Holy Bert's Baked Beans, Batman! Jader isn't dead!
No one can guilt trip me like Angeles and AnkleBiter Conundrum can... So here's something at least while I catch up on all those unread manga chapters of Naruto to get my groove back...
Side note... It's been EXACTLY a year since I last updated... I don't know what that means, but I thought I should mention it.
Omake Theater #2: The PLOT will return I swear it!
"Hatake Kakashi is a woman!" Jiraiya shouted, bursting into the Kunai, a popular ninja hangout.
Silence greeted him as the ninjas all froze, staring at the red faced older man.
A wide grin crossing his face Jiraiya pulled out a stack of photographs and spread them out like cards. "I got pictures of him! Changing!"
There was a moment's hesitation, then the old man found himself swamped by ninjas ogling the photos and wondering if they could order this or that print in a poster size. Prepared for such requests, Jiraiya only continued to grin as he took down orders left and right... Life was good.
He was having the weirdest day. Ninjas that he had never even seen before, and many that were from entirely different nin lands, were coming to stop and stare at him... It was actually quite unnerving since most of them were staring at his chest, and even more of them were drooling.
Briefly he wondered if this could be a prank, but Naruto seemed to be equally mystified as he followed his teacher around. In any case he didn't think that Naruto was clever enough to make clones and transform each to a different person with different chakura patterns... His eyes narrowed... Just to be on the safe side, he'd be sure to give the gennin hell until this entire thing blew over.
There was a slight rush of wind and Gai suddenly appeared before him, his head slightly bowed and his face red. "Ka-Ka-Kakashi..."
Kakashi glanced at the raven haired man over the top of his book. "Gai," he said in greeting, before going back to his book. Great, on top of all the ninjas stalking him, now Gai wanted to bother him as well.
"I… I have something important to ask you, Kakashi-san."
No challenge? Strange. "Not now Gai, I'm busy," Kakashi said turning the page to his book and continuing to walk. "The team and I have to report to Tsunade-sama about the results of the Extreme Ping-pong tournament and then-"
"No I have to ask you now, before my heart dies of grief!" Throwing himself onto one knee, Gai thrust a small box into the air. "Kakashi-chan! Please be my bride!"
Kakashi and his team froze. The ninjas stalking Kakashi from the treetops held their breath silently bemoaning the fact that they had not thought of this idea first.
Sakura was the first to recover, glancing from the hopeful looking Gai to her teacher with one foot still frozen in the air. "Kakashi… -chan?"
"B-Bride?" Naruto stammered, looking confused.
"Yes!" Gai shouted, opening the box to reveal a wedding ring with a small diamond in it. "Kakashi-chan… I've always loved you, but before I found out the truth I always believed these feelings were that of manly comradeship! But now- Now I wish to make you the happiest woman in Konoha!"
"WOMAN?" Sakura and Naruto shrieked while Sasuke blinked before sweat dropping. "Kakashi-sensei is a-"
Gai didn't even have the chance to scream as Kakashi fell upon him, dragging the spandex clad man underground and leaving him there. All ninjas present sweat dropped as Kakashi emerged from the soil and began busily covering the offending area with large boulders. Gai successfully buried, his single visible eye twitching, he glared at the spot where the ring box had fallen. Realizing his team's eyes were still on him, he turned to them, a murderous aura surrounding him. "If anyone ever mentions this to anybody, they won't find enough pieces for a funeral," he growled before vanishing in a poof of smoke.
The stalking ninjas quickly got lost. Glancing at each other, then at the ground where Gai's muffled screams were heard, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura wandered off, silently vowing to never think of this day again.
"I'm back," Kakashi sighed, opening up his apartment door and slipping off his shoes.
Mitsuki peeked out from the kitchen, smiling warmly as she saw Kakashi there. "Welcome back! Dinner will be done in just a moment."
"I'm not all that hungry."
