Ranma ½: The Fanfiction:

Enter the Magnus!:

A boy sat in a spindly chair, spinning around quickly, watching the world race by, behind a small desk where a laptop lay. After a moment, he stopped, his face green. "Whoa, ugh, I don't think I'll do that anymore." He sat in the chair for a moment, resting his head on the desk, letting the nausea pass. Once he was feeling better, he sat up, and spun around in his chair. This time, stopping facing away from the desk, he stood up. Then he looked up towards the audience.

"Well, everybody, welcome. My name is Magnus 17, but you can just call me Magnus. I guess I'll be the first one to welcome you to Ranma ½: The Fanfiction, mainly because I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE!" He paused, taking a deep breath, and his voice quieting. "Ahem. Anyway, I might as well start with the disclaimer. Which is that I do not own Ranma ½, or any other story, movie, music, or thing that I don't own."

The boy was about average height, maybe an inch or two shorter than Ranma Saotome, with short black hair, his bangs swept to the left side of his face. He was American, seventeen years old, with pale skin. Wearing beat up old sneakers, a pair of khaki cargo pants, and a dark blue T-shirt with an embroidered logo reading "Late Night with Conan O'Brein," he looked like the general conception of an American boy.

"Now, I have some logistical, or something like that, thingys to take care of. One, anything in italics, like this, are thoughts. Just so you know. Two, . . . uh, . . . oh, um . . . okay, so I forgot number two. Anyway, time to go on with this story."

He waved his hands around, showing off a large white room made up of four-foot tiles. It contained two doors, each on the opposite side of each other in the room, a desk, a few shelves crammed with books and binders, and a red line from the bottom of the desk to the wall. "This is my uber-cool fanfic writing studio! I made it myself, including the software that runs it. Also here is my Autotyper 2000, and . . ."

(Autotyper 2000: That's me! )

"Yeah, yeah, we know. And then there's my computer assistant, N . . ." the boy suddenly broke down crying. "Oh, god, why did my assistant have to turn out to be evil and try and take over the world from my studio?! Why?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!!!!"

Realizing he was lying on the floor, Magnus hopped back up. "Anyway, as soon as they get here, we can actually start writing. But, of course, they're late."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door on the desk side. Magnus jumped up. "HOORAY! They're here!" He ran to the door, flinging it open. "Welcome, Ra . . ."

"Package for a Magnus 17!" a delivery man shouts, shoving a large box into Magnus's hands, and then leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Magnus stared for a moment, before sighing. "Guess I can't keep my hopes up." He placed the box on the counter, and walked back behind the desk. "Oh well." Then came another knock at the door.

"YESSS! That should be them!" Magnus ran back around the desk, and flung the door open. "Hello, Ak . . ."

"Hello, is this the barber shop?" asked a middle-aged man with unusually long hair.

Magnus sighed, shaking his head. "No, that's up one more floor, then second door on your right."

"Thanks." The man replied, before slamming the door.

Magnus walks back to his desk, dejected, before sitting on the top. "Well, they'll be here when they get here."

Suddenly, a knock came at the door. "That should be them." Magnus said, some enthusiasm gone, but a smile still there. He flung open the door. "Hello, . . ."

"Good morning, sir!" a small salesman said cheerily. "Can I interest you in some magazine sub . . ."

SLAM! Magnus threw himself against the now closed door. "God, that guy comes every single day!"

There was another knock. "Excuse me, sir, but the door seems to have closed. Sir? Sir?! . . . Hmm, he must have left." The sound of footsteps went down the hall, and disappeared.

Magnus slowly stood up. "Thank god that's over. Now if only they would get here." He returned to his desk and sat down. Suddenly, a knock came at the door. "Oooo, if it's that salesman again, . . ."

He ripped the door open. WHAM! "I DON'T WANT TO BUY . . . oh." Two shivering, soaking wet girls approximately sixteen years old stood behind the door. "Heh, sorry, wrong person. Let's start again." SLAM! WHAM! "WELCOME, Ranma and Akane!"

"Why the hell did ya slam the door on us?!"

"Oh, uh, sorry, there's this really annoying magazine salesman, and I thought you were . . . well, never mind about that. Come on in!"

The two girls stepped in, dripping wet, water sheeting off their clothes and onto the floor. "Jeeze, Magnus, this place took forever to find!" Akane said, squeezing the water out of her skirt.

