The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters has been flushed down the toilet. Just another fun outtake of "This Soap Opera Called Life" that came into my mind.
Yet Another Saturday Night of Insanity
"This sucks!" Roberto groaned as he leaned back on the couch and yelled at the ceiling.
"Totally," Kitty groaned. Several X-Men were in the living room. "Our lives are so boring!"
"Yeah all we do is study, go blow stuff up in the Danger Room and get into fights," Ray sighed. "I mean other kids like us spend their Saturdays going to parties or hanging out at the mall and the movies and stuff. But do we get to do that nooooo! Cause we're mutants."
"That and the manhunt for Evan," Danielle added. "How about we organize a movie night?"
"You mean like we did last night and the time before that and the time before that?" Roberto asked.
"Yeah we've seen like every DVD we have in the place about twenty times," Ray groaned.
"How about we play some board games?" Danielle suggested.
"Is she kidding?" Ray asked.
"She doesn't know," Amara told him. She turned to Danielle. "They've all been banned. Just before you got here."
"Why?" Danielle asked.
"Let's just say we've had some weird arguments and a few fires," Kitty sighed.
"Yeah and I only set one of them!" Amara said. "So far Mr. Proudstar holds the record. What about video games?"
"We've already played 'em all," Ray sighed.
"Well what's everybody else doing?" Danielle asked.
"The Professor's looking for Evan using Cerebro and Ororo is out there searching for him," Ray explained. "Logan's with X-23 in the Danger Room with Jubilee blowing stuff up."
"Something about family bonding," Kitty added. "That doctor lady is locked in her room hiding. Beast is helping Dazzler with her powers and stuff. Angel had to take off to New York for the weekend to take care of some family stuff. Mr. Proudstar is off in a bar somewhere."
"What about everyone else?" Amara asked.
"I think Scott and Jean are making out somewhere," Ray chuckled.
"We are not!" Jean said as she and Scott walked in.
"Not anymore…" Scott grumbled.
"Who was spying on you this time?" Kitty asked.
"Trinity," Scott grunted. "I think we lost 'em though. We went by Hank's lab and they got distracted."
"The Misfits are here?" Ray sat up. "And there hasn't been any earthquakes?"
"Hard to believe I know," Scott sighed. "What are you all doing down here?"
"Complaining how bored we are and how much our lives suck," Ray told him.
"Movie nights, video games and board games are out," Danielle told them. "In other words there's nothing fun to do."
"Why don't you just watch TV?" Scott picked up the remote control and turned the TV on.
"Coming up on channel 7," The announcer said. "Part two of our series: Mutants Among Us. Are You In Danger?"
"That's why," Ray said matter of factly.
"Is that the Fox network?" Scott winced.
"Nope," Roberto shook his head.
"Coming up next: Who Wants To Date A Freak for a Lot of Cash?" The next channel said proudly.
"That's the Fox network," Roberto explained.
"Well maybe there's something on another channel?" Jean took the remote control and clicked it.
"More of Reverend Stryker's Special: Preserving the Human Race in these Troubled Times."
"Mr. Creed, tell us more about the Friends of Humanity and how it can help America?"
"Miss Patagoina your question is: How important is Genetic Testing for World Peace?"
"If we don't stop these freaks! Mutants will take over the planet!" A bad Science Fiction movie was playing.
"Mom, have you ever wondered if your genes were…mutated?"
"New from the makers of the Eggstractor! The genetic test you can do at home! The X-Way 2000. No more costly lab visits or embarrassing doctor's bills. Now you can find out if your family has any mutations with this simple test. It's private and painless and no one needs to know your shame."
"I used the X-Way 2000 and got peace of mind," The mother on TV said. "Every family should get one."
"I use it on all my dates," One teenage girl spoke next. "Cause nobody wants to date a freak."
"I don't believe this!" Scott shouted.
"You shouldn't," Ray told him. "Hank got that Eggstractor thing and it didn't work at all. Odds are this thing is a total piece of crap too."
"For once you took the words right out of my mouth," Jean told him.
"Next on MTV: Headbanger's latest video, "Momma Got Blown Up By A Mutant."
"YO! This is MTV 2 Raps: Next up is the smash hit from Bling Bling, 'Get Outta My Face Freak!'"
