Disclaimer: I really don't see the point of these things. But ok, whatever. I do not own any of JKR's characters, spells, places, ideas, etc. If you REALLY want to sue me a) first you got to find out where I live and b) all you'll get is two cents. Thank you.

Full Summary: James and Lily break up after a whirlwind romance that left them both head over heels for each other. So, why did they break up? What happened that upset them both so much? Lily is telling her friends the story of her life, and how she came to love the man who had been asking her out on a joke for years and years—and why she agreed to a first date. In the course of a few days (which may turn into weeks), Lily tells them everything that was important to her, reading straight from the diary she had been writing in since she was eleven.

As she does this, she begins to find herself again. It's becoming easier to smile, and she doesn't want to die as much as before.

So why does he show up?

Why does he come back and beg for her to accept him again?

Why isn't it as "over" as she thought it had been?

Rated R for language, sexual innuendoes, sexual acts, suicidal thoughts, and (for the Americans) drinking before the age of 21.

-Chapter One:

-By Natali

Lily sat in an armchair, playing with the chain around her neck. The chain she'd never taken off. The chain that reminded her of just what she had lost. She looked up into the other person's face, Grace's face.

"Why do you want to know?" Lily asked softly, twirling the golden chain. "Why do you even care?"

Grace sighed, and rubbed her eyes with her palms. "Lily... You've been here for over two months. Your mum says you quit your job, you won't go out of your house, and that you won't take phone calls or owls. What is the matter with you, Lily?"

A tear, of which Lily was unaware, slid slowly down her pale cheeks. What was the matter with her? Why didn't she want to live anymore? Why did she hate her life?

"I'm going to tell you a story, Grace," Lily said flatly, rising to go to a bookcase. She browsed through her extensive library. When her father and stepmother had died four years ago, she'd gotten the house and all the money, because Petunia was another man's daughter, even though her mum had been married to her father back then.

"This story is... interesting and colorful," she continued, finding the book she was looking for. It was an old, leather-bound diary that had once been her mum's. "It is sad, depressing, happy, and romantic." She leafed through the heavy volume, searching for a particular page.

"Lily? Are you ok?" Grace asked. "Do you want me to invite Rachel?"

"I'm here, Grace," Rachel said quietly, slipping into a chair at the large oak desk. "Lily, you are being ridiculous. Honestly!"

"This story," Lily went on, ignoring the previous dialogue, "is about a love found, a love held, and a love lost. It is about a man and a woman, who never knew what could be until by pure chance, they saw each other and fell in love."

"Lily, you're scaring me," Grace whispered, hugging her legs. "Why, Lils? Why are you like this? He's just a guy. There's more out there—believe me!"

Lily paused in the act of skimming a page. "He is not," she whispered threateningly, "in any way, shape, or form, 'just a guy'."

Rachel sent Grace a concerned look. "Alright then. What's this that you called us here for then? Do you want a whiskey? Or maybe something stronger? A sleeping pill, I don't know!" She rose and began to pace the room. "You're concerning me, Lily."

Lily didn't reply, but instead sat back down in her armchair. She shoved her unbrushed hair out of her face and smiled; it was a sad, but also happy smile.

"So... You're going to hear my story..." she whispered so softly that Grace and Rachel had to strain to hear.

"I always thought your story was a happy one, Lils," Grace said. "Are you really going to let the fact that James has hurt you so bad that you can't even feed yourself kill you, Lily!?"

"You're a fool if you do, Lily," Rachel added.

But Lily ignored them, knowing that they didn't really mean that and that they were just upset.

"If ever there was a story sad, then this. If ever there was a heart broken, then mine. If ever there was true love..." She paused, crying and realizing it this time. "Then ours."

"So, what story are you going to tell us, Lily?" Grace asked, hoping that if Lily let it all out and just cried all her tears that she would become herself again. The old, sparkling, smiling, bright, smart, and beautiful Lily she knew and loved. She still loved her, but it hurt her heart so much to see one of her best mates so deeply depressed.

Lily looked up at her grief-stricken friends. At least they cared about her.

"This is, quite simply"—she traced the page she was about to read from—"Lily's Story."


