I wrote this a while ago and was reading it and thought, hey why not post this. For my readers, this does not mean I'm writing again. I'll admit I have done a little work on All for You, but I don't have enough time or motivation to write regularly. I have a few more one shots like this in my folders that I may post in the future, but it's not likely for me to write more.
Anyway, let me know what you think! This is the first story I've really written in the first person, and thus the beginning is kind of weird. But I like it and hope you do too!
Not slash but has some nice brotherly love :)
I crawl out of bed, stretching my arms as I stand. Every muscle feels so tight; full moon was only three days ago. The pain of being the wolf always lasts more than one night. I step through the curtains that surround my bed and quietly make my way through my dormitory in the direction of the bathroom, careful not to wake my three friends. It's the middle of the night and everyone else is asleep.
I wait till I'm in the bathroom before I flick on the light. I don't want to wake the others simply because I have an overactive bladder. The light burns my eyes and I blink several times waiting for them to adjust. Once they do I make my way over to a stall and do my business. I then wash my hands and open the door. I forget to shut the light off and it illuminates into the dormitory. It shines on Sirius's bed and I see that it's empty.
That's very strange. Sirius loves sleep more than anyone I know and I saw him crawl into bed nearly an hour before myself. He must have had trouble sleeping. I briefly consider going back to bed, Sirius is pretty grown up after all. However, curiosity gets the better of me and I have to know where he is.
I slowly walk back through the room to the door and head silently down the stairs. Before I reach the bottom I stop and stare around the common room. I can see Sirius curled up in an armchair, wrapped in a blanket. He's staring out the window and breathing heavily. I can't honestly tell if he is asleep or awake.
I climb the rest of the way down the stairs and walk half way towards him. He turns as I do so, apparently he was awake.
He doesn't say a word to me, but just stares with sad eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask quietly as I plop myself down on the armrest of his chair.
"Nothing," he mutters, turning his head back to stare out the window.
Nothing indeed, I think to myself. The way he says the word tells me it's a lie. Something is definitely eating away at him.
"Can't sleep?" I ask wanting him to say something...anything.
It's like talking to a wall. I sigh quietly but he doesn't acknowledge it. He just continues to stare desolately out the window.
"What time is it?" I ask hoping he'll at least have to put some effort into answering this question. However, he just shrugs. At least he's listening to me. I decide I might as well keep talking. "I woke up because I had to pee. On my way back I noticed you weren't in bed so I wondered where you were. You never miss an opportunity to sleep. Anyway I decided to come see what you were up to...but as it turns out I still don't know. And well...you probably aren't going to tell me anyway, but...I don't know. Just thought I'd try to talk to you but it's really not making any sense and..." I trail off from my incessant babbling to see him staring at me with a ghost of a smile on his face. I grin back as broadly as I can, though I feel quite stupid. Something about being up late at night makes me ramble on like a little girl.
Sirius shakes his head ever so slightly and returns to looking out the window, though he doesn't look so sad anymore. I want to go back to bed and pretend that Sirius is just fine, but I can't. So I just sit there with him in silence.
Minutes go by and soon I feel as though I'm about to fall off the arm rest and start snoring away on top of him. Before this happens, however, he talks.
"I ran into Reg today..."
I immediately perk up and wait for him to continue. When he doesn't I say, "What happened?"
Sirius sighed and said, "Well...I literally ran into him, knocked the kid right down on his arse. He was pissed too...thought he was going to try to curse me but he didn't have the balls. I helped him up by grabbing his arm and when I did his sleeve went down to his elbow and he had...he had...." Sirius drifted off again and the sadness in his eyes seemed to deepen.
"What did he have?"
"The Dark Mark...my brother is a deatheater," he whispered the word 'deatheater'.
I don't know what to say to him. What can you possibly say to that?
Sirius had never gotten along with his family, but I knew that deep down he thought his brother would turn out as he did and be a good person. Regulus, apparently had decided to make his parents proud, however, and would thus never turn out as Sirius had hoped.
