Author Note: This fan fiction is not directed towards Toonshipping Authors, nor will it involve them. If you are a Kaiba x Pegasus fan, it would be our appreciation that you wouldn't read this fiction all for the pleasure of flaming it. We hate the couple but we respect the people.


Announcement: Also, for a minor note, we have a tendency to pair characters with just about anyone. So in other words, VERY random couples to come. For instance, you can have a totally cannon pairing like Yuugi x Mou Hitouri no Yuugi (in our minds, that couple is cannon) and on the other hand, you can have a couple that makes absolutely no sense at all like Shizuka x Tenma (the guy from Yu-Gi-Oh R). Just FYI.
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh in anyway. Although, we both find the "Toonshipping" coupling downright creepy. We cannot deny that.
Plot: After uncovering the horror of the Toonshipping couple (Pegasus x Kaiba), Kaiba and Pegasus decide to get rid it of it once and for all! How? With Gozaburo's old nuclear stash, of course! With Shizuka tagging along, (and with Jounouchi and Ryou aimlessly trying to catch up) they embark on an epic journey— thus encountering Yami no Malik and his drug dealing buddies, the diabolical Santa Clause Noah and his evil Nuclear Polar Bear Minions, along with the FBI, who is under the control of… ok, now we're just giving too much away. But boys—if you read it to the end there's fan service! (although with a catch.)
Genre: Romance/Action Adventure/Humor/Mystery
Pairings:

Jounouchi/Kaiba
Shizuka/Ryou
Yuugi/Yami no Yuugi
Honda/Otogi
Isis/Mai
Tenma/Shizuka
Anzu/Shizuka (one-sided)
Tenma/Anzu

…and probably others on the way.


Warning: Rated M (R) (Restricted) For Sexual Implications, Sensuality, Homosexuality, Cursing, Drug Use, Randomness and "All-Out" Insanity.
-Imperfect Paradise (Yamiko) & Somebody Else (Mihoshi)

Death To Toonshipping
By Imperfect Paradise & Somebody Else


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-Chapter One-
Insert Chapter Name Here


There was a large, fluffy, pink bunny rabbit in the entrance hall of Pegasus's private estate. He was wearing overalls. Red ones. Oh, and he was drunk. Yuugi did a double take, almost expecting it to say (in a British tone) "I'm late! I'm late!" Wait a second... Drunk? Oh, it was just Pegasus. Apparently he had decided to splurge on a costume that said "Ooh! Look at me! I want attention!" Not unlike the many children aged three and up who in which this holiday was meant for.

Anzu had a much politer opinion on the matter. She smiled happily, as she chirped, "Oh, Pegasus! How creative! The costume just screams 'Artistic Talent!' I wish I had thought up of something that creative."

Yuugi couldn't help but think that Anzu would look better under a thick coating of fluffy pinkness then she was in her current outfit. Don't get him wrong, Yuugi enjoyed a little cleavage as much as the next straight/bi/curious (Does it count as gay if your alternate personality is present when you masturbate? It's not like he could help it.), but, well, did she really 'need' to cover her breasts in three coats of painfully shiny pink, orange, and gold glitter? At this point, looking down her dress was akin to looking directly into the sun without sunglasses. Goodbye, retinas. You had a good life. Oh, was the bunny saying something? He shook his thoughts away and asked, "I'm sorry, Pegasus, what did you say?"

"I asked what you were supposed to "be," Yuugi-boy. I specifically stated in the invitations that you were to come in costume."

Yuugi perked up. He smiled as he answered, "Oh! I'm Mou Hitouri No Boku!"

The rabbit sweat-dropped. You know you're in trouble when your costume makes a six foot two pink rabbit sweat-drop. "Uh... that's ... nice." The rabbit discreetly gave Yuugi a once over, attempting to ascertain the difference. Other than the insanely tall platforms and the clear sterol-tape that was keeping his bangs nailed to his hair (Was Yuugi's hair made out of metal, or, was it just his imagination?) Pegasus couldn't see a difference. That may be because he was drunk. Speaking of drunk, it abruptly occurred to Pegasus that his young companions were probably woefully sober after such a long journey. "Would you care for some wine?"

Yuugi was about to voice ascent when Anzu firmly gripped his arm and shook her head. "No thank you, we're not of legal age, remember?"

