Disclaimer: This is a parody of X. X, the characters, plot, etc. do not belong to me.
Warning: Spoilers galore.
Special note to Readers: This story had to be re-posted because of a vindictive adolescent with poor grammar skills. (I'm 99.9 sure that the adolescent in question complained about this story to in order to "get back" at me for daring to suggest she was being unduly rude to a young author). My abject apologies to my previous reviewers (Bimp Lizkit, Zippy, Ryuu Raigeki, Ru-kun, Meirav, Fema, AmethystWind89, Seneti, and Mysterious Double) whose reviews are now part of internet limbo land. If you've never read this before, please read and review. If you've reviewed the previous version, please read and review the new one. It may take me a while to convert all the chapters so please be patient.
X PARODY: CHAPTER ONE: BEGINNINGS
PART ONE: It's Kamui Shirou's first day of school. He returns to Tokyo after an absence of six years. He wears a black school uniform trimmed with red. He has short dark hair, a slight boyish figure, and amber colored eyes.
As soon as the class settles down, the teacher calls Kamui up to the front.
"Class, we have a new student today named Kamui Shirou, who recently lost his mother in a mysterious fire and has moved to Tokyo to attend school here. Kamui, please introduce yourself."
"I'm the dark silent brooding type. Keep away. I don't want friends and my motto is: Never do anything if you don't have to." says Kamui as he glares and stomps off to an empty desk.
The teacher sighs. "Oh great, ANOTHER slacker. Why do I always get the weird ones?"
At recess, Kamui is brooding picturesquely on the flat-topped roof of the school, by the chain link fence overlooking the schoolyard below. All of a sudden an attractive strawberry blonde girl in a grey and black school uniform shows up and walks toward him hesitantly.
"Kamui? Is it really you?" asks Kotori, the cute blonde.
Kamui turns and looks at her.
Kotari smiles happily. "It is you! I'm so happy to see you. Do you remember when you, me, and my brother used to play together when we were children, and you saved me from falling out of a tree and we all swore we'd be friends forever and ever?"
Kamui glares. "Go away and leave me alone. I hate you."
"Gee, sorry to bother you. I will now go away and fall madly in love with you. Girls always go for the rude obnoxious types." giggles Kotori, and skips off down the stairs.
PART TWO: Evening. The walkway outside Kamui's apartment. Kamui buys a can of soda from a vending machine. A blonde haired kid in a school uniform shows up.
"I'm Daisuke, loyal follower of the Princess Hinoto. I'm here to find out if you are the real Kamui, the Dragon of Heaven who will fulfill an ages old prophecy, and wield the Shincan, a divine sword."
Kamui pops the top of the soda can. "Stop bothering me."
"You are rude. I will now challenge you to a fight even though we may actually be on the same side. Besides, I think you are a jerk. Now let us go someplace secluded, or set up a nice green force field so there won't be any property damage and no one will get hurt by falling masonry."
Kamui raises his hand and sends an energy blast that crumples the concrete wall by Daisuke.
"Hey!" yells Daisuke. "You can't be the real Kamui, He's one of the good guys. He'd never put others in danger." Daisuki jumps aside and battles Kamui across three streets, resulting in the annihilation of roofs, water towers, and a skyscraper construction site. Both are wounded, but Kamui manages to knock Daisuke to the edge of the (now in ruins) skyscraper, and stomps on his back.
"You're wasting my time. Who sent you? Tell me now." says Kamui as he grinds his heel on the back of Daisuke's head.
A beautiful girl with long dark hair in a green and white sailor style school uniform shows up. "Stop it. You're hurt. You must tend your wounds. By the way, I'm Arashi, the cool unapproachable beauty. I also have a spirit sword that I can pull from my hand. I can and will kick hindquarters with it, but right now I'm being sympathetic. Want some bandages?"