Mitsuki blinked, as Kakashi walked to the living room and flopped down on the couch, covering his face with a pillow. Checking to make sure the food wouldn't overcook if she left it unattended, she approached the couch. Kneeling down, she prodded at the pillow, a concerned look on her face. "Bad day?"
Kakashi grunted, turning away from her.
Undaunted, Mitsuki pulled the pillow from Kakashi, still trying to get him to look at her. "Extreme Ping-pong idea not work out?"
Sighing, Kakashi moved so he was once again resting on his back. "It worked just fine. Only problem was Gaara killing everyone who beat him with Desert Coffin. Lost six chunin that way…"
Mitsuki smiled brightly, leaning over so she was resting her arms on his chest. "A success then?"
"Yeah, I figure I can convince Tsunade-sama to use the tournament as a way to thin out the annoying ninja population. I'll suggest Gai as the prime candidate to go up against Gaara next."
A strange look crossed Mitsuki's face as she looked down at Kakashi. "I take it you're… upset with Gai-kun then?"
"… I'd rather not talk about it."
The funny look still on her face, Mitsuki smiled brightly as she jumped to her feet. "You know what'll make things all better? Coffee and chocolate! I baked a huge chocolate cake that we can eat while we watch the movie I rented. I'll even do your nails!"
Kakashi stared up at her blankly. She wanted to do his nails? "I… I don't really like coffee."
"Then you've never had my special coco-fied coffee!" She grinned at him wickedly. "It's better then sex!"
He sweat dropped. "I somehow doubt that…"
If she heard him, Mitsuki didn't show it. Instead she got a starry look in her eyes as she smiled and twirled about. "This is going to be so much fun! A night in with my best friend," Kakashi winced, "with lots of coffee, chocolate, and a romance movie!"
Things were starting to get out of hand, Kakashi realized as Mitsuki walked back to the kitchen, humming. It sounded like Mitsuki was getting deep into… He shuddered… Girl things. Sitting up and checking the calendar Kakashi mentally cursed for not keeping track of when Mitsuki's girl times were going to start. Usually Kajika warned him of such things with her annoying grin and the hints that he should be sure to stock up on chocolate when he went for groceries. Now that he thought about it, where was Kajika?
Mitsuki blinked at Kakashi's question, the strange look coming onto her face again. "Kajika… Uhh… She received some… Sudden news and well… Went off to… Think about it for awhile."
Kakashi blinked. "Sudden news? Like what?"
A blush was starting to come over Mitsuki's cheeks and she was looking everywhere in the kitchen except at the ninja before her. "You know… The kinda news that a… Well… She wasn't very open minded about this news so she ran off. But I-" Mitsuki suddenly grabbed Kakashi's hands and began gazing earnestly into his eye. "I'm not like that at all, Kakashi-san! I'll support this sudden news with all my heart! No matter what anyone says, I'll support you!"
"Me?" Kakashi blinked, looking suspicious. "What about me?"
Mitsuki froze before shoving a bowl of rice into his hands. "Dinner!"
"Mitsuki, what are people saying about me?"
"I think I hear the dryer buzzing, I'll be right back, Kakashi!"
Kakashi glared as Mitsuki fled from the room, a suspicious look on his face. She was hiding something... Mentally shrugging he ate dinner. He'd get it out of her soon enough.
"If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."
Mitsuki burst into tears as Kakashi tried not to roll his eyes. Instead he sipped his coco-coffee and wondered how he'd been dragged into this. Mitsuki hadn't even the decency to rent an action or comedy, opting for a romance instead. After a hard day's work of watching ninjas being cut into tiny pieces by an annoyed red-headed teenager and being... being... He wasn't even going to think about what Gai had done to him... In any case, a romance movie was not what he wanted to settle down and watch after such a trying day. However, Mitsuki had insisted, begging and pleading, and he hadn't wanted to bring the wrath of the girl time upon himself so... He mentally sighed and sipped his drink again.
