Okay, so this was written in response to a challenge on the GaaNaru LiveJournal community. The challenge was this:
Write a GaaNaru fic with the following elements
Setting: a farm
Things used: a pencil sharpener, pigs, chocolates
Line to use: "I lost my mojo..."
And my warped brain came up with the following. It's not up to my usual standards but I like it anyways. Even if the ending sucks. And even if Sasuke's majorly OOC in part....eh. Whatever.
So none of the characters belong to me. They're all someone else's. Well, except possibly Pig...but that's not really counting much. Oh, and Sky Country is not an offical Naruto Country. I just picked one of the unnamed countries between Fire country and Wind country and said "I shall call it...Sky Country!!"
And kudos to you if you know where I got 'Oracular Pigs' and the other 3 literary references in here from.
It was a stupid mission.
A stupid, stupid mission.
In fact, he was fairly sure it was just about the stupidest mission he'd ever been on and that was including the 'Find Tora for the Lord of Fire Country's Wife' one that he'd gotten as a genin. Some one was going to die for this...Oh yes. And die slowly. Painfully slow. Excruciatingly slow. Rusty kunai and spoons kind of slow. Ooo...he could imagine it now...
The five other shinobi with him paused and gave him looks. The 'yup, he's finally lost it' kind of looks. Well, four of them did anyways. The fifth just stared at him with unblinking dark-ringed eyes, cocked his head to the side and then looked away.
And there was another reason why this was a stupid mission.
"You'll be working with a team from Hidden Sand." The old hag had said. "It'll improve village to village relations, so suck it up." She had said.
Well, he damn well didn't see her out here dealing with the stuck up blonde or the snotty puppeteer...or...or...Gaara. Really didn't see her out here dealing with Gaara. The other demon made him...nervous, to say the least.
And it didn't help matters that the redhead kept staring at him, like he was trying to see his soul. Or maybe just undress him mentally. Or maybe both. Whatever it was it was unnerving as hell.
And the pigs weren't helping.
One piglet trotted up to him and butted the side of his leg affectionately.
"Bu." It said.
"Go 'way." He said.
"Bu." It continued.
"Go on. Shoo."
"Damn it, pig!!"
"Naruto!! Quit disturbing the clients!!"
"But, Sakura-chan, they're pigs!"
"And they seem to like you a lot, Dobe. Must feel like a relative's come home." Sasuke smirked at the blonde.
"Da hell'd you say?! Come on, Uchiha! You, me. Right here, right now."
Sasuke smirked at him. "As if you could take me."
"I could take you any day of the week!"
"Oh, really? Is that a promise?"
Naruto blinked suddenly taken aback by the unusual come back.
And then Gaara stepped between them and glared at the dark haired boy. The resulting staring match probably would have lasted for hours if Temari hadn't blown her top five seconds later.
"Can all you do is argue? I swear you three are useless! Useless! We've still got five days on this Desert Forsaken Farm guarding these pigs and all you do is argue!!"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the blonde woman, snorted and then walked towards the farmhouse with Sakura trailing after him. Temari rolled her eyes and then turned towards the fence that ran along the borders of the farm.
"I'm going to check the parameters. Kankuro, come on."
Kankuro wisely did not put up any complaints and the two left to check the parameters. Leaving Gaara and Naruto alone. Gaara stared. Naruto huffed and sat in grass. The piglet from earlier butted its head against his leg again.
The fox boy sighed. "You just don't learn, do you?"
"Bu." The piglet grunted happily in reply.
"It's the chocolate." Gaara said quietly.
"What?" He asked picking up the piglet.
"The chocolates in your pockets. They can smell them."
"Ah. You want a chocolate, little guy?"
"Bu." Said the piglet in an obvious pig form of 'Damn straight, I want a chocolate. Gimme!'
Naruto reached into the pockets of his pants and pulled out three small pieces of candy wrapped in gold paper. He unwrapped one and held it in his hand for the piglet.