"Forget it." says Kamui through clenched teeth. "I'm invincible." Blood starts to flow down his side. "I will now attack you. You are a girl, but you are probably one of them, the ones who keep bothering me, so I will fight you."
Arashi pulls her sword out, parries his blows, picks up Daisuke, and jumps off the building. "I'm going now, but we will meet again. By the way, you're dripping blood all over the floor, Mr. Invincible."
Kamui staggers over to some basketball courts where Fuma, Kotari's brother, is practicing alone in the dark. Fuma sees him and rushes over.
"Kamui! You're hurt!"
"I'm fine. Leave me alone." Blood seeps through Kamui's fingers where he's holding a nasty gash in his side.
Fuma paces anxiously. "But when you saved my sister from falling out of a tree I swore I'd always protect you!"
"Back off Basketball Boy!" snarls Kamui. "I need nothing and nobody. I am the cold, emotionless anti-hero." He staggers off into the night, collapsing at his apartment.
Meanwhile, a lone figure in a yellow jacket and baseball cap on backwards follows him by jumping across the roof tops. Fuma jumps on his bicycle and rides after Kamui, trailing him by the bloodstains on the ground. Across 10 city blocks. Really.
Fuma crosses a green mystical barrier field, stops his bike and looks around in amazement. Three blocks worth of houses, shops, and streets lie in rubble.
"What the...?" asks Fuma, mouth open in wonderment.
On the remains of the rooftops above, the kid in the baseball cap and yellow jacket pauses in his battle with a tall blonde man snappily dressed in a pink suit and white duster style raincoat, bearing a whip.
Sorata, the kid, turns to his opponent and says, "Now that's something you don't see every day."
"He's not an ordinary human, is he?" comments Yuto, coiling his whip.
"Nope, they can't get through force fields."
Both are silent a moment, contemplating the spectacle of Fuma craning his neck to get a better view of the destruction.
"Yeah. What say we call a time out?" asks Fuma at last.
"Sure." Yuto shrugs. "See ya around. By the way, I forgot to introduce myself earlier. I'm Yuto Kigai, humble public servant working for the government by day, Dragon of Earth by night. I'm also the only Dragon of Earth with a sense of humor AND a sense of style."
"Cool. I'm Subara, the wise-cracking smart-alecky high school kid. I'm adorable, because I'm the only Dragon of Heaven who doesn't take the whole end of the world thing too seriously."
"Gee, what a shame we're on opposite sides. In any other circumstances we could become friends, instead of just engaging in quips, one-liners, and witty insults while trying to beat each other's brains out in battle."
"True, I kinda like you, even if you do dress like a wussy Calvin Klein model." Sorata releases the barrier field, and goes to Kamui's apartment.
"What the...?" asks Fuma as the rubble disappears and the world turns back to its normal intact self. "Oh well, I will now convince myself it was all a hallucination and go to help my old friend who specifically told me to back off." Fuma gets back on his bike and peddles to Kamui's apartment where he meets Sorata, standing guard outside.
"Who're you?" asks Fuma suspiciously.
"Little old me?" Sorata grins, and says, "Oh, I'm just a friend of Kamui's who happened to be passing by."
"Did you happen to see the street get destroyed then magically change back to normal?"
Sorata glances around, trying to look innocent. "What street? Where? Uh, let's go see if Kamui's OK."
They knock on the door, bursting in when they receive no answer, to find Kamui out cold, flat on the floor.
"Kamui!" cries Fuma. "Let me tend your wounds and salve them with my super secret recipe ointment passed down by the basketball team for generations. It not only heals your wounds, it brings down the swelling too. And it is said to cure acne and halitosis. That way, when you wake up you can be rude, unresponsive, and have nice breath."
Sorata chimes in, "And I'll go shopping for packaged food items so that way when you wake up you can be ungrateful."
Gleefully, they set to work. Kamui wakes up from a nightmare in which his mother is standing in a burning house with her hair artistically wafting around her face in the fire's updraft, managing to look beautifully intact, and carrying on a conversation while supposedly burning to death.
