A/n: In one of the reviews someone asked if this was going to be Spuffy. I have to say very bluntly; no. Did I give off the impression that it was going to be? If I did, I'm sorry…I didn't even realize.
Spike was never a sentimental person; not as a human and certainly not as a vampire. He never attached himself to mortals. Mortals die and in their wake leave a heart broken vampire. He never knew just how much he cared for the Scoobys until Buffy jumped. He had gone into the battle with the set knowledge of how it would end. Not how he thought it would end, or how he wanted it to end; how it had to end. Everyone, even the Whelp, had to come out alive. And yet, as he watched the heroine fall, he still held onto that thought. As he watched her give her life for the world that had damned them all; he still clutched that thought.
Then it shattered. Everything shattered. All of the set rules he had made for himself, all the evil still left in him, all the will to live. She flew, flew with her arms outstretched into the swirling colors. Colors that reminded him of her eyes; the flash of emotion, the trace of a smile, the golden hair. He loved her. He honestly did. But there is a difference between loving and being in love; and after living for as long as he had, he had yet to determine a line. A set line between friendship and love; a set line between heart and mind; a set line between him and Buffy. The shattered pieces cut at his skin, drawing just enough blood to sting. Tears like fire fell from ice-cold eyes as he held her broken body.
It took all of his strength not to give up after that day; but he couldn't give up, not when there was a little girl who depended on him. Dawn, sweet innocent Dawn, who treated him like a human. When those bright eyes landed on him, he almost believed that he wasn't the monster everyone had convinced him he was. Then Buffy came back; and the wave of emotions came rushing threw him. He clung to her, convincing himself that everything was ok. That someone finally loved him. It was to late when he realized his mistake. Buffy threw him away, tossed him to the side, and the eyes that once looked at him with love glared of hate. He had let the one person who ever truly love him fade away and he despised himself for it. He felt a tear slip down his cheek, landing on the cover of the leather diary in his lap. Andrew, who after finding out he was still alive, had mailed him the letters, all of which caused his heart to break. He skimmed threw them again, his eyes memorizing every word of every letter. He felt anger, and extreme sadness, and finally a sense of contentment. Maybe he wasn't a complete waste of time after all. He went to close the book, only to drop it. He frowned as a piece of paper fell out.
I didn't paste this in the book for three simple reasons. A) Andrew is a snoop and would have found it B) I ran out of paste and C) It's a lot easier to know that I never really have to give this to you. It's easier to know that if you ever show up again I can just slip it into my pocket and forget I ever loved you. I'm not talking schoolgirl crush, Spike. I'm honest to god head over heels in love with you. But that doesn't matter; because I'm just Dawnie, the Slayers sister. But I wasn't just that to you, was I? I was Nibblet, and Platelet and all those adorable nicknames that I miss so much. God, Spike, you never even knew. Everyone but you knew. And I mean everyone; even Xander. I can't stop thinking about you; you're like the plague. Always looming in my head. I love you, Spike. And now that I've finally written it out…maybe I can start living again….
Love until the end of time,
The letter dropped soundlessly to the floor, blowing slightly at the swish of a duster. The hero ran into the night, leaving behind the tear-stained tissues and broken heart. It was finally time he got his princess back.
A/n: All done!! Should I continue it? Make like an actual sequel, one that's not in letter form? I'm sorry this took so long to get out; I just couldn't decide how I wanted it to end. Please review!