The Fan Zone
Cheesy jazzy talk-show music whines in the background as my audience claps for me and the stage lights above sweep down to light the set, washing over the shiny wooden floor, plush guests' couch, and oak desk. I bound onstage, smiling and waving like I'm the happiest, coolest, most popular talk show host with only the very cheesiest jazzy music. I look the part, too. My burgundy suit looks neat-o with my red hair and ponytail, and my oval editor's glasses create the illusion of sophistication.
"Aaaaannnnd good afternoon, citizens of the Danny Phantom forum!" I stride to the edge of the stage and look out over everybody. It's a good turnout; many people are smiling and doing little jigs of joy in their seats, waiting for the special guest. "How y'all doin' today?" I call.
"Too much friggen' school work!"
"Too little time to write!"
"Parents on my case."
"Not enough Danny-Lancer action posted."
Everybody's head whips around to the speaker. My eyes go wide as saucers. The silence is broken as gagging noises pepper the auditorium.
"While that's-" I begin, but it's too late. There's a zealous conservative in the audience.
"Shame SHAME on you! That's dirty and nasty and just plain wrong. Danny and Sam fo' EVA!"
"You're just closed-minded," comes the scornful retort. The audience turns to get a better view of the speaker, a kid with hair like spaghetti and a head like a jellybean. "You need to accept that some people are different!"
"Hey, are we going to talk ethics?" I ask, making a face. "Is that what you all want to do? Talk about the finer points of 'sexual orientation'?"
"NO!" the audience roars.
"Or do you wanna see the latest-some would say cutest-piece of animated ass on Nick!"
"ANIMATED ASS!" Widespread giggling. The thirteen-year-olds blush and cover their mouths. Some of the older ones lick their lips.
"Well here he is, that haunted hero, that freaky freshman, please welcome Danny Phantom!"
My stage lackeys drag a squirming burlap bag onto the stage. The audience roars as Danny phases through it in all his white-haired, green-eyed glory.
He takes one look at us, yelps, and dives behind the couch.
"Sorry kids, it's his first time here." I look behind the couch at the bug-eyed wonder. "You gonna join us?"
He shakes his head emphatically. "Who ARE you people? Where am I?" His eyes narrow. "Are you a ghost? Is this another one of those evil ghost plots? I can-"
"Calm down, Danny. This is the Fan Zone."
"The Fan Zone. Like 'The Twilight Zone' but with less plot and more crazy teenage girls."
Danny thinks about that for a minute. "You'll take me home when we're done, though, right?" I nod. "Are they cute crazy teenage girls?" Nod.
Danny smiles shakily. "Well, uh, I guess I'll join you then... But just to be clear, you're sure this isn't some kind of evil ghost prank? I know Vlad-"
I grab his arm and yank him up. "Laaaddieees and gennelmen, Danny Phantom!"
"Heh heh... Hi." He waves a hand and people snap pictures.
"We love you Danny Phantom!"
"Some of us love you more when you love Sam."
"What?!" Danny yelps.
I make the 'cut' gesture and share a grin with the audience. "Let's not scare the ghost."
"You mean halfa," Danny corrects.
I smile. "Of course. You wanna take a seat?"
I shrug and lean back on the desk. "Suit yourself."
He stands awkwardly, shifting his weight and looking out at the fans. He twiddles his fingers for a moment before plopping down on the couch. "Let's just get this over with," he grumbles.
People giggle, goggle, and 'awww.'
Danny drums his fingers on my desk. "So what do you do here, anyway?"
I raise a devious eyebrow and look out at the audience. "I guess that depends on them."
A/N: How'd you like this? Little different from my usual stuff, eh? This will probably piss people off and make them want to beat me to a mushy little pulpy mass of goo and then flush me off the board, but y'know, I need to put out some light stuff every now and then. You want unparalleled sophistication, check out "Lose Yourself." You want some funny, brainless crap, well here ya go. :) Reviews/suggestions please!