A/N: -Stares at the new rating system- ...Kaaaaaay... Man, sure has been going down hill these last two years. Does anyone else remember back in the day...
Flavors? (Mint is the best.)
Pictures in Profiles for free? (I had a picture of Luigi)
The NC-17 Rating? (The 'Sexy' Rating, which is now R I guess)
People used 'Lemon' and 'Lime' in their description? (I dunno if thats still going on, but I haven't seen it in a while.
Script Formats were found nearly everywhere? (Script Format is the best.)
The new Genres? (Parody is the best.)
The protest for a 'Yaoi/Yuri' rating? (It wasn't all that big...but I remember it)
The Day that put Chapters in Stories! (What an amazing day that was. No more losing a story! -Remembers looking for storys with Part One/Two/Three/Ect in the title)
When we could only have 30ish Favorite Authors? (Mawhahaha!)
Aaaaaah, those were the days. Oh...AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! I just got tied up with this Online Survivor Game I've been playing. (Go Calamar!) One good thing is: It's given me ideas for my Survivor Story, which Chapter 3 is now, after 2 months, PAST THE REWARD CHALLENGE! Very soon, they'll be two amazingly amazing storys for you to read every month it updates XD. Enjoy.
Lord of the Rings: (SSBM Style)
Two Many Towers to be Two
Chapter XXI- When all else fails, use the inspirational speech.
Roy and his Roy Fangirl Killers (Archers) were pushing Ness, Dr. Mario and Yoshi through the half destroyed city of Osgiliath, trying to avoid being hit by falling rocks. Except Ness, who seems to be going out of his way to get hit by rubble. "Wow this place is a mess." Ness said, rubbing his head after it was whacked by a rock.
"Yeah. You can thank my brother for that." Said Roy looking around. "I wonder why we're even fighting to say these ruins..."
"FOR BALIN!" Yelled Dr. Mario, who in return received stares from Roy and Ness. "...I've been playing too many Lord of the Rings games..."
"FARAMIR!" Crazy Hand yelled as he rushed over to Roy.
"What do you want?"
Crazy Hand was panting heavily after running the full two feet from his post to Roy. "One...Second..." He took in a deep breath and began. "The Orcs have taken eastern shore. The city will soon be overrun."
"Thats no good."
Ness let out a gasp and turned towards Mordor, which was, luckily them, located adjacent to Osgiliath. "The Hand...It's almost on top of me!"
Ness turned to see Crazy Hand running away crying. "Great, now you've done it." Roy said rolling his eyes. "He is very sensitive about his handiness."
Roy pushed the Dr. Mario and Ness forward into the hands of another solider. "Take them to my crazy/pryo/very scary father. Tell him Faramir sends an early fathers day gift."
As the solider began to walk away with the two, Dr. Mario turned around and yelled, "Do you want to know what happened to Boromir?"
"The Ring drove your brother mad! And he tried to kill Frodo even after he swore to protect him."
Roy laughed. "Oh, no, that sounds like how he acts everyday. Hey, is there something wrong with him?" He asked, pointing at Ness.
Ness was starting to go all buggy-eyed and stuff and stared to stare up at the sky. "They're here..."
"...Great...The Ring has taken hold of him..." Dr. Mario sighed. "...Again..."
"..." Ring said nothing.
Ness continued to stare up at the sky. "They've come..."
A horrible screech was heard in the background. Roy looked upwards and gasped. "Oh no. The Nazgûls have arrived!"
And as Roy said that, the dark shadow of the flying dragon past over the group, along with a laughing Ringwraith #4. "Hello everyone!" Said Ringwraith #4 to the camera. "I'm looking for the ring. Can you find the ring?" Freeze frame of Roy, Ness and Dr. Mario.
Readers: -Point at Ness-
Roy quickly pushed Ness and Dr. Mario behind a wall. "Stay here and don't move."
"Like he's going to listen!" Dr. Mario said as he watched Ness slowly begin to move away as Roy left.
The Hornburg has been completely over run by the Uruk-Hai's. They were chanting victory phases and putting up flags that bore the white paw of Mewtwo. Over by Mario's Chamber, a group of Uruk-Hai's were busy ramming the door to break it down and kill what small remaining Elves and Humans survived.