"Oh, but your Japanese. They don't have limits like that in Japan, do they?"

Anzu rolled her eyes. "First of all, the drinking age in Japan is twenty. Second of all, the limit in America is twenty-one and we're expected to obey the American laws while we're here. If you wanted us to legally drink, you should have had the party on the ocean or the north pole or somewhere where there aren't any drinking laws."

Yuugi sighed, resolving that in the next time someone rich threw a party for an obscure American holiday (A/N 1) he would demand that the party take place at the north pole instead of California. Hey, it's just one more plane ticket, right?

After they had dispensed with the niceties, he settled down in the corner with Anzu. Anzu, being Anzu, couldn't help but notice that Yuugi was moping and brought him a coke to cheer him up. Her boobs were still painfully bright. No Booze and no Boobs makes Yuugi a dull boy. The walking cliché behind him (Mou Hitouri no Yuugi, dressed as a pharaoh) seemed to feel the same way.

Fortunately, they didn't have to wait long before a silver and violet fairy walked inside with a pleasantly low-cut dress that had numerous long gashes scattered throughout her layered skirt. She was decidedly less painful to stare at than "Princess" Anzu. Unfortunately, said Fairy Shizuka was accompanied by a knight in shining armor, a guard dog an… … … a Corporate Executive Officer.

"Why Kaiba-boy, what are you supposed to be?"

"… … …I'm myself."

"Ooh, that's so scary..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

"You know exactly what I am talking about, Kaiba-boy!"

In the midst of all this, Jounouchi quickly groped his lover and headed for the nearest source of booze, tossing a quick "Have fun, cutie" over his shoulder. Kaiba (who abhorred being called pet names and also held a special distaste for the name, "cutie") didn't even notice.

Pegasus and Kaiba proceeded to argue loudly while Jounouchi proceeded to get trashed and (Fairy!) Shizuka danced with (Knight!) Ryou. It was disturbing in its own right to see Ryou clunking around in cardboard armor and (at the same time) trying to be graceful. However, when you factor in that they were trying to swing dance to some sort of pounding American rock, it became downright terrifying. All in the spirit of Halloween from what Yuugi understood.

However, not nearly as 'in the spirit' as the creature serving Jounouchi. "Hey, Malik, what are you supposed to be?"

"Fool. I'm the Almighty Marik-sama!—Not that weakling Malik… And I came as myself. It was the scariest thing I could think of."

"Yea, that is pretty scary. More beer, please..."

Marik poured the puppy some more booze. "So, I take it from the brown puppy ears, the tight jeans and the—" He leaned over to check the tag on Jounouchi's plain, but fitted white dress shirt. "… … … Ahem—Armani cotton shirt… That you came as Kaiba's bitch."

"Right on!" He then leaned over (so the adults of the party couldn't hear him) and asked, "Got anything higher proof? How 'bout some Sake?"

"This is America, idiot, not Japan, but if you'd like something stronger..." Marik held up clear plastic tube containing a single pill. He smirked deviously and inquired, "I suppose I could give you this..."

Jounouchi disinclined to Marik's offer and while waving it away, groaned. "Naahhhhh—I just wanna get good and trashed."

Yuugi, (who had just recently slipped away from Anzu) reached out, grabbed the tube and downed it's contents, using Jounouchi's drink as a chaser. Marik glared at him. "You have to 'pay' for that," he growled.

Yuugi snorted. "Heh. Pegasus specified in his invitation that everything at the bar was up for grabs."

Marik glared at Yuugi. "Listen twerp: Pegasus didn't know that I would be here and I demand pay!"

Jounouchi suddenly looked up from his drink. "Hold on a sec," he asked, "If you're here, and Pegasus didn't hire you, then where the heck is the guy Pegasus hired, and why haven't you been thrown out yet?"


Meanwhile, somewhere between an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and Pegasus's mansion, the real bartender had an unfortunate relapse (in which the Millennium Rod may or may not have played a significant part). The poor man ended up getting run over by a black van and dying, but not before noting that the license plate was, oddly enough, 1(heart)CR4K. His last thought before dying was… … … I didn't know that you were allowed to have drug-related vanity plates.
"Obviously, Pegasus was too drunk to notice."

Jounouchi narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, speaking of drunk… I want something stronger then beer!"

