Author's Note: Erm, this chapter gets a bit graphic towards the end. Don't know what got ahold of me. And I'm pretty sure that the next chapter is the last.

Secret Love

Chapter Nine

When everyone opted to go out for dinner and dancing, I declined. I couldn't help myself. The last thing I wanted to do was spend an evening with the dream couple, and not to mention Haley and Nathan had barely managed to peel themselves apart too.

"You have to go," Peyton said, but she could not guilt-trip me into attending this, so after a while, she gave up, heading out to the club along with everyone else.

As I watched the car drive off, I easily slipped out of the clothes I'd been wearing, and into a little blue nightgown I'd always thought was really sexy. I combed my hair and washed off my makeup and tucked myself into my bed.

It felt as if I was there for hours, flipping through the television (nothing was on) and then just trying to sleep, but always ending up fantasizing about Lucas and what life would be like if we were together. Finally, at about three in the morning, I heard the door opening and the sound of laughter.

"Great," I murmured. The last thing I needed was Bevin waltzing in here all drunk and annoying. I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought because just months ago - before this stupid Lucas thing - I would have been the annoying, drunk one.

I could hear footsteps, loud and heavy - definitely Nathan's - and softer ones following behind him, which I assumed to be Tutor Girl's.

"I can't believe Bevin went home with that guy. What if he turns out to be a rapist or something?" Haley was saying as they passed my door, and I sighed happily. So I wouldn't have to deal with Bevin tonight. Despite feeling an odd sense of loneliness for being the only one without a roommate tonight, I couldn't help but feel a little bit overjoyed that I wouldn't have to be holding anyone's hair back.

"Oh, that's Jess. Him and Bevin meet up every time we come here to visit, and she always goes home with him.." Nathan's voice was getting smaller and smaller, and I wondered where Lucas and Peyton were.

Unable to help myself, I pushed the covers away from myself, shivering suddenly as I realized that this room was cold and I was wearing nothing but a little nightgown. I swung my legs over the bed, tip-toeing towards the door of my bedroom. Once I was sure Nathan and Haley's voices had disappeared into their room, I crept outside.

I peered down the stairs, but could hear no voices, so I inched downwards slowly. Could Lucas and Peyton had opted to stay out later as well? No, it really didn't seem like them.

I saw the blonde head of hair the second I had reached the bottom. Him and Peyton were in the kitchen, insults being thrown back and forth. Both were clearly wasted. Lucas was swaying as he spoke, and Peyton's eyes were red as could be - though that may have been from crying. I wasn't sure.

Either way, I managed to get back to my room safely and quietly, snuggling deep into the covers and hoping Peyton and Lucas wouldn't decide to come up here for some makeup sex.

When I heard the door slam, I jumped. Quickly hopping out of bed, I ran to the window, surprised to see Peyton wearing a coat and walking towards the lake. She did this sometimes. When she had to think, she would take a walk. Actually, now that I thought of it, most people did things like that when they had to think. Me however, I just kept it all bottled up.

I went slowly towards my bed, pressing myself into it for what I hoped would be the last time that night. I could hear Lucas' footsteps outside, shuffling up towards his room. And then - no, could it be? - it seemed they had stopped outside mine.

I pushed my head up, peering towards the door, where a dark shadow was clearly blocking the light from coming into the room. After a few moments, when I heard the lock being shifted and the door pushing open, I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep.

"Brooke, Brooke," Lucas was saying quietly, and before I knew it, he had climbed into bed beside me.

Was this some sort of sick joke the Gods' were playing on me for being a terrible person in my past life? Or this one, really. I'd been a terrible friend.

I could feel the warmth coming from Lucas' body, and his breath was coming out deep and heavy - I almost thought he was asleep - and smelled of beer. I'd always liked the smell of alcohol on someone's breath. I don't know why, but it was nice. To me, at least.

"Are you awake?" He said, and I knew then that he'd only been thinking, not sleeping.

"Mhm," I pretended to sound groggy, but really, I was wide awake.

"You're so pretty, Brooke," He said it, reaching a hand out to brush his fingers over my hair, over my face.

"Can I kiss you, Brooke?" He said. And then, he did what I feared he would the most. He leaned over, touching his lips to mine in a kiss. I did not kiss back. I did not move. My eyes stared, open and unblinking, and he pulled away.

"You can kiss back, you know." He said with a small laugh, and my heart melted. When he leaned in to kiss me again, I could not help it when I kissed back. I allowed his tongue access to my mouth, and he moaned slightly.

I was a terrible friend, I was a terrible friend, I was a terrible friend- his hand began to inch up my nightgown, which went to just mid-thigh, and my breath caught in my throat as his fingers went up past my legs, up my stomach, cupping one of my breasts gently.

I couldn't help it; the moan escaped my lips before I could stop it, and before I knew it, he had rolled on top of me.

"Peyton," I managed, and he shook his head, pulling his lips away only for a moment to whisper, "We broke up."

I'd felt so insecure the entire time I'd liked him, I had wanted him to like me back so much, and now that I felt like he actually did, I craved him even more.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he tugged my nightgown off over my head. His fingers unhooked his own jeans, pulling them down just enough for me to cup my hands around him.

He was groaning softly and I was pumping my fingers and he was so excited, and before I knew it, he was inside me and I was using his neck to stifle my moans. My hands scratched at his back, and my legs wrapped so tightly around his waist that I'd never felt so close to someone physically. He was thrusting fast and hard, and before I knew it, we were both trying to stop ourselves from shrieking in delight.

He was still on top of me, and I was curling my fingers around his jaw, feeling the stubble that had grown from a few days of not shaving. He was still drunk, but I could tell he had sobered up a bit. He kissed my nose.

"You should go," I said after a moment, but I did not want him to leave me. I wanted him inside me again. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew that I didn't want to be alone right now. I did not want him to return to Peyton, because although seconds before he'd told me they had broken up, I did not quite believe him anymore.

"Yeah," He said after a moment, and then stood, lazily pulling up his pants and handing me my nightgown.

I slid it on, and something inside me felt like we'd be lovers for forever. There would always be something there between us, wouldn't there be?

I watched him leave and remembered Peyton once more, and then I allowed myself to cry.