Lassi teh amazeing witch
A/n: like, omg!!!! i totally rote this on a sugger hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!11 i'm just like soooooo hyper!! dfon't blame me 4 wut comes out, cuz its not my fault, i'm just soooooo totally hyper. woooo! time for more candy!!!!!1
Lassi was sitting her math class in New Haven. "I am waaaay to smart for this" thought Lassi. She knew all the answers. The teacher had stopped calling on her because she got it right every time. She had already dated all the hot guys in the class anyway. All the teachers wanted her too but couldn't admit or they'd get fired. She had skipped four grades, but she was too mature for all of them anyway.
Lassi looked out the window at the birds. "Oh," thought Lassi, "If I could just fly away to a place with better guys and harder classes. A place where my beautiful genius will be appreciated. Just then an owl fleew in t he window. OMG! yelled Lassi. "I's like, a bird!!!"
"I am Hedwig" said the owl, "come to Hogwarts." So Lassi climbed on and flew out the window to Scotland. All her friends were way envius.
But of course Lassi was to thoughtful to just go like that... "what about my parents?" she asked Hedwig once they flew out the window. "won't they be worried?"
"You're parents don't understand you anyway they never knew how smart you were," Hedwig told her.
"that's true", admitted Lassi. So she guessed that they didnt matter since they didnt know how smart and talented she is.
"So where are you taking me?????" she asked, suddenly relly scared.
"hogwarts, I already told you,"
"Ohhhhh yeah, so what is Hogwarts anyway? Where is it? "I'ts in Scotland ."
So soon they arrived in Harry's room and things got hella rutty. Dumbledore came through and pulled her into the cafeteria. "we've been waiting for you," he told her. "we've been looking everywhere."
"Really?" Lassi was interested but not really surprised. She was very mature and kept her cool very well. She looked around her and answered smoothly and intelligently. "why?
"you are our last hope, Lassi" he told her. "we need you to defeat he-who-may-not-be-named."
"why can't he be named?" she asked him. "You should just say his name. Fear of a name increases fear of a thing himself."
"I did not expect such wisdom from a girl your age," said dumbeldore. "i see that rumors are true."
"who is that girl" Draco asked his friends at the Slythgerin table. Draco wan't really evil, he was just so confused inside and seeing Lassi's face seemed to untangle his riddled heart.
"Oye dunno" said Goyle, "but oye tinks she's perdy" "Stop your simian grunting you imbecile" Said Draco wiltingly. "I saw her first!"
"No, said Harry I saw her first" "it was me and I''ll duel you for her!"
"it was me who saw her!! i can beat all of you!" cried Legolas, taking out his arrows.
"NOOOO!!!" cried Lassi. "i don't want anyone getting hurt over me, please dont!!!!"
Lassi put her arms aorund both of them and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Cant you guys just share? she asked as she pulled both of them closely to her. "you cant solve anything by fighting. We should ALL be friends and share each other!!!!!11"
Lassi didn't know that Voldemort was watching all this from the body of Snape. He stared at this magnificent girl and knew that there were better things in life than being evil, like, all the time. He renounced his evil ways and devoted his life to desiging hair care products. Lassi helped him because she was sooooo good at potions.
Hermione glared at Lassi few months later. HOW could she do soo well in classes when she was always listening to music on her discman-- which she managed to make work at HOGWARTS through magick-- and was flirting with boys all the time and helping Voldie with his hair care line. Hermione had never had a boyfriend and was very sad. She was also jealous!!!! Lassi got better grades than she did even though she was 2 years younger and had never been to magic school before!!!! It wasnt fare, she never studied at all and had so much fun and got 500 on everything. the most Hermione ever got was 300!!!
Lassi noticed that Hermione was the only person who didn't like her. Lassi thought about the problem and one word came to mind: MAKEOVER!!!!!! She taught Herminoney how to exfoliate and have her a hairstyle with Voldie's help. She took her to express on daigon alley and bought her lots of hot clothing. Suddenly Herminoney started getting 400 on tests and lots of guys wanted to date her. Lassi was still smarter and got all the hottest guys. But Lassi had her own problems. She just had soooo many guys she didn't no WHO to choose!!! Her and Voldie had made out a few times but he was really too girly, with all the haircare. She liked Harry and Draco alot (and she really liked Wood).
OMG! yelled Lassi. I made seeker on the house team!!!!! And I'm head girl!!!! And I'm really hot!!!!!! And I got a 600 in potions!!!! AND SNAPE HATES ME!!! BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Lassi yelled.
sadly, the hair care products were secretly poison. she and everyone else who ever used the hair stuff (which was like tons of people because it was SOOO cood) fell over dead. Draco was soo sad that he turned evil again , and Harry died of grief.