Title – Ripped For Her Pleasure

Author – Kaybee

Rating –R, just in case.

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

Summary – Luke buys condoms.

Author's Note- Title thanks to Emily.


Luke tried to remember the last time he'd been this embarrassed. Nothing came to mind. It wasn't as if he'd never bought condoms before. That wasn't the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part was the fact that Miss Patty was standing a few feet away, watching him.

He would have grabbed any kind, just to get out of there as fast as possible. But, this was sex with Lorelai. Oh, man, there he went again. Grinning, like an idiot. Really, though, it wasn't as if they'd made plans to have sex. Who did that, anyway? Hey, come over my place tonight, so we can do it. Although, Lorelai was the type of person who would probably say that. He grinned again. He really had to stop doing that.

It was mind boggling, really, how many different kinds of condoms there were. When was the last time he'd bought condoms? He couldn't even remember. Nicole bought his for him, which was a little weird, to say the least.

Oh, wow, there were even flavored ones. Luke briefly considered getting them, but he thought that might seem a bit forward. He had no idea if Lorelai would even go for that. Just for fun, though, he let his eyes wander over the various different kinds of flavors. Cinnamon, spearmint, strawberry. Ok, that's a little weird.

His gaze lingered over a package of ribbed, lubricated condoms. Ok, well, ribbed was definitely good. He was definitely going to buy ribbed ones. Lubricated, though, hmm, that, he wasn't so sure about. He wasn't sure if he had any KY Jelly at his apartment, and he wasn't even sure if he should bother with it, anyway. It's not as if he had any clue what sort of stuff Lorelai was into.

Then, there was the question of Polyurethane versus latex. Luke had heard that Polyurethane was…more…pleasurable, than latex, however, he also knew that there was a greater risk of it breaking, and that was definitely not something that he or Lorelai wanted happening. And then there was sheepskin. No way in hell was Luke wearing that. He could just hear Lorelai mocking him.

He thought back to the night before. All they'd really done was makeout. They acted like hormonal teenagers, unable to keep their hands off of each other. They'd almost had sex, but Rory had come home and they had to stop. However, tonight, Rory was sleeping over Lane's, so; Lorelai had invited Luke over, promising him a good time.

Luke wasn't the type to get ahead of himself, but when Lorelai said, "good time", he knew what she meant. She knew that he knew what she meant, and they both knew how much they wanted it. Luke wanted the sex to be good, although, there was no way it couldn't be. How could it possibly be anything less than amazing? Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes, having sex. He'd never once thought about how she was in bed – ok, that was a lie, but, he certainly knew, well, assumed, at least, that she was nothing short of spectacular.

His gaze lingered on a pack of Trojan Man "Her Pleasure" condoms. Those were the kind that Nicole always made him use, and he hated them. They really made the sex not that great. Then again, it wasn't as if he and Nicole had had sex that often. It never really bothered him, though. There wasn't really that much chemistry between them, anyway.

Rachel, on the other hand, was a completely different story. When they were about to have sex for the first time, back when Luke was eighteen, he didn't really care how the sex was going to be, they were having it, that was all that mattered.

But, damn, was it good. It was good every time. Especially when she'd last visited, and they'd had sex her first night back. He was pretty sure Lorelai had an inkling that Luke Danes had "gotten some" the night before, because, the morning after, he woke up late and was friendlier than usual. He even remembered Babette making a comment to him about it.

Miss Patty coughed from behind him, and he turned to face her.

"You look like you could use some help, honey," she said, smiling.

"Oh, uh, no, I'm fine," he responded, blushing.

"Are you sure? Because, I'm sure you want to please Lorelai, and I can probably help you pick-"

"No," Luke interrupted, "really. It's fine." He really didn't want to discuss his sex life with Miss Patty.

"All right," she replied sweetly. "Have a good time tonight." She winked. And stood there. Now, with Miss Patty hovering over him, and practically breathing down his neck, Luke wanted to get out of there as fast as humanly possible. He hastily picked up a box and rushed to the counter to pay.

"Hello, Luke," said Kirk.

Luke just nodded his head. "Kirk."

Kirk focused on the condoms, and gave Luke a knowing look. "Good choice. I've used these before with Lulu, and, they're very-"

"Kirk. Just ring it up."

"In a hurry, I see. Gotta get back to Lorelai, huh?"

Luke was really considering hitting him. Kirk scanned the condoms, and a weird beep followed. He furrowed his brows.

"Hmm, that's strange," he said. He picked up the phone and pressed the intercom button. "I need a price check on the Durex Large "Her Pleasure" condoms."

Luke cringed.

"This rarely ever happens," Kirk said, as if that was supposed to absolve the matter.

"Great," Luke replied.

No one seemed to be coming up the counter, so, Kirk repeated his announcement over the intercom.

Luke ran a hand over his face. "Oh, my god." He took a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet, and put it on the counter. "Just take that."

Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Luke, that's a lot more than it-"

"Just shut up and take it."

Kirk nodded. "Ok." He put it in the register. "Have a good night." He winked. "Although, I think we both know you will."

Luke sighed. "Yeah, thanks, Kirk." He rounded a corner, and bumped into someone. "Oh, I'm sorry."



She laughed. "Hi!"


"What are you doing here?"

"Buying some stuff."

"So am I."

Luke looked in her basket and saw two packages of tampons. He looked back up at her.

"Oh, um, those are for Rory." She paused. "She is so going to kill me for telling you that."

Luke laughed. "I grew up with a sister, remember?"

"Right," replied Lorelai. "So, what'd you buy?" She started to take the bag from him, but he grabbed it.


"Wow, ok, now I really wanna know what you bought. Is it more of that Megaman protein stuff?"

"It's nothing, ok?"

"Why are you being so secretive?"

"I'm not being secretive."

"Yes, you are! What did you buy?"

Luke sighed. He opened the bag and she looked inside. There was a moment where she said nothing, and then she started laughing.

"It's not funny," Luke said sternly.

"So, you were the one who was buying the Durex Large "Her Pleasure" condoms?"

Luke reddened. "See, this is why I didn't want to show you what I bought."

"Aw, I'm sorry." She bit her lip to keep from laughing. "That's really thoughtful of you and everything, but, I'm on the pill." She watched his expression change and laughed. "And, I'm really not a fan of the rubber, plus, I don't have any diseases, so, it's not necessary."

"Are you kidding me?"


"I had to stand there, picking these out, while Patty stood right next to me. Then, with the whole intercom thing, and, now you tell me that you're on the pill?"

"You never asked!" she responded. "However, I must say that you're a very thoughtful man for getting the "her pleasure" ones. Also, a little presumptuous." She winked at him. "Planning on getting lucky tonight, huh?" He could do nothing but blush. She leaned in to whisper, "That's ok, so am I."

"You are, huh?" He was grinning now.

"Oh, yeah. So, um, how about you come over in about two hours? Rory should be gone by then."

"I'll be there."

Lorelai smiled. "Ok, I'll see you then." Impulsively, she kissed him, briefly, but passionately. She pulled apart and bit her lip, contemplating. "On second thought, make it one hour." Then, she was gone, and he could do nothing but stand there, grinning.

Maybe he would stick the condoms in Kirk's mailbox.