The question may be asked: What is it that you're parodying? What are you making fun of?

The answer? Everything. I'm not even safe.

I claim inspiration from badfics everywhere. Crossovers, Sues, OOC-ness, overdone clichés... Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But now, it's time for me to shoot straight over the top.

And yes, I still don't own any characters or really anything else involved in this mess.


It seemed like any other day.

The sun was shining, the skies were blue, the birds were singing, and Uzumaki Naruto couldn't shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Turning a corner, he almost ran into his arch-rival, Sasuke. The look on the other boy's face wasn't his usual bored one, or his usual arrogant one, or his other usual brooding one. This should have been the tip-off.

"Hi, Sasuke."

"Hello, Naruto."

"Man, are you ok? You look kinda... Weird."

"But I feel just fine. Perfectly, wonderfully, fine." Sasuke paused, tilted his head to the side. "Hey, Naruto..."

"Well, you don't look fine. You actually look kinda creepy."

Sasuke laughed and reached out, grabbing a fistful of Naruto's jacket. "But I feel fine." The hand on Naruto's jacket spread out, rubbed suggestively against his torso. "And you feel fine, too."

"Whoa, hey, Sasuke, what's –"

"Naruto, have you ever wondered what it would be like? To be with another man?"

The shorter boy's jaw dropped. "Huh? But, Sasuke, I'm with you now. Hell, I'm with you a lot of the time, you know?"

Sasuke moved in, close enough to touch. "Not that sort of be with."

Naruto stepped back. "What?"

Another step, then another. "You. Me. Let's work out our differences."

"You mean, you want to fight some more? Oh, ok! We can do that! Um... In this alley? You think we'll have enough room?"

Sasuke moved in again, eyes feral. "I suppose it might be close to fighting, if we decided to make it that way. You could fight me, if you wanted."

"Sasuke, what are you –"

The other's face lit up. "Greasy, sweaty, man-sex!"

"Whoa, wait! I didn't sign on for... Greasy?"

"Yeah, I brought a tube of it, just in case. See?"

"But I – No! No way! Leggoa me!"

"That's ok, too. We can have sex anyway and things will be all right in the morning."

"Whoa, what? Things don't work like that!"

Sasuke sighed from where he was struggling with the blond boy's clothing. "Of course they do. Come on! First, I say, 'Oh my god Naruto you're the guy for me!' Then, you say 'I knew it all along!' Then I say, 'Let's have hot naked sweaty man-sex!' And you say, 'Why, that's what I always dreamed of!' Then I lick your –"

"Noooo!!!"