Link, Marth, Popo and the Humans were running around the chamber getting anything they could, and then place it against the door. Mario sighed as he watched their attempts to save the chamber. "The fortress is taken. It's over! OVEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
Marth walked up to Mario and whacked him on the head. "You said this fortress will not fall as long as your men defended it."
"Well that had more meaning back then."
"Aaaah!" Screamed the people. Except Samus. She was busy playing her Nintendo DS and Metriod Prime Hunters demo.
Marth sighed and looked around. "So...are the women and child screwed?" Mario didn't answer. "Are they?"
"Well, there is another way out." Nana said. "But they wouldn't get too far..."
Marth began to push Nana out of the Chamber. "Go tell them to make for the mountain pass now!"
"Ride out with me."
"But you just said-"
"Not you!" Marth turned to Mario. "Ride out and meet them."
"Hmm..." Mario thought about it.
"For Death and Glory."
"Hmmmmmm..." Mario thought about it.
"For your people!"
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." Mario thought about it.
"The sun is rising." Popo pointed out. "We've lasted the night."
Marth's face lit up. "The Sun is rising! YES!" His mind quickly returned to what Bowser had told him so long ago.
"Look for my coming, at first light on the fifth day. On the 21st chapter, look to the east."
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." Mario has thought about. "Very well. The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep... One last time!"
"Whoooo!" Popo cheered as he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him towards the room where the horn laid.
Mario turned to the door, which was now nearly completely destroyed. "Foul deeds awake! NOW FOR WRATH!" Marth drew his sword. "NOW FOR RUIN! AND A RED DAWN!"
"BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUO!" Went the horn just as the Uruk-Hai's broke into the chamber.
As they did, we now see that Mario, Marth, Link and other Humans were on top of a bunch of horses. "Where did these come from?" Mario asked.
"My ass." Replied Marth cooly.
Link leaned over and whispered into Mario's ear. "Aragorn has the power to pull horses out of his ass in a tight spot."
"Ah, I see." Mario paused for a second. "Right then. CHARGE!"
And so, the humans, Mario, Marth and Link charged out into the large group of Uruk-Hai's smashing anything in their way and chopping others with their swords. "And why didn't we do this before!"
"BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUO!" Went the horn as the heroes continued their path of killing down through the Hornburg and out onto the Causeway. Once there, Marth pulled aside as the others continued their killing and turned to the east side of the mountains.
And there on the hill, along with his white pony, was Bowser, with a glow of white light surrounding him. "God has returned!" Link said, pointing towards Bowser.
Both the remaining Humans and Uruk-Hai's turned towards Bowser and all of them let out a loud gasp. "Théoden Dude stays alone." Bowser said with a laugh.
But just then, Kirby rode up behind him on his tiny horse, lifting his sword. "Not alone. HORESYMEN!" From behind the hill came up all of Kirby's Horseymen. "TO THE DUDE!" Yelled Kirby as he charged forward.
"TO THE DUDE" Echoed Bowser and the Horseymen as they two began their charge down the hill. Dramatic music included.
"Stupid horses..." Said the Uruk-Hai's as they began to march towards the eastern hill and readied their spears.
Bowser gave another laugh as they continued their heroic ride down. "FOOLS OF A TOOK! Have you forgotten that I am a...WIZARD!" The koopa lifted his staff, which caused a large amount of light to appear behind the horseymen as they charged downwards, blinding the Uruk-Hai's. And without being able to see, Bowser, Kirby and the Horseymen charged into the large group of monsters and the killing began all over again.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Yelled the Orcs as they ran blindly around. Why you ask? Most likely because 100 Foot Trees are busy stomping them into the ground. The Orcs didn't stand a chance as the Ents easily smashed the little Orcs into the ground. "Take that!" DK stand as he made the Treebeard costume step down on a few tiny Orcs. "And this!" STOMP! "And that!" STOMP!
"Man, this isn't deadly..." Luigi said with a laugh. "This is fun!"
Falco nodded in agreement, but then quickly pointed. "Treebeard, look!" Falco was pointing to an Ent who had been pulled down to the ground and was now being chopped up by the Orcs.
