Palpatine's In My Closet...

...And I DON'T know what to do!

Disclaimer: Anything that doesn't belong to me belongs to someone else. Thus, SW isn't mine, but the OCs are. Happy? This fanfiction is the product of an insane sleepover...

A/N: 'Tis in first person view because it was the only way it would work. Heh. So enjoy getting into my mind...


Dear Diary:

If someone had told me last year that I'd be stuck in the heart of a political conspiracy, I would've laughed in their face, and told them they were crazy. If someone would've told me I'd be stuck with an insane Emperor-- not to mention DEAD Emperor-- I would've called them men in white coats. If someone would've told me my best friend would find Gollum in her closet-- well, knowing her, I would've actually believed them, but that's beside the point. It's also a year ago too.

Now it's different. Who would've guessed that I'd be stuck with an insane Emperor at the heart of some conspiracy to rule the galaxy... that was rhetorical, by the way. I don't expect anyone to answer that. Not even my diary... sigh.

Oh well, I suppose the best place to start is the beginning-- the very best place to start... a long time ago-- well, a year ago, anyhow-- in a land that wasn't exactly far, far away...


I woke up in the morning of September 27th, 04 to a power surge, which wasn't that odd. The day is a Monday, if you were interested... yesterday was Sunday... yeah, typical. Power surges happen, though not that often when you live in a mini town like myself. But it wasn't exactly odd. I'm Canadian, 17 years old, and from Laketown, Alberta. If you haven't heard of it, well, that's fine, because it doesn't actually exist. Well, if it sounds familiar, then you've probably read The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien. Because there's a Lake Town in there... and the names are similar. ((DISCLAIMER 2: No, this town does not exist to my knowledge, if it does, well SORRY! Sorry to Tolkien for borrowing his name, but I'd rather not use a real place, and I was uncreative.))

Anyhow, I got up and got dressed. Sure, there was no power, but it was late anyway. Late enough that I could see to get dressed. It also was not exactly cold either. I mean, it was noon. However, when I opened my closet, I found myself in shock. Literally. I mean, it's not everyday that you open your closet to get fried by blue lightning bolts. It's also not very fun. If anyone's ever stuck their finger in a lightsocket, well, then you know how I felt. Sadly, it wasn't a lightsocket that had fried me. I really do wish it had been a lightsocket. Or something less... foreboding.

The day was bright and sunny, with not a cloud in sight. A shame, really, because when evil, foreboding things like this happen it's suppose to be dark, dreary, and even better, stormy! But it was nice outside. Really nice. For Canada, anyhow... around 20 of our degrees. For the sake of Americans, it was 70, and don't get me started on Kelvin degrees. Well, actually, I lied. There was a cloud in sight, but that cloud was only my little sister, Cloud. Her name is Cloud. She had it changed. She's also not my little sister either. She's actually an elf, and is 2,300 years old, from Middle-earth, and was accidentally teleported here into my sister's body. I don't know what happened to my sister, Ashley, but that's okay, because Cloud is cool, and Ashley's probably in Middle-earth now, being her typical Mary-Sue. Did I mention that I have a very weird family/friends/etc? My other sister is Tiana, she's nearly 15, and thinks she's a Jedi, I think. Don't ask. She's trying to convince mom to finance her a trip to Coruscant. My mom is an elf, or else she's something from the Matrix, and my best friend is a Gollum clone. And my brother's plotting galactic domination... I'm the only sane one here, I think.

Cloud took one step into my room, where I was on the floor after being fried by lightning that came from my closet, and screamed, " Mom! Palpatine's in Lara'li's closet, can I please, please faint?!" She took that moment to faint very gracefully... sadly, I couldn't do such, because I was laying on the floor, in shock. Still literally, I might add.

She calls me Lara'li. My name's actually Laura, but Lara'li sounds more interesting. Tiana calls me Shadow a lot, and babbles on and on about what's going to happen to me 6 000 years later, and spends a lot of time trying to warn me about a Shadow Realm. But what can you expect from a sister who thinks she's a Jedi Padawan, and walks around in full costume all the time? I mean, the Force doesn't exist, right? ((I will take now to inform the world that I do not think the Force exists, nor do I act like the characters. Nor has Palpy ever appeared in my room. This story contains distant references to LotG, a fanfic that will be posted one of these days by Yoda Clones.))

Oh well, I'll survive with my weird family. Right now, I think all I have to worry about surviving through is getting zapped by my evil closet. I wish it was just my closet. "Cloud?" I squeaked, getting my voice back. "Did you just say that Palpatine was in my closet?" She was unconscious still, having fainted two paragraphs back, and not revived herself yet. Luckily, Tiana walked into the room just then, and did not faint.

My earlier question was answered by the insane laughter that greeted me from my closet, and another power surge. Oh great. It had to be Tiana's Palpatine in my closet, and not the Senator version, I thought darkly, sagging backwards-- a challenge considering I was still half zapped.

I felt like I had been turned inside out. "Tiana?"

The rather Jedi looking/acting sister walked over, and knelt beside me. "Don't move, Shadow. You've just suffered a rather great shock from Force-lightning, which does not do great wonders for the nervous system. Hey, when did Palpy get here? I thought... oh well." She shrugged it off. "As long as he's too busy cackling to notice me."

I let her look me over, and then groaned, "Please tell me that's Arien with some malfunctioned weapon he invented to take over the world."

"Galaxy," she corrected. "And that's not your brother, Shadow."

I sighed-- her constant calling me of Shadow did get to be annoying.

"So, what'd'ja do?" she asked. "He looks a bit grumpy."

I sat up straight. "I didn't do anything... ow!"

"I told you not to move!" she stressed. "Will you stay down?"

I groaned again. I felt like I was toast, and quite literally too, I think. My head hurt. "I need an Advil." However, the two of us were distracted by the fact that the cackling in my closet had stopped, and it finally did not look like some mystery machine from outer space, shooting blue lighting bolts. That it had stopped made me curious. Even though my head felt like it was going to explode, I still stood up.

"Shadow! Not a good idea!" If nothing else, I can say that my sister, though odd, does know when something isn't a good idea. I knew she was right, but my curiosity got the better of me. I walked over to the closet.

She wasn't about to let me go over there and get toasted again, so Tiana cut in front and opened the door though I was protesting.

Looking in, my heart sank. I knew that it was Palpatine-- I recognized the nose. "What is that dried up, mummified twerp doing laying on my best dresses!" I yelled-- which wasn't a good idea, because I had to sit down at once, or I would've fainted. Getting zapped is not fun, nor does it have good consequences.

Tiana smirked. "Looks like it's time you face my world, Shadow."

"And one more thing. Stop calling me Shadow."

Tiana grinned darkly. "Yeah, sis."

I stared at the now-unconscious Emperor lying on my best clothes, and the burnt zap marks all over the walls of the once-nice closet. My words were foreboding and foretelling, and they echoed Tiana's. "It's a conspiracy."