Title: I Could Still See the Postcards
Author: Roguester
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Travis, Lily, Ray, or Bridget. But I think the devil does.
Author's note: This fic takes place after "I'm With Cupid." Big thanks to Caalan, Dani, and Angie for chatting with me after that horrible, horrible episode!!!


Chapter 1: Air-bracketed Happiness


I pushed my way through the door and into the station where providence awaits. The tick, tick, ticking of the clock was a welcomed distraction... but the beat, beat, beating of my heart was another story.

The day's events were almost too much to take and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. My head was spinning with jealousy and air-quoted happiness, but mostly relief because freedom is now only inches away from my grasp.

Freedom because he didn't like me after all.
Freedom because I didn't have to break his heart.

I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes. One Travis down, one Ray to go. The relief is settling, but my mind is still spinning. The jealousy is still there and the happiness is still air-quoted and I felt stupid all of a sudden because... I don't know why. I didn't have the chance to break his heart, but I think he just broke mine. It wasn't intentional, but it still hurts. Seeing him with Bridget hurts.

I sigh. This is not freedom after all. I wanted him to like me, I really did. And why would I break his heart anyway? Was I going to reject him? Why would I reject him? I like him, I like him, I like him...

I mindlessly slammed the door shut and plopped myself onto the couch. A small gasp broke my train of thought and I quickly looked up. Travis was in the booth.

I felt like turning around and running away, questioning my reason for coming here in the first place. But the tick, tick, ticking of the clock beckoned me to stay and I smiled because Travis was smirking at me. He nodded his head to acknowledge my presence.

"Hey," he called out. "Hey yourself," I replied. He smirked at me again and I willed myself to move forward. Stepping a little bit closer to the booth I asked him what he was doing. As a response, he put his fingers up in an air-bracketing motion and mouthed off "nothing." I rolled my eyes at the gesture. "Air brackets. Very funny. I told Bridget that they will eventually catch on but she didn't believe me..."

I suddenly felt angry at Bridget for telling Travis about the air brackets but I quickly pushed the feeling away. Silently cursing myself, I walked away from the booth and sat myself down on Robbie's chair.

"I guess she was wrong then," Travis said, "because I swear I saw three people do air brackets today." His smile was contagious and soon enough we were both laughing. Except I'm not sure if we were laughing at the same thing because we kept avoiding each other's eyes...

Travis cleared his throat and started tapping his pencil against the console. "Actually I'm trying to do this new thing where I sit in silence for ten minutes. But instead of clearing the thoughts from my head, I absorb everything that happened."

"Oh. Was that what you were doing?" I asked, "Well then, don't mind me. I'm not here, I'm invisible." I waved my arms about and gave him a reassuring smile. Travis sat cross-legged on his chair, but he didn't seem to be meditating. He simply put a finger to his lips and whispered, "Shhhh..."

"I get it," I nodded in understanding, "this is a no talking zone." I fiddled with the microphone cord and searched Travis' face for a response. Shaking his head, he picked up the chalkboard from the floor and wrote, "Exactly."

I could see his face clearly now. I could see it clearly and I could tell that her kiss was still there – lingering on the corners of his mouth, making his lips curve into a smile. He was so happy. He was so happy and all I could think of were his lips and how I got there first. I got there first. Me, me, me, me...

But now Bridget is there too, and her mouth had already covered my tracks. And it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair. I could still see her staring lovingly at Travis, I could still see her leaning into the kiss. I could still see the postcards.

Signed, sealed, delivered, Travis. I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours, but I'm not. I'm not. She is.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair because I knew that Travis could sense that I'm preoccupied. He could sense my spinning mind, my unexpected jealousy, and my air-bracketed happiness. He's always been able to read my thoughts and sometimes I hated him for it. But now... but now I'm thankful. I didn't have to explain anything.

"Do you think I'm stupid? For feeling this way I mean," I reluctantly asked. But instead of waiting for a reply I waved the thought away and said, "Never mind... I'm an idiot." Travis reached for the chalkboard once again and started to write something. I guess his ten minutes of silence wasn't over yet.

My mind drifted for a while and I found myself wondering if Bridget's kiss canceled mine out. I wondered if I was still there... lingering on the corners of his mouth, making his lips curve into a smile. He was so happy... so, so happy and it hurts a little. It's not fair. Why do I have to feel this way? Like I'm relieved, and sad, and jealous, and happy at the same time. Except my happiness is air-bracketed and it sucks.

The tick, tick, ticking of the clock was a welcomed distraction... but the beat, beat, beating of my heart is another story. Everything hurts a little, but I still smile. I feel like I'm slowly being erased, but I think I'll be fine. Don't mind me. I'm not here. I'm invisible.

I looked at the chalkboard and it said, "No... you're not."
I could still see the postcards, but everything's okay now.

(to be continued...)