"AH! NOOOO!" DK yelled as he lifted a giant stone over his head and then tossed it at the Orcs, sending them flying and saving his friend. "Ha-ha!"
"Woooh!" Cheered Luigi.
Falco picked up a stone and laughed. "To our dooms, yeah right!" He threw the rock and hit a Orc right in the head.
Mewtwo quickly dashed out onto his balcony to see what was going on. "What the! Oh no! GIANT TREES ARE ATTACKING! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"
DK stomped down on a few more Orcs, as did the other Ents, and Luigi and Falco continued to hit Orcs with little rocks. Luigi even hit one into the fire. "A Hit." Replied DK. "A Fine hit. Hi-five duuuuude!"
The Orcs, after about half of them were killed, started to notice something. "Ooooh, that's right, they're trees! Fire!" Said the Orcs as they readied flaming arrows. And they were able to hit one Ent, setting it a blaze. But DK's homies up by the dam were thinking something different. "BREAK THE DAM!" DK Yelled to his fellow Ents, who then began to pull away the logs that were holding up the stone wall which was all that stood between them and a thousands gallons of water. "RELEASE THE RIVER!"
With one last pull, the Ents broke the dam and the river rushed down from the mountains and was heading right toward Orthanc and the Ents. Mewtwo turned and stared at the tower of water for a few second. "...Shit..."
"Hang on Little Hobbits!" Warned DK as he readied himself as the water smashed into him as well as the other Ents. But the Ent that was on fire, oh no, he had to be the different one and jump right into the water.
Within a manner of seconds, the entire Ring of Isengard was flooded and Mewtwo's tower was now nothing more then an Island. "WHY!" Mewtwo yelled up towards the sky. "ALL I WAS TRYING TO DO WAS DESTROY THE WORLD! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?"
Since Roy was now long gone, Ness thought that now was a better time then ever to go wander off and explore the area. Of course, by 'wander off' I mean walking right into danger, and by 'explore the area' I mean nearly giving the Dark Lord the ultimate weapon of destruction. Pretty normal day. "Why is he doing this!" Dr. Mario moaned as he chased after Ness.
Ringwraith #4 took notice of little Nessy wandering around and quickly brought his dragon down to meet the boy. Ness hand walked up onto a bridge over looking the half-destroyed city and he was staring up at the Ringwraith with dead eyes. "Hey! It's you! I haven't seen you in chapters!" Ness lifted the Ring. "Yeah, Bob's alright now. Turns out, funny thing, We can't die! Ha! He says sorry about the whole stabbing episode- Hey! Is that the One Ring!"
Ever so slowly, Ness began to put the Ring on. "Whooo! Go Frodo, Go!" Cheered the Ring.
"Come to Wraithy!" The Dragon reached forward and was about to grab Ness when...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dr. Mario camecharging out from the shadows, knocking Ness over and tumbling the two down the many flights of stone stairs. That wound have been a boo-boo for Ness, but he landed on Dr. Mario.
Ringwraith #4 snapped his fingers. "Godblarnsit." Roy then noticed that there was a giant dragon looming over the city. So, after stealing someone's arrows, he fired the arrow and it pierced into the right wing of the dragon thing. With another lovely yell, Ringwraith #4 flew up and away, fearing for his safety, which wasn't really needed unless he was fighting Samus.
Meanwhile, Ness had lifted Sting to Dr. Mario's throat and was about to cut him up open. "Stop! What are ya doing! It's me!" Dr. Mario yelled, trying to push Ness away. "It's your Sam." (At this point in the movie, all the slash writers were rubbing their grubby hands together and laughing).
Ness dropped the sword and began to rub his eyes. "Oh, sorry. I didn't see you there. Rage was in my eyes."
"It's okay. I'm used to it by now." He replied standing up. "Wanna know something?"
"It's time for me to give a long, inspirational and dramatic filled speech."
Yoshi, still with ropes around his hands, crawled on up and smile. "Hey, did you miss me?"
