Disclaimer: It really isn't a good idea to delay someone that has a young, pretty, kinky, nymphomaniac wife waiting for them. It could get you killed or worse, really just trust me on this one.
It was a normal day at Hogwarts, well normal compared to some of the odd things that had been happening since Hermione found the Redo charm.
Snape walked in and stormed over to Neville who, to the shock of nearly every student in the school was seated between two buxom girls.
"Hey man," Neville greeted his former tormentor.
"Do you have it?" Snape demanded.
"Like sure dude," Neville agreed. "Here you go." Snape snatched something out of Neville's hand and spent a few minutes examining it.
"And you're sure I won't be able to remember anything after I use this?" Snape whispered to Neville.
"Like yeah man," Neville agreed. "It'll really open up your mind."
"I don't want to open my mind," Snape hissed. "I want to not be able to feel feelings or think or remember."
"Oh," Neville said slowly. "Then you might want to mix it with this man."
"Fifty points if this works," Snape said finally. Neville watched as his former nemisis stormed out of the great hall.
"He was a real buzz killer," Neville said after a moment.
"You said it Neville,"
"I trust that everone is well rested?" Voldemort asked the room.
"Yes my Lord," the Death Eaters agreed.
"Because if you aren't well rested then I'm going to make your lives hell," Voldemort explained.
"We're ready my Lord," the death eater said nervously. "And we think that . . . he should be the one to cast it."
"Really?" The dark lord purred, "and why is that?"
"Because he's the best at casting it my lord," the death eater replied. "Only the best for you."
"Yes," Voldemort agreed. "Only the best for me."
"My lord I . . ." the unfortunate death eater stammered.
"Get on with it," Voldemort demanded.
"Yes my lord," the death eater agreed and with a swish and a flick . . . Voldemort became someone else.
"Where am I?" The Dark Lord asked politely.
"You're in your evil fortress my lord," one of the death eaters replied.
"Who are you people?" Voldemort spoke as he lifted his wand.
"We're your evil followers my lord," another death eater replied. "You know, the people that commit unspeakably evil acts on your say so? Why just last week we killed off an entire innocent family for no reason other then to satisfy our sick urges."
"I see," Voldemort said calmly. "Perhaps I should introduce myself."
"We know who you are my lord," another dim death eater spoke up. "You're the most evil dark lord ever and we are your evil followers."
"I am Murglevase the Good," Voldemort disagreed. "And it is time for all of you to die."
What followed was a massacre, Murglevase tore thought the few survivors of Wormtail's rampage like snot through a Kleenex. No quarter was given and no survivors . . . survived.
"That's that," Murglevase said happily. "And now the only thing left to do is to insure that my evil can never escape to harm the innocent world ever again, if I know dark lords and I do . . . I probably split my soul up or something like that. Suppose I'd better destroy the items holding said soul before I go find my nemisis, who fate dictates must be a plucky young boy."
Murglevase spent the next day scouring the world for the evil items that held fragments of Voldemort's evil soul and destroying them. That task completed, Murglevase went off to Hogwarts to make sure it all ended in a way that favored the side of good.
Murglevase walked on to the castle grounds and in through the main entrance to the great hall.
"Um . . . Hello?" Murglevase called out. In one corner he spied a boy in tie dyed robes sandwiched between two girls in matching robes. At the Ravenclaw table he saw a young girl dressed as a Pirate menacing a large redheaded boy with a razer sharp cutlass. A group of first years were clustered in another section of the hall muttering something too low to hear and casting tickling charm after tickling charm on their companions. At the Slytherin table, a blond boy was crying and muttering something about how he really was a dark lord and two rather dim looking boys were engaged in a furious game of chess "Excuse me?" Murglevase tried again.
"What can I do for you?" A woman with a severe bun and a large bottle of whiskey asked with a frown.
"I was hoping I could talk to the Headmaster," Murglevase replied.
"Why do you wish to talk to the Headmaster?" McGonagall asked with a scowl.
"Well," Murglevase began. "It turns out that I'm an evil dark lord in this incarnation and I was hoping that the Headmaster could exterminate me."