I rack my mind for something to say that will make him feel better, but I come up with nothing that sounds right. So I continue to remain silent, though I put a hand on his back for support. He looks at me and gives a half smile, his eyes watery with unshed tears.
"He's not going to make it Rem...he's not strong enough. He'll probably be dead before he reaches 21. He's a smart kid. If only he used some fucking common sense! I know somewhere in that head of his he has some decency...that's all going to disappear now."
Sirius bites his lip hard and I see it trembling. I can tell he doesn't want to cry in front of me, but I have no intention of leaving and he knows it, though that doesn't stop him from trying to get me to leave.
"Moony," he says his voice cracking ever so slightly. "I really want to be alone right now...do you mind...?"
I simply stare at him and watch as he bites his lip harder. A quiet whimper escapes his throat and the tears begin to flow down his face. I feel so bad for him at this moment and wish more than anything that there was something I could do to help him.
Soundlessly I slide off the armrest and sit on the spare bit of cushion beside Sirius and I put one arm around his back and gently turn him towards me. At first Sirius completely resists and tries to get away from me. However, he suddenly surprises me by turning and wrapping both arms around my stomach and burying his face into my t-shirt.
His ragged sobs hurt to listen to. I can't wait for him to stop. I know he needs this though, he needs to get the pain out of his system and this is the only way.
I stroke his hair gently and wait for his crying to cease. It does shortly and Sirius removes his arms from my waist and instead wraps them around himself. He's still leaning on me though.
"I'm sorry about that..." he whispers.
"You don't need to be sorry, Sirius," I tell him. What are friends for if not to be there for you in times of both happiness and sadness?
"Why does he have to be so stupid?"
"I don't know...but it's his life he's screwing up. He's making his own choices."
"Digging his own grave is more like it..."
"That may be the case, but it's his mistake and he'll be the one paying the consequences. I know it hurts but you can't decide his life for him. You made the decision to break away from your parents' lifestyle and rules. Maybe he's not strong enough to do the same." I hate the way the words sound in my mouth and I half expect Sirius to crack a joke about it. However, he doesn't seem to find it odd at all.
"I always felt like it was my job...my duty to make him turn out right. Ever since I realized that my parents were wrong about—about everything, I've tried to teach him the same things...But he didn't listen."
"That's not your fault Sirius..."
"I know it's not," he says sadly, but I know he doesn't believe it. "He's going to be a murderer Moony...maybe he already is. My little brother..." He trails off and I can see he's getting teary eyed again. However, he swallows hard and forces a smile. "Thanks Rem," he says.
I don't say "you're welcome" or anything like that because I do not feel as though I should have been thanked.
"How are you feeling anyway?" he asks, clearly trying to change the subject. I decide to let the subject drop. There's nothing I can say that will make him feel better, only time will allow him to get over this.
"I'm feeling better," I respond. "Muscles are still a little bit sore but everything else healed up fine."
"Good," he mumbles and the yawns. "Are you tired?"
I shrug, not wanting to leave him alone downstairs by himself.
"Well...I sure am. Shall we go back upstairs?"
"Sure," I say and stand up.
He yawns and unfolds himself from the chair and blanket. Then he surprises me by putting his arm around my shoulders and gently pushing me towards the stairs.
"I don't know what I would do without you Remus...you're like the brother I never had..."
I'm surprised to hear these words from Sirius's mouth, he sounds so sincere. I simply smile gently and say quietly, "And you're like mine."
We then crawl into our beds and fall asleep. Never again do we talk about the fact that Regulus Black is a deatheater, there's no need to. Sirius needed his time to get over the incident and realize that he didn't need his brother to be like him. He didn't need his brother at all. He had a brother in me and the others, and that's all he really needed.
The ending is cheesy and it makes me laugh! I like this fic though, I think it's sweet. It was funny when I stumbled across this one because I had completely forgotten that I wrote it.