Marik sighed and poured "Kaiba's Bitch" a shot of whiskey. Jounouchi drank it instantly and promptly demanded more. Marik rolled his eyes and poured Jounouchi a tall glass of the amber poison. He then turned his attention towards Yuugi, expecting to collect payment, but… well? … … Yuugi hadn't eaten all day and then he had coke… Ecstasy… And beer. All in all, he was in a pretty friendly mood.

"Yuugi, I want my money!"

"Hmmmm—no… Pegasus said everything at the bar was up for grabs."

Marik let out an indignant squeak of protest that had less to do with his money and more to do with Yuugi deciding that since Marik was at the bar, that he was ... ahem... "up-for-grabs." Smacking Yuugi's hand away from his ass, he suddenly found himself pinned against the wall by his neck, glaring crimson eyes boring into his own.

"Did you just smack my aibou?"

"Well, I—"

"Mou Hitouri no Boku? I want to cuddle." Yuugi groped his other self, instantly pausing him in his brutal assault against Marik. After releasing the struggling Marik, the Mou Hitouri no Yuugi turned around so he was facing his partner. He smiled, slowly bent over and kissed Yuugi softly on his forehead. Then, he took his hand and whispered, sweetly and seductively, "Come with me... aibou..." With that, he led Yuugi away towards one of Pegasus's guest suites. They weren't seen for the rest of the night, but they were heard. Oh yes, they were heard.


Shortly after the departure of the two lovers, Ryou arrived at the bar, and not looking at the bartender, ordered, "An A.W. Root-beer and a Shirley Temple..."

Oh, and who is the Shirley Temple for, whuss? (A/N 2)

Ryou narrowed his eyes and thought, 'Shut up, Voice… I've got Shizuka now— I don't need you anymore...'

Come on… Shizuka may put up with you for a "little" while, but in the end even "her" patience will wear thin. She'll leave!

'You're wrong! Shizuka and I have a beautiful relationship with each other and tonight we have decided to consummate it. Our love will—'

Yeah, yeah, yeah… Just let me out when she needs a "real" man.

'You beast! How dare you even suggest such things about my beloved! You shall not befoul our wonderful experience!'

Oh please—You will be done in three minutes, roll over, pass out and she'll HATE you.

'You're just jealous because you're not having sex! You, unlike the pharaoh, don't even have a body to have sex with!' (A/N 3)

That shut Yami no Bakura up. He may not have cared much for emotional attachments such as love and friendship, but he did miss his physical pleasures dearly. In addition, he hated being reminded that the damned pharaoh got to enjoy everything he missed.

Although Ryou's dark side was silent, the doubts that had been planted were not. Which, by the way, turned out to be very profitable for Marik.

Marik was serving drinks when he noticed that Ryou was casting glances towards a certain silver and lilac fairy, or was it that black-haired Brittany Spears? Wait... why was Honda (who was wearing a big green dinosaur costume) handing Brittany a coke? Wasn't he with… … … "Otogi?" What the fuck? Awl. Poor Ryou. Kid just couldn't get a break, huh?

Marik leaned over towards him. He asked, in what was supposed to be a sympathetic tone (however, it failed: miserably) "So, Brittany Spears doesn't like you—It's not the end of the world. But don't worry (he smiled insidiously) I have something that'll make it all— better."

Ryou looked up at him blankly. "Whaa? I don't care about Brittany Spears—I just..." He stopped, blushing.

Marik nodded wisely. "Ah," he said, "I see. I know what you need."

Ryou perked up. "Really?" he asked.

Marik tipped something into the Shirley Temple. After doing so, he muttered, "That'll be a hundred dollars, U.S."

Ryou, being the gullible idiot that he was, paid up.

Meanwhile, Mokuba finally arrived. At the sound of his arrival, all the members turned towards the door when Mokuba entered—

—and then there was silence

Everyone's drinks dropped out of their hands and their eyes widened enormously. Jaws dropped and the chattering stopped instantly. No one dared to speak. That was, until Pegasus cleared his throat and turned towards Kaiba.

"Ahem... Pardon me, Kaiba-boy, but what "the hell" is your brother wearing?"

Before Kaiba could answer, Mokuba threw out his arms, revealing his brown striped, yellow, Pikachu costume and squeaked, "Pika, Pika!"