At least the coco-coffee was better then he expected it to be. Although he could still think of several dozen more pleasurable things then drinking it...
"Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid."
Mitsuki cried harder, wiping her eyes with the blanket that covered them both before biting her sleeve, still staring intently at the screen. I hope this is over soon, Kakashi thought to himself, staring blankly at his TV screen. I haven't been this bored since Gai put on that comedy variety show when he was going through his mid-life crisis. His eyes narrowed. Gai... I still have to be sure he's dead...
Finally, after what seemed to be a lifetime of torture, the final credits began to roll. Still rubbing her eyes, Mitsuki let out a sigh of adoration. "Wasn't that a great movie?"
Kakashi stared into his coffee mug mentally calculating how much longer he could nurse the drink. "Hmm? Oh yeah, wonderful movie."
"Poor Ilsa... Torn between the two men she loves..." Mitsuki sniffled again, smiling up at Kakashi with red rimmed eyes. "I bet you can totally relate."
Kakashi blinked, staring at her blankly. What the? "Actually... No. No I can't."
Mitsuki frowned, but jumped to her feet, turning the lights on, and rewinding the tape. "What more coco-coffee?"
"Okay." There was a long pause in which Mitsuki stared at him with that same weird look on her face. "Kakashi, do you think you're a winter or summer colour?"
He stared at her for a long moment. "A what?"
"What do you think suits you better, winter or summer colours?"
"I... don't know?"
Mitsuki frowned again, approaching him like a cat approaches it's prey. "Well I would say winter since you have such lovely silver hair, but you might look a little pale if we were to do that. How do you feel about summer colours for a little spice?"
"...Are you sick?"
Sitting down next to him, Mitsuki studied his hair style intently. "Why do you gel your hair that way? It must take a lot of work to get it to hold that position."
Cautiously, Kakashi backed up, checking out of the corner of his eye for the hidden camera. Mitsuki was acting way too weird now... Girl times or not, she had to have been put up to this. "It's naturally sticks up that way."
"Well why don't you try wearing it down?" Mitsuki suggested, reaching up and removing his forehead protector. Kakashi let her, half afraid she'd stab him if he tried to stop her. "It's probably long enough to keep in a pony tail. You'd look nice like that."
"I like it up." He was running out of couch. Pretty soon she'd have him cornered and while he'd usually like that, the look in her eyes was starting to unnerve him.
"Summer colours probably to go with that eye of yours... Cover up to hide the scar...How about pink?"
"Huh?" He was out of couch. Danger alert!
"Pink nail polish!" As if by magic, a bottle of pink nail polish appeared in her hands. Never had anything looked so threatening.
Kakashi stared at the bottle blankly, slowly shaking his head. "You're not painting my nails."
"Why not? They'll look nice!"
"Ninjas don't paint their nails. S class criminals do. I'm not a S class criminal, so no nail polish."
"Tsunade-sama paints her nails."
"Tsunade-sama is a woman."
The strange look was on Mitsuki's face again. Kakashi was starting to associate that face with bad things happening and this time was no different. "Take off your mask Kakashi."
"Take off your mask."
"Why not? I'm sure you have a perfectly lovely face. You should let people see it."
"I'm not taking off my mask."
Mitsuki was leaning over him, practically laying on his chest, staring intently in his eyes. Despite how strangely she had been acting, despite the bottle of nail polish still clutched in her hand, Kakashi felt a sort of giddy warmth spreading through him. His hand came to cup Mitsuki's chin in his hand, a surprised look coming into her eyes as he leaned forward and-
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto screamed, suddenly bursting into the room. He gaped a moment before grabbing Mitsuki off of his surprised teacher. "Don't do it, Mitsuki-nechan! She's not what you think she is!"
"Naruto!" Mitsuki gasped at the sudden interruption. "What are-"
Kakashi twitched at being called a she, but held off killing his student as he heard a groan come from outside. Vanishing, he reappeared on a tree branch outside, glaring at the assembly of ninjas gathered there. "Yo," he said, his usual greeting more like a mix between a snarl and a growl.
