(a repost under a new name)


the first time they met it was short and unpleasant and neither had left satisfied, and Edgar still wasn't sure what the hell had happened, or why he was even let go. the second time was reserved with less blood but still awkward and full of miserable silence that almost drove Edgar to chew his own head off, if it had been physically possible. he settled for simply sitting with his hands folded in his lap, waiting for Johnny to eventually become bored with him so he could go home and hyperventilate in peace.

Nny grunted, eyes glued t his television set, ignoring his guest. Edgar fidgeted, not sure which was worse; when Nny acknowledged him or not. either way, it was damaging.

you want to talk about it?


he'd tried not to cry the first time he'd actually heard the rabbit talking, but he'd failed miserably, muffled sobs and squeaks eking out of him. he'd told himself that he'd let his imagination get away with him, he hadn't gotten enough sleep or that the pizza delivery boy had deposited a sheet of acid over his pizza before cooking it, but when he saw the fucking thing move he knew that he was crazy and that was it.

aw, how cute. won't you two be the most popular couple in the nut ward.

of course then it was only a matter of time before the doughboys started talking to him, too. Edgar whimpered.

this is not happening. this is not happening. this is not happening.

go ahead, Eddy-boy. say it a few more times and maybe we'll all start believing it.

go away. you're fucking things up for us.

Edgar shifted on the cushions again, trying to find a comfortable position. the doughboys were still nagging him, and he tried to concentrate on this images on screen, doing his best it ignore his downward spiral in drooling insanity. a familiar commercial came on, and Edgar tried to distract himself, focusing on the song lyrics.

you can't hold out for long, you know. he'll either kill you or you'll have to kill him. either way, one of you is going to end up crazy and the other dead.

oh, i wish i was an oscar meyer wiener...

don't be such a walled-up prick, my boy. you'll make a wonderful addition. welcome to the family.

that is what I'd truly like to be.

when our Nny goes on one of his little sabbaticals, you should go with him. there's so much you two could have in common.

if i was an oscar meyer wiener...

don't make this any harder than it has to be. enjoy the end. destruction can be a beautiful thing. take Nny for example...

everyone would be in love with me.


"hey, are you even listening?"

Edgar swallowed. Johnny had been talking to him, for several minutes, and Edgar had missed it all because of the doughboys.

oh, sure. blame your short comings on us. i hope that makes you feel big inside, you fuck.

on the outside, Nny was still awaiting some kind of an answer from Edgar. he was staring intensely at him, deep set eyes wide and blue, skin twitching. Edgar quickly got the feeling that if his response was not to Nny's liking it would be a very, very bad thing.

yes. no. i can't Saturday night, i have to wash my hair. i'm having a heart attack. someone put shit in my pants.


shut up shut up don't say anything you'll say the wrong thing and he'll get pissed shut up.

"i... don't know."


all well. even if you would have been a big help, you'll still be entertainment. enjoy your last few minutes of life, Eddy-boy. may they be short and full of screaming.

hey, i want some toast.

for god's sakes, Eff. can't you see I'm busy working here? you should be too, slacker.

Edgar ignored the jabbering voices, too now intent on the looming psychotic death sitting next to him. he closed his eyes, wishing not to see his own blood spray across the room.

oh god oh god oh god. our father who art in heaven...

oh mighty fuck, not this again.

though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

i will fear no evil.

Edgar opened his eyes, struggling to meet Nny's blues, but failing, eyes settling on the madman's chapped lips instead. presently, he opened them to speak.

for thou art with me.

"wait here a minute," Nny mumbled, and left the room to go do something demented and illegal in the lower environs of the house.

Edgar rubbed at his temples. he felt a migraine setting in again.

you're such a good little pet, Edgar.

...i think you're just an idiot.

Edgar sighed, thin hands interlocking fingers in his lap as he sat obediently.

"i know."

ah spring, when a young man's fancy turns to love.

i really, really hate you.