Ness quickly shushed the little dinosaur as Dr. Mario began his speech. "There are these stories you see? Very scary. And dark. And gothic. And not the good gothic, the bad gothic. And sometimes you just didn't want to know the end, right? I mean, cause in a world where giant Vampires run lose sucking blood out of little girls for food, how could the ending be happy! IT CAN'T! How could the world be happy again for that little girl's family? IT COULDN'T!"
The Humans, Kirby's Horseymen and all the other heroes were chasing what little Uruk-Hai's remained away from Helm's Deep. Mario lifted his sword in the air and cheered. "WE WON! YES!"
"But, sometime, y'know, the shadow is just a passing thing. Not always but, eeeh... It would go away like most things do. But not this rash I have on my back. Funny, I'm a doctor and yet this rash thing just keeps appearing. Hmm, I should get it check out."
DK, Luigi, Falco and the other Ents, all waste deep in water, were cheering over the their victory at Isengard. All of the little Orcs were either dead or...well, dead. Yeah, they killed them all. DK lifted his costume's arm into the sky and cheered. "WE WON! YES!"
"And when the sun shine again, it would shine so bright it might blind you! Not to mention send all those Vampires back to the firey pits of Hell. Oh, but wait, isn't that little girl a Vampire now? ...Well, it would be a good thing for the other townspeople...but that's not the point!"
"The point is..." Dr. Mario was now crying over his own speech. "Folk in those stories had tons of times of just giving up and joining the grand empire of Vampires. But they didn't! Because they were holding on to something! We should just turn back now, But we can't..."
Ness was also in tears. "What are we holding onto Sam?"
Dr. Mario paused and thought for a second. "Hmm... Good Question...I didn't give much thought into that. Ah-ha! I know!" Dr. Mario walked over to Ness and helped him up off the ground. "That there is some good left in this world, and it's worth fighting for!"
Ness smiled and nodded, while Yoshi just gave his puppy doggy eyes in sadness thinking he has no reason to hold on to anything. And everyone else who had heard Dr. Mario's speech was now in tears, even the Readers. And one of those bystanders happens to be Roy. "I think at last we understand eachother, Frodo Baggins." He said with a sniff.
"Even though the only reason I've ever talked to you is to ask you to let me go?" Roy nodded. "Cool!"
Crazy Hand, who was un phased by Dr. Mario's speech seeing as he has no eyes, floated up to Roy. "You know the rules of your father. If you let them go, your life will be forfeit."
"Like, I'd be killed or something?"
"Dunno...In the next movie you seem fine."
"...Then it is forfeit."
The forces of Rohan were still chasing away the Uruk-Hai's, which were now heading towards a forest that seemed to have magically appeared. Kirby took notice of this and ran up to the front of the line. "STAY BACK! THAT FOREST WASN'T THERE BEFORE, THAT'S NEVER A GOOD SIGN!"
The Uruk-Hai's all began to snicker and giggle as the disappeared under the cover of the trees, thinking that all their problems were solved. Well, they were until... The trees began to beat them up. Yes, the forest of normal looking trees began to sway left and right, whacking and smashing any Uruk-Hai walking by. "Woah... Have I been smoking again?" Marth asked.
A little later on, back in Helm's Deep, the Humans were beginning to stack up the dead bodies of the Uruk-Hai's and getting ready to throw them...somewhere. Among the corpses walked Link, bow in hand and a very happy smile on his face. He ran up to Popo, who was busy smoking on top of a dead Uruk-Hai body. "...Why the hell are you sitting on it?" Link asked, pulling away. "That's soooo gross! Ewwwwww!"
"Once you get past the smell, it's alright." Popo replied.
"Oh... Well, just so you know..." He cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Final Count... 42!"
Popo laughed. "42? Well, thats not for a pointy-eared elvish princeling." If Link could, he would have given one of those happy anime faces. "But, I'm sitting pretty on 43."
"...No, for once in my life I'm telling the truth." Popo laughed again and turned away from Link.
If Popo had continued to watch Link, he would have noticed the rage filling up in the elf's eyes. "43! I'll show you 43!" He quickly pulled out his arrow and shot it right at Popo, piercing him in the back.
"OMIGAWD YOU PERICED MY BACK!" Popo yelled.