One of the ninjas turned around slowly, trembling at the murder in Kakashi's gaze. "Ah... Kakashi-chan! We were just-"
Screaming filled the night air before the ninja could finish.
Covered in dirt, Kakashi reappeared a moment later, brushing off his hands. "What's the meaning of this Naruto?" he growled, glaring murderously at his student.
Bravely, Naruto stood his ground, arms outstretched to protect Mitsuki. "I can't allow this charade to go on any longer, Kakashi-sensei!" he shouted, defiantly. "I won't let you toy with Mitsuki-nechan's feelings!"
"...What are you talking about?"
Ignoring his stupefied teacher, Naruto whirled towards Mitsuki, grabbing her hands in his. "Don't be upset, Mitsuki-nechan, but it's time that you found out the truth! Kakashi-sensei is-"
Mitsuki laid her finger on Naruto's mouth, silencing him. Sighing deeply, she nodded. "I know, Naruto-kun. Gai told me."
Gai again? What the hell was going on?
"And that is why I can't accept your feelings, Kakashi."
Kakashi stared at Mitsuki, utterly confused as she grabbed his hand.
"Kakashi," Mitsuki said, her voice earnest. "I love you, but not in that way. You're my best friend in all of Konoha, and I'd like to keep it that way for the rest of our time together."
He stared blankly at Mitsuki, looked to Naruto (who was tearing up), then back at the raven haired girl. "Am I dying?"
Mitsuki's eyes went wide. "Oh no, Kakashi! You're not dying! At least... I don't think you are..."
"Then what on earth are you two talking about?"
Naruto and Mitsuki exchanged looks. "We know."
"Know your secret, Kakashi-sensei."
Without a word, both Naruto and Mitsuki pulled out a slip of paper and handed them to him. Kakashi took the slips, turned them over and stared. He stared some more. He blinked twice, made sure that the images were still the same, uncovered his left eye, triple checked that the images were the same, then stared a little bit more.
Naruto and Mitsuki looked nervous as he did this, worried what his silence might mean. "Don't worry, Kakashi-sensei! No one thinks any less of you now that we know you're a girl!"
Mitsuki nodded. "Now you're finally free to fully express yourself, Kakashi-chan! Gai was so happy when he found out the news, and an entire procession went to go tell Iruka-sensei. You can finally be with one of the two men you love!"
Head snapping up at Mitsuki's words, Kakashi paled. "...Exactly how many people know about this?" he asked, struggling to keep his voice level.
"All of the ninja kingdoms!" Naruto said happily, glad his teacher would be free. "Probably even more then that by now, too!"
Kakashi stared down at the photos once more. The photo Naruto had of him was a female version of himself bathing, feminine figure that could rival Tsunade's visible for all to see. Mitsuki's was in a way, worse. Mitsuki's photo had him at least wrapped in a towel, (he was still barely covered and his girly figure could be seen by all) but in this photo his mask was gone, pink pouty lips and delicate features able to be seen by all. His eye started to twitch. All the ninja kingdoms had heard about this rubbish? People believed this? Who would have had the nerve to pull this sort of prank on him? WHO?
"WHO?" he bellowed, grabbing Naruto by the front of his shirt and slamming him into the wall.
Naruto squawked in surprise and began to struggle, shouting about not being able to breath.
"Kakashi!" Mitsuki gasped, grabbing onto the much taller and stronger ninja's arm.
"Gai!" Mitsuki shouted in reply, trying to pry Kakashi's fingers from Naruto's throat. "He said that they were selling them in the marketplace!"
Naruto coughed, as Kakshi dropped him, a hurt look on his face. "Jiraiya-sama was selling them," he said with a pout, rubbing his neck tenderly.
