Ranma pointed out then turned to Yusuke. "Don't ya wish you'd let me hit him?"
"I'm Urameshi Yusuke, I'm a Spirit Detective," Yusuke said. "You captured a demon?"
Before the boy could answer, he was interrupted by the sound of a bicycle bell. A bouncy, lavender-haired girl in a short, short tunic held up a steaming kettle. "Airen date with Shampoo?" the girl asked.
"Ya been taking lessons from Nabiki?" the petite redhead demanded as she eyed the kettle longingly.
Shampoo glanced between the kettle and the redhead. "Not like Mercenary Girl!" she declared and dumped the contents of the kettle over the smaller girl. An instant later the black-haired boy was back and the lavender-haired girl was wrapped around him. "Wo ai ni, Airen. Too, too much better like this. Shampoo is no pervert like Violent Girl."
The short haired girl's temper was rapidly approaching the boiling point.
"Saotome, you dare two-time the fair Akane!" Kuno exclaimed.
"You're one to talk!" Ranma snapped.
"Stick Boy keep Violent Girl. Airen have all the woman he needs." Shampoo offered as she pressed herself even closer to Ranma. "Shampoo cuter," she murmured, "Shampoo better warrior, Shampoo cook much, much better."
"Ranma you pervert!" Akane yelled. Yusuke and Kuwabara blinked in surprise when the cute, unassuming girl burst into an impressive battle aura. They watched the girl snatch the old woman's water bucket. They were still staring at the fiercely blazing girl when simultaneous shouts of "Pigtailed Girl!" and "C-C-CAT!" rang out.
The two boys turned to see that the redhead had returned and was shrieking in terror as she tried to rid herself of a cute, purple cat that clung to her shirt.
Kuwabara gasped in horror then sprang into action as the girl violently flung the cat away from her. While she continued chanting "Geddit off! Geddit off!" Kuwabara gently caught the flying feline.
The cat blinked at her savior in bemusement as Kuwabara cooed over her, smoothed her fur and delicately checked her for injuries. "Where'd you come from?" he asked in a baby-voice.
The cat overcame its surprise and yowled indignantly as Kuwabara checked its sex.
Akane's battle aura disappeared as the girl choked back a sudden burst of giggles.
"Where'd the purple-haired girl go?" Yusuke wondered to himself. His eyes widened as he looked from the struggling purple cat his friend held to the formerly angry schoolgirl to the person who was apparently both a girl and a boy.
Finished with his inspection of the cat Kuwabara's attention turned toward the redhead. "You shouldn't treat a kitten like that," he declared as he took a step toward the trembling girl. "She's just little, you could have hurt her."
Ranma was held transfixed by the cat in Kuwabara's arms. When he brought it closer she shrieked, her eyes rolled up and she collapsed in a dead faint. Kuno caught his Pigtailed Girl before she could hit the ground.
Akane couldn't help it, she glanced between Ranma, cradled lovingly by Kuno and Shampoo struggling futilely against the strange boy's firm but gentle grasp and she had to laugh even as she rescued her fiancé.
Kuno rubbed his aching jaw and frowned as Akane dragged the pigtailed girl away by her braid. "Tendo Akane, I understand, but such jealousy is not seemly. Know this if thee should swoon I would happily carry thee as well."
"Kuno, Ranma doesn't appreciate your attentions and neither do I."
"The desire of a base knave such as Saotome does not move Kuno Tatewaki to abandon his true loves."
Kuwabara scratched behind the kitten's ears and elicited a shocked purr. "He doesn't get it," the carrot-top said. "He… She changed right in front of him and he doesn't get it."
"Nope." Yusuke managed before giving in to howls of laughter. The little purple cat even had the same hair ornaments as the well-endowed purple-haired girl... And Kuwabara was commenting on obliviousness.
I wonder who she belongs to?" Kuwabara said as he stroked the cat. "It's not safe for her to be wandering around on the streets."