"Great! You're up. I bandaged your wounds and cleaned your apartment. Plus I washed your dishes and polished the floor. I'm so glad you're feeling better now. Remember, I promised you I'd always protect you the day you saved Kotari from falling out of that tree and breaking her neck. Kotari and I are worried about you." says Fuma.
"Beat it." Kamui growls.
Completely ignoring Kamui's rudeness, Fuma answers, "Oh, of course! You need your rest. I'll be going now."
"Gee, I thought there were no more nice guys in the world. Why're you so mean to him when all he wants to do is be your friend?"
Kamui ignores Sorata's question. "What do you want?" He pulls off his bandages to reveal that all his wounds have completely healed in under an hour.
Sorata takes a deep breath, then explains. "Well ya see, I'm a monk from Koya shrine, and the shrine master says you're the one who will wield the shincan, the magic sword, so I'm supposed to guard and protect you, like a guard dog! See, the world's about to end soon and there's going to be an epic battle between the Dragons of Heaven and the Dragons of Earth, which you are going to be a part of. By the way, he also said that your mom died horribly in a terrible fire, and that you came back because you are now completely alone in the world with no family, no one to love you or care if you live or die. I heard fire's an awful way to go, flesh melting off bones and..."
Kamui grabs Sorata by the throat. "SHUT UP! And die!"
"What'd I say? Geez, you're so touchy! Oh and I almost forgot, I've got an important message for you that..."
Kamui creates an energy ball and attempts to ram it down Sorata's throat.
Sorata jumps backwards and exits. "Okay, Okay, I'm going."
PART THREE: The library. Kotari drops a book next to Kamui, who bends and picks it up. Kotari holds out her hand for the book, but Kamui begins to leaf through it.
Kotari smiles. "Oh! Kamui! What a pleasant surprise. That's my book on Indigo dyeing." She keeps holding out her hand, but Kamui ignores it. "Do you like Indigo dyeing? I went to an Indigo factory on a field trip, and I've decided to devote my life to Indigo dyeing. It takes ten to twenty years to really learn how to use Indigo dye."
"Yeah, well the world's ending this year so you might want to change your career plans."
Kotari giggles. "Oh Kamui, you say the silliest things sometimes. Did you know that Indigo dyed cloth was found on Egyptian mummies and ones from Incan tombs, and that ancient Sanskrit texts record that the early Indians knew how to use Indigo?"
Kamui's eyes glaze over and he hands her the book, and walks away.
Kotari, not noticing he's gone, keeps talking. "Not only that, but Marco Polo was the first European to write about Indigo use in India in the thirteenth century...."
Kamui spots the girl in the white and green sailor suit style school uniform sitting quietly at a desk, reading a book. He goes over to her.
"You there. Stop spying on me. Tell me the name of whoever sent you."
Arashi puts her book down and faces him. "You can not escape your Destiny, Kamui. Just as my destiny is to guard and protect you, your destiny is to wield the Shincan sword. You can not deny it."
"Yes I can. I'm taking the Shincan sword and then I'm gone."
"You can not leave." Arashi intones solemnly. "The fate of the entire world lies in your hands."
"Sorry, not interested, and if I see you again I'll kill you." Kamui leaves.
Meanwhile back among the shelves, Kotari keeps babbling. "Indigo is a dye derived from the plants of the genus Indigofera, and its molecular structure consists of molecules arranged in a benzene ring fused to a pyrrole ring. The Indigofera molecule is also known as indicant in other literature and...Kamui? Kamui?"
PART FOUR: In a darkened, spacious room somewhere far below basement level of a government building in downtown Tokyo, a young albino girl seated on the floor in the middle of what looks like a Japanese tea house built in the middle of the empty space.
