Ten Patients Janet Wishes She Never Had

By PaBurke

Summary: A slight variation on the 10 Things Never . . . Janet reminisces on some of her old patients. A series of Drabbles. I snuck in a couple challenge responses into the chain.

Disclaimer: In an effort to streamline the story, I'll say it all here. I own Nothing.

Distribution: CrossGate,

Word Count: 100 per flashback.

Crossover: TBA per flashback.

Spoilers: Sometime before Season 7, Heroes II

Rating: G to PG

A/N: I'm struggling with So I don't like the formats yet. Most of my stories on were posted on various mailing lists. Enjoy!

(Prologue: The Status Quo, Crossover: None)

"So Doctor Fraiser, how is SG1?" the portly general asked.

Janet flipped through her files. "As usual, SG1 escaped death by the skin of their teeth. All four will make a complete recovery. I'm keeping them all in the infirmary just in case, but I'll have to release them tomorrow or my nurses will mutiny."

General Hammond chuckled. "I'll take your word on the matter. Thank-you Doctor, for patching them up. I really don't know how you put up with them."

Janet smiled. "Practice."

As Janet walked back to her infirmary, she pondered on some of her more difficult patients . . .

(The Veteran, Crossover: MASH)

"Darling, what did you bring me today?" the man asked with a teasing leer.

Janet smiled. Dr. Pierce was a shameless flirt, especially since he was a resident of the nursing home and she was a volunteer candy-striper. "Just your normal lunch, sir."

The elderly man rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you, Janet? You need to smuggle in some gin for me. And call me Hawkeye."

Janet smirked. "I'll call you Hawkeye when I smuggle in the gin, not before."

Pierce brightened. "When?"

"Right after I tell your wife. Margaret's become my role model."

(The Hillbilly, Crossover: Dukes of Hazard)

"Thank-ye, doc. Your stitchin's right nice." The blonde complimented with a killer smile.

Janet put away her equipment with a slight huff. "I'm an intern, not a doctor, yet. Where did you get the cuts anyway?"

"General Lee."

Janet winced. "That's not a dog bite."

"Nope." The blonde's brother confirmed. He motioned to the bright orange car in the free clinic's drive. "That's General Lee."

Janet knew it was an antique, other than that . . . "How did General Lee slice you?"

Bo Duke looked sheepish. "Forgot to roll down the window after it rained last, and well, when I jumped through . . ."

(The Royalty, Crossover: Shakespeare's Hamlet)

Janet looked around with a feeling of hopelessness. The castle was beautiful; full of history, passion and wealth. It was a golden coffin for the last of a royal line. Her eyes connected with the triage leader. He shook his head. Only the student and the soldier remained alive. The queen, her new husband, the young prince and more were dead. Reports were filtering in. The old king had been murdered and the prince's beautiful fiancée had drowned herself earlier.

Janet shook her head. Blades, poison and mental instability; Denmark's ruling family certainly had gone out with a dramatic flare.

(The Father, Crossover: Pretender)

"Jarod! Kyle!"

The scream radiated more than physical pain.

"Sedate him!" Janet ordered. Orderlies were pinning the man down. Janet cautioned them, "His skin is painfully sensitive."

A nurse injected medicine into the patient's IV. The team held their breath until he relaxed.

Janet asked the nurse, "What do we know?

The girl shrugged. "Major Charles, Air Force. He said his two boys were kidnapped recently."

"How did he get poisoned, with that poison, in a fertility clinic?"

"The clinic's physician, Raines, didn't say. Just that they couldn't treat it."

"Long night, people. The Major's not dying on my watch."

(The Jungle Man, Crossover: Tarzan)

"There you go." Janet patted the strange man's arm reassuringly. She turned to his wife. "Jane, he'll be fine. Keep it clean and dry and it won't get infected."

Jane nudged the man sniffing his bandage. "Tarzan, say thank-you."

Tarzan's intelligent eyes met Janet's. "Tank-u."


Tarzan pushed Janet toward the door. "Come."

Janet struggled to get free. "What!"

"Fitx Modder."

"Jane, what's going on?"

Jane exchanged some strange hoots with Tarzan and then grinned. "He wants you come and take care of his mother."

Janet reached for her medical bag. "Where? What's wrong with her?"

