Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of it's depressingly staged characters Jokes I would never say something so mean.

A/N: This is my first GRAVITATION fic. I have fic's in other series but they are not on this site as of yet. I hope you like this fic. I am having lotsa fun writing it and it makes it so much more fun becuz its from the deliciouse Hiro Nakano's point of view.

Disease of the mind


I slipped into the warm inviting water. The foam lapped softly against my skin. The motions caressed my acing muscles and the aroma of burning sticks of seduction made my head swell. I let my hair fall into the steaming water and hissed as I slid my shoulders under the crystal mirror of water scattered with mounds of foam. My lips parted as a small grunt left my lips. The melody of the water hitting the tub walls lulled me into a state of bliss. My mind no longer swarmed of thoughts. No now there was only one thought...relaxation. Working with an energetic boy such as Shuichi really tuckered a man out. I needed rest but everywhere I looked Shuichi sat there complaining about Yuki. Don't get me wrong I cared about my friend but I didn't exactly care enough to devote every moment to Yuki.

I missed the times when him and me would sit in my room just talking normal boy things but now every moment we shared alone was filled with Yuki. The bastard was not worth Shuichi's time but Shuichi would never see that. Shuichi only saw what he wanted to see. Devoted fan's, Loyal friends, And a loving Boyfriend. Little did he know his so called "loyal friends" were mostly fakes and teases and his "loving boyfriend" thought nothing of him other then a sex toy to vent his frustrations to. It rather reminded me of a stress ball. He would pull Shuichi out seduce him and toy with him until his frustrations were gone then just like that he would put him back...till he got frustrated again them the cycle would continue. I felt the pressure in the room begin to change and decided it would be the best if I just stopped thinking all together but...I found myself remembering the thing that brought me to this current position...alone and rather biter in a bathtub at a hotel.

"There's something I need to talk to you about Hiro..." Her eyes held sadness. The summer breeze toyed with her hair as we stood in the empty park. I had a goofy smile plastered on my face all day thinking of what would come when she had made plans for us to meet in the park. But as I starred in her sorrowful eyes I wished I was still tucked away in my bed.

"Yes what is it?"

"Well I was in the mall the other day and I ran into an old friend of mine...you don't know her...she is from America. She recently came here to live with her husband but...he is tied up in work and hardly ever sees her. She was going to pick up her kids at a soccer game and I...went with her. I spent all last night with her, talking, eating ice cream, and catching up. It seems she is quite sad not seeing her husband and was filing for divorce. She feels no love for him anymore..." At this she starred at the ground avoiding my needy gaze. She pulled her face away from the pavement and looking into my eyes softly spoke. "I can't see you anymore...that night I also discovered that I...harbor feelings for her...Hiro I am sorry."

My mind was reeling I was so confused how could she stand there and hurt me like this. I spoke harshly as if I was speaking to my worse hated enemy and not my Girlfriend. "So what does...how could...how do you...she might not!" I was silenced as I starred into her eyes. I already knew what she had brought me out here to say. "You didn't...You bitch!" I spun around my hair whirled around me. I ran the hardest I had ever ran before. I ran to my bike and jumping on it drove fast to my house. I pulled in the driveway but as I stepped in the door I could feel the nausea build in my stomach. The fire rose to my throat and I ran to my bathroom. Warm vomit pooled into my toilet as hot tears pooled in my eyes. I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper and through it into the mess I had just made.

I walked into my living room and sat on the small couch. I looked around but all I saw were things that reminded me of her. I stood up and not even bothering to grab my jacket I walked out of my tiny apartment. I didn't bother to lock the door as I grabbed my guitar and keys and into my car. I felt the soft hum of the engine as I slipped out of the driveway. I drove for hours until I found myself at a large hotel I checked myself in and found my room. It was rather large the manager had remembered me from a advertisement and let me in no charge. I closed every drape turned off every light and grabbing a large bottle of liquor grabbed my cigarette's and plopped down in the chair.

Slouching I lit my cigarette I watched as the flame danced on the small metal starter and let go. I heaved heavily on the cigarette but even this reminded me of her. I don't know if it was the fact that every time I met her I was smoking or if it was the fact that it was a small thing that held a large amount of poison that slowly killed me. I through the cigarette into a near by ashtray and took a large chuck of bitter sweetness. It was at this point that I decided to sleep. I slept for about a day and then met Shuichi at practice the next day. I was rather cold to him but could you blame me.

I watched as the candle slowly died out and with that I let my self sink to the bottom of the tub. Maybe if I tried hard enough I could keep myself under and drowned. I came up a few moments later the room temperature hitting me like a cold breeze. I stood up and a few minutes later I sat on my large hotel room bed. I had opened my balcony window and watched as the transparent drapes played with the window. The wind would lure it out the window then just as it was about to follow the wind would blow it back in to the room. Yet another thing reminding me of my little friend Shuichi and my current situation. My fingers saught the right cords and my vocals continued the musical game.

