Chris: Well, here's the final chapter! Enjoy!
Sokuma: No need to worry 'bout the spirit, cause I have enough to finish this. I have to finish it someday.
Charlie: Yes, if there are dead people and the Apocalypse comes, then I have finished this fic. But seriously, if there are in the immediate vicinity after I finish this fic, then I'll get majorly creeped out.
Kiro14: Good guess….But then I never thought about what I was gonna do with Karel. And yeah…it makes sense to post it on Halloween…But then I said I was going to finish it on Friday. So on Friday, I must finish.
Lack Thereof: Hehe, sorry 'bout that. And I would…But like I said, I would finish it on Friday…So yeah, expect the update on Friday. And…I'm probably going to put up the spin-off on Halloween as a sort of tribute. Just to tell you, the spin-off actually has very little to do with FEH. And I'm glad you liked the chapter and thanks for all of the compliments. Means a lot to a small, aspiring writer.
Farina: You have 38 fics and a FictionPress account. Don't BS about being small.
Fine, fine. Ruin my little modesty action. Ass.
The Karlminion: Yes, you praised! MWAHAHAHAHA!
K-Gforever: Glad you like the song. And you'll find out what happened to them soon enough.
sam: Yes, Dragonlance and Warcraft do rock.
SkyeDunhart: Well, Eleanora hates to see her young boy do anything foolish. And if you follow that statement to its logical conclusion, you can see that she hates her son. Cause, yanno, he's foolish and stuff. Just kidding. Not. Maybe.
Mewt: Glad you liked it so much.
Draknal: Well, I'm glad I don't disappoint. I try to avoid that as much as possible. Hope you like it all.
Disclaimer: Don't own Jeopardy or Fire Emblem. Or Herbal Essences.
Chapter 12: It's Halloween! Wait, no it isn't.
"Oooooh! My new bishie!" The brown-haired girl began glomping Linus from her little hideout from inside the castle.
"Uh…Hi, brother…" Linus said, thoroughly confused and stunned by this girl's behavior.
"Hey Linus. Got caught by the fangirl too, huh?" Lloyd muttered from his little section on the wall.
"…" Jaffar just stared at Linus, betraying no emotion. Of course, he wanted to escape, but he was waiting for the perfect moment to. Unfortunately, that moment would be a long time in coming.
"Yay! I got my favorite bishies! I'm so happy!" The girl squealed and started glomping Jaffar.
"Uh…" Linus scratched his head. "Ooookay…How about I just leave and…"
"YOU WILL NOT LEAVE!" The girl roared at Linus, growing demon horns. After the hero whimpered and immediately sank to the floor, the girl smiled sweetly and began glomping Jaffar again. "Thank you!" The horns disappeared as well.
"You see why we haven't tried to leave earlier." Lloyd stated.
"Are all fangirls like this?" Linus asked.
"Yes…Unfortunately yes. While not all have demon horns…Some can pull weapons out of thin air, nag you until you die...You know, stuff like that." Lloyd shook his head sadly.
"I pity anyone who has fangirls. I'm just happy I've only been captured by one." Linus muttered, shaking his head.
"Did you hear about Matthew? He has like….five-hundred!" Lloyd said.
Linus' eyes widened. "Five-hundred! Ouch, man! That's harsh! With all that squealing and hugging…I wouldn't be surprised if I found out he was deaf!"
"Yes…Be glad we only have one here. Just…be glad." Lloyd said.
"…" Jaffar was still getting glomped and now there was a vicious tick in his eyes. Unfortunately, any move that he made to escape resulted in the girl growing her demon horns again and pulling out a multitude of weapons that would immediately result in his capture, if not death.
"This is the best day of my life!" The girl shrieked and hugged Linus. And so the three prisoners continued their restless vigil for a means to escape, although their chances were slim. But they could hope, and hope they did.
"Okay, we have the final eight contestants!" Hector shouted, banging his hand on the counter for emphasis. "Erk as Harry Potter from…Duh, Harry Potter, Matthew as Sly Cooper from…uh…Sly Cooper, Lyn as Xena from….Xena, Warrior Princess, Guy as Samurai Jack from…Samurai Jack, dude, what the hell is up with that!" Hector was practically shouting. "Gawd, finally! A character whose name isn't the same name as the game! Priscilla as Yuna from FFX, Raven as Brother (snort) from FFX as well, Florina as Fairess from Tales of Symphonia, and finally…Rath as Legolas from the Lord of the Rings!"