"Eh, sorry. Can I get you anything?"

"Hot water would be a good start."

Magnus suddenly jumped across his desk, saying, "Oh, Ranma, this you got to see." Ignoring the blank stares as he picked himself up off the floor, Magnus started typing rapidly on his computer. There was the sound of keys typing as the boy began writing furiously on his laptop.

Ranma and Akane watched from the center of the room, when suddenly, the boy looked up. "Ranma, put out your hands." She did, both Akane and herself watching the writer carefully. "Ready?" Ranma nodded. "Are you sure?" Ranma nodded again. "Are you really sure?" Ranma nodded again, very enthusiastically. "Are you sure you're sure?"

"MAGNUS!" Ranma shouted. "Just freakin' do whatever the hell you wanted to do already!"

"Okay, okay, sorry!" Magnus replied, tapping some more keys. "Catch!"

Ranma stared for a moment, when a large kettle fell out of the sky and landed in her hands. "Whoa! That's cool!" Ranma voiced immediately.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Magnus replied, beaming. "The only thing with kettles is the bottoms are really . . ."

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!" Ranma screamed, throwing the kettle up into the air, before it flipped and fell back down onto her head, knocking the girl to the ground.

". . . hot." Magnus muttered quietly. "Um, Akane? Is he still alive?"

Akane glanced down at the unconscious, scalded boy. "Yeah, he's still breathing. Is that good enough?"

"Yeah, that's good enough." Magnus replied, reaching over and grabbing something from the bookshelf. "Hmm, where should we start?" he muttered to himself.

There was a long pause.

"Uh, Magnus, what are we supposed to do now?" Akane asked, rolling the kettle away from the unconscious boy.

Magnus glanced up from his notebook. "Oh, right. Um, . . . I don't know. We kind of need Ranma to get the story started, so we cant record anything till he wakes up." He plopped down into his chair. "So, until then, we can't do much. If I had the time, I could re-adjust the world so that he wakes up now, but it's kind of dangerous for me to do that. I had an assistant who could do just about anything easily, but then she turned evil and tried to take over the world. So, I've kind of kept to doing simple changes."

"Changes?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, the whole room here is designed to change to fit up with the setting I want for the story. I can make costume changes, objects, settings, and people from my own imagination. Just not people like you."

Akane blinked. "What does that mean?"

"Eh, I just can't make a person perfectly like the characters from comics or anything. That's why I've invited all of you. That way, you're here to play your own parts, and nothing bursts into flames." Magnus sighed. "With one half-exception, every character I've made who's supposed to act like you, or Ranma, or any other character out there, has kind of been more insane."

"Eew." Akane grimaced, walking over to the desk.

Magnus sighed. "Oh god, you should have seen Kuno." Akane turned and stared at him. "Yeah, he was less coherent. I was sure he would sprout a second head and doing the chicken dance before that would happen."

"Kuno, less coherent?"

"Yeah, he actually was completely unintelligeble." Magnus shuddered.

Akane kept staring. "Was it really that bad?"

Magnus shuddered again. "I don't think I've ever been more scared and not run away screaming."


There was another long pause.

Magnus sighed. "Well, I'm hungry. Want something to eat?"

"Sure. What do you have?"

"A fully stocked break room." Magnus stood up, walking to the other door. "Just tell me what you want, and I'll see what I can get."

"Just something to drink would be fine."

"Like juice, soda, water, what?"

"I don't know. Juice." Akane replied, sliding up to sit on the edge of the desk, crossing her legs. Magnus nodded, opening the door, and disappearing inside.

Akane glanced around the room. There wasn't much here. The walls were the only really unusual part, being large white tiles, like the hologram rooms from all those science fiction shows. Was it really possible to change things here? Sure, she had seen the kettle appear, but that was just one thing. And what was the whole point of them being here? Was there one?

(Autotyper 2000: No, not really. )

The door swung open, and the black haired boy returned, carrying two cans and a wrapped package, before walking to the desk and sitting down next to the Japanese girl. "Well, here you go." He said, handing her a can of apple juice. Placing his own can of cola on the desk, he opened the package, revealing a sandwich. "Want half?"

The girl glanced down at the sandwich. "What is it?"

"Salami and cheese on white bread."

Akane thought for a moment. "Sure." The boy took a half of the sandwich, handing it to her, before taking the second half for himself.

