A ban of thieves ends up in the Fellowships path and they find it would take to long to go around. So Aragorn convinces Legolas to make a distraction so the rest of the group can go around, but the distraction isn't what the rest of the fellowship thought it would be. (OOC Legolas)

A Strange Diversion

The Fellowship walked through a small forest about a weeks walk away from Rivendell. Eight of the nine members walked slowly along the slightly over grown path while the 9th member was running swiftly ahead through the trees, to see what the path ahead was like.

"Aragorn," the man in question looked up in to the trees above him, giving his attention to the elf, "There is a group of men ahead, they aren't rangers but from the look of them they are thieves, either way they are trouble."

"So we go around them." Aragorn suggested.

"Well we could but there are a lot of them and they have scattered themselves around a lot."

"So what do you propose we do?"

"We can't fight them, there are too many and the Hobbits haven't mastered the sword yet, we can't go around them. We need to distract them some how."

"That could be difficult for most men nothing except a woman or a drink could distract a whole group." Boromir said.

Aragorn paused for a moment then a sly grin came over his face, "Well we have the next best thing don't we, Legolas" he said turning to the elf as if asking his opinion.

"Oh no, there is no way that I am doing that again, I had that foul taste in my mouth for weeks afterwards."

"Come on Legolas it's only to distract the whole group so we have enough time to get past them, it's worked in the past."

"Yes well last time you said the same thing I it took me two hours to get away from the group and that was a group of ten, there are at least 30 in this group."

"Come on Legolas, last time we were on a plain, this time we are in a forest. You can jump into the trees."

"That is not the point." The elf complained.

"Alright, so what other options so we have," he asked the group.

When no one answers Legolas groaned.

"Fine, I'll do it."

Aragorn grinned at his friend, "Thank you."

"But I hold you responsible for anything that they might do to me." Legolas said glaring at the future king of Gondor.

"Hold this," he took off his quiver and removed one of the bone-handled knives from it, which he tucked in his boot. He also removed his outer tunic and undid some of the clasps on his undershirt. He also removed his warrior braids and replaced them with a simpler style of an elven commoner.

"What's he doing?" Frodo asked Strider, shocked at the elf's strange behaviour.

"He is going to distract some men who are in a clearing ahead of us so that we may get past without them trying to rob us, if they did they would find the ring and take it."


"But how removing his cloths going to distract them," Pippin asked innocently.

"You don't want to know Pippin," Frodo told his cousin.

"Yes I do."

"No Peregrin Took, You don't." Gandalf said sternly.

Legolas finished with his hair and glared at Aragorn one last time before stalking away towards the camp where the thieves where sitting.

The rest of the Fellowship waited 15 minutes before heading in the direction that Legolas had disappeared. When they were closer they moved further to the right so that they would pass the camp unnoticed.

As they went past they could see that the men were all gathered around something in the centre of the camp. Through the men's legs they could see Legolas's silvery shirt where the elf was kneeling on the floor.

Most of the men were cheering the elf on but they couldn't see what they were doing.

As they got to the other side of the camp Legolas came into their line of sight and they could see him visible flirting with the men. Rubbing up against them like a cat on heat as they fondled him all pushing to get closer to the elf.

"Don't crowd boys theirs plenty of me to go around," They heard Legolas say as he moved on to another man and ground their hips together. Then the elf was on his knees again, undoing the man's breeches. The men then moved around the pair to watch the show and Legolas quickly disappeared from sight.

Aragorn and Gandalf move the group on quickly in the hope of saving Legolas some embarrassment. They kept going until the cheering from the men faded into the distance, and they kept moving till they were far enough away from the other camp but close enough that Legolas could find them. Aragorn also made sure that their camp for the night was close to a river so that they could all wash but mainly so that Legolas could wash.

"Sam would you please make some tea, I'm sure that Legolas will appreciate it when he returns." Aragorn requested of the hobbit when they had set up the camp.

"He's done this before you say?" Boromir asked.

"Yes, once before when we went on a hunting trip near here. We ran into a group not unlike this one and Legolas used his...charm to let me slip away, before following not long after." He explained.

"He said it was two hours." Gimli pointed out.

"Fine so it was two hours but he wasn't harmed. Legolas can take care of himself and he knows how to use his looks to his advantage. It is said that barring, the Lady Galadriel and Arwen Undomiel that Legolas is the most beautiful being on Middle Earth. But he is also the best archer in Middle Earth. He'll be fine. Legolas will return in a few hours."


"Ok so he's taking a bit longer then a few hours." The rest of the fellowship glared at him.

All the members of the fellowship had eaten and bathed in the nearby river. The hobbits had settled down to sleep with the promise that they would be woken when Legolas returned.

"He'll be back." Aragorn said confidently, "It takes more then a group of men to bring down an elf, especially one as strong as Legolas."

"Well let's hope your right."


The next day Legolas still hadn't returned and they were getting worried about the elf. They were about to come looking for him when he appeared behind Aragorn.

Kicking the man's legs out from under him, Legolas straddled the fallen man and pinned him to the ground.

"If you ever, ever even think about suggesting that I do that again. I will remove the parts of you that classify you as male. Do you understand?"

Aragorn nodded, "Yes."

Legolas moved away not bothering to help the man up and walk over to the fire where Sam offered him some tea which he took.

The elf's clothes were hanging off of him more then they had the other day from being pulled at by the men and both is shirt and breeches were torn in many places. He had a few bruises, but other then that before he was relatively unharmed. He finished the tea quickly and then heading straight to the river to wash the feel of the men off of his person.


OK this is very strange but I was lying in bed yesterday trying to work out what to do with one of my other fics and this just popped into my head, I thought I would forget it my the morning but I didn't so I wrote it down.

O well just another strange occurrence in my insane mind.



P.S. please review.