There was scattered applause until Hector retrieved his gavel and held it threateningly. "Applause louder, dammit! Or else I'm cracking heads!" Suddenly, there was an enormous thunder of applause and Hector smiled, pleased.
"Now for the talent portion! Rath, you're first!" Hector motioned to the tribesman, who nodded and walked out on the stage. He drew his bow and notched five arrows on it. How this could be physically possible, I don't know, but Rath did it anyway. He launched the arrows in the air and one by one, shot them out of the air with more arrows that he drew from a quiver on his back. Taking a bow, Rath was all set to leave when he was attacked.
"Kill the infidel!" Wil and Lowen jumped out from the audience and tackled Rath to the ground. "He will pay for defiling our lovely Rebecca!" They began punching the nomad, who, when he sufficiently recovered from his surprise, was fighting back.
Meanwhile, Rebecca was just moaning, a hand on her face as she watched the three duke it out for her love. Everyone else was placing bets on the contestants. Currently, Rath was the favorite, with Lowen in second, and Wil as third. Hector watched on, extremely amused and making no attempt to stop them.
Rath tossed Wil off of him and brought up an arm to block Lowen's attack. The nomad tripped the cavalier and stared at his fallen attackers. Sounds of, "Not fair!" and "You can throw in this game?" and "Hey, I want to try that!" and "I'm so rich!" echoed inside the castle. Rath gave a bow and walked off stage.
And with that over, Rebecca stomped over to Wil and Lowen and began dragging them by their ears. The green-haired arched tossed the two inside of closet before going back to her place in the stands, muttering evil threats. With the entertainment over, Hector banged his gavel and called out the next contestant, Raven.
"You think I'm gonna do something for you people? You can forget it!" Raven folded his arms, looking grim.
"Lord Brother!" Priscilla whispered fiercely from her position backstage.
"Sigh…Fine…" Raven nodded. "Okay, what you're about to see is a secret technique I've learned. Chances are, you'll never see it again in your entire life." Raven raised his hand, which was clenched in a fist. Slowly rotating his hand so the palm was upwards, he brought his palm so it was facing him. Then, he slowly, slowly, sloooooowly lifted one finger. You could probably guess what finger it was.
Priscilla gasped and put her hands to her face, scandalized. "Lord Brother!"
"Raven, I oughta beta your head in!" Hector shook his gavel at the mercenary.
"Bite me!" Raven stalked off, grumbling angrily about costumes and contests.
"Ahem…Oswin, Wallace?" Hector coughed.
"On it!" The two generals were back on their feet, having just returned from dumping Karel…somewhere. Rushing Raven, they dog piled him again. You can guess the result. And the lesson we all learn from this is that it never pays to insult Hector when Oswin and Wallace are near.
Priscilla, who was going to be up next, was too distraught to actually perform. Cause, you know, her brother acted like an ass in front of everyone. Wouldn't you be distraught?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Oh, you want to disagree, huh? HUH? You wanna mess? I'll show you what the narrator can do!
Wait, what? I'm gonna get fired if I do this again? Oh, then nevermind.
Aaaaanyway…Hector called out the next contestant.
"Florina! Florina!" Hector banged his gavel, until his brother, who was getting annoyed, snatched it out of his hands and snapped it. Hector looked on brokenly at the ruined remains of his gavel. "…Sniff…My…My gavel."
But, strangely enough, Florina didn't come out. Hector thought that she was just nervous and motioned to Matthew to bring her out. But Matthew couldn't find her. And if Matthew couldn't find her, then nobody could. After all, the thief/spy knew Nergal's turban size. You needed to be skilled to know that. And where was she, you might ask? Well, she was taking a walk with Erk outside of the castle. Matthew, being the intelligent thief he was, neglected to search outside. Of course…Since that rabid guard was outside, he might have "forgotten" to search outside just so he could avoid the guard. A smart choice, all in all.
"Fine! Guy, it's your turn!" Hector motioned to the swordmaster, who nodded.
