Disclaimer: Dr. Drakken, Shego, and all other KP characters that may appear in this story are owned by the almighty Disney Corporation. I would never take credit for something that isn't mine (especially when the rightful owners could squash me like a bug in court). However, I do take credit for this story. It's been knocking around in my head for a long time, throwing crazy parties and making long distance phone calls, so I just had to get it out! If you continue to read beyond this bold print it will be stuck in your head and be your problem…you have been warned…
Where Have All The Villains Gone?
Shego lay stretched out on a deck chair on the balcony of the lair, an iced tea on the table beside her and a romance novel in her hand. The ocean lapped softly against the wall below her and seagulls floated lazily overhead. These past two weeks have been heaven, she thought as she squirted sunscreen into her hand and rubbed it into her arm. I wish Dr. D. would have a nervous breakdown more often.
It hadn't come as a complete surprise. Over the past few months Drakken had been a man possessed, churning out one take-over-the-world-scheme after another. No sooner did one fail, he was back at the drawing board. He began skipping meals, and then sleep; for days at a time he would remain hunched over his desk furiously scribbling in his notebooks, pausing only occasionally to gulp his coffee. His plans grew crazier and crazier until finally, late one night, Shego decided to confront him.
He took no notice of her as she entered his office and stood beside him. "What 'can't fail' plan are you working on this time, Dr. Drakken?" She asked.
"It's ingenious! So much so that I amaze even myself!" Drakken said a little too happily, his bloodshot eyes locked on his work.
Sensing her boss was hanging by a thread, Shego decide to try the soft approach. "How does it work?" She asked.
"I don't think someone of your oh-so-average intelligence could even begin to understand it," Drakken snapped. "And even if you could you would be so overwhelmed by its amazing genius your brain would lock up and render you catatonic! And I hate cats!"
"Oooookay. Um, I appreciate your concern, but I'm willing to take that risk," Shego said.
"Well, I suppose I could slowly walk you through it," Drakken sighed. He pointed to a crude block-shaped drawing. "This is the geocentric gravitron immobilizer. It manipulates the center of gravity of any object I choose, making it 50 times heavier than normal. Do you follow me so far?"
"Uh-huh," Shego replied patiently.
"I plan to alter the center of gravity of every muffin on Earth, making it impossible for the average Joe Slob to pick it up! And then the world will be mine! HA HA HA HA HA!" Drakken laughed so hard he doubled over.
"Um, Dr. D.? How exactly will making muffins really heavy help you take over the world?" Shego asked.
"Don't you get it? People won't be able to eat their morning muffins! This will create a nutritional deficiency that will leave them weak and vulnerable and cranky! They will be unable to do their jobs! The economy will collapse! Nation after nation will descend into anarchy and chaos! And from the ruins of civilization a new world order shall rise! MY NEW WORLD ORDER!" By now Drakken was standing on his desk, hands raised in triumph.
"But what about the people who don't eat muffins?" Shego asked. "I mean, this plan won't affect them, so…"
Drakken shot her a death glare. "I knew you wouldn't understand! True genius is never appreciated in its own time! But I'll show you! I'LL SHOW YOU ALLLLLLL!"
"Right, right, I'm sure you will," Shego said quickly. "But don't you think you should take a break? Get some sleep? The world will still be here in the morning, so there's no rush to…"
"Wrong again! Did Newton sleep when he discovered gravity? Did Einstein sleep when he discovered the theory of relativity? Time waits for no one, especially not a middle-aged genius like me! They're out there, you know."
Drakken jumped down and went back to his work. "Who's out there?" Shego prompted.
Drakken slammed his pencil down. "THEM!" He bellowed. "The young, hip evil geniuses who are working on their own plans for world domination! I need to stay two steps ahead of them at all times! No snot-nosed Johnny-come-lately is going to take what's rightfully mine!"
"And you came up with a great plan," Shego said gently. "But it can wait until after you get some rest."