"Here ya go."
The piglet happily devoured the offered chocolate and then went on its merry way.
Naruto stared after it, musing.
"I see. All you want me for is my chocolate. Hmph. Traitor."
He then turned back to the two pieces in his hands. "Here. Want one?"
The sand nin hesitated, one hand reached half-way out.
"Dude, they're not poisoned or anything. You think I'd let one of the All Mighty and Important Oracular Pigs of Sky Country eat something that was bad do you?"
The paler boy reached and took the offered candy, his fingers brushing across the palm of the other's hand as he did so.
For some inexplicable reason, Naruto shuddered at the touch. Lifting his head, he met Gaara's eyes directly and they stayed that way for a long moment. The redhead shifted nearer, his fingers still lingering over the tan skin of the fox boy's hand. Naruto could feel another shudder building but he couldn't move. It was like being a jutsu...only Gaara hadn't cast any jutsu, had he? And was the redhead really leaning towards him? Any why did his cheeks feel so hot? He should move. Really. Because now he could feel the other boy's breath ghosting over his lips and he was tilting his head just so and...
"No!" Naruto cried, pushing Gaara back and running off in the direction the piglet had taken earlier.
The sand nin blinked and looked in the direction that Naruto had run and then down at the gold foil wrapped chocolate in his hand.
Naruto ran blindly until he ran out of breath and then flopped down on the grass. He lay huffing and staring up at the blue sky trying to figure out what had just happened. And then there was a familiar nuzzling at his ribs. The piglet was back. It clambered up onto his chest where it sat and looked at him.
"Bu." It said.
"You again, huh?"
Naruto chuckled. "That's it. I'm tired of calling you 'you'. From now on, your name is Pig."
"Bu." Said Pig.
"Why am I out here, Pig? Because something really weird just happened. I think Gaara just tried to kiss me."
"I dunno why. And I certainly don't know why me. I'm just the kyuubi after all."
"Okay, yeah. He's got Shukaku too, so maybe he was just lonely and thought I might be too."
"I dunno...maybe I am. But it's still weird!! Don't'cha think?"
"Hmph. Some conversationalist you are."
On the second day, Naruto avoided Gaara like a bad cliché. This meant he had to spend more time around Sasuke than was healthy, but in the choice of annoyance and petty bickering versus confusion and abject humiliation, the annoyance and petty bickering won.
At least for awhile.
Because as it turned out Sasuke was being weird too. Not Gaara 'let me hold your hand over chocolate' kind of weird, but off. As if he was slightly worried about something, but didn't want to admit it. In fact, whenever Gaara was around it almost seemed if Sasuke was being downright clingy. In a Sasuke sort of way, of course. And by the time evening had come around on their second day of boring old 'Guard the Oracular Pigs while their keepers go on vacation', Naruto found himself retreating to his spot near the pigs from the day before just to get the hell away from everyone.
Maybe he'd go talk to Pig. Pig would understand. And Pig wouldn't be weird about it.
Yeah, he'd go talk to Pig.
Only someone beat him to it.
Someone was in his spot, looking up at the sky with Pig sitting quietly on their knee, 'bu'ing at appropriate intervals. And that someone had red hair.
The hell? What was Gaara doing here? And Pig!! That traitor! What was he doing talking to Gaara?! At that Naruto decided he could only do the true Ninja thing. He'd eavesdrop shamelessly.
"I think he hates me."
"Bu..." Came the sympathetic squeal.
"He's been running away from me all day and spending the day with...(Naruto could just see the face the other boy was making.) Uchiha."
"Exactly. I screwed up big time yesterday, I know. But...he just looked so...happy. And I just wanted a little of that. I wanted to know what it was like to be happy, really happy. That's not wrong, right?"
"Y'know, for a pig, you're a pretty good conversationalist."
On the third day, Naruto woke up early and got to Pig first. He needed to talk to someone about things and Pig seemed the most objective one around.
