"Big Balls" originally by AC/DC (Bird and Kath)

Thranduil bursts into the bar. "I wanna sing a song, just for you two ladies" he casts a wicked grin at Kath and Bird... which in and of itself is nearly enough to floor them. He dashes into the Undressing Room as Bird slips the CD he brought with him into the player...

Thranduil runs on to the stage, a raging bull as the music starts. All he's wearing is a pair of very, very, very tight nude leggings....accentuating the largest set of...

Kath and Bird's eyes bug out like Roger Rabbit's - you can nearly hear "Ah-oo-gah, Ah-oo-gah" as they gawk at Thranduil's…assets.

"I'm ever upper class high society,

God's gift to ballroom notoriety,

I always fill my ballroom

(The event is never small)

The social pages say I've got

The biggest balls of all

Oh I've got big balls

I've got big balls

And they're such big balls

Dirty big balls"

He jumps off the stage and points to random males and females in the audience, singing...

"And he's got big balls

And she's got big balls

But we've got the biggest balls of them all!"

He thrusts his hips forward as he sings the word "all" and walks up to Bird and Kath who are still staring at him, quite flabbergasted. Sliding up next to them, he gives them a very close up view of his special talents. Kath and Bird begin to drool helplessly, their tongues hanging out of the sides of their mouths.

"And my balls are always bouncing

My ballroom's always full

And everybody comes and comes again.

If your name is on the guest list

No one can take you higher

Everybody says I've got


Oh I've got big balls.

Some balls are held for charity

And some for fancy dress

But when they're held for pleasure

They're the balls that I like best.

My balls are always bouncing

To the left and to the right

It's my belief that my big balls

Should be held every night

Oh I've got big balls.

And I'm just itching to tell you about them

Oh we'll have such wonderful fun

Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...

Ball sucker!"

He jumps off the stage, walks past the two business partners, smacking them on their bottoms, and disappears out the door and into the night.

Bird turns to Kath, "Is it true?" She looks frantically for Zhie. "I have to know what the meaning of all this is...I thought he wasn't into doing such displays... this is the elf Kath and I are willing to go into business with? I think we are playing with fire...no - worse than that...a great flaming ball of fire, hotter than the sun!"

Bird's eyes roll back in her head, and she collapses on the floor, a quivering, boneless pile of hormones. The naughty nurses look up from their much appreciated attempts to keep Amy breathing, exchange a look, and run clattering on their heels to administer CPR to Bird.

Kath, meanwhile, has not made a sound. Not a peep - she can't. Her brain fled as soon as Thranduil ran onto the stage in his very, very, very tight nude leggings that left nothing to the imagination, and many fear it may never return.