"You," McGonagall snagged one of the students. "Go get Harry, you get the Headmaster."
"No need," Dumbledore swept into the room. "I'm here."
"Good," Murglevase said with a grin. "Kill me."
"Excuse me?" Dumbledore was dumbfounded.
"It's not a difficult concept," Murglevase said with a grin. "Kill me so I don't turn evil again."
"But don't you see," Dumbledore said with a large grin. "This is your chance to redeem yourself."
"I'm not sure it's worth the risk to innocent people," Murglevase disagreed. "Much simpler to kill me now and be done with it."
"Hey everybody," Harry strolled into the room. "What's Voldemort doing here? Time for the final battle or another one of the twin's pranks."
"He's trying to get someone to kill him," McGonagall explained.
"Yes, you must destroy me before I turn bad again." Voldemort begged.
"Sounds good to me," Harry agreed. "Redu . . ."
"Harry stop," Dumbledore demanded.
"Why?" Voldemort asked.
"Yeah why?" Harry growled.
"Because he still has a chance to redeem himself while he lives," Dumbledore explained.
"We can't take that chance," Voldemort retorted.
"Yeah what he said," Harry said.
"Don't you think that a dark lord might have a chance to be redeemed?" Dumbledore asked with a frown.
"Who cares," Harry replied with a shrug.
"How can you be this flippant?" Dumbledore asked with a sad frown.
"Would you mind killing me before continuing this argument?" Voldemort interjected.
"Sorry about that," Harry said. "Got caught up in things."
"Perfectly alright," Voldemort assured his foe.
"Thank you," Harry said. "Reducto."
Voldemort's head exploded and the wall behind was showered with his brain matter.
"Harry," Dumbledore said sadly. "Couldn't you have waited.
"No, I couldn't." Harry replied as he began to walk away.
"But why not?" Dumbledore asked.
"Because I've got a hot, young, kinky, nymphomaniac wife waiting for me," Harry growled. "And I wasn't going to spend anymore time dealing with this little problem then I had to."
"But . . ."
"Keep it up," Harry's growl deepened. "And I'll be forced to conclude that the same solution might end this conversation faster then anything else I can think of."
"Oh . . . never mind then," Dumbledore said nervously. "Why don't you just get back to that kinky wife of yours then?"
"Thank you Headmaster, I think I will."
Harry stormed up to his room and wasn't seen for another three days. Some said that he wanted to avoid the wizarding world's celebrations, Harry never wanted to be famous they said and Harry wouldn't show his face till things calmed down. Others disagreed, they said that Harry was having a private celebration with his kinky young wife.
When Harry did finally show his face, it was only to a small group of friends.
"Hey mate," Ron greeted his friend. "Congratulations on that whole killing Voldemort thing, good on you."
"Thanks," Harry said with a grin. "It was much easier then I thought it'd be."
"Bit anticlimactic wasn't it," Ron agreed.
"Better then the alternative," Harry said with a shrug. "So how have things been with you?"
"I managed to convince Luna to get a letter of marque from the British government to fight the French," Ron replied. "Told her it was her patriotic duty."
"And?" Harry asked in intrest.
"She raided Beauxbatons and captured most of their first years and half their second years," Ron said with a grin. "Forced them to make rum and I say to that, better them then me."
"You do know that she's going to decide the war's over one of these days don't you?" Harry asked his friend, "and she'll capture you and force you to do her bidding again?"
"I try not to think about that mate," Ron groaned. "So I'll thank you not to remind me."
"Sorry," Harry said with a wince.
"Can't believe all that's happened since Hermione found that bloody charm," Ron said with a yawn. "Who would have imagined."
"Yeah," Harry agreed.
"Might be best to keep Hermione away from the Library for a while," Ron suggested. "If she found that charm who knows what else is waiting to torment us in that bloody place."
"You know Ron," Harry began. "I just realised that you never had a chance to experience the spell."
"Course not." Ron smirked. "You'd have to be pretty dim to let someone cast that spell on you."
"O really?" Harry pulled out his wand . . . The End