Turning the pictures to ash with a fire jutsu, Kakashi vanished an instant later into the darkness outside. Sighing, Mitsuki helped Naruto to his feet, cutting him a big slice of chocolate cake and getting him a bowl of ice cream as an apology for Kakashi's harsh reaction.
"I thought he would have been happy," Naruto sulked, playing with his ice cream as it melted. "Ne, Mitsuki-nechan. You're a girl, why isn't Kakashi-sensei happy that he- I mean she, doesn't have to pretend to be a man anymore? I thought people liked not having to pretend things."
Mitsuki smiled softly at the younger boy. "It's hard to figure out how girls think, even if you're a girl yourself," she admitted.
A knock came at the door. On the other side was a grim faced Chunin who beckoned them to follow. "Town meeting," he said in explanation. "Hokage-sama has ordered you to appear."
The town hall was in a state of chaos when they arrived, ninjas from all talking nervously as they shared theories on why they had been called here. At the front of the room, Tsunade stood tall. She waited until Mitsuki and Naruto had been seated in the front, before pounding her fist on her podium. "All right everyone, quiet down!" she ordered. Almost instantly, the hall fell into silence as the few remaining ninjas found seats. "I suppose you all want to know, why I've called you here. Well... By now you've probably all heard about Hatake Kakashi's coming out of the closet so to speak. Our comrade, Hatake-san is really a woman."
The hall erupted into talking again as ninjas who hadn't heard of this, were informed and while other ninjas expressed shock that such a trusted comrade had hidden this from them so long. A rather large female population of ninjas instantly fell to sobbing at Tsunade's confirmation while a significantly larger population of male ninjas suddenly perked up, smiling widely at the thought.
"QUIET!" Tsunade bellowed, shattering the podium with her fist. Blinking, she gazed at the pile of splinters for a moment before clearing her throat and continuing. "Since then, reports of bath houses being destroyed has been coming in from all over Konoha. The culprit matches Hatake-san's description exactly." She paused for effect as the hall sat in hushed shock. "Hatake Kakashi has obviously gone rogue and must be stopped."
"Nooo! Kakashi-sama!" several members of the female quarter wailed while many of the men started to protest as well.
Tsunade waved their protests away. "I understand your hesitancy. If at all possible, I would like Hatake-san to return to us, unscathed. She is a brilliant warrior, one of Konoha's best. However, if her mad reign of destruction continues, I must declare her an S-class criminal and appoint a squad of Anbu to defeat her."
"Iruka-sensei can save her!" a shout came from some corner of the room.
"YES!" another voice shouted. "Iruka-sensei's love for Kakashi-chan is pure! Their true love can save them both!"
Face red, Iruka leapt to his feet. "I'VE TALKED TO THE MAN LIKE TWICE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!" he screamed, smoke coming out of his ears. "WHERE ARE YOU CRAZY PEOPLE GETTING THE IDEA THAT I LOVE HIM?"
The two voices squealed. "Iruka-sensei said he loved her!"
About to explode in rage, Iruka nearly became Konoha's next S-class criminal, but was stopped as a dirty and battered Gai suddenly burst into the room. "I will save her!" he proudly boasted, leaping to the stage and posing. "My love for Kakashi-chan is as deep and pure as the mountain springs! As heated and burning as the sun's firey light! My love for the sweet maiden Kakashi is-"
Gai was interrupted as a silver and red bullet crashed into him, knocking the smiling man unconscious. Panting, Kakashi dropped down from the ceiling, glaring at the assembled crowd. Slowly, he walked to the front and stepped onto the stage, picking up the dazed Jiraiya (the silver and red bullet he had thrown) and shaking the man awake. "Tell them!" he growled.
Jiraiya blinked a few times, realized where he was and nervously rubbed the back of his head. "Tell them what, Kakash-"
"TELL THEM!" Kakashi roared, murder in his eyes.
"It was all a farce!" Jiraiya said quickly, turning to the crowd. "I created the photos to make a quick buck! Hatake Kakashi is not a woman!"
Silence greeted him.