There was a gurgling noise from the floor, as Ranma slowly roused from his bout with unconsciousness. After a moment, he sat up, glancing around and rubbing his head.

"Oh, Ranma, you're awake. That's good." Magnus glanced at his watch. "We might not get to started today, even if we run long, but there's always tomorrow."

"What happened?" Ranma asked, still rubbing his head, and slowly rising to his feet.

"You threw the kettle in the air, which landed onto your head and knocked you out." Magnus replied without pausing. "Feeling better?"

"No." Ranma replied. He then looked up, as Magnus took a bite of his sandwich. "Where's the food?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "He's fine."

"What do you want?" Magnus asked.

"Anythin', I'm starving!"

"It's your own fault for sleeping in and skipping breakfast!" Akane shot back.

Magnus glanced at her, then back to Ranma. "You missed breakfast, huh? Well, that gives me an idea."

He slid off the desk, walking around the desk to the computer. Starting to type, he glanced up at them, noticing Akane watching curiously, and Ranma covering his head. "Don't worry, Ranma, we're scene changing. Nothing's going to fall from the sky."

"Scene changin'?" He asked, keeping his arms up.

Magnus nodded, continuing to type. "It's when we change the appearance of the room to fit the kind of scene we need. We can go anywhere, do anything, make anything we want with this. The room may look small, but we can make it miles long and as high as the bottom of the Grand Canyon in the US to the moon."

Akane slid off the desk, looking around. "Were are we going?"

"Breakfast." Magnus replied calmly, smiling, before smacking the "Enter" key.

There was a sudden shift, as the still air began to move like a faint breeze from one side of the room to the other. All the white tiles slowly shifted to black, the darkness flowing like a wave from one side of the room to another, every conceivable shade of gray melding through each one as they shifted. Slowly, the black turned to colors, and the floor began to shift, pushing Akane and Ranma up several feet, as it turned to a tan floor, stretching around them. The breeze was shown to be coming from two large opening of tall, slider doors, both coming from outside, one being the inlet and the other the outlet of the wind. A roof formed overhead, and solidified into a familiar ceiling. All forms of drawers, knickknacks, and objects beyond familiar began to rise out of the floor, molding and coloring themselves perfectly.

And then, the two teens found themselves standing in the middle of the Tendo Dojo living room.

"Wow." was Ranma's muttered reply.

Akane was glancing around. "Magnus, is this really the Dojo?" She turned back to where the desk was. It had vanished, replaced by the open space of the room. In fact, the old details of the original room were gone. The doors did not line up with anything, the desk was missing, and that odd red line was gone. And her juice. It was all gone. "Magnus! Where are you?!"

"Be there in a sec." A voice said, as if over an intercom.

There was then silence, except for the normal sounds of the day at the Tendo Dojo. Birds chirped, a car rolled gently by outside, a pair of walkers strolled gently around the sidewalk. It's kinda nice to be here without anybody else. Ranma thought quietly, before shaking that thought from his mind.

Suddenly, Magnus slid through one of the walls, walking into the room, carrying a pair of necklaces that were more like simple chains, less than a millimeter thick, made in a soft silver color of tiny links. "Hey, how's it look?"

Akane blinked. "You . . . just went through the wall?!"

Magnus glanced back, then turned to her. "Oh yeah, because of these." He said quietly, handing each of them a necklace. "It let's you separate from scene changes, if you need to go to the bathroom or something, without having to shut it down. Most stuff you can just walk through, unless I tell the computer to keep you from doing that. Usually that means you can stand on the floor or something, but if there's something you need to move off set, we can do that too."

Ranma stared at him. "Okay." He slid it onto his neck, and then went waving his hands through the wall, smiling as he began to slip through it.

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, Magnus, that was a perfectly prepared explanation that went into far too much detail that could possibly give plot ideas for the rest of this story and explain stuff that happens for no reason . . . I think.)

Akane put it on, and saw something else. The wall he had just come through seemed a bit transparent. Beyond it, she saw the desk, and that peculiar red line. "Wow."

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, Magnus, you're really making a lot of sense now. And you've had everyone say "Wow" a lot.)

Akane began to look around the room again. "Hey, what's that doing there?!" she shouted, pointing at the large, colorful Mexican piñata sitting in the corner.

"Oh, heh," the boy replied, scratching his head, "I was going to test the idea that the Tendo Dojo is really a space alien and can regenerate itself perfectly when smashed to pieces. I needed a piñata to make sure the smashing physics were working well. Oh, and they're fun too."

