Summary: Even Severus runs away when the pain becomes to real.
Disclaimer: I do not own the song or the characters sadly
A/N: This is an AU, not canon
Severus Snape came trudging home, a man beaten, a man without any hope left. All that kept him from going insane was coming home to his family. Lily and his infant son always waited for him with open arms. To them he was simply Severus or Daddy, to all others he was one of the most hated and loyal death eaters of Voldemort's men.
True enough as he opened the door Harry wobbled over to him, having just learned to walk, and Lily waited for him by the couch. As he looked at her he knew right away what had drawn him to Lily. Her hair was like a blazing fire, that could never be quenched and her heart was made of pure gold. The lines of her mouth which had been smiling when he came in, now turned into a small crease of worry. Without saying a word, she knew he had been through the wringer tonight, and would need some time to himself. Sweeping over to him, she pulled him close, and kissed him gently. "Welcome home, why do we not put Harry to bed and have a little talk."
Severus tucked little Harry into his crib, and placed a kiss on his little cheek. This child, him and his mother were the only thing he lived for. They pushed him to go on, through the pain of reporting for the light side, and through the glares from his peers. He needed nothing, but the loving arms of his family. Quietly closing the door of the room, he and Lily went to have a talk.
Lily had tried to get Severus to speak of the horrors that plagued him at these meetings, but he would not reveal them to her. He would only say that they were inhuman, and that he wished she never had to see them. She finally relented, and with a goodnight kiss she went off to bed, telling him to come soon.
Severus sat for hours, just watching the flickering of the flames in the fireplace. His mind reeled with the screams of those people. Was he horrible to have watched all that, and done nothing? When his thoughts lingered on it too long he broke down. Severus sat by the fire and wept, the tears he could not cry when he was there.
Lily rolled over in the bed, and saw Severus had still not joined her. Pulling her robe on she quietly made it down the hall, to only find him weeping. Her heart broke into a thousand pieces at this sight. Severus was not a man to cry, so she could only assume in was from something he had endured tonight. Walking over to him, she laid her hand on his face, and wiped away the last tear.
"Why do you do it Severus? Why not stop now, and just enjoy a simple life? Dumbledore can find someone else."
"I can't stop now. He will kill me and you, not to mention Harry. I failed you once long ago, I will not fail you again. By leaving him it will only bring about your deaths."
"We can hide Severus, you know Remus and the others said they would help."
"I cannot burden them with this. This is my cross to bear, and I will not have you suffer from it."
Three days later the scene that Severus walked into was one of his worst nightmares.. He had tried to rush home and tell Lily to get out, that Voldemort was coming to test him of his allegiance. He knew Lily would not let Harry go without a fight, and that could only end in tragedy. As he apparated to the house, his eyes were met by a glowing mark in the sky.
He ran toward the house, but was caught by two sets of arms. Severus was fighting tooth and nail to get to the house, but even he could see that it was a lost cause.
"Severus, I am so sorry. We got here too late. We found Lily dead already."
"What about Harry? Did you find my son?" Severus choked out.
Sirius looked at Remus, and the tears began to flow. "All we found was this," he said holding out the little stuffed bear Severus had given him. The ears were burnt off, charred black.
Severus could not take it anymore, and in a mad fury he flung the other two off him. Into the house he ran, only to find what his deepest fears already told him. There in Harry's room laid his beautiful wife. Her hair now dull, singed at the ends, and her eyes forever frozen in horror.
Severus looked into the crib where his son should have been, and found nothing, not even his blanket. His heart finally tearing into pieces, he ran outside the back door and apparated away.
For days he wandered the streets of muggle London. People had stopped to stare occasionaly at the sullen man, but all soon left him alone when he glared at them. Severus kept walking till he found himself standing in front of a train station. Pulling his wand from his pocket, he turned his galleons into muggle money and walked up to the window.
"Where to sir?" the man behind the window asked.
"It does not matter to me, just away from here."
For weeks Severus would stop in one place, and then move on to the next. Nowhere could ever feel like home again, so he just kept on going.
He rode the train till it stopped again in Surrey, and then got off. Walking to the nearest park bench he sat down, and placed his head in his hands. How had it come to this, how had he gotten his own family killed? Nothing could replace them in his heart.
