So was it once said, so has it now been done. Herein shalt thou find... a more extreme version of Malon, where are you? All the same story and general plot (ha-ha, plot...), just with more detail. Much more detail. Link is something of a simpleton, even!

Warning: I say extreme, and I mean extreme. I really do. Enjoy, Constant and Red-blooded Reader...

Malon, Where Are You?

Link strode down the courtyard, his mind made up and his courage gathered; today was the day, the day he would confess. Confess his love to she whom he had slaved for. Saved for. Sacrificed half his life for. He would not be denied, oh no. No telling what would happen, if his heart were broken. Broken like a piece of china dashed to the floor.

But hey! He was the most desirable man in Hyrule! The very same Hyrule he had slaved to save. And today he was to get his reward. The reward he had really been working for, all these years, since that day, seven years ago...

"Damn, Navi, these guards sure are stupid. Look, he's walked the same path over and over again! Okay, here's my chance..." As the guard turned to make his way back, the young forest boy darted forth, hardly making a sound. And that was it, he was past the guards. Now all that was left was this archway, and then...

"Ah! Who are you?" But our young hero spoke not a word. Entranced was he, by the beauty bright that stood before him. Never mind that the both of them were four years under age; he was in love. Or was it lust? Oh well, when you're ten years old, that sort of thing doesn't matter; you're just as confused either way.

"Boy! Tell me your name before I call the guards!" "Oh, uh... Link, from the forest. I've got this rock..." That was how it all started. How their conspiracy to save Hyrule started. He was sure that she felt the same way, in that moment.

Link shook his head at the memory. He was so innocent back then, it wasn't really all that funny. Zelda had changed a lot, too.

It started when they were sixteen. Their birthdays were within a week, so on her birthday he was invited to the castle. He walked to the garden, and found a guard waiting to escort him to Zelda's rooms. He walked in, vaguely exited but also afraid.

"Link? Is that you? Good, come in here." The bedroom. Lately, he had dreamed of that place. Confusing dreams, from which he woke with a funny damp patch down on his thing. He didn't know why he should be afraid, but he was. He walked into the room, and found her naked, on the bed.

Now his fear was known. He promptly turned to walk back out, and her voice stopped him. "Link. Come back here and take your clothes off. Now." Helpless at that voice, he turned and walked back in. He still loved her, but now he was afraid of her. This was what Zelda wanted, of course.

Slowly, he removed his boots, then his tunic, then his tights. Zelda saw his thing, and was happy, for it was big. Slowly, Link walked towards the bed. He knew what she wanted now, and while, part of him wanted it desperately, another part was screaming to run, to get out, that it was wrong. Zelda's voice and Zelda's body drowned that part out very effectively, yes it did.

The next hour or so was rather confusing, a barrage of bounce and moans and, at the end, a screaming, bottomless storm through which he was flung, utterly naked, shaking and screaming and trembling...

He shuddered at that memory of the first time. And, seemingly, it had never gotten any better. Worse, actually, when King Daphnes died and the one stabilizing influence in Zelda's life was gone. He was blind to the fact that Zelda was a hard-hearted dominatrix who looked upon him as a play toy. All of Hyrule, except Link, saw this, and wondered whether life beneath Ganondorf would have been any better.

He had reached the garden, where Zelda usually was on days when Link wasn't expected at the castle. He was surprised to find it empty. He was even more surprised to find something smashing down on the back of his skull, but his surprise didn't last very long.

He awoke in the familiar bedroom, on the familiar bed. But something was different... ah. He was tied to the bedposts. "This is new." "Yes. You like it?" "Um, no..." "Tough. This is how it'll be for now." Zelda came over, naked as usual, and climbed into the bed. She paused before straddling him, though. "Why did you come today, Link?" "I, ah, have something to say to you." "Oh. Well, it can wait." With that, she got it on.

It was rather like the first time, except there was no blood. And, Link couldn't move as he liked to do. It was funny, he realized now. There had always been movement on both their parts, but she always got on top. And, she never had a whip before. Oh man, that hurts! What in blood's name- ow! - is she up to?

It was over, and Zelda got off and put a robe on. Then she undid the ropes so Link could get up too. "Well, wasn't that fun?" Um, I'm bleeding from at least seven wounds, I still have to have my say, and you think its fun? Right... it's just a phase, she'll get over it. "Yeah, fun. Right, I had something to say..." Ok, this is it. Don't fail me, whoever is guiding me. Uh... "Link? You gonna talk, or not? I haven't got all day." "Zelda, I love you." There. It was said. His heart was revealed, laid bare to the woman of his dreams (ha-ha, dreams...). But there was a problem; that woman was now looking at him with an expression of disgust on her face.

"What? Um, hello! Link, Hero of Time or not, you're my boy toy. You aren't supposed to have feelings; you just lie there and we make out." Sighing, she turned away and walked out. Link followed not yet wanting to believe what he had just heard. "Zelda? You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not. And I was going to say something, too; this is the last time. I'm going to be a lesbian from now on, so you won't be needed here any more. So, you can leave. Like, now."

