Harry Potter and the Something Something Something!
Summary: A parody of book six. I know it's not too original, but it was just too tempting!
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, besides the Mary-Sue versions of me and my friends, the crazy professor, and I don't even own this idea! Or the clichés! I don't even own this computer! It's my brother's!
Chapter One: Harry Gets A Letter
In which Harry gets a letter. Oooh. Aaah.
Harry Potter woke up late one morning at the Dursleys' to a tapping at the window. Groaning, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and mumbled irritably, "Just a minute!"
As his godfather had supposedly just died and he was staying at his dreaded relatives' home, he was not particularly happy. But that was soon to change, of course. Clichés are always like that.
He stumbled out of bed and opened the window, then realizing it was silly little Pig, he retrieved some owl treats to calm the frantic owl. After taking the burden off of the owl's leg, he gave Hedwig a few treats as well.
He ripped open the letter without much enthusiasm. Probably an awkward 'sorry' from Ron and Hermione or some stupid letter from Dumbledore.
Apparently, he realized, as he opened the letter, it was not either. For one thing, it was from Sirius.
Yes, I'm alive! I was actually hiding behind that veil to scare you all! Sorry, old...prank...memories coming back to me...Yeah, sorry to scare you like that! You did seem a little upset, after all! Remus too! And I look much younger now! And Snape's left the Order! But not the school, since he needs to harass the Mary-Sues so they'll start crying and you'll feel bad for them and fall in love and stuff like that. Oh, and I'm the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher! And Minister of Magic! And the Half-Blood Prince is actually a princess, and Voldemort's daughter! And everybody's perfect! And I'm obsessing over exclamation points!
P.S. Firenze died, so there's a new Divination teacher! To give me a new romantic life! And who knows, Lily and James might come back to life! Isn't it great?! Oh, no! I used a question mark! I must go wash my hands! Bye Harry!
After a teeny jolt of shock, Harry grinned. After all, perfect heroes don't get shocked! Or upset! They are always brave! Remember that, people! But girls are vulnerable and cry all the time! Remember this, people! (Cough...ahem. I'll stop with the exclamation points now, I promise.)
So, Harry replied with a long, sappy letter and sent Pig off. Life was boring! Life was clichéd! Life was good.
THE END...of Chapter One