She grabbed his arm, but Drakken shook her off. "NO! Now leave me alone! I need to triangulate the thingy ma bob!"
"Alright, that's it!" Shego snapped, grabbing his arm again. The time for diplomacy was over. "Dr. Drakken, you are going to bed this instant!"
"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you….KIM POSSIBLE!"
"What?!" Shego asked, taken aback.
"Very clever, disguising yourself as Shego, but not clever enough! You think you can just waltz in here and undermine my operation…WELL THINK AGAIN!"
Drakken took a swing at Shego, who grabbed his wrist and flung him to the floor with minimal effort. "Okay, the fact that you even considered taking me on proves you need a break," Shego told the moaning heap on the floor. She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. "This came in the mail today. It's a brochure for a new luxury resort for overworked basket cases like you. You will go to this resort and enjoy their deluxe two-week ultra relaxation package or I will be forced to hurt you. A lot. Get it?"
"Yes mommy," Drakken groaned.
She packed him off to Paradise Valley Resort the following morning. It was as much a vacation for Shego as it was for Drakken; for two weeks she worked on her tan and caught up on her reading. But now she was beginning to feel restless and ready to take on the world again. Much to her surprise, she was actually looking forward to Drakken's return. Not that he would ever know that; it was just another secret she would take to her grave.
"SHEGO!" A familiar voice bellowed from within the lair. Moments later Shego heard the sound of his footsteps, growing louder and louder as he approached. She rose from her deck chair to greet him and was stunned by the person who walked through the door. Instead of his usual blue lab coat, Drakken was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts. Sunglasses and a floppy straw hat completed the look. His skin appeared to be a darker shade of blue, which Shego could only guess was a tan.
"Dr. Drakken," Shego blinked. "You look…different."
"What, the outfit? The resort threw all of us deluxe package guests a farewell luau. You wouldn't believe how many super villains were staying there! I saw Monkey Fist, Duff Killigan, even Professor Dementor! We had a great time!"
"I can tell," Shego replied. "You sound great. I don't think I've ever seen you so happy and relaxed."
"That resort made a new man out of me, Shego. I feel like I've been given a new lease on life. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go unpack and settle in. First thing tomorrow we are going to get started on my new plans. It's going to be a long day, so I suggest you get a good night's sleep."
"Yes, Dr. Drakken."
The next morning after breakfast Shego arrived in Dr. Drakken's office for their meeting. Drakken hadn't arrived yet, but his plans were spread out on his desk. Curious, Shego turned them around so they were facing her right side up. It appeared to be a blueprint for a small building-some kind of store-nestled inconspicuously within a large shopping center. Whatever it was, it looked very low key, not exactly Drakken's style.
"Sneaking a peek, are we?" Drakken said. Shego looked up to respond but was struck speechless. Dr. Drakken was now wearing tan slacks and a powder blue polo shirt, and his hair was…
"Dr. Drakken! Your ponytail is gone!" Shego blurted out.
"Yes, it was about time I got rid of it," Drakken replied, rubbing the back of his head. "A ponytail on a man of my age looks rather pathetic, don't you think?"
Shego did indeed think that, but having Drakken admit it sucked any joy she would get out of saying it. "If you say so," she replied diplomatically.
"Let's get down to business, shall we?" Drakken said, picking up the blueprints. "I have signed a lease on a small store at the Middleton Mall. In that store we will open a flower shop!"
"And then what?" Shego asked.
"Patience, Shego. Right now let's focus our energy on phase one. We'll deal with phase two when the time comes. Trust me, you won't be disappointed. Now, let's get down to the mall. We're meeting the construction crew at nine."
Shego watched Drakken roll up the blueprints and stuffed them in a briefcase. She had a bad feeling about all of this. Drakken had come up with some crazy plans before, but a flower shop, right on Kim Possible's turf? Then there was the clothes and the hair…Shego wondered what had happened to him in the two weeks he was gone. Was he truly a new man like he claimed, or had he finally gone off the deep end?
At this point, all she could do was wait and see.