Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, Cardcaptors, Dragonball / Dragonball Z / Dragonball GT, Zelda, Sailor Moon, Saint Tail, or Chobits.

Wow, it sure has been a while since I updated.

Sailor Tiamat: I am FINALLY updating your fic! Sorry it took me so long, but I had writer's block for a while, and now with school starting up… well, ENJOY!


Paradise Island

By: Chi Yagami


Chapter 3 – When Evil Metal Detectors Attack!

(Anzu's POV)

(-.-''''') Okay, so the people on the telephone lied. They said we were supposed to take a bus there. HA, we're taking a bus to the AIRPORT, and then flying out to the island. I hope it's a Caribbean Island (XD) Maybe I'll meet Jack Sparrow (drool…)

Oh good, we all made it to the airport. At last! Ugh. Katsuya kept pulling our taxi over for food (--). I was in a cab with him, Shizuka, Honda, and Mai. Rebecca, Ryou, Bakura, Isis, Marik, and Malik were in another; Yumi, Chiharu, Naoki, Meimi, and Trunks were in a third cab; Yamcha, Lita, Mina, and Miho shared a taxi; and Yugi, Atemu, Link, (and surprisingly enough) Kaiba and Mokuba. Atemu and Yamcha raced to the Tokyo Airport (neither one of them one, Yumi's cab beat them). And now we're all standing here, waiting for our guide to show up and give us the plane tickets.

"I bet it's just a hoax," Kaiba mumbles. It better not be!

(Normal POV)

"Vello little peoples."

The twenty-six teens whirled around to the strange, exotic voice. A tiny little woman stood looking at them. Her black hair was wound up in a tight ball at the top of her head, and a bright yellow suit and heels. She was carrying a bag and clipboard.

"Vere might… (squinting at the clipboard) Anzu Mazake be?" she asked, rocking back and forth on her feet.

The group parted, Anzu left standing alone. "Uhh, hi…"

"I vill be your guide zruout ze tour," she said as a way of introduction, digging through her bag. "I am Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed."

"What kind of a name is THAT!" Marik cried, clutching his stomach. Malik and Bakura burst out laughing. Trunks and Kaiba had to restrain some coughing, and Mai dropped her lipstick tube. Katsuya merely continued to chew on his sandwich.

"A German name, you surfer from Hell!" Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed snapped back. Everyone tensed.

Marik stared back unfazed. "Btch."

"I vill not tolerate such behavior," she continued.

"I can't understand a word you're saying, lady," Yamcha mumbled.

"Vell at least I'm not mumbling!"

"Uhh… Madame… uhh," Honda started.

"Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed," she finished.

"Uhh yeah… can we just call you Madame K?"

The lady continued rummaging, though more impatiently now. She pulled out a folded piece of paper and began to open it. It was huge and its length could be compared to a python. Passersby in the airport gave them strange looks.

"Rule No…………… Rule No.1583: You may only address ze tour guide by his or her proper name," she read.

"What?" Meimi asked. "That's a stupid rule."

"It's most likely ze oldest rule of ze tour guide's life!"

"Then shouldn't it be rule number one," Naoki inquired, "instead of… one thousand whatever?"

Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed gave her the evil eye before continuing. "I trust zat you vill be a good tour group so zat I do not have to read all of zese rules. I can and I vill if it seems necessary."

She folded the paper back up and glanced at her clipboard. "I vill now take role."

"Anzu, I thought this was supposed to be fun," Atemu whispered. The brunette shrugged.

"NO TALKING, PORCUPINE HEAD!" Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed shouted, turning several heads. "Now zen, first… Anzu Mazaki is here… YUGI MUTO!"

Yugi jumped into the air by several feet. He slowly raised his hand as everyone looked at him. One of the girls he didn't know giggled, and the tour guide gave him a strange look.

"Are you old enough to be coming on zis trip?" she asked strictly.

"Of course I am! I'm sixteen!"

Yamcha gave him a suspicious look before glancing at Trunks, who was inspecting the strap of his sword.

"ATEMU MUTO!"

"Here… grrr…"

"LINK…… LAST NAME NOT HERE!"

"Righto, I'm here."

"CAT-SUYA… JONOCHI!"

"Huh? Oh yeah, dat's me, but ya said my name wrong—"

"SHEEZUCA CAWAEE!"

"Shizuka Kawaii," she corrected.

"Vatever, you're here… HONDA HIROTO!"

"Here."

Yamcha sniggered and whispered something to Trunks about a living pencil.

"MAE KUJAKU!"

"Here, hun."

"Excuse moi!" Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed asked, gripping her clipboard. "I'm sorry, but I am not a lesbo."

((((((((((((((((OO)))))))))))))))))

"RYO BAKURA AND… (oO) Bakura Bakura?"

"Here," Ryou responded cheerfully.

"Hey, y'all got snow on your heads," Link told them.

"YOU LITTLE RAT, IM AN ANCIENT EVIL ALBINO TOMBROBBER!"