"Oh God!" Link quickly ran up to Popo. "Oh God, I didn't mean it! I'm so-"
"I. am. sit-ting. pretty. on 43." Replied Nana in Popo's clothes as she read from the script. Very poorly, mind you.
Link quickly drew out his arrow and shot the dead Uruk-Hai that she was sitting on, scaring the poor girl to near death. "43."
"He was already dead." Nana replied.
Link shook his head. "He was twitching."
The Ice Climber/Dwarf lifted the script and began to read again. "He. was. twitch-ing. because. he has. my ax. embedded. in his. nervous. system. Gimli gives a cheap cheesy laugh."
Link let out a moan. "Your acting skills is like a thousand babies crying as someone runs their nails down a chalkboard."
"Where's that in the script?" (Sadly, you can't do much to that scene without losing the magic.)
Falco and Luigi were both standing in waste deep water looking up at Orthanc, where Mewtwo was still standing on his balcony over looking the destruction. "He doesn't look very happy, does he?" Falco asked with a smirk.
"Nope. Not at all." Luigi answered.
"My lair...My Orcs...My Giant Hyena's...ALL GONE!" Mewtwo yelled just as Ganondorf walked out to see what was going on.
"WTF d00d? WTH h4pp3n h3r3! 0MF9 dis de m4j0r sux0rz!" Mewtwo let out a loud cry as the pain of listening to Ganondorf's leet didn't help him at all.
Falco then began to measure himself against Luigi. "Yes! I'm taller again!"
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. Just that I can now keep my sanity."
Luigi let out a loud yell. "No, we can't... I'm hungry!" His eyes then caught glimpse of a floating red orb. He picked it up and smiled, as the orb was an apple. "Food!" Luigi turned around to show Falco, and as he did, his jaw dropped wide open.
"What's wrong?" Falco asked.
Luigi pointed and Falco turned around to see Mewtwo's storehouse. "It's...heaven!"
The two quickly swam into the storehouse and began to look around at the shelves filled with food. And then, they saw it. "It can't be..." Falco said in shock as Luigi reached up to grab it.
"It is!" Luigi lifted the barrel to show the word "pipe"weed. "There's one for each of us! My dream came true!" Luigi passed Falco a barrel and the two were just about to start smoking it when Luigi asked, "Should we share it with Treebready?"
"Uh..." Falco looked down and hugged his barrel. "You can."
Roy is leading Ness, Dr. Mario and Yoshi towards a open sewer in the wall. "This old sewer will lead you to the forest." Roy explained.
Dr. Mario bowed. "Thank you very much Faramir-san."
"What? Oh... well, that speech... really helped." Roy whipped a tear out of his eye then asked, "Once you reach the forest will you go?"
"Gollum says there is a path near Minas Morgul." Ness replied.
Roy let out a gasp. "Cirith Ungol?"
"Whooooooooooooooooooopies..." Yoshi whispered as he slowly began to crawl away. But he didn't get far as Roy quickly grabbed the dino and pined him to a stone wall.
"Is that it's name!"
Roy turned back to the two hobbits. "They say a dark terror dwells in those caves."
"But Master says we must go to Mordor, so we must try." Yoshi added.
"Bah! Fine." Roy said, throwing Yoshi to the ground. "Well you guys are dead..."
Ness rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks." He said, then turned and began to walk down the sewer.
Dr. Mario followed and as Yoshi was about to join the two, Roy grabbed him again and said, "May death find you quickly if you bring them to harm."
Yoshi glared at Roy and once he was let go, crawled down the tunnel after Ness and Dr. Mario. But Yoshi's body was too banged up and he continued to fall to the ground in pain. "Man, you're weak." Dr. Mario said.
Dr. Mario sighed and turned to Yoshi. "Listen, those rangers were going to kill you if Frodo didn't go down to you. He was trying to save you."
Yoshi's jaw dropped. "Save me!"
"Uh, yeah. So... No hard feelings, kay? Forgive and forget!"
"...Okay, no hard feelings. -Cough- GOLLUM, GOLLUM -Cough-. Nice hobbits." Yoshi moaned as he crawled past Dr. Mario.
"That's very decent of you... I guess."
