A/N: This is based on the song "Scotty Doesn't Know" from the movie Eurotrip. I was listening to the song, and I thought it would be funny, if I switched the names around and added a few tidbits here and there. And this is what I came up with. Set during Season 5. Riley bashing. Slightly NC-17: my first, so be gentle...

A/N: Ok, the way I had this set up earlier is not working on here. I'm sure you can guess which ones are the lyrics. The flashbacks will be encased by lines

Riley Doesn't Know

Buffy met the gang in at the Bronze. She groaned inwardly as she spotted Riley sitting at the table with her friends, smiling like an idiot. She plastered a smiled on her face and hugged Riley when he walked over to her. Riley tried to kiss her, but Buffy moved her head to the side so Riley only got her cheek.

"Buff, what's wrong?" Riley asked, concerned.

Buffy rolled her eyes as she looked down. She hated when he called her Buff.

"Look, Riley. We need to talk."

It if were possible, Riley looked even more concerned.

"Ok. We'll go over there." he said, pointing to a sofa.

"No, here's fine." Buffy said, absently.

She watched as Spike strode through the Bronze, heading toward the stage. She smiled and watched as he walked onto the stage and said something to one of the band members. Buffy turned back to Riley.

"Look, Riley. I can't take all this lying and cheating anymore."

Riley looked bewildered.

"But I haven't cheated on you."

Buffy sighed.

"I know. That's why this is so hard."

Just as Riley was about to speak, a voice echoed through the Bronze.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special guest singer with us tonight. This is Spike!"

The band member stepped back and Spike walked forward and took the microphone.

"What's Spike doing on the stage?" Riley asked, glaring at the bleached blonde.

Buffy moved toward the stage and Riley followed.

"So, what was it you were trying to say?" he asked.

Buffy ignored him and stood at the edge of the stage, looking up at Spike.

"This song goes out to my special girl." Spike said, winking at her.

The band started to play and Spike's voice filtered through the Bronze. She ignored Riley's constant prodding and focused on the song.

Riley doesn't know

That Buffy and me

Do it in my crypt every night

Riley had returned to the table to talk to the others, but now he was sitting with a confused expression on his face. Buffy yelled and threw her hands in the air, cheering Spike on. She threw her jacket off and tossed it to the side.


Spike threw Buffy's jacket to the side as he continued to kiss her. Buffy moaned as he moved his mouth down her neck, peppering kisses down her throat, giving the occasional nip. Buffy laughed as they stumbled down the ladder to the lower level of the crypt. She ripped Spike's shirt off as he drew her shirt over her head. Spike unhooked her bra and let it drop to the floor. Buffy moaned again and clutched Spike to her as his cool tongue circled her hardened nipple. Spike moved from her breast to her neck and continued to kiss and lick her while his hands moved up her skirt. They tumbled onto the bed laughing...


She tells him she's slaying

But she doesn't go

Still she's on her knees and...

Spike smiled as he watched his girl move on the dance floor. He locked eyes with her and she smiled.


Buffy grunted as Spike thrust into her from behind. She moaned as he kissed her back and caressed her breasts. Buffy shouted his name when she came...


Riley looked at Buffy writhing on the dance floor. He looked at her outfit, a short black leather skirt and a tight black backless halter, a definite change from the innocent styles she used to wear. Then he looked from Spike to Buffy and back again. No, the song couldn't be about them. It was a joke. One of Spike's cruel jokes.

And Riley doesn't know oh

Riley doesn't know oh

So don't tell Riley

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

So don't tell Riley

Buffy yelled again and continued dancing. Spike smirked, causing Buffy to laugh, the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.


Buffy laughed again as Spike blew a raspberry on her stomach. They lay in bed, half covered.

"I love that sound." Spike said, running his hand down her arm.

"What sound?" Buffy asked, lazily.

"When you laugh. I don't hear much of that lately."

"Well, there hasn't been much to laugh about. Not 'til now." Buffy said.

Spike fiddled with a strand of her hair.

"Well, that's going to change." he said, as he grabbed her foot, causing her to erupt into a fit of giggles...


The gang watched as a bewildered Riley started to freak out. Willow and Tara looked at each other knowingly, having caught Spike and Buffy together before, unbeknownst to them.

"I knew it." Anya stated.

"Knew what?" Xander asked.

"Nothing honey." Anya answered, patting him on the back.

Even if she told him, he'd deny it anyway.

Buffy says she's out shopping

But she's under me and I'm not stopping


Buffy clutched Spike's shoulders, her nails biting into the skin, as he thrust into her. Spike groaned as he felt Buffy's nails dig into his skin and thrust harder. He leaned down and captured her lips in a fiery kiss, then moved down her neck. Buffy moved her hand to the back of his head as he vamped out. She moved her neck to the side and moaned in pleasure when she felt Spike's fangs bite into her neck...


Cause Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

So don't tell Riley

Riley doesn't kno-ow

Don't tell Riley!

By now, Riley sat in shock as the words started to sink in. 'Riley we need to talk.' 'I can't take all this lying and cheating anymore.' 'But I haven't cheated on you.' 'I know. That's why this is so hard.'


She was studying. Hard. At least that's what she told Riley. And, of course, he'd believed her. Trusting Riley.