Guy walked out onto the stage and tossed a block of wood in the air. A quick flash in the air and the wood splintered into a figurine that depicted everyone in the Fire Emblem cast. Bowing to the thunderous applause, the swordmaster walked off where he received a kiss from Lyn, completely incapacitating the swordmaster and launching him into a love-induced haze. Which explains why he would walk into a wall.
"Matthew, it's your turn!" Hector yelled.
The spy walked out on the stage and winked to all the girls in the audience. Then, he ran away from his life as the rabid fangirls chased him around the castle among the cries of "KAWAII!" and "OMG HE'S SO CUTE!". Poor, poor spy. It never pays to have hordes of fangirls that could track you down and hunt you to the ends of the earth.
"Hey, let's take his arm! He only needs one, right?"
"I want a kidney!"
"I want a part of his costume!"
"Gulp…I'm outta here!" Matthew used his super spy move and disappeared. Hector shook his head in pity and called out the last contestant, Lyn. She walked out onto the stage with a chorus of catcalls and whistles. Which is no surprise, considering the revealing outfit she was in. And, to make sure no one tried to mess with her, she grabbed a perverted-looking audience member, tossed him into the air, and sliced off all of his clothes except for his undershirt and boxers. Bowing, Lyn left the stage.
"Um…You get off too, unless you're trying to cosplay as a homeless drunk or something." Hector waved the audience member away. "Shoo, shoo."
Muttering in embarrassment, the audience member fled with his life, if not his dignity.
"Okay, folks! You've seen a lot of great acts! Now, vote for who you think is the winner!" Hector slammed his fist on the counter and signaled for the "Jeopardy" music to begin.
Doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doooooo doodoodoodoodoo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doodoodoo doo doo doo.
Enjoyed that, didn't you? Aaaaaand…Hector tallied the votes.
"And our winner is….Matthew! By a small margin!" Hector yelled out.
"What? I won? How?" Matthew appeared again, his eyes wide.
"Well…Let's just say you had some…outside help." Hector motioned to the mob of fangirls that were stacked outside of Ostia Castle. "They made the deciding votes. Better leave before they come and swarm you."
"Yeah…But what's my prize?"
"Oh, right!" Hector stood up from his place behind the counter. "Matthew! You are the proud winner of 500 coupons of Herbal Essences!"
"Herbal Essences? What the hell? I don't use this stuff!" Matthew looked outraged, holding the coupon book.
"Hey, that's mine!" Eliwood yelled, woken from his drunken stupor by the sight of 500 Herbal Essences coupons.
"You actually use this stuff? Come on, I don't want to make my hair smell like daisies or anything."
"BUT YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL THE CLEAN!" Eliwood said, partially pleading.
"Uh…How about I just feel the clean using my regular shampoo. Hey Priscilla, want 500 Herbal Essences coupons?" Matthew held the coupon book to Priscilla, who squealed happily and took the coupons from Matthew.
"Thank you so much!" Priscilla hugged the thief and Matthew blushed. Of course, there were very many angry muttering from all of the fangirls, who were very, very upset. But they couldn't do anything to their darling Matthew.
Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door and Nergal and his bunch of evil people entered.
"Eliwood! We have come to kidnap you!" Nergal pointed at the lord, who blinked stupidly. "We demand that you come with us!"
"Oh yeah. That's muuuuuch better. Just barge in through the front door and demand to kidnap him. I can see why you became an evil mastermind." Hector muttered sarcastically.
"No sarcastic comments, thank you very much!" Nergal said. "We have come to destroy you!"
"Oh…Right…Matthew?" Hector looked at the thief, who nodded.
"Hey girls! Nergal wants to hurt me! You know what to do with him!" Matthew called, pointing at the black-clad druid.
"NO ONE HURTS MATTY-CHAN!" The fangirls rushed the Black Fang people and soon they were defeated.
"Grr….We would have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids! And your stupid raccoon!" Nergal roared.
"HEY!" Matthew said, indignant.
As Nergal was carried away by the tide of fangirls, he yelled out an ultimatum. "I'LL BE BACK!"
Suddenly, a lawyer dressed in a nice suit and tie appeared, holding up a piece of paper. "Sorry, that is a copyrighted statement. Expect to hear from my legions of lawyers."