Kaiba (having quickly rushed over) swooped down and covered Mokuba's mouth, as if he had uttered the most horrendous curse word on the face of the Earth. An enormous sweat drop appeared down Kaiba's cranium as he let out a nervous chuckle, "Heh-heh-heh, the poor thing must be ill."

Mokuba then shoved Kaiba's hand away from his mouth and declared, "I'm not ill, Nii-sama!" He then moved towards the center of the room, where everyone could see him. He declared out loud, his eyes blazing with passion, "Yu-Gi-Oh will be finished! Pokemon rocks! It will crush Yu-Gi-Oh and all of Duel Monsters and—"

Having no choice, Kaiba reached into his pocket and shoved a chloroform soaked rag into Mokuba's face, silencing him. And in the nick of time too. For Marik (during this time) had reached down underneath the counter and had withdrawn a shot-gun, aiming it for the raven haired kid. Kaiba's sweat-drop only grew larger and he let out another (louder) nervous chuckle. "… Heh—Or brainwashed… Don't worry, I'll have my minions fix it."

Marik glared, but kept his finger on the trigger. He whispered, threateningly, "See to it that you do—Or I'll let my minions 'fix' him."

So, Mokuba was dragged off by Isono and Saruwatari for reconditioning and the drinks were cleaned up off the floor and replaced by the help that Marik had "hired."

By the time everyone had calmed down from the atrocity, Jounouchi was thoroughly sloshed and swaying from side to side. Ryou, having not touched his drink, yet— turned towards Jounouchi and asked, "Jounouchi-kun, are you alright?"

Jounouchi grinned and spoke, "Yah know, Ryou... I always wanted my sister to have the best (now he was swaying even worse than before) but you are a bazillion, ga-jillion, ma-zillion- smu-million times better..."

Ryou smiled, happily, glad to know that he had his girl friend's brother approval (and was too dense to know that Jounouchi's mind was meanwhile, lost in Never-Never land). Then, something happened. Jounouchi leaned closer to Ryou—so close—that their noses were almost touching. It made Ryou feel very, very uncomfortable.

Jounouchi asked with a slurring voice, (somewhat loosing his balance on the bar stool) "Hey... wait a sec… You aren't that freak'n Physco are you?"

'Hm, let me check. I'm not you, am I?'

I can fix that!

Ryou (ignoring his dark half) stared at Jounouchi, and asked, nervously "Uhh… What are you talking about?" A large sweat-drop was hanging down from the side of his face.

Jounouchi glared at him, his eyes a bloody shade of red due to massive alcohol consumption. He continued, "You know what I'm talkin' about... That freak'n guy with that shoots and ladders board—

That's the Ouija Board, fool!

"Um… Could you be more specific?"

"You know, the one that says "FINAL" and—" (A/N 4)

I'LL KILL HIM!

'I won't let you.' Ryou, realizing that he needed to make his exit quickly, took his two drinks and left, not even bothering to toss a polite farewell over his shoulder.

Jounouchi didn't notice. For he had spotted a pair of sexy black pants right in front of his eyes. Said pair of sexy black pants that was currently being worn by—

"Hey! It's my bitch trainer." Jounouchi moved closer to nibble on Kaiba's earlobe. He moaned softly, "Hey, I've been a bad, bad, doggie. Don't you want to punish me?"

Kaiba rolled his eyes and responded, "You're drunk. I can tell because you lack finesse, grace and... wait (he looked down at him) how can I tell again?"

Jounouchi snickered. "You're drunk too, yah know."

Kaiba shrugged and didn't even bother arguing. Then, he reached down and picked Jounouchi up in his arms. He smiled down upon him and grinned, "Let's go."

"Huh? Go where?"

Kaiba smirked, and lowered his lips down closer towards Jounouchi's ear. "Dumb mutt. I love you, I'm drunk and I'm horny. Anywhere private will do."

Jounouchi smiled against his lover's shoulder, taking in the smell of leather, soap and... "Did you just say you loved me, hot-stuff?"

Kaiba just smirked and dragged his 'Bitch' off to a dark corner of the mansion where they could be alone. The 'said corner' took the form of a recreation room with a pool table, a forty inch television screen and a surprisingly comfortable red (leather) couch. Kaiba pushed his boyfriend down on the couch, pinning him down with his own body. He made short work of unbuttoning his top, carefully kissing a line down his chest and all the way to his—

"Zzzzz..."