As the noonday sun beat down on him, he felt a shiver run through him. His dark mark again was burning, and yet he cared not. What he was staring at was a little boy, and his mother who had just entered the park, and was now swinging on the swings. Severus was so caught up in the child he did not see the old woman sit down beside him.
"Why look so sad on such a beautiful autumn day? Surely you could smile at the way the birds sing in the trees, or at the laughter of the children here."
Severus turned to the woman, his eyes clouded with fresh tears. He could not tell this woman of his troubles. He could not tell her he would never smile again, and that his only reasons for being was now gone. Life was just not that simple, at least not for him.
Severus got up from the bench, and nodded that he was leaving. He began to walk back to the train, for then at least he could get away. No one could understand, no one knew his pain. He was a father, a husband, and yet he had answered the call of the darkest wizard in the world. Coming up to the train station, he again purchased a ticket of unknown destination. The train would be leaving in a couple hours, so Severus went to sit down and wait for it.
When the rain began to drizzle outside, he ignored it. He was only pulled from his thoughts when the train station manager tapped him on the shoulder.
"You better get inside and wait before you catch your death of colds."
Severus, burst out in a laugh. "Rain, rain you say. If that were the least of my worries, I would be all too happy. If I catch my death, then it will only be a due justice. Do you know what I have done, do you know what I have seen? The rain will do me no harm I can assure you."
The train station manager shook his head in disbelief, and fright. This man was obvioulsy insane, and better to be left alone.
Severus watched the man go, and looked up at the rain falling. A raindrop fell off the bridge of his nose, and trickled down his shirt. He hoped he would catch his death, then he could join his wife, and son, but somehow he did not think it would be that easy. His actions in the past would surely give him a one way ticket to hell. Just like he believed the sun would come up each day, he knew he would never lay eyes on either of them again.
The rain pelted down on him continously, until Severus thought surely it could rain no harder. He looked down at his sodden robes, and hair dripping with water, and laughed. If his students could see him now. They would think he had lost all sense of reality. The love that used to keep him going though was gone. It had burned like a roaring fire inside him everytime he had went to one of the death eater meetings, reminding him that someone would be there afterwards that loved him. Now the ember had been snuffed out, the fire drenched by the sadist mind of Lord Voldemort.
How he wished to kill him, but in truth even Severus feared what the wizard had become. He realized running away from everything seemed cowardly, but he could not face the truth, that his wife and son were gone, and he had not saved them. He wanted to cry, and the sobs threatened to choke him even now. It was all easier than dealing with the loss. Burying his head in his lap, he waited for the train to take him away again, and this time he was not coming back.
What Severus did not notice was the old man walking towards him. He did not hear the footsteps as they approached, but he did feel the hand placed upon his shoulder. "Severus my son, we have come to take you home." he said lifting the man's chin to meet his gaze.
"I cannot go back Albus, I won't, and nothing you can say will change my mind." Severus looked up and saw Sirius and Remus standing behind the old wizard., but what surprised him was that even Hagrid had come to try to get him back. He had never really spoken to the half giant, and when he did he was always short with him.
"Severus, You cannot run away from your responsibilties. People need you."
Severus grew quiet at these words, and choked back the tears that were forming. "Who needs me, my family was taken from me, and they are all that ever mattered. I am sorry Albus, but no one needs an ex death eater, turned potions master. You can find another to do your bidding. Now please leave me in peace." Severus turned and started to walk away from them all, but something caught his attention. He stopped where he stood, the words finally reaching his ears.
"Dada no leave me"
Severus swung around, and there standing holding Harry was Hagrid. "I saw the house on fire, and ran in. The little tike was screaming his head off, and he was bleeding so I took him to Nurse Pomfrey. By the time I got back, you were gone. I took real good care of him."
Severus fell the his knees on the pavement, and wept openly. All around people stared, but none in the small group surrounding him. Hagrid handed over Harry to him, and Severus breathed in the scent of his son. Holding him tight to his chest, and placing a kiss on his face Severus stood up.
"Let's go home Albus" He said turning to go. Holding his son tightly to him, he promised himself never to run away again.