Title: Mobile Remote

Author: Fisher

Email: onlinefishin yahoo co uk

Website: splish-splash co uk

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or any of it's characters. Don't make any profit... blahdy blah, blah, blah...

Summary: Jack has lost his remote... will he find it before it's too late? Just some insight into what Jack may get up to on his night off...

Authors Notes: Bored one evening I just started writing... turned into a story about Jack and his remote :P what a wonderful place my mind must be to live in.

Notes: Ok who else hates the new quick edit? It get's rid of certain symbols and layouts the story poorly... I wan't it set out how I set it out before you changed it - Jeeze!


Mobile Remote

This was strange.

For all intense in purposes everything seemed ordinary. Nothing was amiss, Two empty beer bottles, A packet of finished crisps, and a packet of unopened barbecue beef.

The television still stuck on the discovery channel; various take-away cartons scattered about the floor and a pair of socks mixed amongst them.

The sofa well worn-in but no-one sitting in it's welcoming foam. The former occupant of the seat stood mere inches away looking at with distain. This couch had, He was convinced, swallowed his remote whole!

Whilst getting up not five minutes ago in search for something sweet... hoping to anyone who would listen that he hadn't fished off the last slice of cake. He had returned to find the remote control missing. This is why after realising he must go out the next day to restock on cake; he was stood glaring at his couch.

There was no other choice; He had to strip search the sofa! Making a quick apology, then realising it stole it from him in the first place he muttered a quick "serves you right" and started pulling the cushions unceremoniously from where they belonged.

Once all the slightly worn down cushions had been removed he had set himself to the task of searching between the creases of the couch. He didn't have much luck He had managed to find various pieces of fluff which were now setting up home in his bin and a couple of dollars which had been put aside to contribute to the cake getting tomorrow.

Rubbing his for head and realising he now had to beg forgiveness from his sofa for accusing it so quickly, he set to the task of looking for the lost and probably lonely remote, under the couch. If it hadn't swallowed it, it may have sat on it.

After accreting that it was not to be found under his now vexed couch, he was getting impatient. How was he going to watch his program when the remote was still lost?

What to do now? Retrace his steps? Good plan. When did he have it last? Ah yes! After avoiding getting up to go to the toilet about fifteen minutes prior the incident he had quickly changed channels before getting up. He must have taken it with him!

Trudging up the stairs toward his bathroom he could hear the sound of water. Either someone had sneaked into his house and was having a pee or he had forgotten to turn the taps off again.

Walking in to the small room he knew it was the latter as the water was running freely in his sink. Turning it off as the noise was irritating he glanced round the room, nothing!

Where could the remote be? Where did he go next? From there he had obviously washed his hands, clearly forgotten to turn the water off and made his way back downstairs, wiping his hands on his trousers while he went.

From there on he had made his way back to the couch and sat back down. He had then watched a couple of adverts. One of which being an ad for chocolate cake and he'd got up in search for his own.

What was he to do now? He had retraced his steps, had even made a small contribution to society by no longer wasting water. Where did that leave him now? He was without a remote, he had lost it, he was no longer in possession of it... He couldn't find it!

That was it, he didn't have any other choice, he had to pull out the big guns - figuratively speaking. He would call Daniel, he will know what to do!

Now where was his phone?

Luckily he had found that earlier while strip searching the couch. So after dialling his friend he waited and he waited and he waited some more. Not long after all this waiting he heard the usual answer phone message "Hi you have reached Dr. Daniel Jackson's apartment, I am sorry but it appears I am busy right now but please leave a message after the beep" It didn't beep, He had already hung up.

He couldn't ring Teal'c, not because he was unavailable but because he had threatened Jack that if he had rang him once more at this time of night he would come round and break not only his phone.

That left Carter. He dialled her number and waited. This time, someone answered.

"Hello?" Ok so she was groggy, must have been asleep.

"Hey Carter!"

"Colonel?"

"Ya, you up?"

"Err not really Sir"

"Oh sorry to bother you then"

"Why did you ring?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter"

"Sir, now I'm awake, what did you want?" Sounds irritated - understandable.

"Well, I was wondering if you could help?"

"What with?"

"I've lost my remote"

"Sir... Did you check your pants?"

"No, Wait a sec... Yes! Got it!"

"Night Sir"

"Night Carter!"

Thank god, the woman was a life saver! Hanging up the phone he made his way back to his couch. Replacing its cushions in their rightful place he sighed and sat down pointing the remote to the TV.

Pressing the channel up nothing happened, that was odd. Turning the remote over he almost fainted - The batteries were missing! Where could they have gone..? Maybe it was time to ring Carter again?