Wrecking Havoc – Little Balrog
Once upon time in a beautiful and quiet forest, several ladies and their pet balrog fell from a rip in the time-space continuum. Landing on a non-soft patch of grass, they rubbed their sore bums for a moment and looked around, confused as to where they were. From behind a bush, a hot ass elf watched them for a moment, unsure as to whether or not he should bring them home with him. Not realizing what destructive powers these ladies bore, Haldir decided to show himself and take them to Lorien...eventually causing many elves to need expensive therapy.
Life in Arda soon ceased to exist as they had known it.
Three unfortunate souls –Celeborn, Elrond, and Haldir- were molasses-ed into a tree, thus proving the rumor true that elves don't wear anything under their robes. Erestor was coaxed into the tree with promises of a hefty donation to his Erestor's Institute For Elflings That Don't Read So Good. It was also learned that Galadriel could identify the treed elves by their hidden anatomy, mainly because her sewing room had a window that overlooked the elf bathing pool.
Two of the ladies even went so far as to enslave many of the top elflords and elves for their Elf Pimp business. Thranduil, who was nearly enslaved but escaped just in time, made the two an offer they couldn't refuse, one that involved special spankings for the naughty duo and a lovely round of golf. Soon, BATTER: Bird And Tic's Tree-house of Elven Raunchiness opened chains in such locations as Rivendell, Lorien, Mirkwood, and EVEN Valinor offering a wide selection of tasty batter-dipped elves. They were a huge success.
Soon elves were seen everywhere, in black thongs and handcuffs. Shopkeepers couldn't keep the chocolate syrup on the shelves. It was even reported that Erestor and Glorfindel were spied in skintight, short-skirted nurses' dresses, fishnets, and stilettos. Haldir and Legolas became stars of the Elf Mud Wrestling Scene, while Elladan and Elrohir discovered their love for Dr. Frankenfurter, corsets, and ruby red lipstick. One elf, Melpomaen aka Figwit, was caught wearing nothing but a sparkly silver cape. Rumil and Orophin's wives became voyeurs and watched as the two brothers proved just how flexible they really are.
The ladies of the Little Balrog yahoo group were their best customers, and every morning, Zhie would wake up to find the elf-muses exhausted and a bit deranged, as well as several videos of their nightly activities strewn about.
It wasn't long after that the wildly popular "Cookies and Elves" recipe book was published and sold millions of copies, mainly because of its full-color photos of each recipe and elf.
Then one night, not too long ago, Bird couldn't sleep. A rabid plot bunny crawled into her brain through her ear, and decided to settle down for the long haul. A little at a time, it chewed at her gray matter, till she screamed, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I'LL DO IT!!"
The very next day she started putting up posters for an event that would terrify all the elves in Arda...