For a second, Link stood there. His mind was a complete, utter, screaming wreck. His heart, or what was left of it, felt like oozing out of his chest. The light of comprehension was dawning upon the interiors of his soul, and he did NOT like what it revealed, nosirree.

For it revealed that Zelda was a shallow, inconsiderate, bisexual bitch. Nothing to her heart at all, except ambition, the next lucky scullery maid, and next week's dress styles. No feeling for him whatsoever, beyond what she would feel for a bit of sewage. Or a gigolo.

Therefore his inner dreams, relatively soft and warm, crumbled around him. And reality, harsh, selfish, bitter and greedy, was setting up shop. His wares are always the same; first amazement, then denial. Next was bleak acceptance, then depression. Finally, suicide.

Link's legs finally responded to the screaming chaos that was his mind. They responded by turning him around and flinging the rest of him back the way he had came, along the path, through town, and finally on a collision course with the ground outside Hyrule Castle Town's gates. And then his face took control, and it used this control to sob helplessly into the soft, yet uncaring grass.

"Link? Pardon me, but why are you crying in the grass?" an innocent young female voice was asking him. Link, startled, jumped up to behold Malon, the ranch girl. Funny, but he had never noticed how beautiful she was. Or how deep her eyes appeared to be... how caring and sympathetic... Before he knew it, his arms were around her, he was crying harder than ever, and the whole sordid story was coming out of him. Every last bit of it, from the first moment up to what had just happened.

For Malon, this was a gift from the Goddesses. She had always loved Link in secret, and had always known Zelda for whom and how she really was. Therefore, she knew it was only a matter of time before just something like this happened. The problem was, Link was suave as a rhino when it came to Zelda, and blind as a bat to boot. Not to mention shy and reserved in general. No wonder it had taken so long for Link to realize he was being used.

So while Link was crying his old heart out, she guided him to her cart, made him get up into it, and drove back to the LonLon Ranch. There, she sat and waited for Link to get it all out of his system. Which he did, eventually. And when it happened, he was rather surprised to find himself in Malon's cart. And that he felt better. He didn't know why, but he suspected it had something to do with the way he was sitting right next to pretty little Malon, the ranch girl. And the way Malon's eyes seemed to be cleaning up the last few pieces of his old heart and soul. Malon's deep purple eyes, full of love and sympathy. Nothing at all like Zelda's eyes, which, he now realized, had always been hard, greedy, and lustful.

Malon saw all this with her woman's intuition; the moment to strike was at hand. The moment when Link's heart was completely empty, and waiting to be filled. Or replaced. Malon intended to replace it, and fulfill her dreams of love and sexual conquest. That's right; she had always envied Zelda in that one way. Now she would take Link from her; the common person triumphs over the royalty.

The moment came; Link was staring around himself like a newborn, with about as much expression on his face. Malon gently took his face and turned it towards hers. "Link, you know the truth now, right? The truth about Zelda?" Those words, those few words, fully finished the job. Link looked back for a second, and saw it all without the pain he had been suffering earlier. He saw that Zelda had always mistreated him, used him as a sex-toy. And he had been so blind! Blinded by the veneer that he had called his love for Zelda.

He looked back at Malon, and instead of answering, he leaned in and kissed her. A part of his brain was surprised at this, for he had never kissed Zelda before. Four whole years of violent and kinky sex, not one moment of kissing. Or any real intimacy.

But this. This was cool. What Zelda gave, or took, was never cool; it was fast, hard, and he usually got hurt. And then her arms came up around him, and there was another marvel; she was so soft. You'd think that the Princess of All Hyrule, never doing anything all day, would be the soft one, and Malon, the hard-working ranch girl, would be hard. That's pretty weird.

Link's mind stopped for a second, out of astonishment. He had just had a philosophical thought! He never had philosophical thoughts! Or any real thoughts, actually. His whole life, he had been running around all physical-like. It was a wonder he had found time to read and write.

No time for that; Malon was getting out of the wagon and gesturing for him to follow. They went into the house, up some stairs. The bedroom, where they kissed again while taking their clothes off. Then they were in the bed.

It was slow, and sweet, and the end wasn't a raging storm; it was more like a wave, cresting up and up until it crashed down in great wild spray. Another thought occurred to Link, something about shallow-minded women and their depth, but he didn't worry too much about it. He had his new love, and it was true.

Malon was happy. Not only was Link good in bed, but she had taken him from Zelda, completely and utterly. He belonged to her now, body and soul. Not mind, she didn't want his mind; on top of there not being much of one, a man without his mind was fairly useless when it came to farm work.

A month later, they got married. Zelda wasn't invited, nor did she come. Observers noticed how she sulked for weeks afterward. They didn't think too much of it, though; no one thought much of her, usually. They thought more of their hero and his new bride.


Thanks to Twighlighteye for saying there wasn't enough detail. And I apologize for the lack of a 'hay scene,' but it wouldn't have worked.