Kaiba blinked. He couldn't have heard that right. This was an important moment for the both of them! Surely his lover was moaning, not—

"ZZzzzzzzzz..."

Kaiba groaned. No, not in a good way. Sighing, he disengaged himself from his lover and gently covered him with the throw blanket that was hanging over the back of the couch. Jounouchi didn't seem to notice. Looking around to make sure nobody was looking, Kaiba whispered into the darkness, where it was safe and where nobody could hear (and where Jou couldn't tease him), "… … …Katsuya-chan, I love you more than my laptop." It may seem comical to most, but coming from Kaiba it was an admission that could have made the gods weep. Although, Kaiba's god would have surely laughed, had he not been passed out.

However, opening up the omnipresent machine and instantly booting up the internet, Kaiba smirked as he opened up his fan-page. Kaiba couldn't help but reflect on the many ways Jounouchi's company was preferable. Sighing, he skimmed for a well-done fan-art of him and his lover. One of the benefits of being a beautiful, rich, and well-known gay man was that the Yu-Gi-Oh Yaoi fan-girls flocked to him, and ever since he and Katsuya had become official, it hadn't been hard to find custom porn.

Unfortunately, (he narrowed his eyes) there were still some people who thought he would be better off with other people. A discouraged frown appeared on his face. He thought he had booted them all off, but he found a new artwork from one of his favorite artists featuring… him and the other Yuugi. In Kaiba's mind that was a no-no, not that he'd ever use that word out loud. He went on a clean-sweep, booting everyone off who dared say he should be with someone... inappropriate (someone other then Jounouchi). Unfortunately, it required thorough investigation while checking them-- sadly enough, quite a few of the people did often draw some of the finest Seto and Jounouchi fan-art too… he skimmed the pictures, eliminating things with Yami (Codename: Prideshipping), Yuugi (Codename: Rivalshipping) (Kaiba thought, 'Ha! Not in a million years, you fool…') Shizuka (Codename: Silentshipping), (he rolled his eyes at that one) and… What The Fuck!—"ANZU?" (Codename: Azureshipping) Who the 'hell' came up with that one? (A/N 5)

Then, what happened next would change Kaiba's life forever...

Was it an image? No… No it wasn't… it was an offsite link that he didn't remember installing. It had no description: just a name. A very simple, quaint (or so he thought), name...

"Toonshipping."

He thought, 'What the hell is this?' and without a word, clicked the link.

With that— his mind blanked out for a full thirty seconds, as the depravity burned itself into his retinas, striking a painful blow to his soul, his gods, and everything he ever considered sacred.

Soon, after this catastrophe, he finally regained his ability to speak (or in this case—'think').

... Oh... fuck. Kaiba stared at the website, not daring to believe it. Then, without a word, he picked up his cell phone, preparing to destroy whoever had created this blight upon his eyes. God, he'd have nightmares for the rest of his life. Moreover, if he didn't get this fixed... Kaiba looked over towards his sleeping lover, and realized that if this wasn't fixed, he just might lose his life, in more ways then one.


- TO BE CONTINUED-


The following is not meant to be counter fanfictionDOTnet format. These are merely author notes. They are not meant to counteract the rules or restrictions of the webmaster's policies in anyway. Thank you for your attention.

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Author Note 1 - In Japan, Halloween isn't as widely celebrated as it is in America.

Author Note 2 - In this fiction, bold itallics means that the Yami is talking to his partner through his mind—or the other way around.

Author Note 3 - At the very end of the anime, the Mou Hitouri no Yuugi got his own body. However, it only lasted for a short time—because, then he decided to pass on to the next life. In this fiction, he has the body, but he never went back. Get the picture? Also, Yami no Bakura and Yami no Malik never died.

Author Note 4 - Yes, we are completely aware that the real and 'decent' Ouija board (mumbles: or the crappy dub name, 'Destiny Board') says DEATH in the original Yu-Gi-Oh… You can see why Bakura is so pissed off. I (as in Yamiko) once saw these losers use the dubbed cards in my anime club— and I felt really, really sorry for them.

Author Note 5 - The negative impact on it is just Kaiba talking in this story.


Translation Section
1. (Mou Hitouri no Boku) (The other me—masculine)
2. (Aibou) (Partner)
3. (Nii-sama) (Older brother—honored)
4. (-chan) (little, cute)
Random Note: Enjoy the new format. Bye.