"Sorry, that phrase is copyrighted material too."
"Who copyrighted that?" Hector asked.
"Oh…." Hector nodded. "I guess he might want to make sure no one used it."
"Well, then…I WILL RETURN!"
"Nope. Looks like I've got another charge against you." The lawyer scribbled down another name.
"NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!" Nergal shouted.
"Copyrighted. Boy, you'll be owing me a lot of money, buddy." The lawyer took Nergal's hand. "Let's go…criminal!"
So the evil was carried to jail, where Nergal was detained for hundreds of years, due to the long legal processes of Elibe. A messenger rode up to Hector and handed him a sealed scroll.
"Hmm? What's this?" The lord opened it. "Aw, dammit! I've got jury duty!"
Fire Emblem Quickie: Odds are Evil
"Master Nergal! You're the most powerful person in the whole continent! What are you going to do?" Ephidel ran up to his master cheerful, a wide smile on his face. "You should use this momentum to conquer the world!"
"I don't know…" Nergal scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I've considered being evil, but there always seems to be something holding me back." He sighed. "I just can't choose. I'm so powerful, but I can use it for good or for evil!"
"You should become a shining beacon for good, Nergal." Another person stepped out of the shadows. This time, it was Lloyd. "If you become a good guy, then people will revere and worship you!"
"Hey! How'd you find my super secret lair? And how do you know my name?" Nergal shouted, pointing at the swordmaster.
Lloyd shrugged. "Ephidel told me."
"Oh, okay then." Nergal nodded. "So, you say I should be good, huh?"
"Yes." Lloyd said.
"And you want me to be evil." Nergal turned to Ephidel.
"Of course, Master Nergal." Ephidel bowed.
"Okay, Lloyd. Tell me why I should be good." Nergal said.
"First, all the beautiful chicks like a good guy. You notice in stories that it's always the good guys that get the hot girls. Evil people get stuck with ugly people." Lloyd pointed out.
"What about that fortune teller, Hannah?" Nergal noted.
"She's a statistical anomaly. Ignore the fact that she traveled with the good guys in a time far past." Lloyd shrugged. "Now, number two. If you're good, people will give you gifts. And gifts are free stuff. And free stuff is always good."
"You make a very convincing argument. What else do you have to say?" Nergal said.
"Yes. One more thing. Would you like to be remembered as a gracious hero that saved the land from numerous troubles, or a conniving bastard that brought down his own downfall because of the darkness within his heart?"
Nergal nodded thoughtfully. "A good conclusion to a good argument. Now, Ephidel. What is your argument?"
"When you're evil, you're evil. Evil is cool, you know. Good guys are pansies, wimps, or nerds. When you're evil, you're renowned as a cool guy. That's the automatic label you pick up. That is all." Ephidel bowed before glowering at Lloyd out of the corner of his eyes.
"Hmm…I still can't decide." Nergal shook his head. "You two will have to resolve this argument."
"I got it." Ephidel smiled. "Come on, Lloyd. Best out of three. Odds or evens?"
"Then I'm odds." The morph smiled wickedly. He brought out his fist and Lloyd brought out his.
Lloyd put out a two and Ephidel shot out a one. The morph laughed and withdrew his hand. "Looks like evil wins one game."
"Nothing but luck." Lloyd sneered.
Ephidel put out a three and Lloyd put out a one. The swordmaster grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "Looks like evil's out of luck!"
"Bah, I'm not finished yet!" Ephidel retorted.
The two combatants stared at the outcome. A couple of seconds passed. It lengthened to a minute. Finally, Ephidel let out a cry of triumph and Lloyd moaned in his hands.
"Looks like evil wins!" Nergal looked on. "From this day on, I shall be an evil mastermind!"
And that's how Nergal became a villain and decided to bring dragons in the world. Just because Lloyd sucked at Odds and Evens. Remember kids, if you want to be evil, always go for the odds. Cause Odds are Evil.
Chris: Well, there it is! The last chapter of FEH and the little quickie I had at the end! I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Mia: Other than that long gap in the middle.
Chris: Exactly! Well, review please! And spin-off thingie will be out in Halloween, okay? Most likely I'll be writing chapters now and posting them when they're already finished. Or something.