"So...I'm confused. I know he's lonely...and I think I am too. But that doesn't mean that..."
"Well, he does know what it's like. We're kind of each other's mirror, y'know? And I don't even mind that he's a guy...I just want someone to care for me, right? But not in an Iruka-sensei sort of way. And he definitely doesn't like me like that..."
Naruto sighed and looked down at the little piglet on his knee. "I don't know. What do you think? Should I go for it?"
The fox boy laughed. "I'll take that as a yes."
So. Now came the hard part. Finding and telling Gaara. Well, the finding wasn't that hard. It was the telling that was doing him in. Which is why he found himself in front of Gaara of the Desert and could do nothing more than shyly look at his shoes and twiddle his fingers together. And that was getting him no where. So taking a deep breath, he raised his head and forced himself to meet Gaara eye to eye.
Gaara suddenly dropped his gaze. "I understand. I won't bother you anymore. I'll let you and Uchiha be happy."
"Oh, well, that's nice of you ...wait, Me and WHO?!! Sasuke? As in loser, jerk Sasuke who's main goal in life is to torment me? Me and that Sasuke?"
The redhead looked up with an adorable look of cluelessness. "Yeesss..."
Naruto sighed. "You moron."
And he leaned in and kissed the other boy.
Pulling back, he opened his eyes and smiled at Gaara. "Get it now?"
Gaara blinked. "...oh. Oh! But...the chocolate and..."
The fox boy reached out and grabbed Gaara's hand, looking at their intertwined fingers.
"I was...scared and confused. No one's every liked me like this before, y'know? But...I talked to a friend and figured some things out. So...I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not very good at this...but I'm willing to try."
Gaara smiled a very small, but real smile. "So we'll try together."
On the fourth day, after a visit to Pig, they had walked into the farmhouse a little too close together, had stared at each other for a little too long and the flushed cheeks had certainly given it all away. But then, nobody really seemed to care.
Well, Sakura-chan had gaped at them for a moment and then hurried off to the kitchen. Kankuro had smirked and began to make a snide comment before he got a mouthful of sand. Temari had looked from one to the other and then casual threatened Naruto with castration if he hurt her brother. Sasuke had frowned and then glared. But then, that was normal.
Later that day, Naruto was rummaging around in the study looking for something to read. It appeared that the extent of the Pig Owners's literary choices were either 40 years worth of the farmer's almanac, The Book of If, or Unfogging the Future. He was scowling and just about to give up when he heard someone enter behind him.
He grinned. 't resist me, could you?"
And then he turned around to see Sasuke.
A very determined looking Sasuke who was moving in on him.
As Sasuke walked forward, Naruto took a step back in surprise and found himself trapped between the hard body of the boy in front of him and the large wooden desk in the study.
Sasuke grabbed the blonde's chin in his strong grip and placed his mouth over the other's.
Blue eyes widened, as the fox boy found himself being thoroughly kissed by his arch rival. Hands searched the desk behind him for something to fend the other boy off with.
He grabbed the first thing he found, which was small and plastic and lobbed it at the boy. It turned out to be a small pencil sharpener, and it hit Sasuke squarely in the forehead. Sasuke blinked and looked down at the scowling boy. Naruto thought the jerk should consider himself lucky that he didn't get his hand on sharpened pencil.
"You bastard! What the hell was that?!" The blonde yelled shoving the other boy back and wiping off his mouth.
The dark haired boy looked confused. "Don't you love me now?"
Naruto gaped and then sputtered. "What?! Hell no! You're my arch rival, you freak!"
Sasuke blinked and then looked unfocused. "I lost my mojo..."
"My mojo...My mojo that lets me be a cold, heartless bastard to anyone and still make them fall in love with me...but...it didn't work...I've lost it..." Sasuke sounded very lost indeed.
Naruto was now staring openly. "Have you been eating that weird grass we found growing next to the barn?"
