The two elves were greeted with a very interesting sight as they entered the clearing where they had last left the Fellowship. Frodo was hanging upside-down from a high tree branch and having an animated conversation with a leaf. Pippin had somehow acquired several elven swords, which he was juggling haphazardly but with no minimal amount of skill. Merry, having found nothing else to become addicted to in place of his pipe, had instead developed a dependency on the pills themselves. ("Good thing I gave him a placebo," Galadriel whispered to Tom.)
Sam, however, seemed worse off than when he had arrived. At an appearance of a small hairy mammal, he clung suddenly to Merry about the legs and shouted "Squirrel!" Merry promptly fell over into Pippin, whose swords went flying through the air. One narrowly avoided Pippin himself, who squeaked loudly. "SQUIRREL!" shouted Sam, clinging tightly to Merry again.
As for Legolas, he was wearing one of Galadriel's dresses, which had apparently been forced onto him by Gimli. Legolas was denying his femininity loudly, pointing out that the dress had far too much room in the chest. He was standing tall now and there was no quaver to his voice as he shouted that he was male.
"What did you give him?" Tom Etized asked.
Galadriel shrugged in an off-handed manner. "Viagra."
Gimli, when he noticed that Galadriel had entered the clearing, dropped his jaw. "My sweet lady!" he said in awe, falling to his knees before her. "Never before have I seen such beauty!"
To say Tom was surprised would have been a sickening understatement. "What's with HIM?"
Galadriel handed Tom the leaf she had taken notes on.
"Gimli the dwarf," it read, "A disgusting, racist, womanizing... dwarf. Needs to learn respect. Give special meds."
"Is this legal?" Tom asked.
Galadriel shrugged. "Don't ask, don't tell."
Aragorn staggered up to her, covered in cuts, bruises, scrapes, and tattered clothing. "I quit," he gasped. "Keeping up with all of them is too much. Here's your bush." It fell to the ground. Aragorn shortly followed suit.
"Thank you," Galadriel said sweetly, "but I came to say never mind. We're calling the experiment off."
Aragorn's head came part-way off the ground. "You're kidding. I did all that for nothing? NOTHING?" He looked ready to kill, once his energy returned.
"Oh no, not for nothing," Galadriel soothed. "I'll put in a good word to Elrond about you. I am Arwen's grandmother, remember."
Aragorn pondered this. "Alright then." His head dropped back down.
"Now we need to debrief you," Tom announced. He nudged Galadriel.
"Right. Okay. Um, Sam, you got a sugar pill, so whatever you're high off of, it didn't come from me."
Sam raised his eyebrows. "Really? Oh." He sheepishly let go of Merry.
"Merry, you got sugar pills too. I never knew they were addictive."
Merry blinked and fumbled about for his pipe.
"Frodo, get down from the tree." Frodo complied by falling out of it. "Um, yes, good job. You were given some rather strong anti-depressants. And they seemed to work."
Frodo nodded. "My friend leafy agrees," he announced, holding up a battered leaf.
Galadriel raised her eyebrows. "Pippin, you were given a mild anti-depressant. It didn't seem to cure your attachment to sharp pointy objects, though."
Pippin shook his head and tried to pull one of his swords from a nearby tree. "YOU STABBED A DEFENSELESS TREE!" Merry shouted accusingly.
"Now as for you Gimli, I gave you... well, actually, I can't pronounce it..." Galadriel handed the dwarf a leaf with the prescription on it.
Gimli studied it for a few moments. "Is this legal?"
Galadriel ignored him. "Well, as Gimli's pill's effect will wear off soon, I'm going to send you off before it does. Here, have some gifts."
Galadriel gave them each a lovely and valuable present which can be viewed in the Extended Edition of this story, coming out in a year. (cough).
And so the tired Fellowship continued on their quest, which would contain many more silly events as long as students are able to twist school assignments into fanfiction for their own personal amusement.
(Finally. How many days ago was this due?)
(A/N- this was a 5 point assignment. Joan and I got 500 percent on it! :p I got to skip the next 5 assignments, and I still have a 97 percent in the class!)