Hinoto, the albino girl, recites in a sing-song voice, "I dreamed, I dreamed of two Kamuis and two Shincan swords. The end of the world, Kamui was there. I saw him, but which one? The end of the world is coming, the final battle. The seven seals are gathering for this conflict, and...Darn it Kanoe, get out of my dream!"
A white skinned woman with long dark hair dressed like a cross between a C.E.O. of a major corporation and Elvira mistress of the dark steps forward, chuckling evilly.
Kanoe smirks. "Ah, sister dear, you know I can't dream of the future myself, so whenever I want to know what's going to happen, all I have to do is eavesdrop on your dreams. Now who do you like in the fifth race tomorrow down at the track?"
Hinoto cries out piteously, "Please sister, do not look into my dreams anymore. Why do you fight for the destruction of the earth?"
"Because you're fighting for its salvation." answers Kanoe.
"But don't you care about the millions of people who will die?" Hinoto asks, turning her sightless red eyes toward her sister.
"Nope." answers Kanoe matter-of-factly. You were always the perfect child, the gifted one with the pink eyes and the long silver hair. Everyone paid attention to you, not me, so everyone should die die die!"
"So this is really all about sibling rivalry?!?"
"Pretty much. Now, I've got to go play mind games with some of my Dragons of Earth, so Ciao!" Kanoe wiggles her fingers at Hinoto and walks nonchalantly out of her dream.
"I told mom she should have drowned Kanoe at birth!" Hinoto concentrates and contacts Arashi with her mind. "Arashi, Are you guarding Kamui?"
Arashi, busily slicing and dicing a cadre of black suited golem-like wraiths, who appeared out of the ground, answers. "Yes, princess, I hear you. I am not on Kamui duty just now. That boy from the Koya monastery is Kamui-sitting just now." She pauses to cut through the torsos of four wraiths, who fall in pieces to the ground and disappear in black puddles, leaving behind little rectangular papers with spells printed on them.
"Kamui must be protected at all costs." Hinoto reminds her anxiously.
"Yes princess. Can I get back to you? I'm a bit busy right now." Arashi looks up to see hundreds of black suited human like wraiths perching on rooftops all around her. "What is this? A 'Men in Black' convention?"
At that moment, a harried looking man in a tan suit with a green umbrella casually saunters through Arashi's green force shield and bisects two wraiths with a wind spell.
Seiichiro stops before her and holds out his umbrella. "Excuse me, miss? Could you use my umbrella? You'll catch your death in this rain."
Arashi winces at the poor choice of words. "Who're you?"
"Oh I'm the slightly goofy token older character to round out the teenage dominated super team. I have a wife and kid and I'm actually gainfully employed as an editor at a publishing house. Right now I'm late for a meeting. I'm only in this scene to introduce myself, and I've done that so now I'll go. That reminds me. Say hello to Sorata when you see him." Leaving the umbrella behind with Arashi, Seiichiro runs off.
Kamui and Sorata walk up to Arashi, who polishes off the last hundred wraiths without breaking a sweat.
Kamui stops and glares. "Take me to your leader or I will kill you."
"Do you always sound like a robot?" asks Arashi interestedly.
"Don't mind him," jokes Sorata. "He's just cranky that someone stole the Shincan sword from out of Fuma and Kotari's dad's shrine, leaving their dad wounded. By the way, I'm Sorata, the comic relief for this story." He leans in under Arashi's umbrella and gazes into her eyes. "Hey, you're CUTE! You're the one! I choose you."
"What are you talking about?"
"The one I'll give my life for! It was prophesied that one day I would die for a girl, and I choose you. You now can't help but be charmed by me and fall madly in love with me."
Arashi turns up her nose. "Hah. Cool unapproachable beauties like me do not fall so easily. Besides, don't you know that girls always go for the rude obnoxious types?"
"Take me to your leader or I'll kill you." repeats Kamui in monotone.
Arashi looks at him, sighs. "On the other hand..."