September 10, My Last Year At Hogwarts -It's been ten days since school started again. Grace, Rachel, and I have officially begun the new—and final—year by stealing Professor Wirtkin's, the Potions Master, toupee and hanging it by a string in the Entrance Hall. I'm afraid he wasn't too happy about that, though Dumbledore did seem a tad amused. Unfortunately for us, we all got three days' detention—with none other than old baldy himself.

James Potter said hello to me. No, diary. I will not go out with him. As the popular girl that I am, I can't let it get around that I go out with players—of which Potter and his friends are the elite. We fight a lot, mostly about whether or not I should have to go out with him or not.

It's a joke. I know that it is. I have a blast doing it too. Sometimes, you just need to know that you can have someone to flirt with when the going gets rough.

Ok, now that Rachel has stopped looking over my shoulder, I can get into the real details.

It was after my—our—last class today. Potter and I both have Transfiguration at the end of every day, except Fridays. But never mind that. The bell had rung, and McGonagall was in her regular bitchy mood...


"Miss Evans! Mr. Potter! Stay after class and clean up this mess!" Minerva McGonagall bellowed at them as she headed out the door with the rest of her students. "And if this place isn't spotless, I'll have both your bums in detention for the next month!"

"Such a lovely disposition," James muttered sarcastically.

Lily smiled, waving to her friends to go on. "Do you think she knows we can just use a spell to clean it all up?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

James chuckled. "Who knows? Would you like to do it, or shall I have the honors?"

"Be my guest," Lily said, walking towards the front of the room. "I'm going to look for that Candy Quill she took from me yesterday."

"See if my Bertie Bott's are there too," James said over his shoulder, raising his wand. "Scourgify!"

"Ha! Found them!" Lily came towards him with his beans outstretched in her hand.

"To the blessings of magic," James said, toasting her quill.

"Indeed," she smiled, taking a bite out of her favorite candy. Just a few more moments and...

"Go out with me, Evans?"

She chuckled. "I knew that was coming. Would you like to guess the answer, or shall I have to tell you once more?"

He smiled. "I'll wear you down one of these days, Evans."

She nodded. "I'm sure you will."

"So then, why won't you just go out with me? Just once, Evans... I can guarantee you'll have a good time—and I'll keep my roaming hands to myself and all."

"Why do you even want to go out with me, Potter?" she asked him for the first time. "It's not as if we're all that compatible."

He raised a brow at her, leaning casually against a desk. "Ever heard of sex appeal?"

Lily laughed. "Sex appeal? Bloody hell, if I went out with every bloke who thought I had sex appeal, I'd be on a permanent date for the next fifty or so years."

He leaned closer. "Yes, but I'm only one bloke, so what's the harm?"

She leaned in too, and whispered, "I just might like you." She leaned back and winked.

James laughed and shook his head, taking a step towards her. "Sure, Evans?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"What will it take to convince you?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe," he said in a husky voice, "I should show you why you should?"

Lily smiled flirtatiously at him. "What are you saying, Potter?"

"I am saying"—he pulled her closer by her waist—"that maybe you should see just how strong this sex appeal is." Slowly, and with much expertise, he covered her tender lips with his and gently kissed her not rushing her. "Working yet?"

She grinned and ran her hand through his hair, messing it up just like he always did. "I don't know. I haven't made up my mind yet."

He chortled and kissed her more hungrily than before, taking the breath right from her.

Lily moaned and pushed herself closer to his manly body, melding her soft feminine body to his hard masculine one.

Well, he wasn't kidding about sex appeal, she thought to herself. No, not at all.

The sound of approaching footsteps from outside the door pulled them apart, and scattering to pick up their stuff.

"We'll see you later, Professor," Lily said, walking past her quickly.

"Hope we did a good job," James said, fighting to keep a straight face. He chased after Lily. "So, what do you say, Evans? Dinner this Saturday in the common room? I could cook if you'd like."

"No, that's alright, thanks," she replied easily, heading for her dorm.

"What?" he smiled. "I didn't convince you before? I can fix that."

"Oh, you convinced me," she answered, climbing the stairs that would lead to the tower. "You were right. Kilos of sex appeal between us."


"I never said I'd say yes if you proved it to me." With a final smile, she told the Fat Lady the password and entered the common room, separating herself from James.

He grinned after her and shook his head. "That's one nice piece of ass."


September 11

Today, something very... interesting happened. How to explain?