Akane glanced at that. "Is that what caused the house to fix itself?"

"Nah." Magnus replied, shuffling his feet. "It's more like the theory involving the rubber chickens and the pizza crusts. But I did find a secret stash of . . ."

"You better not have been touching my secret stash!" Akane suddenly blurted out.

Magnus blinked at her. "You have a secret stash of ancient European gold coins hidden under those floorboards, right over there?!" he shouted, pointing to a random spot of the floor where a table usually sits.

Akane glanced, before her face suddenly flushed red, and she turned away, walking towards the piñata. "Never mind."

Magnus stared for a moment, Akane grabbed the colorful cardboard party toy, and Ranma was still gleefully sliding through walls. The American boy shook his head, sighing. Oh well, it's not important. Suddenly, a though occurred. "Ohmygod! I forgot to get the food!" He rushed through the wall, and slid into the seat at his desk.

Akane and Ranma returned to the center of the room, Akane a bit further towards the kitchen. The voice-intercom came back, and it was Magnus again. "Okay, take off those necklaces, because it will take too long for me to program the table and food to work without them."

The two did as they were told, before glancing around. "What do we do with them?" Akane asked.

"Eh, just . . .toss them in your pockets or something. As long as you aren't wearing them, things will work." The two teens shrugged, and placed them into their pockets. There was a series of clicks over the intercom, like keys typing or something, before there was one loud click above the others. "There you go!"

Nothing happened.

"Uh, Magnus?" Ranma began, before his stomach growled. "It didn't work."

There was a flurry of shuffling over the intercom, before the voice returned. "Damn, the computer's running slow again. If that stupid dial-up Internet would just download my Naruto AMV faster, the thing wouldn't be doing two things at once!" his voice turned to mumbling for a moment. "I should have known that it wouldn't work right when the scene took so long to change."

(Autotyper 2000: You should have, but you didn't! )

"Shut up!" Magnus shouted.

"We didn't say anything!" Akane shouted back.

"Not you, the stupid memos the Autotyper 2000 keeps giving me!" there was the sound of shuffling. "I got to figure out how to turn those off."

(Autotyper 2000: Ha! You can't! It was her last action before you sealed her program away!)

There was a pause over the intercom. "Oh god! Why did my assistant have to turn evil?! Why?! WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

There was another long pause. "Uh, Magnus? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He replied, suddenly calm again. "Oh, looks like it's almost assembled. Just a couple more seconds, and the food will be there."

Ranma took a couple of expectant steps forward. "Where is it?"

Akane glanced at his placement, before pausing to think. "Hey, Ranma, aren't you standing . . ."


". . . where the table usually is?" Akane finished dryly, seeing as there was no point anymore. Ranma was smushed under the table, now laden with food, bowls, and a small vase for a centerpiece. And he had forgotten to cover his head again.

Magnus suddenly slipped through the wall. "Jeese, Ranma, I'm sorry. You okay?"

"Magnus." Ranma began, his eyes and voice labored and confused. "Goin' you pay are to for this!" Then, he collapsed, unconscious again.

There was a long pause.

"Uh, Magnus?" Akane asked. "Did you plan that?"

Magnus shook his head. "No, but I wish I did. It would have been really funny." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Well, I guess that's it for today."

"So, to all you reviewers and readers out there, this is the end of the first chapter of Ranma ½: The Fanficiton!" He shouted, turning to the audience. "Coming soon is the next chapter!"

"What was that package for? Will Ranma get his revenge? Will anything get done? What other secrets does this studio hide? What really happened to Magnus's assistant? Will there really be a plot to this story? Does Akane have a secret stash in the Tendo household?"

"I do not have a secret stash of anything!" Akane suddenly screamed, bright red again.

"What about the rest of the characters? And what about the fanficiton we are supposed to write?" Magnus suddenly paused, thinking about that. "Wow, I should definitely figure that one out. Anyway," he said, turning back to the audience, "all that and more, or maybe less, might be answered in the future! So, until next time, from the transvestite, the tomboy, and I, keep writing!"

SMASH! "I am not a tomboy!" Akane screamed.

Magnus brushed the bits of glass out of his hair from where the vase hit him in the back of the head. "Akane, remind me to never insult you ever again." Then, he collapsed onto the floor, joining Ranma in unconsciousness.