PART FIVE: A young schoolgirl with short black hair in a green jacket and pleated grey skirt walks down the sidewalk by a park, a large grey wolf-like dog at her side. As they cross the street at a crosswalk, the dog stops to save a child who ran into the crosswalk against the light, and into oncoming traffic.
"Good dog, Inuki! What a pity no one else can see you but me, since you're a spirit dog. Now let's go buy ice cream." says the girl, Yuzuriha, perkily.
A soldier, Kusanagi, dressed in army fatigues bends down and pats Inuki on the head.
"Great save boy! What a good dog you have there, miss."
Yuzuriha's eyes fill with tears. She begins to sob. "You can see him? You can see Inuki?"
"Of course, he's standing right there." Kusanagi gives a puzzled smile as he stands up straight.
Yuzuriha throws herself into his arms and hugs him, sobbing hysterically. "I'm so happy!"
Kusanagi, looking perplexed, asks, "Why is it women only seem to say that when they are crying?"
"It's a girl thing. I'm going to run away now without telling you my name or finding out yours, with no chance of ever finding you again. Even though you're the only other person I've met besides my family who can see my spirit dog. I know it's completely illogical, but just go with it."
Yuzuriha runs away laughing and waving, Inuki at her side.
Kusanagi waves back reflexively. "That is one weird little girl."
PART SIX: Hinoto's lair under the government building. Kamui, Sorata, and Arashi descend in an elevator, and begin walking toward the doors at the end of the hallway.
Arashi speaks as they walk. "Princess Hinota is a dream seer. She is disabled. She cannot hear or speak. She will communicate with you in other ways. Do not be rude to her or say anything to make her uncomfortable." She glares long and hard at Sorata.
"Hey! Why're you looking at me like that?" asks Sorata plaintively. "I'm the warm and friendly one, remember?"
They arrive at the doors. Arashi opens them and steps into the open, cavernous room, motioning for them to follow. Kamui and Sorata enter, stopping short when they see the diminutive form of the young albino girl in her shrine like setting. Two female attendants, and a much bandaged and banged up looking Daisuke attend her.
"Welcome." Hinto says in a demure voice.
"Wow, it really looks like she's talking just like a normal person. Plus she's not nearly as old looking as she must be." says Sorata loudly.
Arashi smacks him and glares.
"What'd I do?" asks Sorata, surprised.
Hinoto ignores them and lifts her hand. "Kamui, take my hand and I will show you my dream."
Sorata shoves Kamui forward. "Don't be scared, dude. I'll protect you. It's my destiny."
Kamui glares at him. "Touch me again and I'll break your hand." He steps forward and grabs Hinoto's hand, transporting himself into her prophetic dream. Both end up in a barren landscape of fallen skyscrapers and dust swirls.
Hinoto speaks softly. "This is what will happen, Kamui, if you do not accept your destiny and become a Dragon of Heaven. Your mother died on purpose as a shadow sacrifice to protect you so that you could save the earth."
A voice calls out from the darkness. "But that's not the whole story, is it?" Kanoe appears and begins caressing Kamui's face with clawlike long red nails. Kamui scowls. "Hinoto forgot to tell you that there are two destinies you could choose from. Instead of becoming a Dragon of Heaven, you could join me and become a Dragon of Earth and destroy the earth instead. Won't that be fun?"
Hinoto pound the ground with her fist. "Dang it Kanoe! For the last time, will you please get out of my dreams? Didn't I post a psychic "Do Not Disturb" sign?"
"Hah!" Kanoe smirks. "Like that kept me from sneaking into your room and reading your diary when we were little."
Aggrieved, Hinoto snaps her fingers. "That's it. Dream over."
Kamui comes to lying on the floor by Hinoto, who is being fussed over by her attendants.
Shoving the attendants aside he grabs Hinoto by the throat. "Why did you stop the dream?"
Daisuke yelps, "Hey! Hands off my woman...er, I mean don't touch Hinoto!"
Kamui, ignoring Daisuke, glares at Hinoto and says, "This is all a trick and a waste of my time."