Anzu glanced at the security men, but luckily they were munching on donuts.

"ANYWAY, ISIS ISHTAR… MARIK ISHTAR… AND MALIK ISHTAR!"

"We're here…"

"Hmm… surfer boy from hell has a twin," Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed snickered. "I can conduct my experiments… MWUAHAHAHAHA!"

(blink blink)

"(coughcough) Sorry, I haven't had my medication yet…"

"I'm not sure you're taking enough…"

"VAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE GIRL?"

Naoki cowered back.

"Now then… SETO AND MOKUBA KAIBA— SETO KAIBA!" Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed shrieked. "I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I FOUNDED YOUR FAN CLUB! OH SETO KAIBA, MAY I HAVE YOUR UTOGRAPH!"

"Get a life, you pathetic excuse for a person."

"I'll take that as a no… YUMI!"

"Here…"

"Duuude," Yamcha said, "that girl's hot! Don't you think so, Trunks?"

………

"Trunks!"

………z z z………

"VAKE UP AND STOP CHATTING!"

Yamcha jumped and Trunks slowly opened his eyes, yawning.

"REBECCA HOPKINS!"

"Here! Hi Yugi," she said sweetly, waving at him.

"No flirting! CHIHARU…… something…!"

"Here!"

"NAOKI!"

"Present… (mumbling) unfortunately…"

"MEIMI HANEOKA!"

"Here!"

"TRUNKS CHAMBERLAIN and… YAMCHA!"

"Yeah we're here."

"LITA AND MINA! MARRON! MIHO NOZAKA!"

"HERE!" all four of them shouted back. Anzu sighed; so far this trip wasn't running very smoothly.

"Very vell zen, ve shall continue on to za ticket counter. Bring your luggage pleeze."

"Hey, hun," Mai said to Link, "would you mind carrying these?"

She pointed to the mountain of suitcases behind her. The kid's jaw dropped as she waved and walked away; how was he supposed to manage this? Yami started laughing at him, but Miho came over and helped him.

"Hey Marik," Malik joked, "you've been pantsed!"

"WHAT?" the Egyptian asked, glancing down. His pants were still at his waste. "WHY YOU LITTLE—"

"Velcome to ze ticket counter or vatever. After I hand you you ticket, get inline for a boarding pass and luggage drop-off," Madame Krtuonsrrdfdszed explained, interrupting Surfer Boy From Hell.

Most of the crowd got their passes okay, but some people had difficulty…

"Excuse me, sir, but is this in Japanese?" the lady asked Bakura, who'd just signed some papers.

"Are you blind?" he retorted. "Of course not! It's in Egyptian, you moron!"

"Let me see your passport again."

He slapped his tiny black passport onto the counter and shot her a death glare.

"When was this made?" she asked suspiciously.

"Uhh… 3000 BCE-ish, back in Ancient Egypt," Bakura snapped.

"They had that stuff back then?" Ryou asked with wide eyes. His look-alike shrugged.

Meanwhile, Mai's twenty-eight suitcases were holding up the luggage belt. Half of them were full of just makeup and clothes.

"God dere gonna need another plane just ta hold all your junk, Mai," Joey told her seriously. She smacked him upside the head with her purse (which was full of more makeup).

Kaiba tapped his foot, watching the computer guy do a background check on Marik.

"Why must I fly with these imbeciles? I have my own private jet…"

Everyone finally got their boarding passes and proceeded into the security line. Anzu and Yugi tried to explain to the yamis about security check, but they just kept getting confused. Yugi and Yami approached the far left metal detector.

"Yami, just follow my lead and you'll be fine," he said, pulling off his belt and shoes and placing them into one of the plastic boxes.

"YUGI!" Yami cried as his hikari made to take of his jacket. "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A STRIPPER!"

Several security guards walked over apprehensively. Yugi sweat-dropped. "Yami, I'm just removing my jacket…"

…………………… "Oh…"

Yugi walked under the metal detector unscathed and waited for his items to slide out of the scanner-thingy. Yami eyed the machine suspiciously. Then, mimicking Yugi, he took off his jacket, shoes, and belt.

"This will be a piece of cake," he told himself. "It's an inanimate object…"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yami screamed, jumping back from the doorway thing. "IT'S ALIVE!"

"It's reacting to your Millennium Puzzle," Yugi called out from across the room. "Just take it off and put it in one of those boxes."

"No way! The Pharaoh never removes his sacred jewelry!"

(((((—(((OO)))—)))))

"Yami! Just take it off!"

"Never! I am Pharaoh, and I demand that you people bow before me!" he boomed, holding his puzzle out firmly. "NOW!"

A dozen cops closed in on him, but Yami only smirked.

"MIND CRUSH!"

……………………………………

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, NEVER!" he bellowed, dodging more cops and running around the airport.

Bakura and Marik were having similar problems…

"Hehehehe… I could turn all of these fools into mind slaves… MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

((((((((((OO'''''''''''''))))))))))