Author's Note: Okay, as much as I hate Lit class, they do give me ideas. A little project of ours has turned into a fanfic. Yikes! Anyways, this fic is inspired by a book I once read, and my Lit class. It's a Naruto one-shot on our favourite demon boy! ::smiles:: Hope you enjoy this...
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It is the property of Kishimoto-sensei.
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to Naru-chan and myself! Hahaha! Our birthdays are four days apart, so...it's like a joint thing.
The Unsent Letter
By Jia Zhang
No body has ever told me what you looked like. Not Iruka-sensei, or Sandaime-sama. I always wondered though, what you looked like. I wondered if I looked like you, mother, if I had your eyes. But I have never seen you, so I don't know.
I always dreamed and made up of what kind of mother you would be, what kind of person you would be. Sometimes, I dreamt that you would tuck me into bed, kiss me on my forehead, and wish me good night, your blond locks tickling my face, and your bright blue eyes smiled down on me. I dreamt that you would tell me stories about mythical ninjas and their glorious battles. I dreamt that you would bake, and the house would smell of sweet butter and an euphoria I never understood. I dreamt that you would hold me, and your skin was soft as silk, and smelled like roses. And I dreamt that you loved me. Loved me liked I loved you.
I wanted to ask Iruka-sensei about you once. You don't know him, do you? Well, he's nice. Really nice. He always buys me ramen, and he's the first person to ever acknowledged me. He's like family. You would like him if you met him.
I would have asked him about you, but I couldn't. I was scared, of what I may find out. You were always something I imagined, and I was afraid that if I learnt the truth about you, you would never be the same again. I wanted you to stay the same.
But there are times I wonder about where you are. All I have ever known was hate. Did you hate me too, like everyone else? Is that why you're not here? I have heard people say that a mother can never hated her child, but I have never met you, so I don't know.
I was always alone when I was little, that's why thoughts of you always kept me busy. I always dreamt about you. Were you a ninja, too? You should see me, mother. I have become a great ninja.
I have never known what a real family was like. I would see other mother's with their children, and the way their eyes looked at me, like I was a monster. You don't think I am a monster, do you? Sometimes I dream about you protecting me, wiping my tears away. How I wish you were real. I want you to be real, to be with me. At least, I want to know who you are.
Where are you, mother? Why aren't you here? Why aren't you with me?
All these years, I've been so screwed up. But I don't want to blame you. I'd never want to blame you. But where are you? Who are you? I want to know, I need to know the answers to my questions. There's so much I want to know.
Sometimes I imagine that I'm sitting in your lap, and you smile at me, and you tell me how you and dad met. You'd tell me that it was love at first site, and that you teased each other a lot. You'd encourage me with Sakura-chan, and tell me not to let Sasuke bother me, because he is and will always be my friend. I can picture you lecturing Kakashi-sensei about reading that perverted book. And I'd laugh when I imagine Ero-Sennin hitting on you.
I wish you were a part of my life. Am I asking too much?
All I have ever wanted was a family, with people who'd love me for who I was. You don't understand how desperately I've wanted to meet you, to hug you, to be with you. You don't know how much I love you, mother.
Some days, I wake up from a dream, and I almost believe that you really exist. But reality always sets in, and I find myself alone.
I wish you were here, to hold me and kiss me when I wake up sweating from a nightmare. You'd hold me and tell me everything was all right, and you'd bring me some milk, and tuck me back into bed. And sometimes, you'd sleep by me, just so the night monsters don't come out.
I really want to believe that you loved me. I want to believe that you never really left me. I dream that you were kidnapped by an evil shogun, and locked up in some dungeon, and one day, I'd come and rescue you, and we've finally be a family. You'd tell me then what a brave boy I had become, and how strong a ninja I was. You'd tell me you've always been waiting for me, and that you always knew I'd find you.
Can I believe that? Can I believe that you never left me?
What do I believe anymore? I want to know you so badly. I want to meet you, to see you, to know that you love me. Don't you love me?
I will become strong, and I'll find you one day. That is my vow. I will find you mother, and we'll finally get to be together. Then you'd see what kind of person I had grown up to be. Until then, know that I will always love you the best.
I'll see you in my dreams tonight.
Your loving son,
End Note: Woot! I finished this so quickly. This is an all time record. I actually really like this fic. I have always wondered what kind of person Naruto's mother was, and I'm sure he does too. Sigmund Freud has said that young boys have an Oedipal or Phallic stage in psychology where they are incredibly attached to their mothers. I don't think Naruto quite ever got out of that stage, thus, he always has a great emotional attachment to his mother.
The unsent letter idea was inspired by my Lit class assignment, the book "Hard Love", and my editor, Tsubasa-sama, who sees a shrink every other week. The unsent letter is a way for the subject to express their kept emotions by writing a letter to someone, but never sending the letter. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the fic.
© October 2004 by Jia Zhang. All rights reserved.