"VHI presents: I Love 2000, because we're running out of years and interesting things to put on the network. Please viewers don't let MTV take us over! We're all some of the older generation has! We just can't take this new kind of music! Please let us stay on the air!"
"Next on the Capitol Gang: How far should the Mutant Registration Law go?"
"Coming up: Big Brother…I forget which number. Please just watch us anyway!"
"Oh god!" Jean turned off the television in disgust. "I see your point!"
"Jean we are all going stir crazy here!" Ray groaned. "With a huge emphasis on crazy!"
"You think this is bad, try being unconscious in a cave for two years," Danielle told them. "Although it is comforting to know I haven't really missed much on TV."
"Well what is everybody else doing?" Scott looked around. "Where is everyone else?"
"Let me check," Jean put her hands to her temples. "They're upstairs with the Misfits playing some stupid game."
"Oh boy," Scott took off. "We'd better stop them before another part of the mansion gets trashed!"
"Well this sounds like fun," Ray got up.
"Yeah watching the nuts upstairs will kill a few hours," Roberto agreed.
They went to the third floor and saw a strange sight. The walls were all lined with cushions. There were lines made up of tape on the floor and inside the lines were numbers written in tape. Sitting on two strange shaped disks with wheels were Claudius and Barney strapped in. Several Misfits and X-Men were cheering as Lance and Kurt was at the front line. Both gave the disks a gentle push.
"Wheee!" Claudius cheered as he spun around.
Barney laughed. "Yippee!" His disk stopped a little further.
"Oh yeah!" Kurt pumped his fist and danced. "That's the money shot! Go Fuzzy! Go Fuzzy!"
"Aw man!" Lance groaned.
"Okay and that's a wrap!" Althea shouted. "Kurt wins with 500 points and Lance only has 450! Pay up!"
"Oh yeah," Tabitha collected some money. "Who has the skills to pay the bills? Blue Boy!"
"What is going on here?" Jean called out.
"Uh oh, busted," Bobby gulped.
"What demented game are you people playing?" Kitty asked.
"Shufflebaby," Todd told her. "The sport of kings."
"Shuffle-baby?" Kitty blinked.
"Yeah it's really simple," Lance told them. "The object is to get the highest score in three turns."
"It's like shuffleboard only with babies," Althea said.
"You approve of this?" Amara asked.
"Are you kidding?" Althea said. "I used to make a bundle off the Triplets. Place your bets people!"
"Althea!" Jean snapped. "You can't exploit these babies!"
"Come on Red," Lance said. "It's not like we're sending these kids down the hall at a hundred miles per hour!"
"It's just a gentle shove and the hallways are covered with cushions," Althea told her. "It's perfectly safe. And they're not complaining."
"Push! Push!" Claudius shouted.
"Ride now!" Barney shouted.
"See, they love it!" Pietro said. "They get a ride and attention, we get entertainment and possibly some cash. It's a win-win situation!"
"Yeah well count me out," Scott said. "There has to be something better to do than shoving toddlers around the halls. This is the lowest form of entertainment you people have ever come up with!"
"Well Freddy's organized a Candyland game in the next room if you want to check that out," Lance suggested as he pointed at a room.
"I was wrong…" Scott groaned. He walked in.
Fred was in there with Lina, Remy, Jamie and Jesse. "Okay Gambit you're up!" Fred called out.
"This is what Remy's life has come to," Remy sighed. "Stuck at home on Saturday night playing stupid games with…All right! Gumdrop lane! Come to Papa!"
"Being an X-Man is such a glamorous life," Scott moaned. "Gambit why are you of all people playing Candyland?"
"Because Rogue cleaned his clock at Shufflebaby," Fred snickered.
"And I thought I was the game shark," Remy groaned.
"Wanna play Scott and Jean?" Jamie asked.
"Jamie I think we're a little too mature, not to mention sane to play this game," Scott told him.
"YEEHA!" They heard John Proudstar shout. "Party!"
"Nice to see you're fighting the stereotype of the drunken Indian!" Forge snapped. "Thanks a lot Thunderbird!"
"Okay who's up for Shufflebaby?" Rogue shouted. "Fifty to a hundred says I am the champion!"
"A hundred?" Jean blinked. "Okay I'm in!" She went back outside. Soon cheering could be heard.
"Jamie…" Scott sighed. "Pull up a gumdrop, I'm in."