My life perfect

Dreams not needed

World completed

Each thought reminiscent of you

Gone with the wind are the things you'd do

I was sick to speak again

Then you began

I should've known

Turn away

Make her think your not hurtin

The blood flowing through your veins

blood is not cold

Drive the world away slip away

I wasn't betrayed

My life perfect

Dreams not needed

World completed

Was all I thought of...


I suddenly tripped over my fingers and lost the beat I was going at. Frustration got the best of me as I laid the guitar down forcefully and standing up went to the balcony. There was a thick sent of alcohol in the air and jumping from my second floor balcony I walked across the fresh grass. Though I was on the second floor it was not that far from the ground so it was almost as if I had only jumped a fence.

I walked down the country road. Gravel crunched loudly under my feet and the soft sound of my clothing rustling in the wind created a lullaby. My faint breathing became raspy and broken. I stopped in the middle of the road letting my weight pull me down I dropped to my knees and tried to contain my sobs. This month has been going so bad the mere thoughts of everything caused me to break down. I could here the faint sound of movement near by but didn't bother move. The sound of an approaching car didn't scare me in the least. If I were struck I would be happy. I heard the car come to a halt and decided to check out what was happening. I looked up and came face to face with...K?

I was almost happy for a moment until I heard the familiar sound of a gun and I was ushered into his car. I slipped into the leather seat. He started the car up again and smootly said

"I would put my seat belt on if I were you" I snorted. How could he possibly think I would just obey his orders like that. Suddenly I was thrown out of my seat as he went in reverse and did a U turn. I starred at him questioningly as we drove. Pulling on my seatbelt I asked.

"Where are we going?" His small smirk faded from his lips and he said

"We are going back to your house. You can't just expect us to leave you at some hotel room. Plus now that your out in the country you are late for every meeting and practice." I snorted once again and looking out the window said

"If that's all then I will wake up earlier." I waited for his response. For the car to turn around instantly anything...but nothing. I turned to face him and noticed he was quite determined.

"NO! you are coming back I cant deal with Shuichi's whining You. Are. Coming." I quickly pulled my seat belt off and grasping the door I shouted.

"So that's what it is. You guys don't want me back you just can't handle Shuichi whining about Yuki." I squeezed my eyes shut as I clutched the door handle and as I began to open the door. I felt the car slow down and stop. I threw the door open and began to climb out. I spun around to yell again when I found him quietly starring out the window. This was odd so I yelled, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing just leave." I looked down the road and getting back in the car sat down and quietly said "I don't know what's wrong with you but I really don't want to go home." I gently picked up his rough limp hand and tightly squeezing it I whispered. "Everything reminds me of her." At that moment I felt him look up at me and looked directly at him. He looked surprised and a little like he was about to cry but pulled his hand away and starting the car up turned around once again and drove back.

We pulled into the hotel parking lot and walked back to my room. Once in it I threw him a beer and we sat in living room. It was quiet for a while until I heard him whisper. "I heard about what Ayaka did...I'm sorry Hiroshi. It was wrong of her."

"No its ok hahha I think the worse part of it was the fact that she dumped me for a girl." I nervously laughed as I felt him settle his eyes on me again and I looked back again. He looked so sad. His eyes danced with untold pain. Each displaced hair told of a night with out sleep and every inch of his body reeked of depression.

"I didn't know the whole story...a women you say?...how sad." I looked painfully at the floor and added

"Yes quite..." My voice wavered but I held back my torture at speaking of what happened. I heard him shift and looking back found he had moved from the floor to beside me on the couch. He had his arms stretched along the back of the couch, one leg was stretched out along the carpet and the other was pulled back. He looked quite comfortable but I knew he was the most uncomfortable he had ever been.

"My wife left me Hiroshi..." I looked back at him surprised. I hardly knew anything of the women but I knew he loved her greatly and the sheer thought that she would leave him made my heart tighten. That's why he looked like he was being torn apart. Just then I was met with a gun in the face and heard him smoothly say

"Don't you dare feel bad for me Hiroshi. You're the one who needs pity." Then he teasingly added "My wife didn't leave me for a women." Yep the normal K was back. The only thing I had to worry about now was getting rid of the "normal K" until I get over my terrible depression...if I ever do.

A/N: OOOOOhhhhhhh yeah that was my first chappy I am so excited becuz this is like my first time posting since the incident. Ummm yeah sorry about the bad poem and please read and review..........A.K.A.