A/N It's a little messy… Anyway, this is the first fanfic I've written in a long time so I'm kind of rusty. Hopefully I'll be writing more soon. Please review. I need to get back to my writing… I need inspiration. This isn't a very happy fanfic. It's rather sad. 0o And in the last part it's messy because it suddenly turns to a narrative point of view. It's short but like I said, it's only a warm-up for my next few literary pieces… Or should I say, CHAPTERS. I'm hoping to make this the prologue of an ongoing epic. I'm getting some ideas from life and exaggerated them to make a plot.
"The Distance Between" By: Miragaze
"Why do things happen? Squall, do you think everything's written in destiny or do we actually have choices?" She asked me.
I blinked my eyes twice and smiled faintly as I held this raven-haired angel in my arms. She turned and cocked her head gazing innocently into my distraught and bewildered eyes. "Huh?" was my clever reply.
"Well, I was just thinking. What if we had made a different choice. Would things be different? Or is everything written in advance and there's nothing we can do to change our fate?"
"Tough question. I believe in choices but I suppose no one really knows."
"What if someone was destined to save the world when instead she decided she was a pathetic little girl and just killed herself? Would that be sad? Or even in smaller things… What if Selphie never discovered sugar? She might have become something like a librarian… What if your mother decided to name you Sidney…?" She burst out laughing. "Oops. Off the topic. Never mind." She sighed and played with my necklace, her head on my lap as we rested on the ground of the grassy parts of Balamb Garden.
I just gazed at her. She was giggling to herself softly as she pondered on her own innocent wonders. She was laughing her own special and enchanting laugh. It was soft and gentle yet friendly and playful… just as she was.
Yes, it was so. I was in love with her… once again. Did I dare tell her the truth? No… not yet. I had loved her once in the past and all I gained was another disappointment. The rejection I felt when she had given up on me still aches beneath my clouded soul. It had never gone away had it? I don't think it had… I had received that one single kiss from her and now I ache for that same feeling every night as nightmares of her vanishing from my life haunts me with guilt.
I never thought that I, Squall Leonheart, would feel so strongly for something… more so, someone. Still it amuses me. Behind my guard of a loner who cares of no one, lies a man with a love for a woman who does not love him back. A bond had grown between us in the past months… An irreplaceable bond which consisted nothing more of friends and an overly protective man and a woman with no idea how he longs for her love once more. It still could not replace the longing I had inside of me for the feel of soft lips press against mine.
I wanted to tell her so much… I wanted to tell all about my unspoken desires to hold her warm body against mine, to forever be her knight and to protect her from everything which seeks to harm her. Every time she is sad, I mourn for her. Every time she is happy, I am content. Every time she is hurt, my heart aches and I wish for the pain of hers to become my own instead.
"I wonder what I'd be doing if I wasn't here… Do you think I'd still be in Timber? Hey, maybe then Timber wouldn't be liberated… Maybe we-Hey! Squall? Are you even listening?" She demanded to know exasperated.
"Yeah." I replied curtly.
She pushed herself up and leaned against the tree behind us, brushing back her dark brown hair. She twisted a strand of it then let out a sigh.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing really." She told me. "Don't you ever feel like you've just got a lot on your mind, everything's crowding your thoughts… then, when you've finally got time to think about everything… Poof! It all just disappears?"
"I guess so…"
"This morning I felt so crowded… not physically but emotionally. Oh, you know what I mean!" She said, frowning in sweet innocence. "I've been wondering a lot about what's going on back in Timber, about everything… About becoming a SeeD… About… Seifer."
"Yeah, well… You know how it is…"
"How what is?"
"…I miss him at times, you know. That's all. Now I hardly even speak to him even if we're in the same Garden. I see him walk past me in the halls with only a nod or a hello and… It's just strange, I suppose. It's been more than months and still I haven't gotten used to it."
"Do you still…" I coughed. "Do you still love him?" I asked, somewhat dreading her answer.
She laughed dully and thought for a moment. Finally she replied, "No… I don't think so. But there's always that wistful feeling you get whenever you see someone you used to love… You know?"
Boy, did I.
"Yeah." I replied plainly.
I glanced at her then started staring blankly again into the distance. I wonder what happened to us before… You captured my heart then tore it apart… Wasn't there any importance in anything we did?
"Hey, Squall…" She looked at me questioningly. "…You alright?" She asked with genuine concern. "You seem so quiet. Something wrong?" Her eyes scanned through my face closely and I stared back coldly. Or at least I tried to. Those eyes just seemed to see through into mine.
She looked at me closely. Her face was so close to me that it took every ounce of willpower I had to restrain myself from moving closer.
"…You want to tell me if anything's wrong?" She asked. I just looked at the ground. "Oh, come on Squall… We're friends, right? I'm here for you."
"Friends…" I muttered under my breath. She glanced at me curiously. "No." I said this time. "Nothing's wrong."
She smiled at me with such concern. It was good she had turned away then otherwise I would have blurted out that I loved her.
Everything would have been ruined.
I wouldn't be able to take it.
It's only been days yet I feel it has been years... Since I left her that letter, my mind has not been able to settle. She'll be back soon. Then everything will be cemented and there will be no taking back the truth which had been told.
I can't believe what I did. Just a few sentences on the simple piece of paper will create an impact that will change her entire view of me.
I only imagine what she'll say when she returns to the Garden and reads the note I left on her desk…
Sometime around now… Her mind is spinning and her breathing heavy as she begins to understand the words…
Remember what today is? It's been a year since we broke up… Those memories haunt me now. Thanks for everything… I'm sorry also… Sorry because…
I'm in love with you.
…I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry you had to know this. But… I had a promise to stay waiting. I am.
Even if you don't want to wait for me, I'll always be there for you.
Right about then, tears start to fall on the solid ground coming from both sides, as the harsh words and realizations of reality begin to come crashing down on the two.
A woman is crying and a man is broken. A year has passed and both their worlds bave turned into an emotional storm. Now they strive to understand the feelings which have only caused more to things to question.
Rain falls and a promise is broken... in the back of their minds, a voice is reminding them that nothing will ever be the same.