Sup sup sup! It's thyme for the Wolf's Rain parody! W00t! Yeah ok. Just for some random shit no one will probably read... (That's ok! Neither do I!) This fic... will be updated... yeah. But I hate leaving people hangin' so... I won't be slow. Treat others as you would want to be treated. And flames are welcome, as long as they make sense.

WARNING: This fic has OFFENSIVE material, so if you're weird and sensitive, omigosh don't read it. Yeah.



Kiba - Acts like a bubbly teen girl, who has no idea what he's talking about.

Tsume - So metrosexual that he thinks he's female, and scared of everything.

Hige - Very slow in the head and has very dull senses.

Blue - An anti-humanist who is madly in love with Toboe.

Cheza - Now absolutely senseless, she insists wolves are 'doggies.'

Quent - A former preacher who believes everything has the right to live.

Hubb - An angry young man who was once involved with the French Mafia.

Cher - Way too flirty, and despises Cheza with a passion.

Gehl - Brave and diehard, he lusts for Tsume.

Audience - The only people who know what the hell is going on.

On to teh fic!

EPISODE 1: Miami: City of Sex

(We see our hero KIBA walking down a snowy path)

KIBA: (to audience) I'm looking for paradise! Tee hee! (comes to a 'Y' in the path) I see a sign! Whee!!

SIGN: (pointing left) PARADISE / (pointing right) MIAMI

KIBA: Thank you sign! (goes to his RIGHT)

AUDIENCE: So much for the scent of flowers...

(At the OPEN RANGE with a train)

GEHL: Time to kick some ASS! (begins to pound the train like a madman)

TSUME: (filing nails)

GEHL: Tsume! You're supposed to be helping!

TSUME: Yeah yeah whatever kid.

ROBOT: (appears) Heeeeeere's JHONNY! (kills a few guys)

TSUME: Eek! Get it away get it away get it away!!

GEHL: (uses SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH to chuck the EVIL robot)

TSUME: I like your moves.

GEHL: I like your looks.

(The train STOPS and a huge RAIN CLOUD appears)

TSUME: That like, so cannot be good for my like, hair.


STRAY: This song is in English. Maybe it's not in Japanese!

TSUME: Observations and inferences.

(In one of the many bars Miami)

QUENT: I'll take an apple juice.

BARKKEEP: My grandfather told me all about wolves.

QUENT: Good for you.


BLUE: I spy with my little eye... a paranoid metrosexual wolf!

TSUME: (acts like he's been shot) Oh, ya got me! (runs away)

(In the catacombs, A.K.A a sewer)

GEHL: Our next raid is tonight!!

TSUME: (in a whiny voice) But Ge-ehl...

GEHL: No whining! We must strike! Ninja force! HUAH!!

TSUME: ...?

(The next day at THE TREE OF LIFE)

RANDOM MAN: This conveniently placed main character is dying!

TSUME: Main character?! &!! &$!!! &$ (&!!!! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOSTEST IMPORTANTEST PERSONA! (huff fume)

MOB MAN: Tsume has issues.

TSUME: Pull out this (sarcasm) protagonist...!



TSUME: Eek! It's scary! (runs away)

KIBA: (chases TSUME) Whee! Tag!

GEHL: Fear not, Tsume! I shalt saveth thee!

AUDIENCE: We are NOT reassured.

(on the ROOF of absolutely NOTHING)

TSUME: Don't kill me!

KIBA: It was an accident I swear!

(KIBA and TSUME proceed in a CATFIGHT)

(in the LAB)


CHER: (gasp) Cheza... I will... kill you!

CHEZA: That's not very nice.

(once again, on the roof)

GEHL: (gasp) TSUME! (GEHL kills some AIR MOLECULES)

KIBA: I flee from thee! I flee from thee! (guess. He DOES.)

GEHL: It's just you and me Tsume... (sexy growl)


TSUME: Don't harass a gal with PMS, yo. (he LEAVES)

AUDIENCE: Good for you, Tsume! Walk away from sexual harassment!

(in the LAB)

CHER: Now that you're awake Cheza, you can finally fight me. In a battle for Hubb's affection!!

CHEZA: What the hell?

(in the STREETS of MIAMI)

KIBA: I'm dying. Feel sorry for me!

LITTLE BABY: I feel you, Kiba. I feel you.

QUENT: Ooh Kiba! You poor thing! Let me take you to the vet!

KIBA: NO! Anything but that!

QUENT: Forgive me, father! (Shoots KIBA with TRANQUELIZER)


(In a confined, scary, cold room)

HUBB: So, you're Quent? Quent Yaiden? I hate religious people.

QUENT: That's okay, as long as you save that wolf.

HUBB: S'not happenin'.

QUENT: You are a sinner.

HUBB: I know...

QUENT: Hey, did you know that was a wolf?

HUBB: Yes. Yes I did. (cough silence)

(EERIE NOISES are heard. Things VIBRATE)

KIBA: (singing) Who's outside my window?


HUBB: Cher Cher Cher. You should see this... thing.

CHER: We are breaking up.

HUBB: Tragic.

HIGE: Hum dee dum, pigs in a bun...

HUBB: (growl yell) You there! Stay back! Get away!

HIGE: Eer, come again?

HUBB: (takes out pistol) LEAVE NOW!

HIGE: Oh. Oh! Okay. Bye now. (he LEAVES)

HUBB: Cher Cher Cher. Do you think it's a wolf?

CHER: Well, it's certainly not Cheza!

(silence silence)



HUBB: I have allergies.

(Somewhere, again)

TSUME: I can fight with ya'll.

GEHL: It'll be my job to protect you.

TSUME: As if. (cough fume huff sneeze)

(In the room where KIBA is trapped) (KIBA: I'm not trapped!)

HIGE: You screwed up.

KIBA: Why... why are you here?

HIGE: I forget.

(Uncomfortable silence)

KIBA: You have no pride.

HIGE: I know...

(at the RAID!) (w00t)

PEOPLE: Arr! Shoot 'em down! (fire randomly)

GEHL: (he GETS SHOT) Arr!! They... they got m-me... gwar. (he falls for FIVE MINUTES)

AUDIENCE: We just lost five minutes of our lives watching some dude fall.

TSUME: Sorry, Gehl.


KIBA: Omigosh! I'm free! (he FROLICS around)

HUBB: I still have allergies.

(Shot of CHEZA)

(Shot of BLUE)

(Shot of QUENT)

(Shot of TSUME... who is eating... something...)

HIGE: Are you feeling better, Kiba-Chan?

KIBA: Even though you find out in a sec there is no moonlight, yes, there is a full moon.

HIGE: I can smell dog shit from 2 feet away.

KIBA: I'm impressed.

HIGE: You should be.


KIBA: Are you checking me out?

HIGE: You bet your buttons. So where you going?

KIBA: Oh, me? I'm going to- (KIBA suddenly GOES BLANK. It is the most IMPORTANT LINE in the ENTIRE SERIES.)

HIGE: Going to paradise?

KIBA: No, I don't think that was it.

HIGE: Whatev.

KIBA: I can't see the moon here.

HIGE: You are messed.


SAKAMOTO: I impressed so many fans with my jammin' vocals.

CONTE: We should date.

SAKAMOTO: I'm down.


MYSTERIOUS PERSONA: Yeah, Leara is such a fag. But you don't know her yet... you

don't know me either.

Soo... what did you think? Gwar. Please please please please please please please REVIEW!!!!! I'm BEGGING YOU!!! Arr...