"LIAR!" one corner of the room shouted.
"Yeah, Jiraiya-sama we know you're lying!"
"Don't worry we love you, Kakashi-chan!"
"Marry me Kakashi-chan!"
"No! Marry Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-chan!"
"I SWEAR TO GOD, WHENEVER I FIND YOU, STUPID PERSON WHO SAYS I LOVE HATAKE-SAN, I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!"
Startled by the growing look of murder on Kakashi's face, Mitsuki rushed onto stage, grabbing his wrist as he went for a kunai. "No! Kakashi!" she gasped, grabbing hold of him as the crowd continued to shout. "Just-Just think about this, a little bit, Kakashi! You've been pretending for so long and now you can finally be free! Kakashi-chan!" Mitsuki hesitated as Kakshi turned his murderous gaze to her, the hand holding the kunai twitching. "...Kakashi-chan?" Mitsuki said nervously, backing away slightly. "Kakashi-chan, why are you looking at me like that? Kakashi-chan? Kakashi-"
Mitsuki screamed as Kakashi suddenly grabbed her, tossing her over his shoulder without effort and marching off stage. Uncertain on what to do, Anbu looked to Tsunade for guidance, but the woman was too busy collecting bets on what the outcome would be to pay any attention to them. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura went to rescue their friend from their teacher, but had to stop, going back to keep Iruka from strangling a young girl as she squealed about his and Kakashi's love trandsending time.
"Kakashi-chan, what are you doing?" Mitsuki screamed as Kakashi opened the door to a side room. Ignoring her protests and the fists hitting his back, Kakashi stepped inside, slamming the door behind him.
The crowd stared, horrified at the door, wondering what would happen next.
Her voice muffled, Mitsuki continued to shout. "Kakashi! What the hell are you doing?"
"Ka-Ka-Kakashi-chan, what are you-"
"HEY! DON'T DO THAT!"
After that there was a very long silence. The crowd gulped, unwilling to go see what had happened for fear that Kakashi had killed the girl and would kill them too if they approached him.
Finally, the door slowly opened, Mitsuki stepping out, her face red as Kakashi followed. "I'll be gone for awhile," he said addressing Mitsuki as if the crowd wasn't even there. "Wait for me at home, okay?"
Mitsuki nodded, her face still red as Kakashi calmly walked out of the meeting hall, hands in his pockets, as if nothing had happened. As soon as the door had closed behind him and the ninja was gone, the crowd fell upon Mitsuki, demanding what had happened. Shoving her way through, Tsunade cleared an area around the red faced girl, clutching the money from all the bets. "Well?" she demanded eagerly. "What happened?"
Facing going even more red, Mitsuki leaned against the wall behind her and slide to the floor, her hands going up to stop her nosebleed. "Not...Not... Not a wo-woman," she stammered, attempting to stop the blood from gushing.
Everyone stopped, staring at her. A few people in the crowd sweat dropped. A few more got nosebleeds of their own. None decided to ask.
Struggling against wind and snow, Kajika panted as she fell into the tiny cave, a look of relief on her face. There. She should be safe now. Throwing her gear deeper into the cave, she quickly packed the entrance with snow, marring any sign that the cave was there in the first place. That done, she fell back, a look of satisfaction on her face. The wily fox has done it again! With the hounds of hell upon her heels she had put off her followers and lived to see another day.
Chuckling, the kitsune busily started a fire, using old wood chips to let a little light flitter about the room. She checked the watch she had stolen from some merchant. By now Kakashi would have found out about the pictures and might even have figured out what part she had played in them. However, she was safe. Half the world away and at the top of a treacherous mountain, there was no way Kakashi would be able to find her here! Laying on her stomach and humming in pleasure she wondered what the look on Kakashi's face would be the moment he realized that she was beyond his grasp. His eyes would probably get real thin, and mean looking... Sorta like a stupid dragon's right before it attacked a village. Staring into the fire, Kajika giggled as she pictured it. He never would take off the mask, but his lips would get all pressed together and sorta pouty... As she thought it was becoming easier and easier to see the ninja's face. In fact, she could see it clearly taking shape in the flames. His jaw would get square and angry (just like the face in the flames had) and maybe he'd even get a slight flush of anger on his cheeks where the mask didn't cover. Yeah, just like that... Just like...
