Falling

A Haibane Renmei Fanfiction By:

Black Waltz 0

A/N: This anime series has always made me cry. Even more so than Reki and her misery, the story of Rakka and the forsaking of the person she loved has always seemed much more sad and beautiful to me. I feel that Kuu's departure was only a mirroring of Rakka's fall from humanity, and that Rakka entered her loved one's pain to truly understand the reason why she became a haibane. One has to experience their own pain, to understand the reason for one's own pain. This is the perspective of Rakka's lost friend, as interpreted by me. I've named him Tori, which roughly translates into; "The Bird."

xxx

Did you really want it to be this way?

It was raining. Thick drops of water were cascading from the murky grey sky, rolling clumped clouds hiding the blue sky and the warm sun. The land seemed to be painted in faded shades of pale green grass and dirty-white buildings, seen as though it were no more than a piece of watercolur art, the physical world no more than brushes from a silken artist's mind. The air was cool and refreshing, the rain not bearing a sodden quality, but more of a revitalizer to the earth, or tears from heaven.

Tori had pulled the hood of his anorak back so that the refreshing rain could dampen and run through his hair, the clear drops of liquid darkening the light nut-brown colouring, then running down his face and cheeks, cooling it's redness from such a humid and surprisingly wet morning. He was sitting on a small ridgeof brickwork that was just tall enough to act as a comfortable seat, green grass growing pleasantly at his feet. He had ridden his bike a long way out of the city at the breaking of dawn, not stopping until he could no longer see the high-rise buildings, and could smell the cleaner air and feel the presence of plant-life beneath his feet. Unsurprisingly, he had found all this in the heart of a cemetery.

Did you have to leave without me? Wasn't I enough? I know… things were hard, and I know… how lonely you were… But I tried to help, I tried to make it better…

You said you were tired of it. You said you couldn't take the abuse anymore. You said that if you left, nobody would care…

But I cared! I cared…I cared enough to try… and… to try and save you…

And now you've gone to a place where I can't follow…

In his hands he was holding a large urn. It was a deep black and heavy to carry, with a golden trim around the base and sealed lid. Her funeral had been three days ago, and as much as he hated it, Tori was not permitted to attend. As far as he knew, her parents didn't even know that he existed. But he had been her only confidant, her only friend. She had told him many things, about the mother that had never been there, or the father who had abused her both physically and mentally for his own personal pleasure. She had also told him about how often she had wanted to die. He honestly wasn't surprised, she was a frail individual, and nobody could live a life like that indefinitely.

And Tori had told her, a long time ago, that when they were old enough, they would run away together and start life anew. They were both only thirteen, but as long as their parents never caught them, they could remain friends forever, away from anything that could hurt.

But she had been unable to wait that long. Convinced of her worthlessness, words spewed forth from her father, she had climbed onto the balcony of their apartment home, twenty stories above the earth. Nobody was really sure if she had thrown herself from it consciously, or if she had lost her balance and fell, but in the end, the result was the same. Her remains were then gathered and cremated, and she was gone.

Deep down in his heart, Tori knew that it had been suicide.

And he hated himself for not being there to catch her, to grab her falling body and pull her back up again and restore her to life. If only he had known, if only he had been there for her more, if only that bastard of a father had treated her better…

God, he would have given anything to have been able to pull her back when she had fallen.

He stroked the surface of the urn carefully, thoughtfully. He had broken in to her parent's home to steal her urn away from them, they didn't deserve it anyway. Why would they care for it now, after their daughter was already dead?

Wherever you are… that is where I want to be…

Even if it is… away from this world…

The ride of brick he had been sitting on was not a wall, or any kind of foundation rising from the earth. No, it led downwards, to a hollow empty well. The water had dried up ages ago, and the only water milling around in it now was falling from the sky. He couldn't see the bottom, but he knew it was deep. By his legs was a wooden bucket, he nudged it slightly when he shifted his weight a little, his center of gravity veering a little more towards the deepness of the well itself. Tori hugged the urn in his arms, the only thing he had left of her.

I can't stay here without you.

I am gonna follow you…

Even if… even if I have to fall too…

Even if you forget me…

Like a diver launching himself into deep waters, Tori threw himself backwards and fell, keeping his arms crossed around his front, holding the urn tightly as if he would never let go. He felt the air whip around his body and pass by in an indescribably sensation, aware that this would be the last moments of his life. He looked up, to the place where he had fallen.

He saw the darkness of the well, and in the midst of that, a bright round circle of light, like a halo without a hole punched into it's center. Ripples cascaded across it's golden surface, reflections of the water below him. Time seemed to slow down, and Tori let go, of the urn, of himself, and of everything else.

At least I might have a chance of catching you…

… And seeing you at the end.

-fin-