Disclaimers in part one of Yu-G.I.-Joe. This is mainly a filler parody

"Cobra Commander! I will defeat you in this duel so Joey will no longer be your sex slave," Yugi's voice boomed.

"You can do it," Yugi's friends and the Joes called out in chorus.

"I will win. And then I will duel Kaiba and also win," Cobra Commander reveled.

Yugi looked at him worriedly, "Kaiba? Why do you also want to duel Kaiba?"

"Becaussssssssse he's a good duelist and I want to prove I'm a formidable duelist as well," he replied.

Yugi stared him down, "That's not a good enough reason."

Cobra Commander laughed. "You want to know the real reason?"

Joey rolled his eyes, "Because you're a hentai gaijin with a shounen fixation?"

Cobra Commander was too caught up in his thoughts to respond. /Do I dare reveal my tragic back-story so early in this arc/

"Cobra Commander, I demand a good reason for this duel against me and then Kaiba!" Yugi bellowed.

Cobra Commander burst out into laughter, "Very well, Yugi. I will remind you of the pain and misery I suffered at the hands of you and Kaiba!"

Flashback: Cobra Commander gets on an elevator in Domino City's tallest skyscraper. The floor stops at the very next floor. Yugi and Kaiba get on. Cobra Commander finds himself squished in between Yugi's pointy hair and Kaiba's pointy, puffed-out jacket. The camera alternates between his pained face and the top of the elevator, moving briskly enough to the top floor but still about 50 floors left.

Tea and Scarlett looked horrified. "That's horrible!"

Tristan briefly looked up from a magazine, "Um yeah. However did you survive such a terrible thing? Yeah."

Everyone looked over at Duke and Dusty, who were making out on the floor. They turned bright red and pulled away from kissing just long enough to stammer, "Bad very bad."

"So that's why you want me to shave off my hair. So Joey was just your bait, then," Yugi murmured.

Cobra Commander thought about it for a moment, "Not really. I wanted a new toy anyway and when I found it tied in with my revenge…" His voice trailed off in a purr as he grabbed Joey close despite his struggling.

Yugi glared at him, "You fiend! When this duel is over, I will have beaten you and saved Joey! And something bad will probably happen to you."

Joey's eyes sparkled with hope, "I know you can do it, Yuge. Beat this ecchi creep!"

Cobra Commander kicked Joey to the floor, "Shut up, you little skank cocktease. Oh, Yugi. Soon you will be without that awful, point hair and Kaiba… He'll never wear another puffed-out jacket again!"

Yugi laughed darkly, "Don't be so sure. Let's duel!"

Tristan looked up from his magazine with a pained expression, "They haven't even started yet?"