Buffy and Spike walked into the Bronze. Spike took Buffy's jacket and placed it on an empty table. He took her hand and led her out onto the dance floor...


Buffy moved her hips to the beat of the song, with her eyes locked with Spike's the entire time. She spun around and caught a glimpse of Riley, looking absolutely dumbfounded, before spinning around to face Spike again. Spike moved to her side of the stage. She moved her hands down her sides to her skirt, lifting the corner enough so Spike could catch a glimpse of her tanned thigh. She stuck her tongue out and he waggled his eyebrows.

I can't believe he's so trusting

While I'm right behind you thrusting

Buffy's got him on the phone

And she's trying not to moan

It's a three-way call

And he knows nothing

Nothing!


Buffy clutched Spike to her and tried not to moan as he pounded into her. She held the phone limply to her ear, trying to focus on what Riley was telling her. Something about a psych exam. Like she cared. All she cared about was Spike and the way he sucked his bite mark on her neck. Oh yeah, that was definitely good.

"So she says it's not part of the brain. And the professor started to laugh..." Riley trailed off.

"Unnhh!" Buffy moaned loudly.

"Are you ok?" Riley asked.

"Yes! Yes! I'm good. Stubbed...my...toe." Buffy panted as she came, dropping the phone to the side. Buffy bit into Spike's shoulder as she tried not to moan. Spike collapsed on top of her and removed his fangs from her neck. Buffy lay there a moment as Spike licked the bite marks clean. Then she put the phone back to her ear.

"What were you saying?"


Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Don't tell Riley

Cause Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't kno-ow

So don't tell Riley!

Riley's head was pounding. Thoughts came to him. Memories. Words. Phrases. They all bombarded his brain as he sat there.

The bite marks on Buffy's neck. Her clothes. Her suddenly carefree attitude. 'Unnh!' 'Are you ok?' 'I stubbed my toe.' The way she stared at Spike when he walked on to the stage.

We'll put on a show

Everyone will go

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know


Buffy moaned as Spike trailed lazy kisses down her neck. She was supposed to be patrolling. Really she was. Until Spike grabbed her from behind and scared her half to death. Then they chased each other through the cemetery to the park, where they eventually ended up on the carousel. They eventually made their way back to Spike's cemetery, where Buffy was currently sitting on a tombstone while Spike's hands snaked their way up her skirt. Buffy had decided that skirts were good. Very good.

"Here?" Buffy asked.

"We're gonna put on a show." Spike answered, chuckling.

"And everyone's gonna go." Buffy said, giggling.


The parking lot, why not?

It's so cool when you're on top


Buffy and Spike were in the Desoto in the mall parking lot. Buffy straddled Spike as she kissed him. He lifted her shirt over her head and kissed her neck. Buffy tried to lean back, but accidentally honked the horn, causing Spike to laugh...


The front lawn, in the rain

Laughing so hard cause

Riley doesn't know


It was pouring and Buffy and Spike were laughing and pushing each other around the front lawn of Buffy's dorm. Buffy slipped and fell, bringing Spike down with her. She gave him a quick kiss and pushed herself off of him and sprinted away. Spike caught her from behind a tree and pushed her up against it. He kissed her hard and Buffy moaned...


I did her on his birthday...

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Riley's eyes widened. His birthday? The flushed face. The messy hair. The half hour bathroom break. 'Where are you going?' 'To the bathroom.' 'Why were you gone so long? Are you ok?' 'Yeah, I'm peachy.' Spike's unwavering presence. 'Why is he here?' 'He's a friend too.' 'Not my friend.'


Buffy sat next to Riley as he gushed to everyone about his parents' present. She locked eyes with Spike, who was sitting in a chair across from everyone. He raised an eyebrow and glanced at the back exit then back at her. He put his beer down in the table in front of him and stood up and walked away. Buffy left also, claiming a bathroom break.

She stepped outside and melted into the arms that circled around her from behind. Spike nibbled on her neck and led her back into the Bronze.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see." he told her, as he pulled her along behind him, up the stairs to the empty end of the balcony.

They reached the top and Buffy walked over to the railing. Spike came up to stand behind her. He slowly ran his hand down her arm to her waist then down her thigh. He gathered the skirt up from the back. Buffy panted slightly, loving the feeling of his cool hand as it worked its way between her legs to her panties. Buffy gasped as he suddenly thrust into her...


Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Riley doesn't know

Don't tell Riley

Riley stood up and banged his fist on the table. The others jumped slightly.

"Did all of you know about this?"

Willow and Tara nodded.

"Of course we did. Wasn't it obvious?" Anya stated bluntly.

Xander shook his head, not really paying attention.

Riley doesn't know

Spike held out his hand to Buffy. She grinned and took it and he pulled her onstage. Buffy and Spike started to kiss passionately while an angry Riley looked on.

Riley will know

Riley has to know

Riley's gotta know

Gonna tell Riley

Gonna tell him myself

Spike locked eyes with a fuming Riley and smirked, pulling a grinning Buffy closer to him.

Riley has to know

Riley has to know

Riley has to

Riley has to

Riley has to go!

Xander walked up to stand next to Riley.

"This song is awesome!"

Don't tell Riley

Riley has to know

Riley's gotta go