Disclaimer: JAG and it's characters do not belong to me.
Author's Notes: First, pretend JAG headquarters has a hilly landscape behind it. Got that mental picture? Good. :) This was inspired by the college kids around my dorm. Yeah, I know, this is something Harm and Mac wouldn't do. This is just for the laugh. Oh, and one nearly injured themselves horribly while pulling this stunt. Set sometime in late Season 9. Enjoy.
Thanks to jagchick105 for her help!
"An Unconventional Stress Reliever"
It was mid afternoon and it was raining hard. Another grey day. The hurricanes down in Florida just weren't letting up and the entire east coast was suffering. Although they were not suffering as much damage as Florida, the rain was still relentless and unforgiving. Mac looked up and caught Harm walk by her door for the at least the hundredth time that day. This time, she had to see where he was going or what he was up to. However, she followed him out into the hallway back to the same window he had been looking out of all day. Now her curiosity was getting the best of her and she had to find out what Harm was finding so interesting.
"Hey, Harm," she called as she approached him. He turned around somewhat startled, but his eyes looked bored and unimaginative. It was like all of a sudden, his life didn't matter. The look in his eyes scared her. "Uh, Harm, are you okay?"
"I'm just bored, Mac," he shrugged and looked out the window again. "And slightly overworked."
"If you have a lot of work, then how can you be bored?" she inquired, now humored by the bored look in his eyes.
"Mac, just because I have a lot of work, doesn't mean I can't be bored," Harm smiled finally. "I need...something exciting to happen. Something to jumpstart me."
"Oh, I see," Mac responded finally understanding. He returned his gaze back out to the window and she stood next to him. She looked out and only saw the rain that was pouring quite steadily. Surely, he wasn't focusing his attention on the rain. "Well, I hear watching the coffee maker make coffee is pretty exciting."
"Been there, done that," Harm laughed, then looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. "What do you see outside Mac?"
"Rain...and lots of it. Why?" she asked, now very curious.
"No, look out there...farther," Harm instructed. "Now what do you see?"
Mac returned her gaze back outside and focused harder. She shrugged and replied, "A hill?"
"Exactly," Harm nodded with a mischievous smile. "A wet, slick, muddy hill. It looks divine."
"May I ask why it looks divine?" Mac asked, now a little disturbed by his behavior.
"Takes me back to my youth. I used to mudslide whenever we got rain...which wasn't very often," Harm reminisced.
"Mudslide?" Mac repeated.
"Mudslide." He confirmed. The taller man next to her had an expression on his face that suddenly seemed to brighten up the dark, rainy, and dreary day. He glanced at her and asked, "You wanna go?"
"Go where, Harm?"
"Mudsliding. What have we been talking about, Mac?"
"Well, one AJ would kill us. Two, we're in uniform."
"Okay, one we have pulled so many stunts in the past AJ should've killed us a long time ago...and Two...I bet you have at least 10 pressed uniforms hanging in your closet right now ready to go if something were to happen. So ruining one won't hurt. "
Mac wanted to respond, but found herself speechless. Harm knew her too well! She turned away from him to avoid eye contact and answered, "It's only 5 pressed uniforms. Not 10."
"And I have an extra uniform, so I can spare this one," Harm smiled widely and nudged her. "C'mon, let's go. We'll take off the jackets so we don't ruin our medals and just go. We should probably lose the shoes too."
"Harm! Listen to yourself!" Mac hit him in the arm and laughed uneasily. "You're talking about mudsliding on a hill the Admiral can clearly see from his office!"
"But you're tempted," Harm nodded knowingly. He took off his jacket and started to walk away. "I'm doing this with or without you!"
"Harm...Harm!," she called and quickly followed him to the elevator. She pulled on his arm and stopped him, "Look, if you're really gonna do this you need....you need a diversion!"
Harm stopped and contemplated her suggestion. He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, like Coates."
Moments later, Harm was explaining his plan to Coates who looked disappointed she was the diversionary tactic and not actually going mudsliding too! Before too long, however, scuttlebutt got around and everyone wanted in on this plan! Mac was amazed at how many wanted to skip work and slide down a muddy hill. It took Harm a long time to convince Sturgis to join, but eventually he caved much to Mac's surprise. While Coates went to see AJ in his office, Sturgis, Bud, Harriet, various other personnel and Harm quickly went for the elevator. Harm stopped and turned around, "Mac, we have to leave now! Aren't you coming?"
"But...this is crazy...Bud? Are you sure you want to do this...?" Mac asked cautiously.
Bud smiled and shrugged, "Ma'am, I haven't really done anything this outrageous since I lost my leg. The way I see it, the day is almost over and my work is pretty much done. Why not?"
"Sturgis?" Mac tried one last time to find one sane person. He just smiled shyly and threw his jacket on the back of an office chair. She reluctantly removed her jacket as well and the others gave a quick cheer.
"Well, you see sir, if you don't sign this now...the SecNav will get very upset and you know how he is," Coates stalled and looked out the window. She could see the several employees clumsily climbing the muddy hill. Some slipped on the way up and slid back down. Harm and Mac so far were the most successful and hadn't fallen yet. They looked absolutely drenched. She snickered loudly on accidently.
"Is something funny?" AJ looked up and she straightened up quickly.
"No, sir," Coates answered quickly. She put down another folder when she saw he was finished. "This sir, needs your signature too..."