A malicious gleam lit Akane's eyes as she flashed back to Shampoo all but molesting Ranma right in front of her. "I've seen that cat before. I think she's an alley cat." she told Kuwabara.
The carrot-top looked alarmed. "You don't have to worry, I'll give you a good home," he told the cat.
"Not to interrupt… 'Cause this is better than a movie… but the demon?" Yusuke prompted.
"My faithful servant is guarding the foul creature," Kuno informed them.
"You left poor Sasuke alone with some sort of monster!" Akane frowned.
"Let's go," Yusuke suggested as he gave Kuno a shove.
And the little party was on its way. Kuno led, the rest tuned out his ensuing odes to the 'beauteous Tendo Akane' and the 'fiery Pigtailed Girl'. Yusuke came next. He gave the would-be samurai the occasional shove when Kuno became too enraptured with his thoughts to remember he was leading. Then came Akane, she was dragging the still unconscious redhead after her. Kuwabara brought up the rear as he tried to make friends with his new pet.
A psychotic laugh greeted the unusual group as they approached the wall of the Kuno Estate. "That's a demon all right," Yusuke remarked.
"No, that is most assuredly my twisted sister," Kuno replied. "Fair Akane, Healthy Pigtailed Girl, I regret I dare not offer refreshments but it is unwise to eat anything prepared here unless one has developed a strong tolerance for poisons, sleeping power, paralysis potions and other noxious chemicals."
Yusuke and Kuwabara traded stunned glances. "Got it, no eating," Yusuke said and they went in.
"Oh Master Kuno!" a diminutive man in ninja garb exclaimed as he popped out of the hidden tunnel. "Mistress Kodachi decided to allow Mr. Green Turtle to play with the demon."
"Kodachi's pet alligator," Akane explained to Yusuke and Kuwabara.
"Sasuke, I take it the creature has been eaten?" Kuno asked.
"It mustered the strength to break its bonds and fled," Sasuke explained as he wrung his hands.
"So Saotome's familiar is free to work his vile plans once again," Kuno declared.
"Hey, Pajama-boy, which way did it go?" Yusuke demanded. The little ninja pointed.
"Do not worry my beloveds. I, Kuno Tatewaki, shall protect you!" Kuno declared as he tried to gather both girls into his embrace.
Ranma chose that moment to regain consciousness. She and Akane sent Kuno into orbit with perfectly synchronized punches. Then the remaining members of the party lit out in the direction Sasuke had indicated.
The four teens and one cat moved faster since they were all conscious and free of Kuno's speech making. They'd gone a few blocks when… "Saotome Ranma! Prepare to die!"
" 'Scuse me," Ranma said.
He leapt to one side, a heavy, steel-braced umbrella whistled past him.
Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged an unsurprised glance. They stepped back to watch the fireworks.
The latest diversion came in the form of a solidly built teen with a yellow bandana tied around his head.
Yusuke whistled appreciatively as the pair exchanged blows. The little redhead was lightening fast. The bandana boy's blows had an inhuman power behind them.
"I could take 'em," Kuwabara said.
"Yeah," Yusuke replied without much certainty. What really shocked him was that, despite the opening challenge, the teens didn't act like this was anything more serious than his and Kuwabara's brawls… And yet both glowed with a tightly controlled halo of Reiki that enhanced their martial arts prowess well beyond their bodies' limits. Yusuke wondered if he could summon that much energy outside of a life and death battle.
Once the fight turned decisively against the bandana boy Akane yelled. "Ranma, stop picking on Ryoga! Ryoga-kun, would you help us, there's some sort of demon loose in Nerima."
The combatants broke apart. "I-I'm at your service Akane-san." Ryoga stammered.
"Layin' it on a little thick, P-Chan?" Ranma sneered.
"Ranma! Why you!"
Ranma led the bandana boy on a roof-hopping chase in the direction in which the demon had last been seen heading.
"I guess we're on our way," Yusuke commented with bemusement. He turned to Akane. "You're used to this?" he asked.