"He stole it!"
"That tanuki bastard stole my mojo!!" And Sasuke was out of the room in a flash.
Naruto blinked. "The hell...?"
He then raced after the deluded Uchiha.
Gaara was on the porch with Temari, Kankuro and Sakura when Uchiha raced up.
"You!" he pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. "Give it back!"
Furrowing his non-existent brows, he looked at Sasuke. "Give what back?"
"My mojo! You stole it! Naruto never would have fallen for you otherwise, now give it back."
Temari, Kankuro, and Sakura were all staring at him with equal expressions of 'he's lost it'. Temari and Kankuro then exchanged looks that asked 'What the hell is up with these leaf nin? And they say we're crazy?'. Gaara looked like he was ready to break his 'no killing unless necessary' rule.
Sakura forced her slack jaw shut and tried to make a placating gesture towards Sasuke. "Now, Sasuke-kun...really, why would Gaara steal your mojo? And for that matter, how do you even know it's really gone? Have you tried using it?"
"Yes! I just kissed Naruto after being a cold, heartless bastard to him for years and he hit me!"
Sakura gave him a humoring smile. "Saskue-kun, how can you really expect him to...wait, did you just say you kissed Naruto?"
"Damn straight he did. One of the most disgusting experiences of my life too." A voice came from behind Sasuke.
"Naruto." Gaara looked a little relieved. Somehow the insanity, and he wasn't talking about Shukaku, was a little easier to get through with the blonde around, he found.
"See? He never would have said that if I had my mojo."
"Ano...Sasuke-kun, why don't we go get some tea and then you can have a nice lie down, okay? You've been working really hard lately."
"But my mojo..."
Naruto threw his hands in the air in disgust.
"Okay, listen up! He didn't steal your mojo. Your mojo is fine. It just didn't work on me because he got to me first, okay? Take it like a man...okay, no wait. Don't take it like a man, because, Um, ew. Bad mental images. But don't be whiny about it either. We're still rivals, right?"
Sasuke blinked. "We are?"
Naruto nodded. "Yeah. So why don't you let Sakura-chan take you inside and make you some tea and then we get to go home tomorrow."
Sasuke looked very much like a small, lost child for a moment and Sakura couldn't resist the urge to take him by the arm and lead him inside the house. "Come on, Sasuke-kun."
Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were all still staring after him in horror. Well, Gaara really didn't have much of an expression on his face, but Naruto knew him well enough to tell that the horror was there.
"What in the name of the Sand Gods was that all about, Uzumaki?" Temari demanded.
Naruto shrugged, looking in the direction his teammates had gone. "Eeee...The Uchiha Clan had a few too many generations of inbreeding. Pretty kids, great power, not so up there on the sanity meter."
"So..." The fox boy slid up to his boyfriend...of sorts. "Wanna come visit Pig with me?"
"The piglet that likes chocolate."
"You named the pig Pig?"
"Well, do you or not?"
"Let's go. I don't want you or me anywhere near Uchiha for a while."
They sat in the grass back to back with Pig cradled in Naruto's lap.
"Yeah, so Sasuke's a little out there, but I think he'll be all right."
"Bu." Said Pig.
"We're going to have to leave tomorrow, you know. Your owners are coming back." Naruto said scratching the top of Pig's head.
"Bui..." came the sad sounding reply.
"Oh, don't worry. We'll miss you too. Right, Gaara?"
Gaara turned around and settled Naruto between his legs so he could peer over the blonde's shoulder at Pig. "Right."
"After all, you're the one that told me to go for it." The fox boy said snuggling against the Tanuki.
"So he was the friend you talk things over with?"
"Yeah. He gives good advice."
Gaara leaned in for a kiss and Naruto happily obliged. Pig wiggled in his arms.
"I suppose I should be thanking him. He's some pig." Said Gaara.
"Yup. Some Pig." Naruto agreed.
"Bu." Said Pig.