Bowser, Mario, Link, Popo (Who magically is now better), Kirby, Marth and Nana ride up onto the hill on horses. They stared out over the plains and gazed upon Mordor, where a very angry hand was painting it's nails to calm himself down. Bowser then gave the teaser for the next chapters. Bowser said, "Sauron is pissed at us now. Frodo and Sam are dead. Gondor is screwed for the next chapter and/or movie. Doesn't this story rock?" He paused for a second. "Yes. If not for those reasons, because I'm in it. Anyway... The Battle of Helm's Deep is over. The Battle for Middle-Earth is about to begin."
(Forest outside Osgiliath that has a name I'm just too lazy to remember it right now)
Ness and Dr. Mario were both traveling through the forest. "I want to be put in a song or tale one day." Dr. Mario blurted out.
"Why?" Ness asked.
"So we could be all cool... and stuff."
Ness laughed. "Mawha! You mean, I could be all cool and stuff. I'd be the one everyone remembers."
"I'd be the side-kick that everyone loves and you'd just be the hero who looks good! You'll never have any fans, just a few people who know the tale or song because of your name and love my character! I'd be the one signing autographs, damn it! You'd be nothing without me! HEAR ME! NOTHING!"
"...Wow. I was just kidding but, ouch man. That hurt."
"...Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it. Stuff like that just happens sometimes."
"It's the truth though." Ness turned around and faced his friend. "Frodo couldn't have gotten far without Sam."
"You're doing it again..."
"Frodo is speaking in the third person again?"
"Yes, you are."
Yoshi was crawling through the forest, crying as he crawled. "Master looks after us. He's our friend!"
Oh-no, here comes Evil Yoshi. "Master broke his promise. He hurts us!"
"Don't ask Sméagol." Cried Good Yoshi, trying to run away from his other half. But of course, failing.
"EVIL LITTLE HOBBITSES!" Evil Yoshi yelled. "They betrayed us! Kill him! Kill him! ...You know what? Kill them both!"
"But..." Good Yoshi rubbed his eyes. "The fat one, he knows. He's always staring at me..."
But Evil Yoshi came up with a solution. "Stab them out! Poke out his eyeses!"
"Hm, Yes... Yes..."
"Kill them both!"
"Yes!" But then Good Yoshi heard what he was saying. "No, no! It's too risky!"
Evil Yoshi thought about the problem for a second. "We could let... 'her'... do it."
"Yes, she could do it!" Good Yoshi paused for a second. "Wait, who is she?"
"You'll find out later. But we'll take the precious from the hobbits once they're dead!"
"...Once they're dead..." The Not-So Good Yoshi shushed himself for some unknown reason, then jumped out onto the pathway to meet Dr. Mario and Ness. "Come on hobbits! Long ways to go yet! Sméagol will show you the way."
"I would think so, that's what we're paying you for." Dr. Mario replied.
"...I'm getting paid? Eh, whatever." Yoshi turned around and as Ness and Dr. Mario began to follow him, Evil Yoshi muttered under his breath, "Follow me..."
And together, the three continued to march through the forest, heading towards Mordor, which lies just over the mountains.
To Be Continued...
A/N: Damn it. Took long enough, right? Well... Only a few more chapters to go. I know, I know, without this story, your lives around going to be so empty. Oh well. -Smile-
Too Many Towers to be Two:
There once was light.
Now darkness falls...
Dr. Mario: Sam
There once was love.
Love is no more...
Don't say...I didn't try...
These tears we cry.
are falling rain...
For all the lies you told us.
The hurt, the blame...
Young Link: Haldir
And we will weep.
To be so alone...
Master Hand: Sauron
Polygon Team: Easterlings
We are lost.
We can never go home...
Boy 1: Éothain
Girl 1: Freda
So in the end I'll be what I will be...
No loyal friend was ever there for me...
Woman One: Mother
Nana: Gamling and Everything Else (Nana: ...Do you hate me?)
Now we say...good-bye.
We say...you didn't try.
These tears you cry have come to late take back the lies the hurt, the blame.
And you will weep,
when you face the end alone.
You are lost.
You can never go home.
You are lost.
You can never go home...