"No, Kamui." Hinoto implores. "What Kanoe said was true. The future is for you to decide. If you become a Dragon of Heaven you can save the earth, but if you become a Dragon of Earth, you will destroy it."
Sorata leans in close to stage-whisper to Arashi, "Seems like a no-brainer to me."
Kamui releases Hinoto and crosses his arms. "Well forget it. It's none of my affair if the earth gets destroyed. I don't care."
Sorata leans close to Arashi again to ask, "Er, doesn't he know that if earth gets destroyed he will too?"
Arashi waves him off. "He's having a teenaged snit. Leave him alone or you'll just make it worse."
"Please, Kamui..." Hinoto begs piteously.
Daisuke jumps to his feet. "I've had it up to here with you, you spoiled brat! I'm not a seven seal so I don't have to care about you. Let's brawl." Daisuke starts winding up a wind spell, creating a tornado like current of air circling around him.
Kamui scowls. "Bring it on. I hate you. I hate you all." Kamui raises his hand and begins to create an energy ball aimed at Daisuke.
Just then, a blue streak of energy enters from the roof and lands between Kamui and Daisuke, transforming itself into a big fluffy grey colored dog.
Yuzuriha bounds into the room. "Hi! I'm Yuzuriha Nekoi from Mitsumine shrine. I'm fourteen years old. I like ice cream and pocky, oh! And watching Sailor Moon reruns on T.V." She bounces over to Daisuke, Arashi, and Sorata, shaking their hands and babbling on, blithely unaware of the tension. "It's so nice to meet people who can actually see Inuki!"
Yuzuriha bounces over to Kamui. "Are you Kamui? Really truly? Want some pocky? You look hungry!"
Sorata calls out to Yuzuriha, "Don't mind him, he's just a jerk."
At that moment the room dissolves and rocks start flying around.
"Looks like one of the Dragons of Earth found us." groans Sorata.
Arashi pulls her sword from her hand and pulverizes several rocks. Sorata brings out an electric energy ball and crushes a huge rock headed for him and Yuzuriha.
Yuzuriha jumps up and down and claps her hands. "That was really cool! Do it again! Whoops!" She dodges a rock and pulls out her own spirit sword, severing the boulder in half.
Sorata grins at her. "You're not so bad yourself."
Kamui nonchalantly shatters the spell. The room returns to normal and the rocks transform themselves into harmless cherry blossom petals. "If you're finished with the mutual admiration society meeting, I'm leaving."
Hinoto tries to dissuage him. "But Kamui, what about the fate of the earth? Please join us and save the earth."
Kamui scowls. "Forget it. If you hadn't wasted time spying on me, and had just forked over the Shincan sword when I first got to Tokyo, then Fuma and Kotori's dad wouldn't have gotten injured. I'm leaving." He stomps out, glowering.
Sorata looks after him. "Gee, it must be hard to have the fate of the world lying on your shoulders. Maybe we should cut him some slack."
"I still say he's a brat." mutters Daisuke.
Arashi, walks slowly toward the others, her face sharp with thought. "I find it interesting that he professes to care about what happened to Fuma and Kotori's father. Perhaps hidden deep down inside him is that warm, friendly cuddly child that Fuma and Kotari used to play with. Perhaps there is hope for the world. Perhaps Kamui will realize his true heroic nature and come back to help us."
Arashi looks at Sorata, who looks at Daisuke, who looks at Yuzuriha, who looks at Hinoto – then quickly looks back at Daisuke after realizing Hinoto is blind. All look at each other for a long moment, then say in unison: "Naah."
Sorata sighs. "We're toast."
END OF CHAPTER ONE
Up next: Will Kamui turn his back on the fate of the earth? Will the rest of the Dragons of Heaven show up? Will the author ever get around to introducing and making fun of the Dragons of Earth? Read the next chapter to find out. Reviews welcomed!