Hey there!

I started writing this years ago, but stopped a few chapters in...Since then I've left school and nearly completed a degree, all while suffering from creative writer's block.

But I'm going to give this story another chance, so I hope you'll stick with me...and I hope my muse sticks with me too!

Synopsis: Jack's smarter than SG1 think!

Set in season 4 or 5, with allusions to Sam/Jack ship.

Jack? Equations? Never!

Daniel was walking along a corridor inside Cheyenne Mountain. It was one of those very dull, dreary, dismal days on the base. He had no new work, and his eyes were strained from trying to decipher an Ancient tablet from a recent mission. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he turned a corner on Level 26 past Jack's rarely used (if ever) office. Daniel heard an odd 'clicking' noise - typing. Slowly, he opened the door, and was amazed by what he saw...

Colonel Jonathan 'Jack' 'Dumb ass' O'Neill was typing out a brand new 'Carter-worthy' equation.

Daniel's eyes popped out of his head at the sight. Once again, he peered at the screen. He still couldn't make heads or tails of what he was reading. Jack hadn't heard him, so he crept closer, hoping for a better view. Nope, it still didn't make sense. Realising that he had nothing to lose. He began to speak.

"Hi Jack!"

"Whaa!" Jack yelped, jumping out of his seat. He turned to see Daniel.

"Shit! Daniel! You gave me a heart attack! What the hell are you doing here?"

"I heard typing."

Jack quickly regained his composure quickly, but jumped back, using his butt to cover the computer screen.

"Oh! I was just...you know...bored...mucking around...the usual stuff."

"Right." Said an unconvinced Daniel. "Was that Calculus or something?"

"Uh...I was just typing out all the symbols...for fun you know...nothing technical."

"It looked like an equation to me."

"Well it wasn't!"

"Hmm..." Daniel paused, thinking of a new tactic before Jack changed the subject.

"I liked your creative use of the lambda symbol." Daniel said.

"Hey! I only used it three...I mean...What's lamb - da?" Jack responded, sounding out each syllable of the last word.

"Sure Jack...I believe you." With that, Daniel turned and exited the lab.

Sam Carter and Sergeant Siler were underneath a motorbike. Both were caked in oil and engine fluid, and both were pissed off.

Sam's bike had died.

"Sorry Major. She just didn't have enough energy for another 140kph lap."

"Damn...Look Siler...thanks for helping me try to fix her."

"Any time."

"Do you any good junkyards I could sell her to?"

"I'll do some checking."

"Thanks. See you later."

"Bye Major."

Siler turned and exited Sam's lab, leaving a little oily trail. As he turned along the corridor, he saw Daniel.

"Hey Daniel."

"Hey...Siler." He said questioningly as he saw the oil.

"Hey..." He trailed off as he saw a slightly oiled, disheveled Air Force Major scowling at him. "Sam?"

"My bike died."

"Oh...I'm sorry."


Seeing that something was troubling the archaeologist, she quickly added, "What's up?"

"Well...um...it's about Jack."


"Well...Do you know what qualifications you need to become a Colonel?"

"No...with my dad being a General and me already having my college degree I never really needed to. I've done most of my post grad work with the Air Force."

"Cool...so no idea about Jack's then?"

"None. Do you have any ideas?"

"All I know is that to become a Colonel, you need at least a Masters Degree or a PhD."

"Colonel O'Neill has a Masters or a PhD?!" said Sam in shock.


"That's news...What's the sudden fascination with the Colonel's resume?" she inquired.

"Well...um...Earlier I was walking past Jack's lab, I hears typing. I sneaked in and saw him typing up one MASSIVE equation...I cornered him and asked him what he was doing and he said he was just mucking about."


"And then I complimented his use of lambda."

"What happened?"

"His exact response was - "I only used it three...I mean...what's Lamb - da?""

"He knew what you were talking about?"

"Yep...He's up to something."

"Go get Teal'c?"

"Yeah. Let's go!" "You claim you saw O'Neill typing up a scientific equation?" Teal'c questioned Daniel.


"Something is indeed wrong...Should we not investigate further?"

"That's what we're gonna do. Staring off with a direct confrontation."

"If that doesn't work...then we'll offer to but him the new Simpsons box set." Added Sam.

"If our plan includes the Simpsons we should be victorious."

Sam smiled at Teal'c's comment.

"Right." Daniel began, getting back to the task at hand. "What we're gonna do is watch the Colonel until he leaves the base. Then we'll wait for half hour."

"Why an additional half-hour?" inquired Teal'c.

"So we can catch him doing whatever he's doing." Sam explained.

"What shall we call this operation Major Carter?"

Sam considered Teal's question. "Operation Jackass! Let's go!"