"She's an elderly gorilla."

(The Pilot, Crossover: JAG)

Janet cursed the Navy and their medical procedures. She cursed the ophthalmologists and their protocol. How had this foul task fallen to her? She wasn't Navy! Somehow she had been elected to deliver the horrible news. She had done this before and hated it. Telling a pilot that his career was over was analogist to pointing a loaded gun at the person. Pilots lived to fly. She didn't expect this pilot to be an exception.

She entered the room and shut the door behind her. The man on the bed turned her way.

"Commander Rabb, I have some bad news . . ."

(The Doctor's Son, Crossover: Diagnosis Murder)

"Dr. Fraiser?"

Janet turned to see the white-haired man rushing her way. "Dr. Fraiser, you operated on Steve Sloan?"

Janet furrowed her brow. "The detective shot when he was investigating on base?"

"Yes! How is he?"

"He'll live, Mr. . ."

"Doctor, Mark Sloan."

Janet shook the man's hand slowly. "You're not about to question my work, are you?"

Mark smiled wryly. "No. It's just . . . he's my son and I want be sure . . ."

Janet straightened her shoulders. "Let me rephrase my statement: You are not going to question my work. Detective Sloan will recover fully in due time with nary a scar."

(The Corpse, Crossover: Highlander)

"Time of death," Janet checked the clock, "0232hrs. Load him up and take him to the morgue. I'll cut him up later."

Janet watched the gurney wheel away. It had been a long night. Janet had fought hard not to lose the patient. She shook her head. Now she was really going to lose the patient. She'd better get down to the morgue and borrow Harvey's scrubs. This could get messy.

Janet surveyed the morgue with satisfaction. The scrubs were draped on a near-by chair. The corpse's chamber door was cracked open. The security camera was malfunctioning.

Dawson so owed her.

(The Swordsman, Crossover: Zorro)

"Diego De La Vega, what are you doing in my infirmary again?"

The airman with strong Spanish-Mexican heritage smiled engagingly. "My dear doctor, I wished to visit."

Janet eyed the bloody bandage held tightly against Captain Peters' arm. "What happened this time?"

"Peters wished to learn the art of swordplay."

"And you offered to teach him."

"But of course. Unfortunately, Peters did not grasp the delicate dance."

Janet resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Diego, if you show up in my infirmary with another accident, I'll have your sword confiscated."

Eyes wide, "Pero no! That is the family sword!"

(The Team, Crossover: None)

So many people, so many cases . . .

Janet walked through her domain, her infirmary. She pried the notebook out of limp Daniel's hands. She saved and closed down Sam's computer. Janet placed both on a near-by table. Teal'c was performing kel-no-reem. He offered Janet's team the least trouble.

Janet glared at Jack. He stubbornly glared back and tightened his fingers around his GameBoy.


"But, Doc!" A colonel should not whine like that.

"It's time for sleep."


"Give or I prescribe some medicine to help."

Grudgingly he handed over the toy.

So many patients . . . They all prepared Janet for SG1.

(The Daughter, Crossover: Star Trek Universe)

Far into the Future . . .

Cassandra Fraiser smiled as she downloaded the information. Who knew that playing with all the alien technology those many years ago would allow her to do this? She was older than anyone knew, thanks to Nirritti. She knew more about aliens than anyone suspected; she was one herself. She was well respected in her field. Cassie had been honored when asked to help compile the personalities preferred for a Federation spaceship's hologram doctor. She knew who should top that list.

Some people should never die.

Download complete.

Now if only she could work SG1 in somewhere.

(The Ensign, Crossover: Star Trek Voyager)

"Doctor, B'Elanna told me your personality matrix is actually several different doctors. Do you prefer one personality?" Tom Paris asked the Hologram.

"I do."

Tom looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yes." Doctor pressed a button on his PADD.

"Is he the one you look like?"

"No." The Hologram shimmered. Suddenly a petite female in a blue Earth uniform stood before Tom. The new doctor looked Tom over critically. "Are you hurt?"

"No, ma'am. Here for my check-up."

"Good. Where are my needles?" she asked.

"Needles? You mean hypospray, right?"

"Of course not. Needles are much more of an incentive for delinquent airmen."