"It's a standard day so far, except for the demon," Akane replied.
"And you thought a demon would stand out around here," Kuwabara remarked.
Abruptly the two roof-hoppers dropped off the radar. The sounds of a fight drifted back to them.
"Sounds like we're bein' left out," Yusuke exclaimed and the two boys took off running.
The Spirit Detective arrived to find a small pig sulking on the sidelines while the redhead taunted a beleaguered demon.
A wrinkled old man with a huge sack slung over his shoulder and a mob of enraged women on his tail bounded into the battlezone. "Ranma-chan!" the old geezer gleefully cried as he used the demon's head as a trampoline then threw himself at the redhead.
She shrieked in outrage and sent the old man flying. The mob of women watched his trajectory with disappointment. Ranma shrugged apologetically. "He surprised me. I'll send him your way next time."
"P-Chan!" Akane exclaimed as she scooped up the pig.
"Isn't that what Ranma called the other guy?" Kuwabara asked. Yusuke shrugged.
The demon took advantage of the confusion and tried to slip away. Yusuke formed his hand into a gun and yelled. "Rei-gan!" A blast of energy exploded from his fingertip and knocked the demon head-over-heals.
Ranma's eyes widened. "Do that again!" she demanded.
"What? Why?" Yusuke asked as he and Kuwabara collected their prisoner.
"I wanna learn how to do it. That was neat! Show it to me again. I wanna see!"
Yusuke smirked. He kicked a discarded can into the air then shot it.
Ranma watched intently then formed his hand into a gun and frowned at it. "Explain what you did. How did you learn to do that?"
"I died," Yusuke replied smugly.
Ranma gave him a disbelieving stare. "Even my pop wouldn't go for that sort of training… then again he might."
"Ranma, you idiot!" Akane shouted. "That… that… don't even think about something like that! Even for you that's a stupid idea!"
Yusuke and Kuwabara watched the two girls, one of whom was occasionally a boy and a pig who might also occasionally be a boy, disappear around the corner.
"You are taking me back to Spirit World aren't you?" the demon asked.
"Yep, back to jail for you," Yusuke replied.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the demon exclaimed. "Anywhere is better than here. They're all crazy."
Later that evening Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kuwabara's newly acquired pet caught up with a couple friends at a remote temple.
"Kurama, Hiei, you got your fugitives?" Yusuke asked.
"No, I'm not Koemna's errand boy," Hiei replied shortly.
"I found my quarry rather amusing." Kurama replied as a small girl with blue-green hair brought tea. "How was your hunt?"
Kuwabara's new kitten managed to squirm free of his grasp and promptly over-turned the teapot on herself. A moment later an extremely naked, purple-haired girl appeared sitting in the middle of their table.
"You no treat Shampoo like pet!" the girl declared as she glared daggers at Kuwabara. "Shampoo kill!"
The tall carrot-top turned three different shades of red, gulped and leapt backwards as the girl's fist punctured the air where his nose had been. Kuwabara fell over his cushion and landed on his rump. The girl snatched up the serving tray and prepared to brain him. Kuwabara was too busy dying of embarrassment to try to defend himself as the naked girl pinned him with a knee on his chest.
"Kazuma!" the tiny blue-green haired girl cried in alarm.
Hiei rolled his eyes and used the hilt of his sword to knock the girl out. The petite girl smiled gratefully at him. Hiei sighed.
Kurama considered the unconscious girl for a moment then draped a tablecloth over her.
The girl's eyes fluttered, she sat up and looked around. For a long moment a frown indicating serious deliberation scrunched up her pretty face then she sauntered toward Hiei while the tablecloth slipped down her body to reveal her full glory. She leaned down and kissed the stunned Koorima fully on the mouth. "Wo ai ni Airen-two!" she declared in a sultry voice. She wrapped her arms around Hiei's neck.
"That was fairly normal for our day," Yusuke declared as he cracked up.