Kajika shrieked, diving for the cave entrance only to find that her carefully packed snow had been replaced with ice. Turning to face the slowly approaching Kakashi she mentally calculated her chances at survival, found them to be negative, and began to beg. "Please, please, please don't kill me, Kakashi! I was just practicing my disguises and this old man came up and offered me money and I never knew he was going to sell them and-"
She was cut off as Kakashi's hand covered her mouth. "Quiet," the ninja ordered, a slight smirk showing from underneath his mask. "I need you alive... For now..."
Wondering if this was a good sign or not, Kajika's eyes widened as Kakashi came forward. Suddenly able to see his evil plan, the two tailed kitsune began to scream and scream.
Unfortunately, deep in the mountains, her screams of terror would go unaided.
"I feel so... dirty..." Kajika sobbed on Mitsuki's shoulder as screams rang around them.
Eyes glued to the image before her in horror, Mitsuki silently nodded in agreement.
"He made me... HE MADE ME...!"
"I know," Mitsuki soothed, rubbing the fox's back. "Just don't think about it, Kajika-chan."
"I don't know how I'm going to live with myself now!" Kajika wailed, suddenly changing back into her fox form and dashing into the forest. Mitsuki watched her go, sighing sadly. The poor kitsune... The humans that surrounded her would only have to live with this horror for a short time before death took from them this memory... Kajika on the other hand, probably had at least five hundred more years of life in her until she would be able to escape from the image before her and what Kakashi had forced her to do.
As if the thought of him had been a summoning, Kakashi appeared, slipping his arm around her waist. Following Mitsuki's gaze he shrugged. "She'll get over it."
Mitsuki still wasn't all that sure. She glared up at the taller man. "I think you went too far."
"What do you mean?"
She pointed up at the image covering the mountain side where the likeness of the Hokages had once been. Kakashi grinned wickedly at the sight. "I think it's funny."
Mitsuki looked again, wincing as the image entered her eyes. Frozen in a sort of horrible rapture was the image of Gai and Jiraiya, the two men naked and on all fours as they were spanked with a wooden paddle by none other then Orochimaru dressed in a corset and stockings and wearing high heels.
"You see," Kakashi said, eager to explain his genius. "I had to get back at Jiraiya for the whole picture thing and Gai for the proposal and all. Then I thought... Why just stop at Gai? I have a kitsune with the ability to replicate herself and change each clone into the likeness of a different person. She was too upset at what we were doing to go beyond three though and it was a hard decision to pick out who the lucky third person should be. I picked Orochimaru for being Orochimaru and for having way too many fan girls then an evil mutant snake man should have." Tightening his grip on Mitsuki's waist he smiled down at her. "I think the final result came out rather well, don't you?"
"I think I'm going to be sick..."
He let her go, kneeling down in concern as she collapsed and retched from the horror of the image. "Poor Mitsuki-chan," he sighed, patting her on the head. "I bet I can get something else stuck in your head." Leaning forward, he whispered something in her ear.
Instantly Mitsuki's face went scarlet. Nodding in satisfaction, Kakashi scooped the girl up in his arms and vanished them away in a poof of smoke.
Elsewhere, Naruto and Sasuke stared up at the cliff in horror as Sakura attempted to scrub the images out of her eyes with soap. Turning slowly to Sasuke, Naruto gaped at his friend, aghast. "I can't believe you're going to betray us for that guy!"
Sasuke glared at him. "Your mentor is the one that's enjoying it."
Turning in a silent agreement, Sasuke and Naruto simply walked out of the village to never return.