"Coates? This doesn't have to be signed until next week!" he pushed it away. "Why are you pushing off busy work on me?"
"I just want to be on top of things, sir," Coates stammered, trying to distract him longer. He looked at her, trying to read her. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn't figure it out...
"Whoa, whoa!" Mac shouted, then regained her balance. "Okay, I'm fine."
"Well, we made it to the top!" Harm exclaimed, then looked down at himself. "Without getting too muddy."
Soon Harriet and Bud joined them, laughing and holding on to each other. Bud laughed, "We are going to fry for this, sir!"
"Are we ready to slide down?" Harm called out to the others. He was greeted with a resounding yes and he turned to Mac. "Head first or feet first?"
"Head first," she shrugged, not really caring. She was already messy from the climb and the rain came down so hard the visibility was low as it was. She turned to face Harm and his hair was matted down tightly to his head. His uniform stuck to him like glue, he rested his hands on his hips and she could hear him sloshing his feet in the mud below them. Despite the conditions, he had the biggest grin on his face she had seen in a long time. She finally smiled and added, "Definitely head first."
"Alright, on three!" Harm called. "One...Two...Three!"
At that, all them jumped forward either head first or feet first and slid down the hill at a fast rate. They shouted and laughed and bumped into each other. When they hit the bottom, they threw mud and joked and climbed back up for another go around. On the second time down, Mac bumped into some legs. Fearful it was AJ here to reprimand, she reluctantly looked up. However, she was pleasantly surprised to see Webb carrying a bunch of drenched flowers. He was mostly likely meeting up with her, like he had promised. The first promise he had kept in months. He looked at her incredulously, "What the hell are you doing, Sarah?"
"She's having fun, but you wouldn't know what that is, would you Webb?" Harm answered for her and walked up, covered in mud.
"I should've known you were in on this!" Webb accused, but Mac stopped him. She took the flowers and tossed them aside. "C'mon, give it try!"
"No, no, no," he refused, but wasn't stopping her from pulling him up the hill. Harm followed, ready for their third trip down the hill.
"Coates, go get Comdr. Rabb for me," AJ ordered, needing an excuse to send her out of the room. She had been doing nothing but loading more work on him and he couldn't figure out why. She looked nervously out the window one last time but then smiled, "Okay sir. I will get him ASAP."
After ten minutes passed, AJ started getting very pissed off. He hit the buzzer and yelled, "Coates! Where the hell is Rabb??" He was met with silence. He asked more inquisitively, "Coates?" He sat back in his chair and then heard a shout. A shout that came from outside. He stood up and looked out the window and dropped his jaw at what he saw. Harm, Mac, Clay, and Jennifer were all sliding down the hill, laughing and shouting. He started to boil and said through clenched teeth, "I'm going to kill them...."
"Ah!" Harriet laughed as she and Bud slid down again. Harm shook his hair out on Mac, splattering her with mud. She hit him for doing that and pushed him down the hill when he wasn't ready. She watched him go down and dropped her jaw when she saw where he was going to stop. AJ was walking up and Harm was going to slide into him. She cupped her hands over her mouth and shouted, "Sir! Look out!"
Harm managed to turn his head and put on his classic "deer caught in the headlights" look. He slammed into the unsuspecting Admiral and sent him to the ground. Harm slipped around, trying to get up and grabbed AJ's arms trying to help him up. However, due to his clumsiness he was doing more damage then helping. After more mud was slung on AJ, he finally roared, "Harm! Get the HELL off me!!!"
"Yes, sir," Harm quickly complied and rolled away. Eventually, the two men were able to get up under their own power. By now, all the other officers had stopped their antics and had watched the Harm/AJ mud fight in awe. Harm stood at attention before AJ could even order it, looking quite ridiculous seeing how he was barefoot and completely covered in mud. AJ glowered at him and walked up, looking downright pissed and also very messy.
"Sir, I can explain. It was all my idea," Harm started.
"What? Did you think I thought this was Turner's idea?" AJ bellowed. "Of course I knew it was your idea!"
"Sorry, sir," Harm replied, looking straight ahead.
"Sorry?!? You're sorry?!? Sorry doesn't cut it!" AJ yelled some more, waving his arms and being very animate. He turned to look at the rest of his crew and they were also standing at attention now, avoiding his angry gaze. He turned back to Harm and ordered, "I want you to go home, clean up and come back in less than an hour, you understand me?"
"Yes, sir." Harm replied quickly.
"And after we have our little talk," AJ said, getting in his face. "I want you to avoid me for the next week, because if you don't I won't restrain from breaking your nose! Do I make myself clear, Comdr.?"
"Yes, sir." Harm replied again. "Crystal."
"I want all of you to clean up and come back in an hour also!" AJ screamed at them which received a resounding "Yes, sir!". AJ was about to storm off but was called back by Bud. He turned around, clearly annoyed and answered, "Yes, Lt.?"
"Uh, sir, I was just wondering...since you're already going to kick our sixes...can we slide down again? One last time?" Bud asked meekly, but also bravely. AJ looked out at the crowd and saw others were silently pleading for the same thing. His eyes still gave off vibes of anger, but some of the features on his face were softening. Most of them took that as a yes and began the climb back up.
Harm slowly walked up to AJ and pointed towards the hill. With a small smile he asked, "So you wanna...?"
AJ dropped his jaw slightly. He was speechless.