Well, Grace, Rachel, and I were in the library playing around when I remembered that I had to do a sixteen inch essay for Potions that was due the next day. So, I said good bye to my friends and got up from my comfortable chair. I'm backing up, sharing jests with them about guys and their inability to think with anything but their... well, you get my picture.

Anyway, I turn around to finally head up, and who should I bump into?

That's right...


"You make sure that he's thinking with the right head next time, Rachel," Lily laughed. "I'll see you guys at dinner!" She raised her hand in a good bye gesture, then turned.

And smacked right into James Potter.

James smiled and caught her around the middle before she lost her balance and fell. "Why, it's not every day that a wicked looking girl falls right into my arms." He winked and inconspicuously massaged the small of her back, where his hands still were. "And where were you headed in such a rush?"

"Up to my room to do an essay," she replied, wishing she could remove her hands from his chest without making it obvious. "Thank you for not letting me fall. Now could you... let me go?"

He released her and stepped aside.

As she walked away, she looked over her shoulder and gave him a genuine Lily smile. He returned the gesture then turned to Sirius, who was standing to his right.

"Nice piece of ass," he chuckled, clapping Sirius on the back. "Come on. I think the House Elves made tarts today."

Lily was still smiling as she entered her room seven minutes later. This would only be too easy.

"Plan A," she told herself aloud, setting her stuff up. "Make him want me so bad he won't know what to do with himself."


Back to the Present...

"But what does that have to do with anything, Lily?" Rachel asked. "That doesn't explain why you haven't been yourself since... well, you know."

Lily, who was beginning to feel more like herself—in other words, she was feeling period—looked down at the pages of her diary as if transfixed.

"Would you start a story in the middle?" she asked her mates.

"No," they replied.

"Well, I'm not either. I'm starting at the beginning. The beginning of it all..."

One day, she promised herself, one day I'll be Lily once more. She stared unseeingly at the pages. As soon as I stop writing here, I'll know I am over my pain. But 'til that day...

Grace allowed herself to smile as she noticed a bit of the old Lily coming to life. Finally! There was something besides just space in her eyes. Yes, there was pain and mistrust and hate, but at least it was a step in the right direction. Hell, she might even cry for real soon—sob until she makes herself sick.

Rachel on the other hand, frowned. Lily didn't need to cry. She needed to get over that asshole and go on with life. She was still young (hell, very young), and beautiful. She was intelligent and fun to be with. She figured that if Lily headed out now, she'd be married in a year. Just because Potter had been too stupid to realize what a prize he had doesn't mean other men wouldn't.

Lily rose and placed the diary on the end table.

"You two might as well stay here," she said, her voice going emotionless again. "This story might take awhile. Would you mind?"

Grace said, "No. It's summer, and I'm off. You have a month to tell me the story before I have to get back to my kids at the elementary school."

"You know I work from home. I probably wouldn't get much done until you felt better anyway," Rachel smiled, hoping it would be contagious. It wasn't. She sighed. "I have no inspiration for my book as of yet. And the few articles I'm planning on doing won't take too much time."

"Great. Help yourselves to whatever room." With that, Lily went to her bedroom.

She pushed open the door and went straight to her bed, locking the door with a charm as she went. The moment her head hit the comforter, tears obscured her vision. Not for the first time in two months, she broke down sobbing. In the end, she knew what would be the outcome.

She would rise from her tear stained bed in roughly three hours time, go to the loo, and throw up whatever food the maid shoved down her throat during the day. Her clothes hang off her now, and she'd gone from a healthy skinny to an anorexic one.

"I want to die," she sobbed to the picture of James she kept on her night table. "Why did you do this? I love you so much..."

Something McGonagall had once said late into their Seventh Year popped into her mind.

I swear, it's like they're the king and queen of this school, Albus. Just look at them! All they have to do is walk down the halls hand in hand and everyone is worshipping them.

Lily smiled as she remembered Dumbledore's response. She smiled for the first time in two months because if there was one person who had never let her down, it was Albus Dumbledore.

Can you blame them, Minerva? I mean... They're Potter and Evans. Just for that fact, they should be worshipped.

Oh, Headmaster, McGonagall laughed. I suppose you're right.

What would they say now if they knew how the Royalty had end up?


-A/N: Hey, that was the first chapter. I hope everyone likes it. Please review and comment/criticize/send hate mail, whatever! Just let me know what you think.